Julián Kalel s Healing Journey Leads To Powerful Idol Return American Idol

Julian, do you remember this kid? Yes, I've thought about him a lot. Really, huh? Ah! Hey, guys. Hi. How are y'all? We're doing great. How are you guys? We're so happy to see you. We're happy to be here. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4. My name is Julian Carlel Almanzan. I'm from El Paso, Texas, and I'm 19 years old. Last year, I'd auditioned. I had no idea what to expect. Obviously, I was terrified. When I talk about it with my sister, we both say that we kind of just blacked out and gave a performance of our lives, I guess. There's a hole in my chest Knock me down, leave me to rest Drown my thoughts with kerosene I performed an original song called Surrender, which talks about the struggles of anxiety and depression. So I surrender If it's war that I've waged, I'll raise a flag My fate is in his hands I felt like I was at your show just now. Are you serious? Yeah, I did. Wow. It played like a record. He's just a star. He's a star. Just a straight-up, straight-up star. I'll be gone without a sound When my heart fails me and I'm not around Yes! Hallelujah, yes! Come on, man. Come here. The things that the judges told me, I felt like my life was changing in that moment. He may win this thing. He literally might win it. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. I'm going to Hollywood! Unfortunately, though, I was not able to continue forward. There were shared concerns about my abilities to balance a journey like American Idol and my mental health. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression my freshman year of high school. But I had been struggling with those feelings for a big part of my life. I mean, through elementary and middle school. He came up to us and said, I am not okay. There's something happening with me. I mean, it's a knife to your chest because you're thinking, you know, what's going on? What's happening? And he said, I'm sad all the time. For me, anxiety is just like a big wave crashing on you and you just drown. I was questioning the value of my life. You have to look in the mirror and recognize that mental health professionals need to get involved and that there's no shame in that. Music is my lifeline. It's what keeps me grounded. I had so much to smile about with my audition. And I just knew, like, I'd really regret it if I didn't give this another shot. I'm just hoping that whatever I'm doing just reflects the message of just not giving up and most importantly, to not be defined by your struggles but by your strengths. I choke up just thinking about it because I'm very lucky to be here. You know, life is a gift. For you to come back out here to try this, we are very happy and proud of you. We're so happy to be here. Thank you so much. So what are you going to do for us? The song today is called Long Guitar. I wrote it at a very dark time in my life where I was at a crossroads of deciding whether or not to give up or to keep going. And found that, you know, it's as simple as just stay one more day. That's the message. It's been rough. We've had some rough years. And this song in particular, it's suicide prevention, basically. What do you see when you look at me The blessings that I'm letting go Lord, you forgive so easily It's getting harder to find peace Get the chance to grow old I'm not the man that I should be Never felt the travel Hailing back every night Too far gone for prayer Just a boy afraid to die Oh, a heartache stare Words unspoken The burden of my flaws An empty chair A family broken Pain is all I've caused I should stay You walk in daydream Thoughts unholy Damn near giving up Hug your mama Till there's just enough To see that old sun rise Mmm, I should stay I should stay Oh, I'll stitch my wounds And learn to love these marks Along the way Oh, I should stay Lord, let me stay I got too much to give I got I love you to say Don't wanna make my old man cry Leave my mama screaming why Guess I'm in this bleeding heart Lighthead in my way To a boy alone and suffering Thinking no one understands If it's strength that you need You don't have to be a man Awesome, thank you. Lionel, what'd you think? Welcome back. Thank you. I'm gonna leave you with some words that I keep repeating over and over again, and I'm gonna pass it on to you. You were born enough. Everything about you is just honest, and you organize your thoughts and your feelings into song in a way that comes across as so real. Thank you. That is something that's needed. Thank you. I agree. Yeah, man, you got the magic. I think that you're incredible. I think you have all the skills and tools of a great singer. So glad you're back, and we'll just have fun with this thing. How about that? Absolutely. What do you think, Lionel? Say yes for me. Yes for me. Let's go. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much. Welcome to Hollywood. We're back. My parents. You did it, mijo. Carisa. You did it, mijo. Congratulations. I just felt understood. I felt seen for the artist that I try to be. I want to spread my message. You are loved, and everyone is born enough. Everyone is in fact born enough.