How To Be A Good Husband To Your Wife | Paul Friedman

Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded the Marriage Foundation and the topic is how to be a better husband to your wife. And I've talked about this a lot, even at Second Saturday, which started a support group for men who are going through a divorce. And unfortunately, most men wait too long. They go, oh, this'll work out. She's just going through this, blah, blah, blah. And they wait too long. And then they realize that their wife has left them and they're filing for a divorce. And then, in most cases, it's pretty much too late. Just because the way society is set up now and also because of the nature of women. You know, they love you, they love you, they love you, they love you, they patiently give weight, dah, dah, dah. And then, bam, something happens. And if they give their love to someone else, it's pretty much over. If they haven't but they're just leaving and sometimes we have people where the wife is still in the house but she's like past Def Con 10 and she's letting her husband know, occasionally can be saved. Hopefully, that's the case for you. So I'm gonna give you some bullet points. You also, if you're asking this question, chances are you're past the point of using either of my books, which is Breaking the Cycle or Lessons for Happy Marriage, great reviews. They're great, useful, really useful marriage books but you're probably past that point and you need The Course for Men. So in The Course for Men, I start out with very simple, very deep stuff. Number one, you have free will, you're misusing it. You're not using it to put joy into your marriage. You have expectations of your wife but not of yourself and that has to change. But one of the biggest problems that I'm gonna share with you for men is this, anger. Men use their anger on their wife. So the best way to illustrate why this is screwed up, a friend of mine who, I was a divorce mediator before and a fellow divorce mediator, Robert, said to me, imagine, and he used this explanation for children. He used to say, imagine you go to an alien planet with two bodyguards and then they turn on each other. And he was talking about how it is for kids when their parents start attacking one another. And I used that and I said, okay, imagine you hire a bodyguard because as a man, that's what you are. You know, we're going into the basics of the biology because there's the biology and the spiritual part but you can't ignore either. So biologically, men are the protectors. So you're your wife's bodyguard, you're the guy who carries the gun. And you get mad at her for some nonsensical stupid little thing, which everything is stupid and nonsensical. And you go, biatch, you better get your act together. Now, you're not doing that. But when you go, you might as well be doing that because women are sensitive and she's been trusting you to take care of her. So you're turning the tables and you're really upsetting things. Fortunately, as screwed up as it is, where Hollywood has made men into these things and women, there's so much confusion that it doesn't really affect women consciously like that and they don't leave you immediately. They should because that is your obligation to protect. But they don't because we're all screwed up. But if you want to be a better husband, that's got to go. You cannot be stern with your wife. You cannot show anger. You cannot be angry. There's no reason for anger towards your wife. Anger is a physiological, biological reaction to fear. It's part of the survival instinct. It's not meant to be used in the home. It's meant to be used in the jungles. You're supposed to control it. You have free will. Just because you have an animal body doesn't mean you should be doing animal things or let that body be telling your mind what to do. So this is the main part of the men's course is learning how to control the mind. And it's probably the best mind control self-help program anywhere in the world. I've wanted to take just that first part of the course and turn it into its own thing because it would be so useful. I mean, we're in a world where people do anger management. You should have no anger management. You should have anger no. No anger. So that's your first step. It's to stop doing the idiotic things that are scaring your wife. I'm not going to tell you go buy her flowers, take her on a trip. Those are BS. You need to change yourself to become the ultimate man who she thought she was marrying right from the beginning. And it takes a lot of courage for you to look in the mirror and go, you know what? Maybe I am not who I thought I was. Maybe I'm not looking at how my wife sees me the right way. You gotta get real. This is the time to get real or get married again and again and again, to be honest with you. And as a divorce mediator, you know, I had friends who were divorce mediators. Some of us have had the same clients over and over again. You don't want to go that route. You want to get it right. Do it right now. So that's the best I can do to help you. If you have a specific problem, write in to our counselors. It's free. Maybe you could get more help that's more geared right to what you're going through. Although they will always only recommend either the books or the program. But you know, you could share more information. If you'd like to comment, you can. And you could like this video, you could share it. Other than that, blessings to you. Love to help you. Blessings to your wife and blessings to your family. God bless, take care.