The Gas Mask Challenge

And then let's talk about the episode though. Okay. So the gas mask challenge, we get paired. It's me and Cody, Randall and Bree, Andrew and Gia. Me and Cody went ended up going last, by the way, they showed us first for storytelling purposes, but Cody and I go up up until now. We all know each other's like strengths and weaknesses. So by now, we know Cody is a great guy. Like he was, you can get the gist from the episode that there was annoyances of like, he just talked a lot. But one thing, they almost made it seem like we were giving a hard time behind his back and we were annoyed only behind his back, but it was very much a like brotherly. Yeah. Criticism. Whereas like, hey, you got to stop doing this. Like Bree gives feedback in front of his face and it was like, it was almost, it was very team like-esque how we gave him a hard time. It was like for the betterment of everybody together. We and we gave everyone a hard time. But Cody and I going into this challenge, we were both very aware and Cody was very self-aware and he's like, when I get into these fight or flight situations, I see red and like the world drowns out around me. And so before we even run up to the house, Cody and I talking back and forth and we are both agreeing to each other. We're like, we have to communicate. They had selected Cody as like the leader of this challenge. So I was like, Cody, you have to communicate. Now that also requires me to communicate, right? So this is not just Cody's fault. It is both of our faults. We go running up. We hear the instructions. Cody has me go in first and we go straight down to the hostage instead of going in the building. This is where like we just lose our brains completely. We aren't saying a single word to each other. Cody grabs the hostage and like we're trying to go back in the house, which was a huge mistake because now we're technically like killing the hostage because it's gassed in there. And then inside the house, all I remember is like, again, zero communication. The only thing I'm hearing is the DS and they're like, find the box, find the box, find the box. And I think in my brain that became my partner, if that makes sense. And so I was like, find the box. And then when it clicked that I was like, oh, frick, Billy's saying, where's your partner? And Q is saying, where's Cody? I was like, that wasn't him. So then I turn around, we go running out of the compound and Cody's already out with the hostage. And I just, my pissed nature that they showed, they painted it as like all pissed towards Cody. I was just pissed in general that I did so poorly. I think that was your first fail of challenge. Yeah, and it was just so miserable. Like I did everything wrong, everything. I was so worried about the gas. I was so worried. I just, I was so mad at myself. And then I was also really mad at Cody because like he agreed to like be the team leader that time and he agreed to try to communicate. I should have communicated more. It was just a disaster. I don't think it looked that bad. I don't think it was that much of a disaster. We also failed. Yeah, but you were such a good team player. I want to set the scene in two different ways. One, if I'm a producer at Fox and I have to paint this storyline, they showed your interview talking about how you're a gymnast and that required perfection and you were lost after like you didn't have that outlet for perfection some ways. So then they show me lost. So then they show that then like then the story arc makes sense. If I'm a producer to say, okay, she talks about perfection that she fails then what happens next? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I get that. So, so I think like that part of that was amplified, you know, we also failed and it did not, they didn't dramatize it, dramatize it as much. And I also want to set the scene like this. First of all, Mark goes home right as we're walking in this challenge. We're up there on the side slope. And at this point, there's six of us. Yeah, six. Yeah, six left and the tone drastically changed with the DS and us. It was very much. It turned way more friendly. Yeah, and they were like, wow, what happened? Oh my gosh. Hey, you guys keep going. You're doing a great job. This was like the first words of encouragement in that sense. They were encouraging in pushing us like there were there were good teammates in that sense, but this was like the first time there were they were nice to us in that encouragement, but something that I think bothered me so much about that is we had gotten that far and we had gotten to this point of like almost a mutual respect from the DS and we had hit that next level and the lashing we got which you didn't see all of it. It just felt like disappointment and so I hurt more because of that. Yeah, I remember saying this early on but like and they didn't show it. I was pretty happy with like what they showed from my interview, but like disappointment is one of my biggest fears disappointing someone. I am a people pleaser which I should work on but like disappointing the authority of like the DS who I respected so much felt not like I failed the task. It wasn't like I didn't make it down a rappel. It's like I I failed at like core values of what they know. Okay, that's that's how it felt. I was like I left my team. I let my team down. I didn't communicate. I killed a hostage. I like I felt like this existential like what who I think that's really insightful and I think it's whatever what however you couple those things like the oh, I personally disrespected these people you bind that with the oh, I failed the mission that thing. I think that buy-in is what makes you so great. I think it's like the athlete type mentality that we have spoken about in previous episodes, but I also think it can be helpful in the sense of you're so bought in and so listening and obedient, but it's also parts of it are not true. Like you didn't disrespect Billy. You just got yelled at by Billy. No, but you know what I mean? It's just it was just like this. By the way, Cody and Sean got ripped a new they showed a little bit of it on TV. But when we were there in person, we're probably like 50 yards away behind this house and they were getting just we are multiple times. We got rich with Billy and then it was like 15 minutes DSQ came down and then he ripped Cody and then I was just like behind episode 4 when or day for when Rudy yelled at Nick and Ravi. Yeah, this is the worst yelling and I don't know if that was because it was my first big failure and something that they painted that they talked to me about in my interviews. I had multiple interviews by the way, and so we can talk about that in a little bit how they spliced them together. They didn't like how robotic I was how I was able to go so numb and like not show emotion and not show who I was and they didn't like that. So part of me wondered even in watching it back and remembering the last thing we got if that was a strategy of Billy's to see if he could bring something out in me. Yeah, little does he know that actually like shuts me down even more but that's still insightful. I mean it is good information to have so we're up there and I think June I went second you went last Randall and Brie went first you guys all crushed No, even if you fail that you crushed it was it was so nice beforehand though, because they didn't have us in rank and yeah and standing like they usually did in previous challenges when it's whole group. It was us like sitting on rocks talking with Foxy about all these challenges like he did a marathon a day in the Arctic for some charity and it was very relationship focus and then they call us up we go run to Billy were crunched and crouched outside this house and he gives us this like quick briefing. So this is setting the context of why I have empathy for your situation. You're like you've obviously never been in this little compound that you're walking into so that like in Morocco how these houses would be is like exterior walls. They were like 10 feet tall and then you don't know what's inside and then it could be like three houses inside. It could be Gardens. It could be whatever at one-story house two-story house, but he's like, go in there. Keep a level head. You got to find the hostage and the box. He gave us a code and he's like, all right, let's go. So you run in there. I think it was probably like three two or three minutes. We had in the compound and we almost got guided a little bit into the house. I think but you go into this house like so you're in this courtyard seeing all this for the first time imagine this and then go through the exterior gates. You go you kind of get guided into this house and then in the house. There's like all these tarps. It's very disjointed. You it's not like you walking into an open floor plan. There's like five rooms five doors. Some have pallets like wood pallets in front. There's a staircase and so you're like, okay, we have to find a hostage in a box and I'm looking for I don't know what it is. Yeah, it actually didn't even tell us it was a box. They just said here's a code keep an eye out for it. So we're like pulling up all these plastic tarps then the gas goes out and you can't really see that. Well, you're getting yelled at there's explosions. There's cameras. I remember at one point like I tried to go upstairs and they pulled me back. They're like don't go up there and you're like so there's confusing parts like that. They're part of the TV show that probably wouldn't be a part of the real life where you're like, oh, yeah, I can't go upstairs because they brought off cameras up there. And so you're just trying to almost stay within the bounds that they established while also like looking hard, you know, I'm saying and this happened with the casualty carry to where you're like, oh, I think this is the way I'm supposed to go and they're like, no, don't go that way. And it's yeah, it feels silly that you would even try to go upstairs. Yeah scenario. Anyway, G and I had no luck finding the code 0749 inside this house. We're pulling out filing cabinets. We're looking under beds. We don't even see I mean, there's like a bed that's made up with this old blanket. There's random junk thrown all over the like there's probably 200 total items and I don't know what I'm looking for. So the filing cabinet was the one thing where I was like that there's maybe something written on like a piece of paper on there because that's a filing cabinet, but we were in there for like two minutes and then we start getting yelled at like can't find the box. What about the hostage? I think they kind of nudge just out. So we go out we go down we were able to find the hostage which again, you're like, is this a good guy or bad guy? They kind of tell you the whole backdrop of be wary of bad guys. So you see this guy in a blanket like very well hidden in my mind on this random bed outside this house. And so you're like, I guess this is a hostage now. What do we do with them? Do I put them on my back? It's all like very confusing in the moment. And so we got the hostage. We ended up running out of compound failing the mission. We got actually we got like scolded a little bit. It's always jarring when they ask you what the heck happened in there. You're like Frick you're asking that like I did something wrong, but we failed because we didn't get the box, but it was like fine ish because we got the hostage and we did the gas like we put our mask on as they had taught us and all these things, but I hope like to your point of it being a cluster. It was always a cluster for everyone and the instructions weren't like abundantly clear. There was so much that could have gone wrong and you're like, okay. Well, we just try to do our best and that's all we can do. Your mind was buffoonery of the capital B. You did. My favorite part was when you did your little hands up panic pace or I'll call it your pissy pace. Yeah, where you're like trying to find Cody and then you and then you look at him this that was the hard part. I've seen that face. So I actually wanted to go off on him. But in my head, I'm like don't. So then after we all went we had probably like a half hour. They're probably figuring out what to do with me and Cody down. Like we were all talking that little circle where Bree gives us constructive feedback, which again, I want to bring up because it's not like we were talking about anybody behind their back. It's not like you really could given the context, but it was like a how to go for you. We all kind of share our experiences and then we had some good laughs too. Like there wasn't it was not like a somber. They kind of painted it as a sad conversation. They painted my comment of oh, you freaking ditched her as like a angry, but I was now we all had like a really good dynamic and like Cody knew I was mad and Cody was bummed too. And yeah, I was bummed too. And it was just a bunch of stuff.