Rejection Proof Your Life Strategies and Techniques Webinar

All right, so I wanted to welcome everybody to our Exploring Academy webinar. Today we're talking about a topic in social confidence, which is the theme for this month and the challenge that we have available right now in the community is on social confidence. So part of that is, you know, dealing with this fear of rejection and dealing with rejection. So I'm going to show you some strategies that you can easily implement whenever you're feeling like you've been rejected or you're anticipating rejection or fearing rejection. So these are great strategies to use whenever you feel that way or are experiencing something along those lines. So without further ado, I'm going to share my screen. I hope everyone's well. I would love for you to comment in the interactive chat what you're excited to learn, what your maybe experience with rejection has been thus far. If you'd like to share that, we're all ears. And, you know, this is a supportive community. It's a judgment-free zone. It's a safe zone, as I like to say, and remind our members in our group coaching calls and live feedback sessions. And the same here, the same goes for our webinars, right? We're all interacting with each other via chat and, you know, this is a safe space for you to do that. So I just want to remind you and encourage you to, you know, use the chat. Don't feel like you need to be held back or anticipate, you know, rejection because we're welcoming here and that's how you learn and that's how you grow by getting out of your comfort zone, right? Okay, excellent, excellent, excellent, my friends. So here we are. I've titled this Rejection Reboot. I think it's a nice way of kind of resetting, reframing. We're going to talk about reframing and, you know, turning setbacks into springboards off of which you can launch into the, you know, next big thing, right? Let's think about that, right, from that perspective and I think it's a great mindset to have. So I see people in the chat saying hello to each other. I love it, I love it. Good morning, good morning, good afternoon, maybe good evening to some of you depending on where you are and I'm happy to see that. Okay, so this is really for anybody. This is for professionals, this is for job seekers, this is for entrepreneurs, this is for humans, right? Anybody who has experienced or is currently experiencing rejection in their life because look, this is something that we all face. This is part of the human condition. So there's no escaping it and look, we don't want to escape it because that would be, you know, that's not part of the human experience but we do want to know how to grapple with it, how to deal with it, and how to overcome it. So hello, hello again. I am Mary Daphne. I am CEO and co-founder of Explurning and Advanced English and I am head of community here in our wonderful, amazing community, Explurning Academy and, you know, my mission really is to empower you with better communication skills, increased confidence levels, social fluency, whether you're at work or just in life in general because we need it for both. We do social interaction all the time and so we need to be able to feel empowered and have the confidence to, you know, interact with people regardless of the social situation we're in, right? And in terms of my experience, well, I've got nearly two decades. It's crazy to say that at this point but nearly because it doesn't feel that long. Nearly two decades in international communications, television, broadcasting, education, teaching, all of it combined and, you know, along the way I've also earned degrees in French and communication. That was my undergraduate. I was a double major as well as two master's degrees. I have one from Battersea University and I have an advanced master's from Columbia University in New York. I've taught communication skills, English, French, cross-cultural communication, social skills, executive skills with the focus always on tech and data-backed methodologies because that's how I find that students really reap the benefits of of learning and growing from what we teach. And so I also, just a little bit of a separate, you know, aside, I received a Fulbright grant and I love that point in my career because that's what initially took me abroad in a kind of professional capacity. Before that I've traveled and, you know, visited places all throughout the world but this took me abroad in a professional capacity and that's kind of where the love of cross-cultural communication stemmed from. And also I'm a teacher trainer. I teach teachers how to teach around the world and in New York City. So just a little bit about me so you have that context. For those of you in the community you probably already know this already but for those of you who are not yet that's a little bit about me. All right, so what are our objectives for this webinar? Well we want to understand the psychology of rejection so that we're more easily able to overcome it. I want to equip you with some practical tools so that you can manage your emotional responses to things like rejection and other heightened emotions like that. We're going to talk about reframing as a tool and to see, you know, rejection not as failure but more so, you know, as an opportunity for growth and for learning and for those teachable moments in our life. And ultimately what we want is to build resilience and confidence, right, because those are amazing skills to have. They serve us very well in life and that's why, you know, I want to bring that in too. Okay my friends, so the first thing that we're going to look at is the sting of rejection. So this is kind of the psychological background of it, why it hurts, why rejection hurts, why so many of us fear it, why so many of us avoid and evade social situations so that we don't face it ever. But also, you know, why it hurts and why it's normal. So why this is something that we all kind of deal with, okay? Good. So the first thing is the rejection triggers the same brain regions as physical pain. So in other words, when you, you know, bang a table and bang into a table and you hurt your knee, you feel that pain, right? Well, rejection triggers those same, you know, pathways and regions as if we were to bang our knee, for example, or stub our toe or trip and fall. So this is why we try so hard to avoid rejection and situations where we anticipate rejection, right? Not asking for that raise, not asking for that person out on a date, not applying to that dream job, not starting your own company, not whatever, whatever, whatever, the list goes on and on and on. I'm sure you can think of your own examples as well, right? And maybe even drawing from your own experiences in avoiding situations because you didn't want to be rejected. So it's a biological response, not merely an emotional one, right? A lot of people think, oh, rejection, it's emotional, you know, that's it. Well, it's actually very much biological as well, as we talk about, you know, with those pathways being activated, like as if you were in pain. And this is why, you know, it explains why rejection doesn't feel good at all, right? It's very uncomfortable. It's intensely unpleasant. And we go to great lengths to avoid it if we can, part of which could be to our detriment, right? If you don't ask that person out on a date, maybe you never ever get to know them. Maybe you never apply to that job and you miss out on a huge opportunity in life. So this is why I think it's really important to address rejection and understand how to handle it so that we can get past those emotional barriers of what rejection presents itself to us, rather, and then being able to, you know, take that step and say, okay, even though I might be rejected, I'm still going to do it anyway. I'm still going to push myself out of my comfort zone anyway, because if I don't get rejected, then something amazing might happen. And if I do get rejected, that's also a springboard for something amazing to happen or something really magical to occur. Okay, so then we have this emotional roller coaster, right? So it's like emotions everywhere. There's ups, there's downs, there's loop-de-loops, and it can be, you know, disappointment is one of those, right? It's just this sting, right, of unmet expectations where you expected one outcome and you got another one. And ouch, that hurts. It hurts. And look, we've all been there. We've all experienced it. We will continue to experience it, but it's really about how do we handle it like a pro? How do we handle it with poise and grace and get over it as quickly as possible? Anger, right? That's very natural in terms of reaction, right, to perceive, because you perceive it to be that way, as unfairness or as a loss. Oh, you didn't get that job. Okay, well, someone else did, right? But maybe there's something else waiting for you. So thinking of it in that way. And then self-doubt, right? You might be questioning your abilities or your self-worth. Oh, why didn't I get that job? Oh, why didn't that person say that they would go out to the movies with me? Or why didn't I get invited to that birthday party? Why, why, why? If we sit all day and ask why, why, why, we'll never get anything done. And we'd also be really gloomy and grouchy, right? So it's okay to feel these feelings, but we have to get past them. These are all valid emotions. They're all understandable given a situation where you might be rejected. So don't feel like these are not natural. Of course they are. Of course they are. And, you know, we have to go through feeling them. We can't just suppress those emotions because then a lot of yucky stuff happens after. But we feel them and then we go beyond that, right? We move past it. And I just want to remind you, no one, you're not alone here, right? In feeling these things. We all experience rejection at some point. These are absolutely part of the human experience. And it is okay, you know, to not wallow in self-pity necessarily. I mean, if you did just for a short while, maybe. But don't get stuck in that feeling, right? Those feelings of sadness and anger and self-doubt because that's just not a fun place to be, right? So feel them, acknowledge them. That's the first step towards healing. Then getting past them and just using it as a great teachable moment, right? Life is the best teacher. So really stopping and trying to understand, okay, why did this happen? Could I have prevented it from happening? What are my strategies for dealing with this kind of rejection? And so on and so forth because we'll learn so much. Okay, so I want to talk about reframing. This is another one of the strategies that I want to share with you because it is so important. It really is, you know, an amazing tool that we have at our disposal and we can do it across various communication aspects. This is one of them, right? When we deal with rejection, right? It's not about you. When you get rejected, it's much less about you than it is about them or just the situation, the circumstances. We tend to take things very personally, a lot of us. And if you're a highly sensitive person, then you will definitely be doing this to the nth degree. However, if we can just reframe it and realize, okay, it's not, it doesn't have to do with anything about my capabilities, my qualifications, my personality, my whatever, whatever. There's something else going on, right? And for whatever reason, it resulted in a rejection. Try not to take it personally. Look, even if it is personal, still try not to take it personally because there's still other things going on. Give that situation the benefit of the doubt. Reframe it into something positive, like a teachable moment. What can you learn from this situation? And move on, right? Move on. Don't get stuck, you know, in that negative feedback loop. Okay, so it's, you can think of rejection as a sign of mismatch, goals, values, or needs. It's not about your self-worth or your, you know, personality or your judgment of character of your, you know, or anything about you, per se. Think of it more as a mismatch, okay? What you offer and what they're looking for are not aligned in that moment, okay? It's very easy to internalize rejection, taking it personally, but it's not usually reflective of your value, of your capabilities, of your competence. It really isn't, but it's easy to say that it is. It's not, though, okay? And if you look back on your own experiences with rejection, maybe in retrospect you realize that it had nothing to do with you, right? It had absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe, you know, the job that went to somebody else was already set up for that person, right? They were already in the company, they were looking to make a lateral move, and they wanted to just make, you know, put it out to the world to see if anybody would consider the position, but then ultimately they were already planning to go with someone else, right? You never know, and this is something to consider. Would you want a job or even a relationship that was not the right fit, even if you got it, right? Let's say you ended up dating that person, but it was not a great experience, or maybe you got that job and you really, you know, you wish you had it, right? It's very easy to blow things out of proportion and make something really, you know, you know, build it up to be something that it's not in our heads, and then when we get that thing, sometimes it's not what we thought it was to be. Those unmet expectations that we talked about, right, can also go in the reverse where you expected one thing, you got it, and then it's totally different from what you had fathomed. So, I really like this third one here of reframing because, I mean, these are all ways of reframing, but thinking of it as, you know, if it's not the right fit, do you really want it anyway? Probably not, right? So, that's a good one. So, the fit factor, right? I want you to think of rejection like maybe trying on a pair of shoes or a pair of jeans. If it doesn't fit, it's not because there's something wrong with you, it's just the wrong style, the wrong, you know, shoe size, the wrong whatever, the wrong cut. It's not about you, okay? And the same is with opportunities. So, maybe that rejection just meant that it wasn't the right opportunity for you at this time. Maybe, you know, there's something better coming your way, you know, and that's part of the unknown. We just don't know, but it's always great to think of it in this positive light because the actions that we follow up with will be so much positive and so much healthier, not just for our mindset, but for our social interactions, for, you know, our future opportunities and having that reframing mentality. So, thinking about finding the right match, not settling for something that doesn't really feel right, right? You wouldn't want to wear one smaller shoe size just because you really love those shoes, but then your feet, you know, get deformed at the end of the day or you get blisters everywhere. Is it really worth it? You got to ask yourself that. Is it worth it? And maybe the rejection is actually a good thing, a blessing in disguise, so to speak. Okay, there are several famous people, some of which we've, some of who, you know, the rejections that we've heard about, some of that we have not heard about, but I thought these were some fun ones to share with you. J.K. Rowling, the Harry Potter author, right? Her manuscript was rejected by 12 publishers before it actually got picked up and published. Can you imagine if she'd given up what, how incredibly sad that would be for all of the people out there who love this kind of world building and these characters and this story, right? Not to mention they turn it into a whole movie and franchise and theme parks. So if she had just given up and said, oh, rejection, rejection, that's the end of this, there would be no Harry Potter. And how many lives she's enhanced, right, because of her work. Disney, right? Walt Disney, he was fired from a newspaper because he lacked imagination. Can you imagine? He is one of the founding fathers of imaginative creative work, right? And he also had several business failures before Disneyland. So I don't know if any of you have been to Disneyland. I sure have. And it's amazing. I have great memories from going there as a kid. So yeah. And then Oprah Winfrey, huge mega star. She was demoted, right, from her first TV anchor job. But then she went on to become a meteor empire builder and media mogul. So you see, these are great examples where rejection doesn't define your potential for success. Only you can, right, and you can decide when to throw in the towel. And hopefully you don't. Hopefully you just reframe, reframe, pivot, pivot, pivot until you find that success, right? No one's going to have success like that right off the bat. That's just not really how the world works. I mean, maybe for some as like a stroke of genius or just luck. But for most of us, right, there are rejections that we have to overcome. We've got to reframe, we've got to pivot, we can't give up, we can't get discouraged. So how do you cope in the moment, right? When you're in a situation where there's rejection and maybe a fear of rejection, how do you cope? What's the emotional first aid look like for you, okay? What does that look like? I want you, as I mentioned in the beginning, don't suppress those emotions. Don't try to numb them, don't try to artificially suppress them or however. You want to feel those emotions, let them come, okay, because if you suppress them, they will turn into a really ugly monster. We don't want that to happen. So let yourself feel them, okay? And then you will start to process them and then I want you to practice self-compassion. So positive self-talk as if you're talking to a really good friend or even better, this one's one that I really like from Sam Harris from the Waking Up app. He talks a lot about how would you talk to yourself as a kid, right? And I think that's such a great image. If you're talking to yourself in such a negative way all day, you're beating yourself up about it, a situation or a rejection, would you talk like that to yourself as a kid? Would you talk to your kid version of, you know, yourself as a child like that? Probably not, right? So what kind of compassion would you show yourself? Talk to yourself in that way. It goes a long way. It's the positive self-talk. And then mindfulness techniques, deep breathing, meditation, visualization, all these things can really serve us very, very, very well. So that's very important. And then you can always reach out, right, for support, friends, family, therapist, whoever is in your support system, reach out and have that support. Okay, so how do we make rejection work for us? How do we turn it into an opportunity, into a teachable moment? How do we turn rejection into action? Because again, we don't want to be stymied. We want to release that rejection and then continue with what we want to do, or maybe pivot or whatever. But again, it requires some sort of action. Okay, so imagine a phoenix rising from the ashes, right? That's a beautiful image. So analyze the situation. What can you learn from it? Is there anything that you can take away? Is there anything that you feel like, you know, was there a kernel of truth in that feedback? Was there anything that made sense to you that you could take away? What can you learn? Are there areas for improvement? There always are, right? There always are. So is it skills? Is it knowledge? What is it? Is it delivery, right? Maybe the way you asked somebody out on a date they did not like, or maybe the way you answered your interview questions were not as carefully thought out or empathetic. Who knows? But it's really important to start to think about, okay, what could have been done differently? And then take the feedback as a constructive force, right? Even if it's not perfect feedback, feedback might not be perfect if it's, you know, it just depends who's giving it. But there's still something that we can learn from it, right? Just take it as constructive criticism. Don't take it as a, you know, a boot to your ego. Take it as a moment of, okay, maybe there's some truth in this. What can I learn from it? And then set new goals and plan a new course of action. Okay? Like I said, reframing, pivoting, get up, right? Get out up from those ashes and become the Phoenix. And then bouncing back stronger, right? This is about building resilience, which is really important. It's a wonderful skill to have in life. Serves us very well. So view it as a teachable experience, as a learning experience, as something to learn from and grow from. And be thankful that you had that experience because now you know so much more than you did before you got that rejection, right? Having a growth mindset is really great. Challenges are not something to be, you know, have a defeatist attitude about. They're rather opportunities, opportunities for growth, opportunities for learning, opportunities for magic to happen really. And it's not the end, it's the beginning. Okay? Remember our Phoenix rising from the ashes? That's what I want you to think about. And then over time, celebrate the small wins. So maybe you didn't get that dream job, but you met a group of people who, you know, maybe you can do business with, or maybe they have opportunities for you. You know, oh, you got turned down from that job, but then you ended up meeting your life partner, right? So small wins, right, that actually turn into big wins are really great. Okay. So let's think about rejection as a catalyst, right? The fear of rejection can certainly hold people back from social interactions. Oh, I'm not going to interact with this person because I don't want them to reject me. I'm not going to apply to that job because I don't want the manager to reject me. I'm not going to ask that person out to the movies because I don't want them to say no. And then what? Right? Then what? Then you miss out on opportunities. You miss out on life. Okay? So let's reframe rejection and look at it instead as a springboard and as a stepping stone and as a launch pad for deeper, more meaningful connection. That is the right fit where there is alignment. Okay. Alignment. And then the power of social confidence, right? This is huge. You've got improved relationships from it, career opportunities, personal fulfillment, and just overall happiness, which goes a long way, right? So the social confidence and then the social connection that you get from having that social confidence, from taking that step, hanging out with that person, applying to that job, doing the things that maybe you're afraid to do at first because of their fear of rejection, but then doing them anyway, getting rejected some of the time, getting rejected, not always, and learning from those mistakes and having these amazing experiences. So we are currently doing our five-day social confidence sprint here in Exploring Academy, and this is towards helping you build that social confidence and the social fluency. Part of the rejection is not having that social confidence. So here are some strategies and skills and tools that I'm teaching you in the five-day social confidence sprint, the challenge that we have for this month to help you build that resilience, build that confidence, build that social fluency so that you can excel in your job, get the jobs you want, meet the people you want, connect with those that you want, build that circle of trust, build your network, have an amazing, happy life. So inside the challenge, it looks something like this. Each day, you've got a module video, a worksheet, a guide, a quiz, and it goes on like that for the five days, and then you have these downloadable worksheets. You've got a space to engage with the community members who are also doing this challenge, and, you know, it's very interactive. It's a lot of fun. We have members who are doing it right now. It's brand new. We're releasing one a day. So I really encourage you to check it out, and you will easily be able to take all of these strategies into whatever speech act, whatever communication event, whatever social situation, because they are so easily implementable in life, and when you post in the share your wins, you get feedback from us, and it's a great experience. You also get badges when you complete the challenge, and those are proudly displayed on your profile in the community. So that's a little bit about the challenge. It's the five-day social confidence sprint. It's your fast track to fearless connection. So you'll be much more confident, much more at ease, much more willing to step outside your comfort zone, much less fearful of failure and rejection, and, you know, just like the strategies I give in this webinar, we have loads of strategies and tactics and techniques and tools that you can add to your toolkit so that you can communicate as effectively and seamlessly across various social situations at work and in life with such ease, such poise, and such confidence. This is one of our Exploring Academy members who said, best investment, you won't regret it. So I think that's a great way to sum it up. It is an investment, and what a great investment to make, right, in ourselves, in our growth, in our learning, in our personal and professional development. And here we have, okay, well, that's that. I had a little picture of our lovely community members smiling in some of our video calls, but that's okay. You'll see it in another webinar. So that's that. I really do hope you use these strategies. You can start using them as soon as this call is over. I really challenge you to start exposing yourself to situations where you even might get that rejection, because it will help build that resilience muscle and make you rejection proof. And, you know, using these strategies, keeping them in mind, doing the visualization, the meditation, the breath work, that all helps. And just reminding yourself that the more you experience something like rejection, the better you will be at overcoming it, particularly if you have this growth mindset around it, reframing, and the ability to find those teachable moments in it that will serve us really well. Okay, my friends, well, thank you so much for joining me. I hope you check out the challenge. It's available on the two paid plans that we have, and you get lifetime access for as long as you are a member at Exploring the Academy. And I will see you in the next one. Thank you so much for joining me. And go out there and go get them. Bye, everybody. Well done today.