There Are Problems Everywhere In This Call

[music] Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> My fiance and I are at a crossroads on how to handle finances. And there is a difference in economic status and a family business involved. But because that's not complicated enough, we decided to try for a child and instantly succeeded. Um, which is great. But once that happened, his tone has now changed regarding combining finances and even getting married legally at all. >> Uhoh. Uhoh. >> Yes. A little a little marching band of red flags, but >> yeah, man. Okay. So, how long have you been together? [laughter] >> Oh, man. I'm laugh I'm not laughing at you. I'm just like >> No, I pass the picture and I'll I'll pour another one. >> Jeez. So, has this guy just done a 180 on you? >> Uh, it yes, I would like to dance around it and pretend that it's anything but. But it is dressed up in a really nice package, but when it gets down to it, it's it's a little hoodwinky. So, >> um Okay. Um, >> and sorry, Jake, we've been together four years. >> So, what's your like what's your question? How can we help? There's like 50 questions here I got, but what's your question? Um, is there is there a way around structuring things that I can that we can make him and his family business and all that feel secure while also providing security for me as a stay-at-home mom. >> Oh. So, okay, I see. So, tell us the economic uh unbalance there. Tell us what his family business is, what it's worth, what you think he's worth, and then tell us about you. >> Yeah. Um, to the best of my understanding, he he was in finance before. He's coming in with about 4 million. And then the family business is about 15 to 20. However, they do leverage a lot of debt. Um, so at least to me, a lot of debt, it's like 1 to five million bucks a year they can take and go through. Um, for myself, I have no debt. I've got a little under 600,000. Own a home in Nashville. had a great business um that I shut down in order to come and be a part of this >> making like 110 working only 10 hours a week. So >> So you work in his business, his family's business. >> Um I help out probably more than I should and don't get paid. So but I I had my own business prior that I shut down in order to move and be a part of this. >> So did you say let me make sure I understood. Did you say that you help out and don't get paid at all or you get paid for something but then you go above and beyond that and don't get paid for the above and beyond? >> Well, the um I don't have an official role in this business and I've been given a credit card which he thinks I should be happy with that that a credit card should be security enough. >> Got it. Okay. So, there's problems here. Um >> there's problems everywhere. [laughter] I I let me ask you this question. This the most perplexing thing to me. >> Yes, sir. >> Is >> why aren't you running for the hills? >> Because I have the most beautiful baby and I um >> I know, but you >> there's just a there's a piece of me and I'm so sorry to cut you off. There's a piece of me that um >> I want I just want to make sure that I've unturned every rock >> you you have. Oh, >> you have >> Oh, ow. >> Behavior is a language. This man has said, "I do not want you a part of my life." Unless is as it is as an unpaid employee who does whatever I want, whenever I want it, however I want. Period. Right. >> I'm so mad and so happy I called. >> Right. >> Yeah. >> Behavior is a language. You are desperately trying to hold on to a picture that is right and is good. And you have sacrificed a whole bunch to get here. And as you have sacrificed, he has continued to pull back cuz he'll take everything you got, including your dignity and your respect and your work and your job and your time. He'll take all of it because you keep putting on the table. >> Did he even offer a prenup? Um, in the discussion leading into this, it was always, I don't believe in prenups. I would never get married with a prenup. It was all that kind of discussion. Um, >> he just changed it to and I'll never get married either. >> I think that's the thing. I I if you had told me something like he offered a prenup and I didn't want to sign it, that would have been weird. if the but I'll be honest, the fact that he didn't even say it. Let me know from the beginning. He was planning all along not for this to go through. >> That's kind of the way I see it >> because a guy like this, he would be planning to protect his assets >> upon marriage, right? I mean, you're right. There's a big difference. There's a family business. It would be totally fine for him to to offer that and say, "Hey, with my family business, here's what I have to do." And you'd be like, "Sure, fine." But the fact that he didn't even say it or mention it like that makes me know, oh, he wasn't even intending to get to get married at any point. >> Yeah. Things got even more squirly when there was like this push because I do have this credit card, which by the way, I spend less than I ever have before when I was supporting myself. Um, >> the credit cards for you to use for yourself, not for the business. It's for you to just live on. Is that what it's for? >> It's what I pay for our child. Yeah, Jaden, she should be happy. >> Exactly. But [laughter] when he when he was pushing for a budget, I said, "Perfect. I'm I can live within a budget." I mean, I made my first million before I was 20 and lost it all and don't want to do that again. Um, but I was like, "How much do we make?" And have never even been able to get an answer of what that number actually is. So, >> can I ask you a question beneath the question? Oh, I guess >> you're real smart and you're real accomplished. How much of you are trying to force this this fantasy into reality even against the wishes of the person that you created a human with? How much of this is um I don't have another word off top of my head right now, but is embarrassment sunk cost fallacy. I'm too smart and too accomplished. I've done too much to have fallen for this. So, I got to make this work. Otherwise, it's gonna be tough to look myself in the mirror. >> Probably more than I want to acknowledge. >> Okay, I want to let you off the hook for that, man. We've all made mistakes with money. We've all made mistakes in love. We've all like gone all in on something. Had it burn us. That's just that's a human experience. What I don't want you to do is like you're an amazing woman and you've got a little kid now. And I don't want you to end up in ash over trying to make something happen that this your your partner is being very clear. I do not want to be in relationship with you unless it's 100% on my terms, which means it's not a relationship. >> Is that fair? >> That's fair. >> I'm heartbroken for you. I I appreciate the directness more than you know. >> Yeah, I'm heartbroken for you. We'll be thinking about you the next next right move you got to make, but this these are hard conversations moving forward. And by the way, he you're about to find out how how much he makes when you file for custody. You're you're about to all those documents are about to be laid out on the table. So, there we go. >> So, sorry. >> Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your