My Husband Spent All Our Savings on Gambling and Other Infidelities

[Music] Xander shops all the top term insurance companies to save you money. Get started at xander.com. >> I'm I'm stuck. Um, I'm 54 years old and uh married uh with a child. And I just found out that my husband, no longer has savings, uh no longer has the college account for our child because he's gambling and there's more infidelity I just found out about. >> Um so there's that. Uh, I just started a job, thank goodness, because I kind of I had a feeling like something was up and my job uh will be able to pay in the future for the success that I want with our family, but I'm kind of at a T-section. Um, >> the the the big question here is, are you do you want to stay in this marriage? >> Um, no. And I hate saying that. I we had an issue before where things were questionable and um he said he wanted to reconcile and this was years ago and I had a huge uh cancer scare. I am cancer free. It's great. It's wonderful. Um he hid it really well since then. um I don't feel for my for my peace and my daughter's peace moving on in her life um that it's safe >> to stay in this marriage. So I think answering well there's two two things. One is you are right to be fearful about if there's sexual infidelity you're right to be worried about the betrayal, worried about your health, worried about like the values of your marriage being swiped out from underneath you, right? The financial infidelity, you waking up one day and realizing y'all have no safety net. >> That's a real harrowing fear also. And so whether you choose to stay in this marriage and heal it or um and and and y'all have to rebuild this thing from the ground up because it doesn't exist anymore as it was, >> um you still have to take the steps to go open your checking account and deposit money in your account and begin to have some sort of financial safety because this person is very unsafe and very reckless. >> Yeah, I I did that with my new job. >> Good. >> Yeah. So, but that now has been paying for groceries, >> right? >> And school fees. And I don't I I pennies pennies putting it aside could possibly, you know, eventually get a down payment for >> that. Hold on, hold on, hold on. What? You're doing a very natural thing, but I want to slow you down. You're solving for seven steps down the road. I need you to solve for step one, which is I need to get me and my daughter into a safe place. >> Yeah. >> Exhale. Next step. Okay. >> I want us to make sure we have um the apartment that we've moved into or that he's moved into. Can we afford this house and do we have to sell it? >> Do I have an Do I have attorney's fees? >> We we rent. We rent. We don't even have a >> sale. So, am I on that lease? So, if I go get an apartment, a one-bedroom apartment for me and my daughter for the next 18 months cuz that's what I can afford right now. >> Am I on that lease? And is he going to quit paying and then it's going to blow up my world? Right. So, it's it's getting those very basic things. Four walls. Do I have a place to live? Do I got food? Do I have utilities? Do I have water and heat? And do I have transportation to get to and from my job? >> Okay, >> that's what we're solving for right now. You'll solve for what's my retirement going to be? What's a pension? What do I All of that is a problem for future you. >> Okay. >> Okay. Thank you. >> And and anxiety is taking future stuff and dragging it into the present and trying to solve it in the present. Don't do that. You've got enough trouble right now. As the as as you experience and as the Bible says, you got enough trouble today. Let's deal with today. >> If you are done with this marriage, I want you to push pause and call an attorney. >> Okay? >> Okay. And they will guide you. They they'll have not thousands, but a list of questions, thoughts, ideas, and they will walk you through step by step, and you won't feel so alone. If you want to try to save this marriage and reconcile, you got to call a therapist today, a licensed therapist who will walk with you. It's just too much. Your whole world exploded, right? >> Yeah. Yeah, it did. It really did. And I'm I'm more worried about my daughter. >> Yep. >> How old is your daughter? >> She's a junior in high school. >> Yeah. But she's now been unfortunately it's blown up in her face and she's very aware of everything that has happened. >> All right. Let let me let me tell you the greatest gift you can give her. >> Yeah. >> Take her out to a diner. >> In fact, tell her we're skipping school this morning. Take her out to a diner so she'll know it's a special moment. And I want you to look her in the eye and say, "Um, I'm not going to talk bad about your dad. I'm not going to run him down. You're not going to talk crap. You're not going to swear at him about him." because that's her dad, too. And she knows in her body half of her is him. So, if he sucks, then half of her, right? But I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going to tell you I'm scared. >> Yeah. >> I'm going to tell you I'm heartbroken. And I, your mom, in working to keep you and me safe. And so, you're going to give her this gift. You're going to a give her the gift that she's not crazy. Because a lot of parents try to just say, "I don't want the kids to know. I don't want them to I want to hide my my tears. I want to hide everything." And what it does is it makes your kids feel nuts because their insides are are melting. So it's important for her to see, oh, mom's a person, too. If she's sad, I kept permission to be sad. >> Yeah. I've never hidden anything for her. Even when I got the cancer, she painted pink polka dots on my head when uh >> Amazing. >> When it was growing back, because that's what she said, what would happen when my hair grew back. >> And the next plan, the next important thing for her is to know my mom has a plan. I have a job. I have my own checking account. I'm gonna we're gonna it's your college plans may have completely changed, but I'm going to be right next to you walking with you. >> Okay. >> Right. And it's letting her know you're not on your own, and her job isn't to take care of you. Okay. >> Okay. 100%. >> That's a that's that will be a blessing to her for you to to say, "I'm hurting and here's my plan. >> Thank you." >> Okay. Um I would also recommend this, and this is like I don't feel like I want want you to give you another thing to worry about. I want you to go pull your credit report from all three credit bureaus today. >> Yes. >> And I want you to freeze your credit. >> Well, it is. >> Okay. Good. Good. Good. Good. >> As soon as I found out. >> Excellent. Excellent. >> Very smart. >> Excellent. What's your husband doing right now? >> Is he running, hiding? Is he saying here? How'd you find out? Uh, I just, well, I started I got the Ramsay become a millionaire and start I just started going, "Hey, can we go over the bills because I want to get put all this together and make a budget. I want to make a plan." >> And he started listing off these bills. I'm like, "What bill is this? What bill?" He goes, "Oh, it's a loan. It's a loan." I go, "It's a loan for what? >> It's a loan for what?" And he goes, "Well, I have a lifestyle to keep up with." And I'm like, "I don't I don't understand. like like he's should be getting he's retired and has now a parttime job cuz you know uh >> and it it >> so just it just exploded. Hey um >> it just exploded. >> Yeah. Well, thank you for trusting us with the call. Stay on the line. We're going to hook you up with Every Dollar. Um it's the best budgeting app in the world. We're also going to hook you up with Financial Peace University so you and your daughter if y'all want y'all can watch these lessons together. And um I want you to begin using this app for you. Make a budget for you so you know where every dollar is going because right now every dollar is precious. And um if it's time to call an attorney, go call one. If it's time to call a therapist, go call one. >> Xander is the best place to find term life insurance to protect your family. Visit xander.com for quotes