'Big Bang Theory' Moments That Never Stopped Being Funny (Seasons 11–12)

Sometimes Amy doesn't do things because she's worried about how I'll react. First of all, it's not sometimes, it's always. Second, it's not Amy, it's everybody. And third, it's not news, it's well established. Yeah, like just now I wanted to get a croissant, but I didn't want to hear you say ooh la la. So you're saying everyone walks on eggshells to spare my feelings? No, of course not, because we don't want to hear you complain about how much you hate the sound of crunching eggshells. I don't want my relationship with Amy to be like that. Sheldon, Amy knew what she was getting into. You think? Yes, we warned her. Well, regardless, I can change. Yeah, of course you can. You know, everybody thinks I'm so predictable. Well, tomorrow I'm going to show up at work and do something no one will expect. Wear a baseball cap backwards to prove your point? Yes, but which hat? Gryffindor. Well, now that you're guessing, I'm not going to do it. Yeah, you will. Yeah. I just talked to Sheldon. He apologized about the tests and asked me to be his best man. Great, after all you've done for him, he should have asked you. And Amy's your best friend. I'm sure she'll come to her senses and pick you. Okay, she's not my best friend. We're not 12. She wants Bernadette to be her maid of honor. I really don't care. Sounds like you care. No, I mean, it's just annoying. You know, we talk every day. We see each other all the time. She's always there for me. And basically, oh my god, Amy's my best friend. You okay? No, my best friend didn't ask me to be her maid of honor. I'm pissed! So bottom line, what you did was wrong and cruel, which the mother of my children finds oddly appealing. So she still wants to be my maid of honor? Maid of honor, hit woman, whatever you need. Make the call. Look, I know this is your wedding and you can do whatever you want, but if you think anyone but me is going to be your maid of honor, then you're an idiot because you are my best friend. Too late, Bernadette. Bestie! I think if we want to predict the height of the wave, we need to use elasticity theory and model the lattice as one continuous flexible piece. This is fun. Playing with popsicle sticks, exploring ways to store kinetic energy. It's like preschool all over again. Except now if I eat paste, it's because I want to, not because Craig Schultz is making me. Hey, can I ask you a question? Is it where was the teacher? She was in the bathroom smoking, that's where. It wasn't, but I'm glad to see you've moved on. I was gonna ask if being married felt any different. Oh, uh, not really. Sorry, that probably wasn't the answer you were looking for. No, actually it is. Sheldon and I are in a really great place right now, and I just, I don't want anything to mess that up. You do remember you're here because he kicked you out of your apartment. Yes. His work is important to him. It's one of the things I find the sexiest about him. Well, that and his butt. You got us a little snack. You sure you don't want your spy to do it? What are you talking about? You really don't trust me? You had to have Amy stop by? I trust you. Yeah, you were a terrible waitress, and we still asked you to get us a snack. Excuse me while I go take care of your baby, then I'll bring you your snack, and you can insult me some more. I don't know about you, but I am not eating whatever she brings us. You've had me here. Let's get you changed. Your mommy and daddy say they trust me, but they're full of the same stuff your diaper is. Now I feel bad. Well, she never really liked me. It's kind of nice she hates you now, too. But I'm here for you, and I would never let anything happen to you because your auntie Betty loves you so much. Mama. Is that her first word? Mama. No, no, baby. I'm not your mama. Your mama's a nice lady. We're going to go see her right now Do you hear that, sucker? She called me mama. What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me? Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it? No. It's about working with Bert on... You know what? I'm not even going to say it. I am just going to say the letter it starts with, and ology. Ge... Oh, no, that's not going to work. Geology? Yes, but we parted ways because I was worried about my reputation. Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. You doing okay? No, I'm very nervous. Gift shop. There is no gift shop. Sit down. This was your idea. So was having sex, and look where that got us. This isn't a big deal. Stop whining. When you were in labor and I said that, you kicked me. Howard Wolowitz? Want me to go with you? No, I'll be fine. Yeah, we got this. Sit down. Wish me luck. Other way, buster. Okay, this is a bit awkward. It says here that I need to check the area for redness and swelling. You know what? It hurts so much. Go ahead. They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again. I thought you passed away. He did. He was premated, and his remains were put in the baking soda volcano. Don't make jokes. He meant a lot to Sheldon. Me too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist. Oh, I thought you did it just to get girls. Joke's on you. It worked. Have they found anyone to replace him? No, not yet. And it won't be easy. Arthur Jeffries was an accomplished scientist. You know who'd make a great Professor Proton? Meryl Streep. She's not a scientist. Uh, then explain to me why she has chemistry with literally everyone. It would be nice if they cast a woman. Oh, you've already got Dr. Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something. Well, this party's a disaster. Don't blame the party. Do you know how many favors I had to call in with my bounce house guy to get Wonder Woman? Is that Wonder Woman? Technically, it's a Chinese knockoff called Happy Strong Swimsuit Lady. Then I take it back. It's a great party. No, you can sit here and sulk if you want. I'm gonna go celebrate Hallie's first birthday, which I planned with no help from you. What are you doing? It's a bounce house. I'm gonna go bounce in it. You're supposed to take your shoes off before you go in there. You know what? I'm stressed about my daughter's birthday party. I don't need your attitude. Well, I worked really hard on this and you haven't even said thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. Thank you for blaming me for everything that's wrong in your life. Thank you for walking out on our friendship. You are welcome. And thank you for mocking me for all of these years. Thank you for making it so easy. Why are you being such a jerk? Because you're my best friend and you hurt my feelings. Well, you're my best friend. You hurt my feelings. I can't believe you shoved me. But it was kind of fun, wasn't it? It was. Do it again, Bradley. Okay, now at the same time. That was awesome. Okay, this time knees, then feet. One, two, three. Sorry if it's weird. Sheldon made me best man instead of you. It's okay. I was best man for two whole days. No one can take that away from me. Except for Sheldon when he did. Although if you want to be a part of the wedding party, I suppose you could be the flower girl. Sold. I thought Hallie was going to be the flower girl. Oh, that's much better. Sorry, Stuart, you're out. Hey, so is Bernadette okay with me being maid of honor? Actually, I haven't had the courage to tell her. I guess I should do that. Uh, yeah. Although as maid of honor, your job is to make my life easier. Damn it. Hey, Stuart, you still want in on this wedding? Not that much. Fine, I'll do it. But do me a favor and unlock the liquor cabinet first. Scratch paper. Check. Whiteboard. Check. Chex mix. Check. And here we go. Oh, dang it. Hello, Mother. Hi there, Shelly. You will never believe who I ran into at the barbecue festival. I am right in the middle of some very important work. I don't have time for this right now. Then why did you answer the phone? Because you raised me to be polite. Now stop bothering me. Hello again. Who did you see at the barbecue festival? Mr. Watkins. Really? You called me and interrupted my work to tell me that you ran into somebody you could plausibly run into? Sorry, Mother, I really need to focus here. I will speak to you next week. Okay, sweetheart. I'll talk to you then. I thought Mr. Watkins moved to Florida. He did. He was back visiting his son. Oh, gosh, darn it. That is interesting. Was it Tommy or Joe? I bet it was Joe because he and Tommy had a falling out over that timeshare. Okay, I'm really uncomfortable with him back in that room. Why? He hasn't made a peep all day. You don't get it. All the years that we lived together, he drove me crazy the whole time. And now he's not. Exactly. Don't look at me like that. It means he did it on purpose. It was a choice. That's like finding out Godzilla could have had Arby's instead of Tokyo. I don't think they have Arby's in Japan. Not my point. Sheldon. I'm sorry. Am I being too loud? No, you're being perfect and you know it. Would you like me to be a less considerate tenant? No. Yes. Stop messing with me! Hey, I was wrong. There's an Arby's in Okinawa. Hey, what do you think we should open our show with? Thor and Dr. Jones or Let's Get Astrophysical? I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet. Maybe Sherlock around the clock. Great, yep. Let's give it a try. How are you snapping? Keep it down. Right, sorry. It's cool. We don't need volume to rock. Instead of blowing the roof of this place, we can gently lift it off and set it quietly down in the backyard. Homestead to Watson on Baker Street. Come on, Doctor. Time to move them feet. Sing it with us. Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock around the clock. We can't hear you. Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock around the clock. Going. Sorry, sorry. I'll get her. One sec. You bought diapers, right? Be right back. They're remaking your show and they cast Will Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist. No, the worst part is I'm sitting on a moist log. We have to stop this and protect your legacy. What legacy? My last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5.30. We were beat by Davy and Goliath. I can't believe you don't care. Believe it. Well, I care a lot. And Will Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me. I think that's true of most people. Team. Hello. Dr. Zane, Dr. Harris, this is my fiancee, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. That's the first time I've said that and it kind of gave me the goosebumps. Dr. Cooper, we are so excited to meet you. Oh, that's very kind of you. If you'd like, I could autograph your menus after dinner. But I better not see those on eBay. No, no, no. We're just excited to meet the man who landed this brilliant woman here. Oh, that wasn't hard. She threw herself at me. Now, getting the universe to show me its naughty bits, that took some doing. Sheldon's a physicist. Oh, that's nice. Amy, I recently read your paper on lesions in the olfactory receptors in the brain. It was inspired. Oh, I guess it didn't stink. But if it did, that rat wouldn't have known it. I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk. Oh, no, I love it. Yeah, but let's talk about work. Amy's work, my work. Yeah, why don't we start with my work? Actually, I do have a question for Dr. Cooper. When Amy first told you about her approach to synaptic tracing, did you think it was going to revolutionize the field? Really? That's your question? What are you, entertainment tonight? You know what? I'm going to give you a better question. Here, Dr. Cooper, I heard you were working on a top secret project for the U.S. military. Why don't you tell us about that? See, that's a great question. Okay, what was that like? I can't tell you. That is top secret. Are you on the scene? Yes, I wanted to talk to you about the email you sent me last night. I sent you an email? You bet you did. Hello. Shalom and aloha from the grave of Richard Feynman. Oh, it's coming back to me. Please accept the following retraction. I know I said physics is dead, but it is the opposite of dead. If anything, it is undead. Like a zombie. Speaking of which, if Richard Feynman came back as a zombie, I would totally let him bite. Any chance that's the end? I got bit by a squirrel once. I had to get rabies shots. I cried so much. My mother said, don't be a baby. In conclusion, physics is great. Squirrels suck. And someday, I'm gonna put my mom in a cheap nursing home. Yours truly, XOXO, Dr. Leonard Osborne. I can explain. P.S. Can you come pick us up? The Uber driver won't open the door because Sheldon is covered in blue vomit. Oh, I don't care. You know me. I just go with the flow. Public pool. They both sound awesome. For a second, I thought, beach. I'd like to befriend a seagull. That is crazy. Yeah. Will you email that to me? Have you played this for him? No, I'm worried he'll say I violated his privacy. Listen to how happy he sounds. I'm up for anything. As long as I'm with you. What are you listening to? Nothing. Oh, come on. I want to hear. We don't need GPS. Let's just see where the road takes us. I see why you turned it off. That guy sounds like an idiot. Honey, that's you. Don't be silly. My voice is deep and sonorous. Like a Caucasian James Earl Jones. Luke, I am your father. See? It is you. I recorded you in your sleep. Oh, look. A hitchhiker. I bet he has some interesting stories. That's me? It's you. So you spied on me in my sleep? Sheldon, I'm sorry. You've been doing this every night. I couldn't help but wonder if it meant something. Well, it doesn't. Are you sure? I mean, the prefrontal cortex regulates impulse control. So it's plausible that when we're asleep, aspects of our personality that we repress might come out. Don't try to put science lipstick on your new age pig. And for the record, you make noises when you sleep. And I've never accused you of repressing your inner chainsaw. If you want me to object at your wedding, just give me one of these. I just wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I'm feeling. Well, maybe you could do something he likes and make him jealous. Like what? You ever read Tom Sawyer? No. Chores. He likes chores. Ooh, what kind of chores? Well, you could change the batteries in the smoke detectors. That would drive him crazy. That's great. Oh, he'll be so mad, smoke will be coming out of his ears. Yeah, then the smoke detectors will detect it. Wait, hold on. Why did you ask me about Tom Sawyer? I'm just interested in you. What? You are sweeter than your applesauce. Okay, I put new batteries in the smoke detectors. Did you do the laundry? I sure did. Ooh, he's gonna be steamed. Just like his dress shirts. At least he can still clean the oven, so that's something. Oh, that's what he thinks. Where's your steel wool? Right here. We make quite the team. Okay, you ready? Almost. I'm working on my facial expressions. See, I've got interested. I've got very interested. Enraged. Why would you be enraged? Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it. Okay. Rolling. Hello, I am theoretical physicist Dr. Sheldon Cooper, auditioning for the role of Professor Proton. Now, excuse me while I get into character. Hello, I'm Professor Proton. And today, boys and girls, we're going to have fun with science. Did you know you could calculate the mass of an electron using household items? It's true. All you'll need is a pencil, some paper, dry ice, rubbing alcohol, and a spool of 50 micron thick cobalt 60 wire. And remember, don't put it in your mouth, or instead of becoming a scientist, you'll become wildly radioactive. Hang on, I have a question. Do you have any experiments that aren't life-threatening? Come on, that was a perfect take and you ruined it. Oh, look, hey, I did need enraged. Oh, boy. What? They cast the new Professor Proton. Is it Sheldon? Not exactly. Well, we eaten. I don't get how you can enjoy cricket. It makes no sense. Did you just come here to complain? Yeah, that's the sport of my people. Oh, that's Ravi Chandran Ashwin. He's amazing. He makes Hardik Pandya look like Bhuvaneshwar Kumar. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Save some syllables for the rest of us. Hey, I think that's Bernadette's friend over there. Oh, yeah. Hey, Ruchi. I hope this isn't awkward. The last time we met, I kind of embarrassed myself. Let's see if you can go two for two. Hey, guys. Hey, are you here by yourself? Yeah, I couldn't convince anyone to come watch cricket with me. Tell me about it, I'd drag this guy. You're more than welcome to join us if you'd like. Thanks. What'd she say? Wow, that clears that up. She's telling the bowler to bowl a yorker. It's the most brutal ball in cricket. I was at the match when Shob bowled back-to-back yorkers. Well, I was there too. What a coincidence. Well, there were 120,000 people at that match, so... Yeah, India, right? Everywhere you go, there's like 120,000 people. So what do you think about chances at the World Cup? Oh, World Cup. You know, it'll all depend if Kohli's batting in form. I know, it doesn't even matter how many all-rounders you have. Isn't that the truth? You know, I was the best leg spinner in my high school. Yeah, like I bowled the meanest googly. Speaking of googly's, I'm gonna go. Before Sheldon gets here. Last time we did that, he didn't talk to us for a month. So do it. Hold on, where is he? According to his text, he was on the second floor, then he stopped to tie his shoe. All tied, and... Hello. Hi. Sorry we're late, Amy took forever tying my shoe. All right, who's excited to see a documentary? Oh, I know this one. Nobody, ever. Hey, this one's going to be great. This is about the rivalry between a cool renegade scientist, Nikola Tesla, and his arch nemesis, Thomas Edison. It's the greatest scientific feud of all time. I mean, you can forget about Leibniz and Newton. Done. So Tesla's the one that invented the electric car? No, Penny, no. The car is just named after him. Okay, you don't have to be so smug about it. You know, you went to see the movie It because you thought it was about scary IT guys. Tesla was a genius who invented our electrical grid. Edison just wanted to get rich and famous. Didn't he invent the light bulb? Oh, that's what he wants you to think. But without the foundational work of Ebenezer Kennersley, Warren De La Rue, and James Bowman Lindsay, you wouldn't know Edison any more than you know Ebenezer Kennersley, Warren De La Rue, or James Bowman Lindsay. Isn't he sexy all fired up? He really gets my current alternating, if you know what I mean. Edison was kind of a publicity hog and a bully. Yeah, he electrocuted an elephant named Topsy just to make himself famous. If I had an elephant named Topsy, he would want for nothing. Also, he'd be named Jumbo. And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss. So he's basically a pornographer. Although every time I put that in Wikipedia, someone takes it out. Is your current still alternating? We're lucky there aren't any elephants in here. Hello, Leonard. I was going to write you an email, but I'm a little drunk and spelling is a sober person's game. I feel I owe you a splenation. I'm sorry. A splenation. Penny? Penny? Penny? Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video. I'm sorry. I'll come back when you're alone. No, no, no, I won't. I'm just telling Leonard why I broke up with him. Oh, he knows. The video I want to see is why you went out with him in the first place. I went out with him because he's great. If I kept going out with him, I probably would have married him. And it's a little scary because I just don't think I'm ready for that. You know, plus I have got to learn how to spell Hofstetter. I know there's a D in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it. Sheldon, what do I do? Try to pass out face down so you don't choke on your vomit. I am not going to pass out. But thank you anyway. Wow. I know. There's like two more hours of her just lying there. Oh, you love me so much. I married you, jackass. No, not just out of pity, like everyone said at her wedding toast. You want to see the part where she falls off the chair? Totally. Want to grab some lunch? You know what? I don't think so. Let me guess. You're not eating because the mean girl circled your chubby bits in marker. No, that. That right there. That's the reason. You're always making fun of me. Those are just jokes. It's my way of saying that we're friends and it wouldn't hurt you to drop a few. See, no wonder I don't have any confidence. Come on, you can't blame that on me. Why not? 15 years of constant ridicule. I think our relationship has become toxic. What are you saying? I think you and I need to spend some time away from each other. Look, I can see you're upset, but I'm gonna need some ground rules. While we're apart, can I see other needy Indian men? Get out! Hello, baby. Are you having a pleasant day? Oh my god, this is my entire childhood. Leonard, Leonard, you're chaining my data. It's like word for word. How much time is left? 35 seconds. Oh, really? He's not reacting at all. Sheldon, he's a baby. That's not how you talk to him, okay? Just watch. Hey, Sally. Who's your baby uncle? I got a dud, let's switch. Keep trying, it's for science. Is that all I was to her? Just an experiment? Michael, Michael, you're making me look bad. Interact with me. He grabbed my finger. Oh, he's smiling. I'm doing it. That's time. Oh, really? Can we do one more? I think these guys need to get some food. By pushing a lever at the end of an obstacle course that we designed? No, by opening the door to a hangar and letting the airplane fly in. Although, Sheldon, maybe it could be an experiment. Are you suggesting we color code their food so we can examine their diapers later? Sure. These diapers are gonna be full of data. Never thought I would see Sheldon enjoying himself around babies so much. Yeah, how about that? So he just happened to stumble upon a book about experimenting with them the same day we were hanging out with Howard's kids? Yep, don't overthink it. Oh my god, Sleepaway Camp, my cabin was called Control Group. And the absence of side effects means that It's a brand new day. Such a good tagline. I forgot, who came up with that? You did. That's right, I did. Okay, I know it's late. I've been working you guys really hard, so I have a little treat for you. We get to go home? No, you get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots. Oh my god, you guys are still here? We're happy to be here. It's a brand new day. It's 1215. It's literally a brand new day. Everybody go home. All right, fine, go. Get out of here. Go on. I think things are going pretty good. Are you aware that Dave's in the break room crying? Yeah, told him if he's gonna be a crybaby, go to the break room. I just really want to be prepared for this conference. He's gonna do great. You really think so? Of course, they're scared of you, you're scared of me. The system works. Hi, I got you a surprise. Oh, what's the occasion? I heard you tell Hallie that story the other night, and I thought it was so sweet that Stuart and I turned it into a book. The Frightened Little Astronaut? That looks just like you. Look how tiny and scared you look. And the best part is, Stuart showed it to a publisher friend of his, and they're interested in it. That is so cool. Absolutely not. Why? Because I don't want the whole world to know I was the Frightened Little Astronaut. Maybe you should have called it the Bitchy Little Astronaut. Once upon a time, there was a little astronaut who was sitting in a rocket waiting to go to space. And while all the other astronauts laughed and joked, he stayed quiet because he had a secret. He was scared. He had another secret, too. He was only pretending to be scared to trick the alien king. Owie. Fine. There was no alien. There was a bossy wife, though. We'll get to her later. It's freezing out here. Do you like me to heat things up? No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe. That is bright. Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights. So, shall we? No, I don't want to take my robe off under a spotlight. This is a candle body. Howdy, neighbors. We haven't met yet. I'm Andy. Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. Your new balcony kind of looks right over our fence. You might want to put up some trees. We can see everything. You can, but it's okay if you don't. Can you turn your lights off? Sorry, they're motion censored. They'll go off in a minute. Just try to stay still. What are we going to do about this? I say we wait until his lights go off, and then I make hot, motionless love to you. Don't move. It's go time. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. And this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler present Dr. Sheldon Cooper's Fun with Flags. I'd like to start this episode by apologizing on behalf of Dr. Fowler, who made the wild claim last week that there was no national tricolored flag with a purple stripe, when in fact the Estonian governor inside the Russian empire had a purple stripe on their flag from 1721 to 1917. See? Right there in the middle. And I'd like to apologize on behalf of Dr. Cooper for having his zipper down for the entire segment on the flags of East Africa. Sorry, Tanzania, you deserve better. Okay, that's my dad. Now remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zach. Got it. And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else. I got it. But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers. Is that a sports team? Never mind, you're good. Daddy! Hey, swagger! Hi. Hey, Wyatt. Leonard. Hey, hell of a handshake. Well, I've been taking vitamins. Dad, come on in, sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer? Sure, if you're having one. Why wouldn't you? Since you're not pregnant. Um, Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend Zach. How about those Cornhuskers? Amy is the one constant I can count on and now she's changing. It's just a haircut and some clothes. No, it's the last straw. I can't take any more. Can you believe it? They finally fixed the elevator. This is a nightmare. What's with him? He won a Nobel Prize and his wife looks amazing. Oh, yeah, got it. How did you get down here? Elevator, it's really fast. I need to be alone right now. Don't try to follow me. All right, you need a ride? That'd be great, thank you. Good news, they're inviting several Nobel Laureates to our reception. Oh, great, like who? Uh, Makoto Kobayashi. What? I may have been less than kind to him about his Nobel Prize win. Why? I was jealous, angry, and new to Twitter. It was a dangerous combination. Okay, so scratch Kobayashi. Uh, George Smoot's on here. We have a history. Saul Perlmutter? What about Kip Thorne? That was a misunderstanding. I didn't know he was right behind me. So you've alienated everyone we need to help us? Well, Amy, if I'd known that someday we need them, I would never have insulted them. Well, that doesn't make it better. Oh. Well, it's also not true. It's for the Nobel Laureates. We need them on our side, but unfortunately, Sheldon... No, unfortunately, Sheldon, that's all you gotta say. Well, so you need these people's support and you're sending them baked goods? Yeah, they're pretty smart. Don't you think they're gonna realize it's just a bribe? I could think, but sometimes brilliant people can be painfully oblivious to social cues. Thank you for pointing that out, Sheldon. Anytime. Sheldon Cooper? Pass. Sheldon Cooper. Aw. Oatmeal raisin. Oh, it's from Saul Perlmutter. He sent me a picture. Oh, let me see. Oh, look, he arranged the cookies to spell out thank you. Sheldon, that word isn't thank. Oh, it's gotta be them. Hey, put it on speaker. Hello? Hi. Oh, well, this is Sweden calling. This Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler? Yes. Congratulations. It is my pleasure to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize in being sucker. His Swedish accent was very convincing. Oh, this is it. What do you want, Howard? We were just calling to see if you'd heard yet. We haven't. But thank you for getting up so early to call. That was very thoughtful. Oh, please. We have two little kids. We've been up for an hour. Did anyone get to slap Sheldon? No. All right, well, call us when you hear. All right, now what? Oh, why don't we play a game to pass the time? Here, I am thinking of a number. Hint, it's a cube of a cube of a prime. There's an infinite number of possibilities. What, you got somewhere to be? Oh, that's me. Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Fowler. I see. Okay, thank you. We won. Congratulations. Oh, my God. We did it. I know. Can you believe it? That's a good point. What if I'm dreaming? We won the Nobel Prize. Where's Raj? Oh, he's working with Bert. They're probably cutting their stupid meteorite open with a stupid diamond saw. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm just a little run down. It might be a head cold. Purell? Can I top anybody off? Why don't you go to bed? I'll run out and get you some medicine. Oh, it's okay. Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store. Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart? Doesn't he need like all of it? He's got plenty. His pill caddy is like this big. All right, well, why don't you go to bed? I'll sleep out here on the couch. No, no, no. You take the bed. I'll stay out here. Even better. Sweet dreams, snotbag. Go away, Raj. What are you doing? I'm winning you back, love. I don't know what that means. Really? You've never seen Love Actually? If you want to watch it right now, I'll just wait. I have nothing to say to you. Look, we both made mistakes. I am so sorry that I spied on you. I didn't mean to, but I know it's not okay. Do you want to apologize to me? You also said you don't trust me and that you barely know me. I really thought this would be more of a back and forth thing. Amy, there's something out here. Just trap it under a cup and I'll be there in a minute. I'll try, but it's Leonard. Honey, I know it all feels overwhelming right now, but I promise you things will settle down. There's no Earl Grey, you filthy liar. Hey, is Penny here? No, why? I wanted to show her my latest creation. I give you Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler. Oh, Amy, you look amazing. Thank you. Sheldon, what do you think? I like you better the way you were. But she looks beautiful. Classic lines, colors that complement her skin tone, and hair that goes from office to on the town in minutes. I don't care. Put it back. I like the way I look. Well, I don't. My fault. I was out of Earl Grey. Come to a giant metal door. I check the door for traps. There are no traps. I use my wizard eye to see what's on the other side of the door. Hey, that's sort of like how you used a doorbell camera to spy on your fiance. It's nothing like that. Your wizard eye reveals a monster. Is it alone and unloved? I guess. I open the door and say, hey Raj. Why don't you just call her? I'm sure you guys can work this out. I don't want to talk about it. The Cyclops tells you that the enchantress you seek is staying at the Inn of the Dwarven Lords. Really? An inn? All I knew was a concierge at a hotel. That's a little insensitive, don't you think? I hadn't noticed that before you mentioned it. Well, now that I've mentioned it, how do you feel? Bad. Shame on you. So Marissa, how did you guys meet? Oh, it's a pretty funny story. We met in a bookstore. That is funny. Yeah, I was just there using the bathroom, but this one had a stack of books like this tall. Oh, I see you really like to read. Oh no, I work there. Yeah, she is super smart. Seriously, you name like any book, she'll tell you if she's heard of it. Go on, try her. Oh, uh, catch her on the ride. Nope. Look at that, Penny. I guess we both like nerds. So, uh, I'm gonna take this thing out. Nah, it's a little choppy tonight. Yeah, that's okay. It's just nice sitting under the stars. It's actually kind of peaceful. Well, it's a beautiful boat. Thanks, man. We love it. Although he's so tall, he bangs his head almost every time he goes downstairs. After the first couple, you don't even feel it. Where are our manners? Zack, let's get our guests something to drink. Got it, babe. I can't believe that guy's rich. Watch your head. That was a close one. You jealous? I know, I know. I shouldn't be. He's super sweet. I should be happy for them. It's driving me crazy, too. Really? Yes, I was trying to pretend like it wasn't so you wouldn't think I was petty. Turns out we're both petty. I love you so much. Aw. On today's episode, we're gonna start with some viewer emails. Oh, take off your glasses so people can't see your password in the reflection. Uh, sure. Okay, our first email is from, uh, Brad. Or Brian? I don't know, maybe it's Seth? All right, put him back on. Oh. Oh my gosh, it's from Fermilab in Chicago. Not surprising, the Windy City. Great flag town. No, no, it's about our paper. A team of physicists confirmed super asymmetry. Our paper was right. We did it. We did it? We did it. We did it! Aw, remember when they only did it on her birthday? Oh, it's freezing out here. Do you like me to heat things up? No, I want to get in the hot tub before I lose a toe. Oh, that is bright. Yeah, a new neighbor put in floodlights. So, shall we? No, I don't want to take my robe off under a spotlight. This is a candle body. Howdy, neighbors! We haven't met yet. I'm Andy. Oh, hello! Nice to meet you. Your new balcony kind of looks right over our fence. You might want to put up some trees. We can see everything. You can, but it's okay if you don't. Can you turn your lights off? Sorry, they're motion censored. They'll go off in a minute. Just try to stay still. What are we going to do about this? I say we wait until his lights go off, and then I make hot, motionless love to you. Don't move. It's go time. Where's Raj? Uh, he's working with Bert. They're probably cutting their stupid meteorite open with their stupid diamond saw. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm just a little run down. It might be a head cold. Purell? Can I top anybody off? Why don't you go to bed? I'll run out and get you some medicine. Well, it's okay. Stuart gave me some when I was at the comic book store. Really? You're taking medicine from Stuart? Doesn't he need, like, all of it? He's got plenty. His pill caddy is, like, this big. All right, well, why don't you go to bed? I'll sleep out here on the couch. No, no, no. You take the bed. I'll stay out here. Even better. Sweet dreams, snotbag. I can't believe they're going to cut that with this punk-ass diamond saw. Jesus. Leonard, what are you doing? Showing you that this is the better way. Stop. Whatever's inside there is dangerous. I'm pretty. What is that? Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Just feeling a little... hungry. No! Keep eating, Bart! Leonard! What, what? You're having a bad dream. Oh, thank God. I was eating my friends. Well, one friend and one acquaintance. You know what, Bart's okay. Two friends. Let me see if you're running a fever. Oh, yeah. You're burning up. Are you okay? It depends. What color are my eyes? I don't know. Brown? No, green. No, wait. Brown. Oh, good. I'm awake.