My Husband Co-Signed For A Coworker And Didn't Tell Me (They're Behind On Payments)

In today's digital world, you need ID theft protection that actually works. Protect yourself at xander.com. My husband and I have been married 12 years early on in the marriage. We were debt free. Um, and he took on credit card debt. So our finance were finances were separate. They've been separate for quite some time. Oh no. Uh, three days ago, I found out that he had been keeping a secret for three years that he co-signed on an auto loan with a coworker that I have never met to this day. And yeah, and that coworker who he doesn't even work with him anymore is struggling with addiction. Uh, so they are not making their payments and he, he finally told me, uh, my husband there is a tail between his legs, but, uh, you know, it's very, well, had you talked to me, I would have told you not to do it. And, um, and here we are. So, uh, right now I've never seen this vehicle. My understanding is that it's probably trashed and it probably smells like cigarette smoke. So I have no interest in taking it over. How long ago was it? Um, uh, the, that the loan was taken three years ago. Oh gosh. Do we have any idea on the numbers? In other words, what's owed on it versus what it's worth? Well, one day my husband tells me 20,000. The next day he says 21,000. God, honey, really? And truly how much is this? I don't know. Um, they think that if it were to go to auction, I have no experiences with repo. I, I, I don't know how any of that works, um, that they think they would get $5,000 for it at auction. So it's in bad shape. Now, did you say, did you say that you've already separated finances? Yeah. Okay. But we still, we, we both own a home and we would love to try to recombine. Um, he's has made an effort because the issues that made us split our finances in the first place that almost split us. Um, it was like, okay, let's split our finances. And I continue to try to live my life debt free. But every time I try to get ahead, I feel like I'm, I love him dearly, but he's a bit too much of a nice guy making the wrong decisions. Who's, who's, who's facilitating the conversation with you guys? That's helping you see, okay, here's, here's what caused the split. Here's what must be true for you guys to come back together here. Like, who is there a counselor helping you with this? There needs to be. I think so too. I think so too, because what I'm hearing, um, on your end is a woman who's almost done. That's what I'm hearing. And I've done there before, but I, I know that I love him very, very much. Uh, but he's, he, he, he, it's just like again and again and again and again, right? Yeah. And there's that part of me that feels stupid because it's like, okay, as much as this hurts, he's probably gonna do it again. Yeah. You need, you need somebody to get in between that because, um, this has been a wild ride for you. And I, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm not a marriage counselor. I can't help you with that. I can look at these numbers, but I don't think it's going to solve the problem here today. He is, he is, I'm assuming fully aware of how this makes you feel and what this does to your relationship. Correct? Yeah. So do you think he's in a situation? And again, I don't, I want to be very careful the word I use here. Uh, but is this a character issue only, or is this, he's got some type of trauma. He's got some type of addiction or something in his world to where he needs some extra help. It's not just him deciding to act like an adult. I'm just curious your take. I think it's a bit character. I think it's relevant to something tragic that happened on the job with this worker many years ago. Um, even still though it's regardless of that, it, it is a pattern. That's right. No, sometimes I describe it like if we were, you know, to go to a store and he held the door open for somebody, I might be the third person he let in, but then he's also going to stand there and continue to hold the door open for 80 people and I'm going to be standing there like, okay, honey, can we go? So is it an overage of like, he's just trying to help everybody too much? Is that what he's spending this money on? Yeah. A crazy generosity. So he's a unhealthy pleaser. Yeah. Got it. Okay. That's insightful. But not for you, weirdly enough. Yeah. You know, but I, I, uh, and you know what? I hate to say it this way, but there is a silver lining there. He just needs to figure out the person he actually needs to please a little bit more is you. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah. And, uh, not in an unhealthy way. Uh, because he's not healthy. But prioritizing you and what you think and what you want. Is he willing to do therapy? Yeah. So, well, the, uh, especially the financial piece of it, cause I'm not going to lie, I did propose this to AI and said, what do I do? But you don't talk to fricking artificial intelligence. You guys need to. So are you in a church? Are you in some type of community where you can talk to people and go, I need three or four really great, legitimate recommendations on the therapist? Um, I, maybe you're not. So you need to, you need to figure out who, you know, that has some credibility. Uh, that you trust their judgment, that they've been to a therapist. We're going to have to dig a little bit and uncover. Let's just go to the website, the web and find a local therapist. But I think he's got to commit to this. You have to say to him, never again, if you want to be in this marriage, we have to get this solved. We have to heal together. We both got our junk. Some of us did it to the other, whatever. There's no scorekeeping here. We got to get healthy. And if we can get healthy, there's a great chance that the money stuff on his end gets healthy. So regarding the situation, I mean, the best thing that you're going to be able to do here is he needs to get his hands on the records to find out what is owed on this vehicle and you guys need to start stacking up some cash so that when the time comes, whether it goes to auction or not, there is going to be a deficit for you to pay and you're going to be on the hook for it. And that's unfortunate, but it's the way it is. Thank you for the call, but you've got to fight for this. This is a fight for your marriage. Then the finances, the best ID theft protection comes from Zander real monitoring, full restoration, no fluff. Learn more at zander.com.