Why you’re failing at LOVE

I'll give you five seconds to guess where I am. One, two, three, four... If it's at the beach, you're right. Let's go. This place is magical. Before we even start this conversation, there's a bunch of... What is the name? Butterfly? No, not butterfly. It's those little ladybugs. There's a bunch of ladybugs here and I heard that they give good luck and I've had experiences that they really did give me good luck. I'm not a really superstitious kind of person but these ladybugs, they do give me good luck. I saw so many here. Let me see if I can find... Here, look. Can you see it? Oh my god, guys, she's so cute. Anyway, I'm gonna take it as good luck. Okay, she's happy. Let's go. I don't want to step on any ladybugs so I'm kind of scared. There's so many. There's actually so many. Everywhere I see, I see ladybugs so I don't want to step on them. It's pretty warm right now because of the sun but I think it's gonna be cold in a couple hours so I'm bringing a lot of stuff. Oh my god, she followed me. I guess I'll take your friend. She's gonna be my bestie for the day. Hopefully, she doesn't leave me. Oh, never mind. Where should we go? I was thinking somewhere right there and here we are. I made a community post recently on my YouTube channel asking what you guys wanted to see and a lot of you wanted relationship advice and a day at the beach so here I am at the beach giving you some relationship advices. The first thing I can tell you is you have to know your worth. You're the only person on earth who has the power to place how high or how low your true value is. I don't care if... Whoa, it's really windy here. I don't know if you can hear me. All right, I had to move because it was just way too windy over there and I don't think you guys would be able to hear me but now I think you can, hopefully. As I was saying, you are the only person on earth who can place how high or how low your value is because no one has the power to do that but yourself. So don't let others' perspective about you or past relationships you've had determine how valuable you are. The best way for you to find your value, which is high, okay, like that... Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Remember that video? I don't know if you watched it but it's funny. Anyways, the best way for you to find your value is learning who you are, learning what you stand for and what you live for. A lot of people are like, I want to be confident. I can't be confident. I don't feel good enough. Well, of course, you don't feel confident. You don't even know who you are. You don't have nothing to stand for. You don't have nothing that you can hold on to and be like, yeah, I like this about myself. That's part of who I am and I'm proud of that. If you don't know yourself, how are you going to be confident? And that takes time. Once you start developing your own values, you will get to the next step, which is not only accept yourself but also love yourself. How do you expect someone to unconditionally love you in a relationship if you don't even love yourself, right? One way that really helped me with this journey of loving myself, I actually mentioned on my Patreon account for all my members, if you want to subscribe and watch all the exclusive content, I'm going to leave the link down below. What I said was, everything you do, even if there's nobody watching, that is going to stay in your subconscious and you're going to judge yourself. So, like, if you're with someone and you're like, talk ---- to them and you're like, just not being a good person, even if there's nobody else watching, you are watching yourself. Your subconscious is going to look at you and be like, what a bad person I am. I don't like me anymore. Thinking bad things about people, gossiping about people, doing things that doesn't serve you as a human being is going to make you hate yourself more all the time that you even look in the mirror, you know? The first step is having compassion towards yourself and understanding that you're not perfect. Even though you're not perfect, you are trying your best and that is what is going to make you be able to look up to yourself. If you want to try your best, I can tell you that therapy was one of the most important parts of my personal healing journey and process. My mom's a psychologist, but it wasn't until the moment I needed it that I've realized how important it is and how life-changing it can be. This video is being sponsored by BetterHelp, which is an online therapy platform that can help I know some people can be hesitant when asking for help, but that's the moment where they're being the strongest version of themselves. That's when they're taking action. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to change. I want to be better. If you feel like you may benefit from therapy, take action and the link is going to be in the description below. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who has a master's or doctorate degree and has spent over three years and 1000 hours working with people just like you. First, you go to their website. You can use my link betterhelp.com slash Victoria Pfeiffer. You can do it all from your phone or computer via phone call, video chat, or messaging, however you feel most comfortable. You'll be matched to a therapist usually within 48 hours, so you can get started fast. Visit betterhelp.com slash Victoria Pfeiffer or choose Victoria Pfeiffer doing sign up and enjoy a special discount on your first month. A lot of people like that comfortable situation where even if they're not that into that guy or that girl, they treat me so well, so I'm just going to stay with them because this situation is just comfortable. It's not only comfortable, but it's safe. True love can't be just one-sided. It has to be both ways. You have to get to know that person. It's even crazy to say that because people will be like, oh, of course I have to know that person, like before getting married, for example, or even before getting in a relationship. You would think that, but a lot of people get married. In six months, they divorce and you ask them like, what's the reason for the divorce? And their answer is, oh, because they wanted to have kids and I didn't. Bro, are you serious? You guys never talked about that in the relationship stage? They don't. That's actually what happens. That's what dating is for. It's not for you to literally just fulfill your physical desires, but it's for you to get to know that human being, get to know their flaws, see how they treat their parents, how they act around their family, because a lot of the times that's how they're going to act with you in the future. I know some people have really bad relationships with their parents, so it's not going to be really accurate, but most of the time what I'm saying is correct. If the guy or the girl doesn't treat their parents with respect, don't go for that. That's a red flag, so you gotta run. Another very important thing is love is sacrifice, and I know a lot of people don't like to use that word, but you're there to serve that person and they're there to serve you. They should have that same mindset too. Sometimes people are in a relationship for a long time and then they end up not caring anymore. For example, you're a person that used to love to work out, eat healthy, look good, and then suddenly after five years in a relationship you absolutely throw all these qualities away. I understand that people can change and that is okay. We're gonna go through the changes together, but we have to adapt with that person's need in mind. You're not alone anymore. All of your choices in life is gonna involve that person. So yeah, we're gonna love each other, we're gonna support each other in the hard times, but neither of us would tolerate unhealthy behavior in the relationship. You're actually pushing your partner to be better and yourself. In your first date, second date, third date, it's really normal that a person would only show partially their personality, only show their good part, and be like, oh see, like that's who I am. Let's just say a guy in their first date, they take the girl into this very expensive place and in this very expensive car, but he actually likes to stay at home more. He's more an introvert. Even if the girl falls in love, what is the point? Because she's falling in love with someone else. It's not even you. Always be yourself from the beginning, you know. Don't be with this game thing that'd be like, I just want to show my best side because I just want this to work out so badly that I'm gonna change who I am, change my personality to adapt to whatever that person likes. For how long are you going to be able to sustain that? Think about that. It doesn't matter how much you want to please people saying that you are in your 20s and you're married, if in your 40s you're going to get divorced and you just wasted your whole life until now with the person that you actually never really loved. For people outside to look at you and be like, oh okay, yeah, she's doing the normal thing, so yeah, she's good or he's good, right? Because you know, he's married, he got a family, but are you even happy? Are you even doing what you're meant to do and not only love, but something that you were born for? The world is full of distractions. We're so overwhelmed with all this information that internet constantly is giving us that we might get influenced by things that not necessarily align with us, but because we see it so much, we're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. I personally have had my experiences with God and I've seen how much that changed my life. I think spirituality is something that can help you so, so much into literally everything in your life, not only getting to know yourself or finding the right partner, but every single thing in your life. Ask God, is this the right person for me? And if that's the right person for me, show me a sign. Or if I'm not meant to marry, then show me what I'm here for. Because if you're alive, you have a purpose inside this world and there are people needing that purpose of yours to be fulfilled. You know how a lot of times we meet someone and we're just in love instantly. We're like, they're the person of my life. We kissed and it was so good and we had this chemistry. Okay, okay, that's good. But you are going to feel physically attracted to so many people in your life. There's a lot of beautiful, attractive people out there. Love is not just about feeling attractive. Don't be that person that gets into a relationship with the intention of fixing that person. If you start a relationship already wanting to change them, what is the point? I know, I know you love that person. I know you think they're the one, but the relationship didn't even start and you're already trying to change them. What do you think is going to happen in three years from now? In five or ten years from now? Like, how long do you think this relationship is going to last? I was going to end this video, but I think I'm going to go in the water. I think this hat is going to fly away very soon. I can feel it. I can feel it. I want to go in the water, but my intuition tells me I shouldn't leave my phone here alone, even though this beach should be pretty safe. I don't think it's... I think I should follow my intuition here. All right, that's better. It's freezing, but it's nice. Right now, I'm gonna do a small meditation time. If you want, you can join me. If you don't, you're welcome to leave. Just look into the ocean and try to see the deepest part you can, okay? And just do that, okay? Just do that. I really need to pee right now. I'm not gonna pee in the ocean, by the way. I'm not like that. If you liked the video, give it a like, subscribe to the channel, and I'll see you next time.