A World Without Sheldon

Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful Life if you guys want to watch it later. Oh, I love that movie. I've never seen it. Me neither. It's great. It's Christmas time and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed and he's going to jump off a bridge and kill himself. Don't need to see it. Living it. But then he gets to see what the world would be like if he'd never been born. Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like, not being born? What do you think? You make jokes about Sheldon, but if it weren't for him, I don't think any of us would be sitting in this room right now. Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room. It's true. None of you would know me. You wouldn't know Bernadette. You wouldn't be dating Penny. You don't know that. I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up. Oh, you weren't joking. No. Okay, sweetie, let me tell you exactly how that would have gone down. I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask her out. I'm going to squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples. Sorry, I thought we were saying things that are never going to happen. Maybe this time he's going to do it. Hope you're thirsty. Here it comes. Watch me. Hey, you guys ready to order? You need a few minutes. A few minutes it is. You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds. You guys are making me nervous. Fine, then go talk to her on your own. I will. Excuse me. Hi. I'm Leonard. Really? You don't sound so sure. No, I am. He. Anyway, there's been something I've wanted to ask you for a long time. What's that? I was wondering, if you're not too busy, if you'd be interested in telling me where the restroom is? I think you're too late. Come on, I would not have peed my pants. She nailed it. Sounds about right. You forget, I did ask you out in real life. Which couldn't have happened if you didn't live across the hall from her, which couldn't have happened without Sheldon. Same goes with you guys. If Leonard wasn't with Penny, she never would have set you up. Doesn't matter. Bernadette still would have been working at the Cheesecake Factory, and I still would have been working this Beefcake Factory. You would have been all over me. Well. Hey, Penny, can I take that table? Sure, why? The one with the turtleneck is cute. Open wide, here comes the happy train. Chugga, chugga, yum, yum. Got a little something. That is so us. You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together, but you wouldn't have done so great yourself. Why? Because I know exactly the kind of guy you would have ended up with. Hey, babe. Hey, did you remember to pay the rent? Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans. He may be an idiot, but at least he didn't pee himself. Hold on. Oh, babe, I peed myself. You, me too. The end.