british humour being iconic for 10 minutes straight

But what is that I'm nervous of asking this what please don't be okay, because I will answer I know that's What is the story? About you meeting an American man in Cambridge. That was before I was a lesbian. I was just I Was sorting myself out. Yes, and I was on my bike and we stopped at the traffic lights and And I turned I looked to the left or the right as it whatever it was and there was a car an open car with an American soldier inside and Something crazy took hold of me then and I said, would you like to follow me to my college? And I'll suck you off You prefer someone to say instead of what's your favorite color? You'd like them to say why have you been married so many times? Yeah, but it's more interesting, you know, yeah, you don't get upset when someone asks you that no Well, you couldn't upset me if you tried. Okay, why have you been married so many times, right? I'm off Married for 34 years. Yeah. Yeah, it's a four different Four different wives One of John do you wanna my ex-wives died, you know that it was very sad because it was the wrong one Do you have real anger hatred towards your any of your ex-wives no, no, no I mean, I'm quite happy if one or two of them were dead, but I have nothing What is the secret though? What is the secret? I think I used to say the secret of marriage is having separate bedrooms But now I think it's having separate countries That's very nice. I think the secret is not to have children Really? Oh, yeah children. No children are the cause of most of the misery in the world Miriam is a thing. She doesn't like to know who she's coming on with. So how are you doing tonight? We know you have seen have you ever worked with Dominic have you worked it on it? I think I've seen you in the history boy. Yes, I think I saw that let's go and I can't remember you but I thought No, did you see Mamma Mia, he was very good in Mamma Mia, did you see that was a dreadful film? It was it was a very popular film with with people yes All right, man, let's do it The first thing to remember is always treat your kite like you treat your woman How do you mean sir? You mean, um, you mean take her home at the weekend to meet your mother? No, I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back I'm beginning to see why the suffragette movement want the vote. What's your name? Move along Why are you saying Vicky dance for me monkey boy, is he your fella? What do you mean he's either your fellow or he isn't is he is he your fella They're **** buddies. I See what how very modern Can we just all take a moment to you know, congratulate that man there a Lot of work has gone into that a lot of work has gone into that He's had to buy a cosmopolitan for a couple of years Sorry, I'm they'll know that you were doing little hussy Exercise no, I can't what exercise no do it again exercise Exercise exercise No, Mary fish and chips, sorry again fish and chips Fish and chips Must be some sort of dish that we don't get over here No law in fact She said low in fact These are amongst the few fat people left in Britain after Her Majesty the Queen ordered a cull in her jubilee Because of the fat people Britain is slowly sinking into the sea An overweight woman in Great Yarmouth recently at a whole packet of custard creams and half of Norfolk went under Aren't fat people loathsome just look at their stupid fat faces I've had to give them all a punch on the nose, but I can't I'm too fat No, this isn't a zoo these are not elephants they are in fact human beings 80% of Americans are morbidly obese the other 20% are just plain fat That's why British weight-loss instructor Marjorie Dawes has come to dispense advice This is just one of many diet classes happening today all over America Where there are now huge numbers of obese people or greedy fat slobs Graham Chapman passed away in 1989 He would have loved this he would he would have but he's dead he is no more He is no more Feast to be stone ******* day. I know the man for the job Sammy you old slag I'm sorry that I never met the man, and I wish you could be here because he would love this well He is yeah, I brought it you brought him. Yes, shall we have him on please the Brentmeister general Have you advertised the forklift drivers job? No good. Don't bother. I've got the man here. He's perfect As he passed his forklift drivers tests. He gives the tests Yeah, yeah, it's first day trained. Yeah Yeah, we'll get a CV over to you this afternoon I'm senior Sunday on I for my sins Always a line she left you yet I'll see you then. She has left him. I forgot about that Can't I've got too much to do listen don't mention the war I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it All right It's all forgotten now and let's hear no more about it. So that's two egg mayonnaise a prawn Goebbels and Herman Goering 1789 the Great Revolution has begun the hands of the masses are smeared with the blood of the poor bleeding aristocracy Sorry, I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war so It's all right. This is something wrong. We just stopped talking about the war me you started it We did not start it. Yes, you did you invaded Poland? No one is spared madame la guillotine claims them all Dukes and Duchesses Lords and ladies men and women of both sexes a dozen times an hour the drums roll the blade falls and the heads roll This woman she's completely stupid she'd never remember anything and her husband's in a bomber I'm Fritz. We're waiting for you. Oh, hello. Mm-hmm. I can't be long. I'm just on the last chapter I Quite capable of making my own way. You're great. There's an urgent letter for you. Oh drop it in the basket I'll read it later. Oh back inside. It's not too much off the top Any German people you have absolutely no sense of humor