my offer...

What's up guys? How's everybody doing? I hope everybody's doing well. My name is Jason Nash. This is my vlog channel. I'm 45 and divorced and I am here in Boston. Things are okay. I'm not vlogging this week because I don't have any help to watch my kids. So I made the decision to not vlog this week because it takes so long to edit. Each video takes, you know, six or seven hours to edit. So I just can't do that. So this week I'm just gonna be making videos where I talk because these are much easier to upload and yeah. So today we're going to Treetop Adventures. We're gonna be doing some zip lining with Charlie and Wyatt. They're really into that. I don't want to go because it's very high and they're gonna, they're gonna, they need, Charlie needs an adult to accompany her so she can go up to the diamond level. And you know, God forbid she wouldn't be able to do diamond level 100 feet in the air. So that should be interesting. I don't like heights. I jumped off the stratosphere once. That was pretty horrifying. Maybe you saw that video. But yeah, I've been just in Boston kind of hiding out. I went to my sister's wedding on Sunday. It was really beautiful. It's, it was just, just magical up in Beverly, Massachusetts right on the water. And then we had some scallops and it was really cool. I spoke with Tricia. I've texted with her. I've not really spoke with her but I have texted with her a bunch. And I'm, I'm just, I'm, I'm in a bind. I'm in a real bind because when you, um, people, people keep texting me. A lot of my friends keep texting me like, are you okay? Are you okay? And like, I'm okay. But I'm just like, the way it ended, it just feels like, feels bad. It just, it feels really bad the way it ended, you know? Like, I, I, I don't know. I don't, I obviously, I love her and I miss her. But I, I don't know. We can't seem to come to be eye to eye. We had a really interesting conversation last night which was, sometimes it's good to break up. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes it's really, really, really good to break up because, and I'm so guilty of this in a relationship, but like, I'm, I think I'm starting to be like, honest with her about things. And, and that's, that's not, and I think, you know, that, that's, she kept saying like, this is, this is, why didn't you tell me this? Why didn't you tell me this? And I said, well, you know, I didn't want to start a fight or something. And just things that I didn't like or whatever. But, you know, we had this really interesting conversation last night, which I think a lot of people will be able to relate to. And I said, um, it was after a lot of frustration. I was just like, you know what? I was like, I said, just, just, just, why don't you just do what I say? That's what I said. I said, why don't, why don't you just do what I say? Let me tell you what to do. And, uh, and, and you'll be fine. This is me talking to her, which, you know, that's not a good way to talk to someone. But, but, this is what I was saying. And she said, okay, tell me, tell me, tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. And so we can be together. And I said, um, well, number one, um, we're going to get you on, uh, a healthy program. Um, I'm not saying you have to starve yourself, but we're going to get you on a healthy diet and exercise program. You can still do mukbangs. Of course, I'm texting this. And so I'm, you know, when you text, you're not saying all the things, so it's so stupid. But what I meant was, you know, you can still do your channel and stuff. I said, and then, you know, I think we should have you go see someone and, and talk to someone. And, um, and she said, uh, she said, she said, okay, I'll, I'll do this. I will do this to be with you. And she goes, but I'm only doing it for you. And I said, you can't just do it for me. I said, you have to want to do it for you. And, and that was just sort of where we landed. And I just, it just sucks. It just sucks to be alone. I just don't want to be alone anymore. You know, I just, I just really don't. I like, um, when I was, when I was, when I was single, I was divorced for two years and then I was single for two years. And, uh, and I was, I was on like Tinder and these apps and it was really, really bad. It was bad to be on Tinder. It was just like, oh my God, you would just waste so much time. Like you would like message somebody and then they would like message back like the next day. And then like you would message back like the next day after that it would take like literally four days to do. Hi, how are you? And then maybe she would respond pretty good. Like that would take four days, you know? And just another mistake that I made was that I, I, um, I did, I did date some girls in their twenties, which was like a really, really big mistake. Um, and I don't, I don't know what I was thinking. Um, but Tricia was, uh, she was 30, which, uh, but she's actually like an old soul. She felt, she felt older cause she was like into Elvis and stuff. But, um, but it's a funny thing when you, you cut off, um, there's a, there's a weird cutoff. I'm 45 people who are 30. They actually kind of remember life before the internet, I think so that I can relate to them. But like under anything under that, I can't really relate to. I was, I was, I went on a date with this one girl who was like 26 and she was like, um, I remember she was like, we're going to go to this party. Um, I wanna go to this party at 11 tonight. And I was like, Ooh, 11, that's, that's late. You know, 11 is a little late for me. And, um, and she was like, no, no, it'll be fun. So we went to dinner and then, uh, it got to be like 1030, 1045. And I was just beat, you know, I was, I was like really fading. And, um, I remember I, um, we drove up to the club in Hollywood and I just dropped her off. Like she was her dad. I was just like, I, I'm like, I'm just, I'm sorry. I gotta go. And literally as I drove away, I was like, I was like, all right, get home safe. Don't drink too much. Hey, call me if you need me. I'll be reading in bed. So it was, um, it was, you know, it just didn't work. And it's just like a big part of me that doesn't believe that I, you know, that I'll, I don't know, you get older, you know, they say that thing, they go, um, we were at VidCon and I was really kind of upset about the breakup. And I, I walked into the room and I said, I'm going to die alone. Like I yelled it, you know, trying to get a laugh and probably trying to get attention from my friends. And everyone just kind of looked at me like, oh boy, he's losing it. I was like, I'm gonna die alone like that. And it, it didn't land. Not really. David just kind of looked at me like, oh, he's screaming. He might be having a bipolar episode. Um, but the point is, is, you know, that's something that I think about. It's like, I'm going to die alone. Like, you know, someone said, someone said, no, no, you'll have your kids, your kids will, they'll be by your side. And I thought, hey, yeah, hopefully. And then again, you know, well, maybe it's kind of nice just moment to yourself, you know, it's, you know, another way to look at it is like, you know, don't be miserable your entire life so that for that five minutes, you're not alone. That's the other way to look at it. That's how I used to look at it when I was married. And I used to think, oh my God, like I, I didn't, you know, I, I was pretty, pretty miserable when I was married. And, um, and it's so funny. You only, I do this and I don't know if you guys do this too, but in relationships, you only, you only remember the good parts. Like I, I think about my ex-wife and I, and I, I only remember the good parts. And then, you know, when we hang out and we like, don't get along, I go, oh, right, right, right, right. That's, that's what I, that's what I didn't like, you know, or, and I'm probably, I'm probably doing the same thing right now with Trish. I'm, I'm, I'm here in Boston and I'm only remembering the good parts, you know? Um, but it's, it's just sad because I, I would love, I would love for her to come here, you know? And I, I know that, I know that that's like not the right thing. Like I, I hate that. I hate when, I hate when you know, I hate when you know the right answer to something like in, in your gut and then you are just, nope. It's just like, yeah. And you just, you, you can't see it. You know, you'll see it so many times. You'll see it when someone's with someone and you can't, you know, like this person is not right for you. I mean, it is so clear. And then the, the person can't see it. But all I think about is how one, you know, how nice she was to me and how much she loved me and how pretty she was and how good she was to me. And it's not right of me to say to Tricia, you, you, you need to change all these things. And that's like really the point of what I'm saying. Like that's my, my offer to her is, is, is, is really effed up. It's, it's messed up for me to say that like, okay, you got to go on a diet and exercise program. You can't order chicken Parmesan at 1130 at night. We're, you know, we're going to go to counseling and you know, I, I wanted her to, I wanted her to come here in my mind. And I can't believe I did this. I can't believe I'm guilty of this because I used to, I used to accuse some women of this. And it was kind of like a joke that would rattle around in my head. I mean, I'm learning a lot from this whole experience. Like I used to accuse some of my ex-wife's friends of this, like, oh, they're going to get a man and they're going to try to change him. Uh, that's the stereotype. Women love to change a man. And, uh, and you know, sure. There's plenty of women that probably like to do that. I mean, what, what a sense of accomplishment, right? To go and freaking change someone like, dang, like, you know, I mean, it's like, it's like a house. You, you find a house and you're like, yeah, I like this part about it. And, but you know, with some people you, um, you know, maybe somebody wants to change the shutters, but a lot of people go in and they see the house and they go, oh yeah, we're going to gut it. We're going to gut the whole thing. And, and, you know, I'm sure Trisha tried to, um, you know, she gave me that, she gave me that makeover, which was like really for fun. She did a good job, you know, but I'm not, I'm not saying that she tried to change me. What I'm saying is that I'm guilty of that. Like saying that to her, like, well, you need to change. I want to, I want to change all these things about you. And she said, oh, well you're changing. You're trying to change me. And I said, no, I'm trying to make you stronger and better. And that was like, um, yeah. I mean, that's not, that's not, I don't think that's cool. Right. It's not cool. So I guess I'm going to stay in Boston. I'm going to go to the Cape. Um, and I know that like a lot of people are saying like, why don't go back and forth with these videos and stuff. And I don't want this to be seem like a back and forth because it's not a back and forth. She's, she's doing whatever she's doing online is fine. I'm not, you know, watching the videos. Um, and, um, well, that's a lie. I am watching the videos. That's a total lie. I don't know why I'm lying to you, but I'm trying not to make this a back and forth. This is just me making a video. Um, and she came out with that, uh, Jason trash, uh, merch, which, um, I thought was funny. And the tweet that she sent out Jason Nash, more like Jason trash. I that's actually, it was a joke. Like that's a, that's a joke. I know it's a joke. Um, that's just her being like a fourth grade joke. And she texted me. She was like, are you mad at me? And I was like, no, I'm not mad at you. I'm like, you're, you're who you are. I'm mad at the way things ended and mad that you were upset about something really small and couldn't get over it. Um, and so I know that I should just walk away, but I don't want to, I want to try and make it work. And I just, I, I'm not going to find anyone like her that can do that can, you know, that, that fits so well with me. And that's, that's, that's how well she fit that I was willing to put up with a lot of craziness. Um, I have a jet blue, um, credit from when she was going to come with me. Um, and if she wants to come, um, to Boston on the jet blue credit and, and talk things out with me, um, that's my offer. Um, I'm willing to, you know, put all this aside and, um, and we can, we can talk. I can't, um, you know, I can't go back right now. So, um, yeah. So Tricia, let me know if you, um, if you want to use that, that jet blue credit. Also, I don't know what I'm going to do with this. I mean, I don't know. I know Johnny Depp had Winona there and he turned it into wino. So that's, that'd be a big reason to get back together. Honestly, we're just to, I, I, I can't turn this into anything. Maybe Patricia, but that's still Tricia. I thought about changing it to fish, like the band fish P H I, but no, that doesn't work. Anyway. All right. Well, I love you guys. I'm sorry that, uh, there's no videos this week and we're just doing this. Um, and a lot of people told me, um, just like, don't respond to her. Don't, don't, don't, don't say anything else. And, and, um, and I don't know, this just, this just feels right for me to be able to talk. I, I'm, I also just want to take this opportunity to like, just, just to talk, just to, just to be me. And, um, and I feel like, you know, it's a long time coming. Anyways, this is my offer. I don't know if, if we can be boyfriend, girlfriend, but I do know that I want to be your friend and I'm just not gonna, you know, you know, you're, you're, you're pushing, you're pushing everyone away when you don't have to do that. You have me, you have all of our friends, you have my friends who are now your friends, and yet, like, you don't need to do that. Like, I can, I can, I'm not, I'm not giving up on you. I'm not gonna give up on you at all. I just, I won't. I, I, I can't. I, I, I, I don't know why, but I just can't.