כיצד מחזירים את השיח המשפחתי לשולחן ארוחת הערב, כפי שהיה פעם? אילו סוגי תכנים באמת מעצבים את תודעת ילדינו בעידן הדיגיטלי? עיתונאי NTD סטיב לאנס שוחח עם המטפל המשפחתי טום קירסטינג על מה שהעידן הדיגיטלי עושה למוח שלנו, וכיצד הוא משנה אותנו הן חברתית והן פיזית.
"המשפחה הטיפוסית כיום דומה יותר ל-4 אנשים נפרדים שחיים תחת אותה קורת גג כל אחד בחדר אחר. הבעיה עם זה היא שהמנבא הגדול ביותר לבריאות הנפש של ילד הוא הקשר שיש לו עם הוריו. אם אימא בחדר השינה, אבא צופה בטלוויזיה, ג'וני במרתף וסוזי בחדר שלה – זאת לא הגדרה שמגדירה קשר. אנחנו צריכים להיפגש עם הילדים שלנו סביב שולחן האוכל. אנחנו צריכים לגרום לשיחות לזרום, כמו שהיו פעם. אנחנו חייבים לצמצם את זמן המסך, שפשוט השתלט על חיינו וחיי משפחותינו", אומר קירסטינג.
לדעת קירסטינג לאחרונה יש התפתחות חיובית: "דבר אחד שאני מתחיל לראות עכשיו, ואני תומך ומקדם אותו כבר שנים, הוא שבתי ספר ברחבי המדינה אוסרים עכשיו על שימוש בטלפונים בלימודים או בכלל בזמן בית הספר. אנחנו כבר רואים שיפור עצום. אנחנו רואים שהקפיטריה עכשיו מלאה בילדים שמתקשרים ומדברים ביניהם, במקום לבהות במכשירים. מורים אומרים לי שיש להם תלמידים בכיתה שמעולם לא הצביעו או דיברו, אבל עכשיו הם מצביעים עם חיוך על פניהם. גם תוצאות המבחנים השתפרו. דבר נוסף שהשתפר הוא ירידה בבעיות משמעת בבתי ספר שהוציאו סמארטפונים, וכך גם מצבים של בריאות הנפש, למשל ילדים שחווים התקף חרדה, גם זה בירידה". ____________________
So how do we bring family conversation back to the dinner table just like they used to
be?
What kind of content is really shaping our kids' minds in the digital age?
We spoke to family therapist Tom Kirsten on what the digital age is doing to our brains
and how it's changing us both socially and physically.
What are some of the biggest issues that are facing families and teenagers that you've
encountered during your practice?
Yeah, so for the last 17 years, I've been lecturing about screen time.
I've written books on it.
I wrote a book called Disconnected.
So the devices, the tablets, all of these things have sort of woven their way into the
family system.
So if you look at the encyclopedia and you look at the definition of family, it sort
of resembles the Brady Bunch.
But the typical family nowadays resembles more like four individuals that are living
under the same roof in a different room.
And the problem, here's the issue with that, Steve, so the greatest predictor of a child's
mental health outcomes is the relationship that they have with their parents.
And if mom's in the bedroom, dad's watching TV, Johnny's in the basement, and Susie's
up in her bedroom, that's not really definitive of what a relationship is.
We got to get our kids around that dinner table.
We got to get conversation flowing, you know, the way it used to be.
And we have to have to mitigate this screen time that's just injected itself into our
lives and our families.
What do you say to somebody who might say, ah, no, you know, the phones, they've been
around forever and, you know, you're not going to take it out of my hand.
What are some of the real world effects that, you know, the data has said about screen time?
Yeah.
So really smartphones.
So smartphones became mainstream in 2012.
And if you look at the data, if you look at mental health data, you know, let's say from
2000 to 2012 among teenagers.
So anxiety, depression and suicide, it's pretty level, starts going up a little bit, you know,
around 2008.
After 2012, it's like Mount Everest and it hasn't stopped.
So all the data points to the fact that the immersion of this screen time is what's triggering
this massive mental health epidemic.
And that goes, you know, it's the social skills of the kids.
They're spending eight hours or more per day more than any other life activity.
And it's the content that is being driven into their malleable minds that's shaping
their thoughts.
And an emotion is a symptom of thought.
And it's also the fact that today's kids, if you're spending eight or nine hours a day
in a screen, you're not out socializing, right?
It's a distraction academically.
So they're not developing social skills.
And most important of all, it's actually a distraction from self.
You can't get to know the depth of what self is and the depths of self within our confidence,
spirituality, joy, abundance and gratitude.
It's it's amazing, Tom, you know, sadly, we've seen some of these high profile shooters that
have, you know, committed, you know, horrendous acts of crime, all roads sort of traced back
to them being heavily involved in video games or different, you know, platforms that are
directly attached to that screen.
We're also seeing cases where young adults have committed suicide, being prompted by
a chat bots.
What can be done about this?
And if we don't do something, is this going to become even more prominent?
Yeah, this is literally the biggest epidemic I've seen in my lifetime.
All the things that you just mentioned.
Now, I'm not a huge advocate of the government stepping in and taking things over, but other
countries have banned phones and social media for kids, I believe, till the age of 15 or
16. So the truth is, you know, most parents are aware of this.
They know it's a problem, but it's turned into a sort of social conformity where if your
child is the only one that's, you know, 11 or 12 years old that doesn't have a phone,
parents know they roll the dice and they just do it because they don't want their kid to be
left out. So maybe we do need some larger oversight.
One thing that I'm starting to see now, and I've been advocating and preaching about this
for many years, is that schools across the country are now banning phones from either being
in the school or being used at all in the school.
And what we're seeing already, Steve, is just massive improvements.
We're seeing the cafeteria is now lit up with kids communicating and talking instead of
staring at devices. Teachers have told me that they have students in our class that have
never raised their hand or spoken, but now raising their hand or smiles on their face and
test scores have improved.
And another thing that that's improved in schools is that disciplinary infractions have gone
down in schools where they remove the smartphone and so have mental health
situations where a kid has panic attacks or a mental moment.
Those have those have decreased as well.