Reagan tells Soviet jokes

I've been collecting stories that are told in the Soviet Union by their people among themselves which reveal they've got a great sense of humor but they've also got a pretty cynical attitude toward their system and I told this one, Bill you'll have to hear it again, I told it in the car I didn't tell this one to Gorbachev. You know there's a 10-year delay in the Soviet Union of delivery of an automobile and only one out of seven families in the Soviet Union own automobiles. There's a 10-year wait and you go through a quite a process when you're ready to buy and then you put up the money in advance and this happened to a fellow and this is their story that they tell this joke that this man he laid down his money and then the fellow he was in that was in charge said to him okay come back in 10 years and get your car and he said morning or afternoon and and the fellow behind the counter said well 10 years from now what difference does it make and he said well the plumber's coming in the morning. I just want to oh I can't resist I'm supposed to quit right here but oh yes but in view in view of the fast things that I just said I don't know whether you know it or not but I have a new hobby I am collecting stories that I can actually prove are told among the Russian people they make them up themselves they tell them between themselves reveals they got a great sense of humor and they've also got a little cynical attitude about things in their country and one of these stories the one I'm going to tell you I told to General Secretary Gorbachev and he laughed the story was an American and a Russian arguing about their two countries and the American said look in my country I can walk into the Oval Office I can pound the President's desk and say Mr. President I don't like the way you're running our country and the Russian said I can do that the American said you can he says yes I can go into the Kremlin to the General Secretary's office pound his desk and say Mr. General Secretary I don't like the way President Reagan's running his country you know less than one family out of seven in the Soviet Union owns an automobile most of the automobiles are driven by the bureaucrats and the government furnishes them and drivers and so forth so an order went out one day to the police that anyone caught speeding anyone no matter who gets a ticket well Gorbachev came out of his country home his dacha he was late getting to the Kremlin there was his limousine and driver waiting he told the driver to get in the down the road he went they passed two motorcycle cops one took out after him and pretty soon he's back with his buddy and his buddy says well did you give him a ticket and he said no what he said why not oh he said to him important well he said we're told to give anybody a ticket no matter who it is oh he said no no this one was too I could but he said who was it he said I couldn't recognize him but his driver was Gorbachev and the recent ones that I heard was about the man walking along the street at night Moscow Soviet soldier called to him to halt he started to run the show soldier shot him and another man said why did you do that well he said curfew well he said it isn't curfew yet he said I know he's a friend of mine I know where he lives he couldn't have made it I heard one about a fellow who went to the KGB to report that he lost his parrot and KGB asked him why he was bothering them why didn't he just report it to the local police well he answered I just want you to know that I don't agree with a thing my parrot has to say as which makes me think of a story everything makes me think of a story about three dogs an American dog and a Polish dog and a Russian dog they were all having a visit and the American dog was telling them about how things were in this country he said you know you bark you have to you bark long enough and then somebody comes along and gives you some meat and the Polish dog said what's meat Russian dog says what's bark I have to interrupt right here and tell you that one of my visits I won't name him I don't want to embarrass him but one of the heads of state that I met with on this visit he gave me one while I was on the way told me the story about the two fellows in the Soviet Union were walking down the street and the one of them says have we really achieved full communism is this it is this now full communism and the other one said oh hell no things are going to get a lot worse