I'm Afraid Of What I'll Find If We Combine Finances

[Music] brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> I guess I have a question about uh debt and merging everything. I'm a new wed. Um me and my husband recently got married in December 12th, 2024. And I didn't know that he wasn't as financially responsible as I thought. Um he has, I guess, been more secretive about his debt. I'm a bit more like open about it and he wants to merge accounts, but I'm not comfortable with doing it as of yet because he's kind of been very secretive and has lied um to me about certain debts. And I'm working on now using like your plan to get myself out of debt because I bought a home uh before we got married back in 2023. I have a car I'm working on paying off which is supposed to be paid off uh later maybe next year. um and a couple other few debts, but he has many more that I'm I wasn't aware of and some that I think he's secretive about still. We're going to marriage counseling, but I just >> I don't know how to be more comfortable with merging our accounts together. And so you're like, we'll be deeper in debt versus trying to have more assets. >> Give me an example. Well, let's clarify because part of part of the solution um to the problem is you merging accounts because when you merge them then you can see everything that's going on, right? There's transparency there. So, give me an example of uh what that deceit looked like. Was it I asked him how much the the bill was and he said it was 300 but really it was 3,000. Tell me an example of what that is. >> Meet every dollar budgeters Christy and Steve. They used to fight about money. >> I'm the spender. >> I'm definitely the saver. Now that they budget with every dollar, they're on the same page. Money is definitely one thing we do not ever fight about. >> Having the budget gave me the permission to spend. >> Knowing that the money is in each category, it just allowed us to work together better. Now, that's what we call a win-win. >> Now, we just have to pick paint colors. >> We can't help you with that. Every dollar, create your free account today. >> Tell me an example of what that is. >> Yeah. So, when we um when he moved into the home um out of his rental, it was that he wasn't making enough at the moment because he needed to still finish paying off um like electricity bills, gas bill, things like that. So, I told him, "Okay, how long did you need to do that?" And it was about two months. >> Okay. And so when I was waiting for that time frame, I had got a bill in the mail and it was from the gas company. And when I had asked him if he paid it, he told me yes, but when I end up calling them, they told me that there was still a balance of $1,200 for a gas bill. So, >> and when you asked him about that, what did he say? >> He told me that it was paid. Um, I never informed him that I called him until a little later and he told me that he would end up taking care of it. >> I mean, when you said I called them and you lied, you didn't pay it. What did he say? >> He just said that I did. It was It was just firm. He was firm about that he did pay it until I showed him like the bill. >> And then was he like, "Oh my gosh, I didn't realize there was still an outstanding balance." We're just really trying to get an Here's what I'm trying to get an understanding. Are you dealing with a liar or are you dealing with somebody who's disorganized and chaotic? >> Right. >> It's more um he he has lied about many many things. Um >> not just it just surpris Yeah. It it's >> three months. >> Yeah, it's been um I guess 10 months now, but 3 months into Yes. the marriage, I found out that he was lying. So everything before was being deceived in two separate homes while we were recording and things and then got married and now everything's in the home and I'm seeing it more vividly. >> Okay. So here here's here's what I'm trying to be clear about because there is part of this to Dave's point where some people are just extremely unorganized with their money and as they learn to get more organized things get better and better. And then there's another part of you guys are married and I'm wondering what the communication sounds like because of the communication is did you pay the bill? Yeah. and you're keeping it to yourself. No, he didn't. It's this much. Right. That all of that matters in this in this situation. Now, what I do think is if he's lying and it they weren't past lies, but they're lies that are continuing on now and you know about them. And if he's lying in other areas, not just money, then you do have a big problem on your hands. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. You you have a big enough problem. You need to be in the marriage counselor's office early and often right now because your communication style isn't good. Because if at my house if I said, "Hey, Sharon, did you pay that?" She says, "Yes." And I went, "I'm going to check." And I call and they go, "No, it's not paid." I would go, "Hey, I called them. They didn't pay it." I wouldn't wait 3 days and stew about it. I'd walk in there right then and go, "Hey, what's up? You said you paid this, >> right?" >> Like right then. >> And she would be going, "I thought I did. I screwed up or I was I was ashamed or I was scared or whatever." But at least we get to the bottom of it right then. We don't carry it around for four weeks and and then label her a liar. because >> that's a bad thing to be married to. >> And what I'm trying to understand from the beginning of your call is you're saying now he wants to combine money, but you're the one who's afraid to. So I'm trying to understand if he's trying to make it right by saying, "Okay, let's just put everything together. Then I don't have to try to, you know, keep something over here while you have it over here." But you're saying now I don't feel comfortable doing that. So are >> too late. You're married, >> right? Are you worried? >> What can he do? What do you think he's going to do if you combine finances? Let me ask that question. >> I think he's going to spend more because I'm uh like what does the term people use? Like the bread winner. So I make majority of the funds. He helps pay like since we didn't have a merge account. He would just send me like >> What does he make? What does he make? >> Uh that's another thing. He's kind of private about that, too. So he works for a cable company and it's supposed to be quote unquote $12 an hour, but they have a point system. So week to week, sometimes he says he makes $500. Um, sometimes it's only $300. >> So would he be direct deposited into your joint account then if you combine finances? Is it, hey, now we direct deposit all of our paychecks into this account, not you get paid and then put money into a merge account. All direct deposits go into the same account. That's how it works. And that's the only way we're doing it, right? >> Then we know what he's making. Mhm. >> And what do you make >> in the discussion? Um, so I make uh 62,000 and some change a year. Um, >> and how long did y'all date before you got married 3 months ago? >> Uh, it was um two years, about two years. >> And how many times have you sat with your marriage counselor in the last three months? >> Uh, we've been going consistently. It's like once every three weeks. And now he's going one-on-one with the counselor and I go one-on-one with a woman counselor. >> Okay. Well, that's good that you're doing that. >> Um, and at some point we have to combine that process, too. >> All right. Um, >> she's a bit of a spender as well. So, it kind of makes me That's I guess that's where it gets me a little nerve. >> Here's the thing, okay? If you put all of your money into one account >> and you make a list of all the bills that have to be paid on every dollar and you both agree to them and we agree where every dollar of our income is going to go this month before the month begins, he has agreed to his spending level and you have to before it occurs. If he does otherwise, you're dealing with someone who can't keep a contract now with his wife and then then we got a problem there. That's a different kind of problem. Okay. But you're not solving a spender by staying separate from them. >> Combining is the only way to get transparency and accountability on where every dollar is going. >> And you need to talk to your counselor about the language you are using towards your husband. >> Yeah. I'm not >> You have contempt all in your language. >> Exactly. >> You're rolling your eyes like you're so much better than him on every subject. And that is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. The primary reason people get divorced when contempt rolls in. So you've got to solve for that or this marriage isn't going to make it. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your