Independent Play - Encouraging Your Child To Entertain Themselves

If you're looking for really easy, implementable, if that's a word, tips, to encourage your child to explore and play independently from you, then keep watching this video and I'm going to share all of my top tips with you. Hi Mamas, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here then welcome, welcome to this family thing. You have a treat in store. I have a lot of really great videos on Montessori, motherhood, play, learning, nature play and soon to be minimalism as well because that's one of my new hobbies, if you can call it a hobby. But anyway, welcome to my channel, I hope you enjoy the content, don't forget to look back at my other videos but watch this one first. So this video is all about independent play, a really hot topic amongst Montessorians, those interested in child-led play, open-ended play. Independent play is basically when a child plays independently, when they're very happy to just get on and engage with their activities and toys without having a playmate, without playing with mummy, just kind of getting on and doing their thing. It can be tricky for children to play on their own, however, which is why I'm doing this video to give you my top tips for encouraging independent play and helping your child to play on their own because playing independently is so, so valuable for your child. It's really good for them to come up with their own ideas, it's really, really great for them to problem solve and for them to just have free choice of how they want to spend their day and discover things all on their own. So number one is to fill their cup first thing in the morning. So when I say fill their cup, what I mean is to have focused time filling their emotional cup just one-on-one or, you know, daddy, mummy, child, children, you know, whatever your dynamic is, just spend one-on-one time in the morning filling their cup. So that means cuddling, talking, that means playing together, that means reading together. Whatever your child likes to do, just focus in on them first thing, let them know that they are important to you, that you want to be with them, you know, just filling them up and letting them know that they're loved and they're cared for and they're important to you first thing in the morning. When I do this first thing in the morning, I found it just makes for a much calmer day. It helps Mia to be more contented, less clingy and less emotional overall. She knows that she is loved, she knows that I'm there for her. So if I do need to nip off and do something, then I just find she's much more contented and engaged in what she's doing. She's happier just to go off and explore, you know, in the next room or whatever, you know, without me there by her side. I've been doing this from quite a young age, from when she was quite little and we just kind of carry on this way. We start the day very slow, just kind of chill out first thing in the morning and just let her lead. So number two is do not interrupt your child when they're in play. This one is really, really important. So this is where slowing down is quite a good thing. If you can slow down, not kind of rush around trying to offer your child different things to play with, it's really, really good just to let them play and just observe and see if they're engaged in what they're doing. If they are, you know, so what if it's lunchtime, you know, don't interrupt them. It's really important to build their focus because then they're more likely to play on their own. For example, when Mimi was very young, I didn't always do this. I'd go into the kitchen, which is a different room to where she would play, and sometimes I'd shout through to her when she was like two, two and a half and ask her if she wanted something. Sometimes I'd poke my head round and I'd say, you know, would you like a snack? And I wouldn't actually look to see if she was playing with something, if she was engaged. Doing that just interrupts their flow and it just stops them from having that ability to focus. Even as an adult, I need to work on focusing. I need to work on my concentration. It's kind of the modern way. You have so many things to do. You've got your phone asking for attention. You know, you get hungry, you look around, there's things to tidy in the house. I have to work on that and I'm an adult, so children also have to work on that. It's almost like a skill that has to be built. You have to work on focusing. Don't get me wrong. There is an age for this, you know, little children, little babies aren't going to be able to focus or concentrate, you know, as much as when they get older. So it's not just about practice. It's also about the age and stage of development they're in. So when it comes to independent play, my third point to make is to start really, really small and have really small expectations. So if you've got one job that you'd like to get done in a day and, you know, you want to encourage your child to play on their own while you do this activity or chore or task or whatever it is you need to nip off and do, then start really, really small. Factor in something that is short, so maybe unloading the dishwasher or loading the dishwasher. Let them know that that's something that you're going to be going off to do, it's going to take you this amount of time or you'll be back really, really soon because obviously children don't really understand timescales. I mean, it doesn't always work straight away. Sometimes your child will follow you and they'll want to get involved in what you're doing or they'll pull you back to what they're doing. Depends where they are emotionally, depends kind of how they're feeling that day, whether they're hungry, whether they're tired, you know, all of these things are a factor as well. So just bear that in mind. And that's okay. My next point is to be consistent. If that happens, you know, if they pull you away, if they want you to play with them, that's fine. You know, it's okay for them to be upset about it. It's okay for them to not be okay with what you're doing. But the main point is if you want it to work, then you've got to be consistent. You've got to let them know that you're not always there with them at every moment of the day. There are things that mummy needs to go and do and just be consistent with that. Let them get used to the idea that you are going off to do this job and that you'll be back soon. One thing that I do try to do is build a little task or job or something I want to do into the routine every day. At a particular time, I think children really do thrive off routine and they understand something a lot better if it happens at the same time every day. I like to clean up the kitchen and do the dishes and load the dishwasher and everything after lunch to make sure the kitchen is ready for dinner time. And she has the option to come with me. Otherwise, she knows that's where I am and she can go off and do her own thing. But that's her choice. I will say, I'm going to go in the kitchen, now it's time to clean up the lunch things, get everything loaded into the dishwasher. You can help me if you want to, or you can go and play. And sometimes she'll kick up a fuss and she'll say, I don't want to do that, I want you to come play with me. And I'll say, I am totally, totally going to play with you. I've got to do this first and then I'll be right with you. That comes into the consistency thing, but it also comes into the routine. Building into your routine is really, really helpful. Another thing to consider is where your child is at that moment in the day. So if your child is a bit unwell, if they're under the weather or if they're coming out of maybe a cold or something, then they're probably not going to be their best self. So sometimes children just won't take to independent play if they're not feeling their best. And that applies if they're tired, if they're hungry, if they just haven't slept very well. There are lots of reasons why your child might struggle to play independently, even if they have done many times before. It's just good to be flexible as a parent and be like, okay, yep, she didn't sleep very well. She's kind of hungry now, you know, we're not going to expect, you know, much independent play at the moment. And that's okay. It's just about not having too crazy expectations and just being kind of relaxed about it and going with the flow. So my last point is to bear in mind their age and their stage of development. I did cover this a little bit earlier on in the video, but if they're really, really young, they might just find it a lot, lot harder to concentrate and a lot harder to be without you, to not have you with them. And that's okay. I think what I recognised from a really young age with my daughter was that she was always quite clingy. She always liked me there for support and for comfort. You know, she never really enjoyed playgroups and places where there were lots of noise and lots of people. She much prefers like one-on-one type play, smaller type play dates. And I recognised that from a really young age, I just never expected much different from her. I understood that she was sensitive, you know, that she's an emotional child, that she needs a lot of support and lots of love and comfort and all that kind of stuff. And I understood that she possibly wasn't going to be playing independently on, you know, from a young age. And I tried to encourage it as she's gotten older. And from the age of kind of two and a half, three, up to now, she's four now. Oh, I can't believe it. She plays really well on her own, but not all the time. You know, I don't expect it for hours on end. I recognise that she's still very young and that she may only play on her own for a few minutes, sometimes half an hour, sometimes 10 minutes. You know, it varies. Those things I mentioned earlier in the video have really helped, you know, having that routine so she knows where I am, what I'm doing at particular times, you know, encouraging her to play on her own, making sure her environment is accessible. All of these things are going to help you in the long run. But yeah, just bearing in mind where your child is at developmentally and bearing in mind their age and the type of child you have, you know, their character and personality plays a factor as well on how well they play independently, how confident they are and those types of things. So those were my tips for playing independently. I did ramble a little bit in this video, so apologies for that, but I could just talk about this type of stuff all day. I love these type of subjects. I hope it was helpful. Thank you for watching and I'm going to link my previous video above for you. So if you're new here and you want to watch some more of my content, then that is there for you to tune into and I'll see you in the next video.