We Have 11 Kids and Spend All Our Money On Sports

[Music] Brought to you by Chom, a budget friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. ch Ministries.org/budget. Hey Dave, you probably answered this question a thousand or a million times, but um my wife and I, we have a lot of kids, which is our decision. You know, I'm not blaming anybody, but uh I always wanted like I always wanted like four kids and she always wanted 12. So, we're going to compromise and have 12. So that's our family situation. You really have 12 kids. Well, we have 11 right now. Oh, okay. But you seem thrilled, by the way. Wow. I have that type of voice. Okay. Okay. All right. That's good to know. So, I make more money than I ever thought I would make, honestly. And yet and and 5 years ago, we were pretty much debtree. But just in the past 4 to 5 years, we as our kids have kind of reached that age, my wife has stuck them in sports and extracurricular activities. And now we've amassed almost $50,000 of debt in maxed out a credit card and, you know, pushed some expenses that we haven't paid, medical or whatnot. And this is something that What do you make? You think I know the answer? Well, net I mean gross I would say I'm pushing right around 200. Okay. All right. And net though after everything after insurance and medical and whatnot taxes it's about 120. Okay. Anyway, the nearest I can figure we're spending about 25 grand a year on the, you know, a little over two grand a month on these sports. And I I think that's kind of the silver bullet. And yet my wife is just absolutely not willing to really give these up. She's she's going to look for a job and stuff, but what do we do? You know, I I don't know. How in the world does a woman with 11 kids work? Well, that's a good point. She doesn't have the time nor the energy. Our youngest is five and that's a nine. That's obvious obviously not going to happen. I mean, the daycare you'd have to float a federal grant. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well, she's hoping to pick up part-time work while our youngest school from in between the four in between the fourth and the seventh kid. Oh my gosh. No way. No, the sports are not the problem. And no, her working is not the problem. Okay. Her not saying out loud, we have a limited amount of resources and we're going to live within them. You not saying out loud, we have a limited amount of resources and we are going to live within them and write it down and my wife stuck the kids in sports. Not anymore. My wife and I decide if we can afford anything. And it then it goes on the budget and then and only then do we do it because we both looked at the overall picture like two grown-up people and said we chose to have 11 kids and we have to manage $200,000 to feed them and not go in debt because going into debt continuously is not sustainable. Duh. Well, part of our income is with uh and maybe this is my the tail end of my question to get your opinion. We have a couple real estate, a couple rental properties that cash flow very decently in my opinion. And she says, "Well, let's just sell one of those, you know, use." Well, that'd be fine, but what do we do when that money's gone cuz you continue to overspend, right? Yeah, that's my position. So, yeah, you can't you can't you it's not sustainable. What you're doing is not sustainable because your system sucks. You don't have one. Yeah, I like that word. I've been using that a lot the past couple years. The system doesn't work. the system when the two of us sit down and look at our income that we have coming in and say, "All right, what are we going to do with this income?" And we're not going over it. And there's no excuses for going over it, by the way. None. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, you've just confirmed. I think that's that's kind of where we are. You can't be passive and say, "Well, she did this." No, she didn't do it. You stood there and watched it. Exactly. So, you did it, too. and and she can't say, "Well, you know, you just go make the money and I'll take care of the house." No, you're not taking care of the house. You're spending more than we make and that's not sustainable. So, we are going to get on a system where we decide together where our money is going. You get a vote, I get a vote. We've got to come into alignment and it's got to be on less than we make. And so, the sports aren't the problem, they're the symptom. her working is not the problem. It's the symptom of you guys not being on the same page of being above this strategically and then developing a tactical process out of the strategy called a budget that actually makes the money behave. I will add to this that you probably can afford to do the sports once you guys get organized and get aligned. Yeah. I think the reason I think your reason you went in debt is she doesn't have an off button because she didn't have any system at all that was there's no governor on this at all and so she's just going Yeah. I I don't believe that all 50,000 of the credit card debt is two years worth of sports. Is that what you're telling us? Because you actually called it the silver bullet. Five. Yeah. It's about five years. Well, yeah. We spend about 24 grand a year on on sports programs, right? Well, the other question I was going to ask you, and I because you're on the phone and because I'm a man, I'm going to ask you this. Would you have worded the opening question the way you worded it if your wife had been on the call, meaning saying that she's got the kids in sports? Yeah, it was all about her. It was It's Here's what it sounded like. It was forget your voice because you already gave us an excuse on the voice. The voice sounds like you're beat down and like you're just throwing in the flag and you're having no real communication with your wife. That's what it sounded like. But my question is, it's a real question. Would you have said it that way? I wanted four. She wanted 12. So, we're doing it. And then she stuck them in sports. Would you have said it that way if she were sitting in here in the room with Dave and I and you? I of course. What was the answer? Yeah, we we compromised. So, I wouldn't have said that because she doesn't like it. But we've talked about this issue with a counselor, you know, and so I would say the same things. I think that she's sticking them in sports, right? Okay. Is the problem. And by the way, I didn't ask you to paint you in the corner cuz that was not a gotcha question, but I'm glad you've answered that way because I think that you got to be very careful. I think there's some real resentment there between you and her and that's got to get solved at the same time if not before we sit down and get this budget. We have got to resolve the resentment. That's what I feel and hear on this call. I don't know your take. I'll go with that. I'll go with that. So guys, the um I I would say 50% of the coaching and calls that we get and the different ways contact points we have with people uh that are p that are married come back to this idea that we have to both in the room be adults. This is a limited amount of resources. There's this is a math problem. And there's actually a a number of dollars at the top of the page and we spend the money on the page the way we want our life to look and when it runs out we stop and the two of us together both have a vote on that and we figure that out together. That is the only system in 35 years of doing this that I have been able to figure out that will actually work. The idea that one spouse is off the rails or is not accountable to the mathematics and is a child and the other spouse is resentful. That idea, I've never seen that create a successful relationship or build wealth. Christian Healthcare Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on healthcare every month. Learn more at chmin ministries.org/