Anjelah Johnson-Reyes - The problem with the Find My Friends app

The what ifs, they creep into my mind. Like, every day, my husband goes to the gym. And every day, I say the same thing. Bye! Have a good workout! Don't die, okay? And then I run to the window and I watch him drive away. Like I'm a dog. That's when my husband actually leaves the house. But this is how bad it gets. Sometimes, even if we are both at home and I just haven't seen him in a while, the what ifs creep in my head. I start asking myself questions. Why haven't I seen him in a while? Maybe he slipped in the bathroom. Maybe he hurt himself in the garage with his tools. No, he don't have any tools. This is how it works. If we are both home at the same time and I haven't seen my husband in a while, he gets three babes before I freak out. Babe! Three babes. If he's out and about enjoying his life and I text him, he has three minutes to reply. If I text my husband and he hasn't replied in three minutes, I've already imagined his death, his funeral, the outfit I wear to the funeral, the guy that I date afterwards that never measures up to him. If he's out and about enjoying his life, I stalk him on social media. I do. I mean, technically, it's not stalking because we're married. I just care as much as a stalker would. I mean, before we met, did I look him up on Facebook and was very careful to not like any of his photos from 2009? Sure. Then did I Google him and find out everything about him, realize we're perfect for each other and soulmates? Yeah. But that's not stalking, you guys. That's called dating. That's how dating works. I mean, maybe some of you are like, I don't know. It sounds like stalking to me. Well, then maybe you're right. Maybe I am a stalker, but it doesn't matter because as soon as he put a ring on it, I graduated from stalker to wifey. I still do it. Like, he'll be out and about. I'll check his Instagram, see if he's posted anything yet. If he hasn't, I'm like, dang it, where is he? And that's usually when I check my friend finder app. Do you guys know that app? Find my friends. Okay, for those of you that don't know, I'm about to change your life. And for those of you that do know, but your partner doesn't, I'm about to change yours too. Find my friends is an app that allows you to share your location with someone so they always know where you're at. So I shared my husband's location with me so I always know. Sometimes he'll come home. I'll be like, what'd you get at the grocery store? How'd you know I was at the grocery store? You told me. You don't remember? Losing your mind. Let me give you guys a little warning though, okay? Before you go downloading the app, having all kinds of fun. Sometimes find my friends is not 100% accurate. It may lead you to conclusions. I'll tell you a little story. There was this one night, it was raining. Not really, but for theatrical effect. My husband went to the movies with some friends. He was gonna be home around 11 o'clock. Well, I fell asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night. It's 2 a.m. I look over and my husband is not next to me. My first thought, oh my God, he died. It wasn't like, oh, he's out there cheating. Because that would mean, oh my God, he died. It's 2 a.m. I wake up. My husband's not next to me. I start to freak out. The what ifs, they start to roll. I pick up my phone and I call him. He doesn't answer. I text him. He doesn't reply. I check his Instagram. He didn't post anything. And then I get stuck scrolling for about 35 minutes. Went down a few rabbit holes that night. Learned a couple of good recipes. Recipes I'm never gonna try. But they make it look so easy. That's how you make Dutch apple pie cake pop tart leftover bites. 12 cheese macaroni. Well, I didn't even know there was 12 cheeses. Let's see, you got cheddar. Gouda. String. Whiz. Queso fresco. I'm gonna have to Google the rest. And then I remember, oh my God, he died. And that is when I check my friend finder app. And it shows his location. Stopped in the middle of the freeway by our house. I thought he was in an accident. I said, oh no. Oh no, I gotta go to that location. I gotta go there right now. But I gotta brush my teeth first. This is why I had to brush my teeth first, you guys. Because if I get to that location and there are first responders there, if they have to give me bad news, my response would be something like, breath. They don't deserve that. So I start brushing my teeth. And I'm thinking all the thoughts. I knew it. It was too good to be true. I should have prayed for him that one time. I finish brushing my teeth. And I start walking downstairs, practicing my solemn thank you. Do you guys know the solemn thank you? It's very similar to the solemn I'm sorry you say at a funeral. When you're at a funeral and you want to give your condolences to someone, you say, I'm sorry. In a whisper tone like that. And that communicates to them, I'm sorry for your loss. Because if you say it at regular volume, I'm sorry. Well, that communicates I had something to do with this. So I'm walking downstairs, practicing my solemn thank you. I get downstairs, I get to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. He used to love water. I start walking to the living room. His favorite spot, the couch. Where he would watch movies and pretend like he didn't fall asleep. I get to the couch and I'm standing there ready to mourn my husband. You could see there's a couple of pillows thrown about. There's a blanket falling off to the side. I go and I turn the light on so I could get a better look. There he is asleep on a couch. Find my friend's lied to me. It told me my husband was dead. I already downloaded a dating app on my phone.