What ADHD Looks Like (At Least for Me) #adhd

Hello. So, a while ago I put a short out saying that people could ask questions and I would answer those questions. I haven't done that yet. I'm doing it now. One of them was from Ryan about ADHD. So, I'm going to make a few videos about it because I think it might help someone. It's not just for people with ADHD because it's a big spectrum. We all have different issues and I think with magic and the hobbies and interest we have, a lot of people have a similar thing whether they've got ADHD or not. and and Ryan said he he'd like a sort of just to talk about what that means for me and it's different for everybody. So, one of the things is that I have this studio here and I have a thing called rejection sensitive dysphoria. Most people with ADHD do where you sort of subconsciously it's a it's a fear of rejection but it manifests in less obvious ways. So per perfectionism for for me is that it's like if I don't do everything perfectly, if I don't do really well, people are going to not like it and therefore they have a kind of rejection thing bubbling under. So what happens is that I tend not to make videos because I haven't got everything set up. I'm not in the office. the lighting's not right and I just chip away and chip away and chip away and and I've got stacks of reviews that people have kindly given me here and tricks to review, books to review and I end up not doing it because I haven't read every page and I haven't demonstrated everything out the book and I haven't got my camera set up and I'm away from home and I was speaking to Jacob from the Daily Magician just on message and and I said, "Look, I might do a a review of Iris, which is great, but on the way um I might steal my phone. I felt really bad. And he's like, "Of course, it's you know, it's fine." And it's that that mismatch part of it is between what you kind of know on a logical level that people will be fine with, but but being such a perfectionist and the ironic thing is of course that the stuff I put out isn't even close to perfect. So, it's a complete waste. And I think it's different when you're doing paid material. When I'm doing my most of my reviews, you know, I want to do it well, but I have to know that, you know, with a good phone uh camera on the phone. I've got a mic. Couldn't do without that. Of course, that's not my good mic. And I thought I'd make this because I've been out for a walk. The air's not done. I've got a dirty t-shirt on. And I have to get over the fact that sometimes I'm not going to have all my stuff, but I can still add value, which is everything that I do. I want it to add value. So, for some of you, this isn't, but for some of you, hopefully it is. And that's part of how it manifests. And I even I know that a lot of you without ADHD or that are not on the autistic spectrum will still have that. We There's a lot of us that have that thing of perfectionism. Sometimes it it's it allows us to procrastinate and we use it as an excuse. I use it as an excuse. So, I'm trying to make more videos, as many as I can, obviously with this stuff, but to to, you know, do reviews and do things without the the stuff. And I hope that's all right. And I'd love to know what you think. You know, do you look at this and go, "Oh, you know, looks a bit shaky or is it fine to do this?" They can't all be like this. I know. Um, we'll go into it more in another way, but the the other main manifestation of my ADHD is that I can't get my together most of the time. So, when I do, I hyperfocus and I do a job as well as I can. And it's funny, I even worried then because I wasn't looking at the camera. I was looking at get over it, Steve. Um, rookie. But also, I have so many things that I try and fit into a day. So, I've just I was meant to be making eggs and I ended up making a tune on Logic for a new trailer I want to do for my beginner's course, which I'm very happy with, by the way. Link below probably if I remember. I'm also learning, relearning beatbox and my looper, which is taking a long time. Uh, I am learning in the This is where I have a nap because I'm not sleeping a lot at the moment. Um, in the corner there's my uh bug which is kind of eight ring contact juggling thing and my contact juggling stuff which I try and fit in every day. I try and fit in guitar every day, learning songs and putting songs together. I try and fit in piano playing every day learning piano and sometimes I sit down to do 10 minutes and I do three hours. Uh there's my books which I'm picking up at the moment. I'm learning some Marlo stuff. I try and fit in pretty much every aspect of magic into a day. I also fit in two hours of contact juggling in front of the telly or three hours every evening. This I'm not showing off. This isn't a good thing, right? This is the This isn't helpful, believe me. Um, and I'm creating my own product at the moment, which is coming out soon, which I'm very excited about. Um, that's taking a load of time. Editing together footage. Trying to create uh blogs and newsletters for people of value, which has taken me maybe two or three hours every day. Um, I'm trying to fit in playing the Nintendo Switch, which seems a ridiculous thing. I keep promising myself I'll do it because I need to do something that isn't work-based. Even though I love my work, I want to do something that completely switches me off. I'm trying to read two or three books at the moment that are non-magic and all of these and more. I mean, there's so much more. I just look around there stuff and all of these things when I don't do them create a kind of guilt and a shame and and that then puts me into a loop of not wanting to do them again because if I can't do it for two or three hours, you know, it's all stuff that I should practice what I preach because I say to people that sitting down for 10 minutes is fine and not doing them all is fine. So that's a lot of it. There's too much in my head. I wake up and the first thing I think about is the excitement of doing some magic, juggling. Didn't mention the juggling. I'll try and do two hours juggling a day. Um, putting up together stuff for a gig tomorrow. I haven't done a gig in a while, so I might do a separate video on that later. And it's just chaos in my head. And I only get peace when I get into one of those things. And there's many methods for doing that. I'm using I've hacked this all my life. I can do it, but it takes a lot of effort and it's exhausting. And what's really helping at the moment is monitoring every second of my time in the day. It sounds awful. It kind of is, but I've set up the software to allow me to do that. So, I can talk about that because that's really helpful because by monitoring it, once you set it up, it makes you kind of stick to the thing and you press start on a timer basically editing and and it kind of your head goes, "Right, I'm starting that now." rather than just sitting down and doing it and getting completely distracted by 20 other things. So, I thought I'd share that. Sorry, it's not Here we go again. Sorry. I'm so sorry that it's not um a uh and I can't stop moving as well. That it's not a a posh video. It's a bit grainy because the lighting is not great in here, but hopefully that's helped Ryan and anybody else whether you got ADHD or not that struggle with those things, you are not alone. There are ways to overcome them. And there are little hacks and just let me know in the comments if you've got any questions, if you'd like to know more about detail about those hacks and I'll make another video for you. Oh, check out onlinemagic.co. Um, check out my beginners course. The link will be below if you can gift that and it's a good start. And there's a beginner to pro course as well which has got from beginners but right up to my cups and balls, my professional routines. I'm trying to be shameless about promoting these things because I'm very proud of them. It's not just snake oil I'm selling you. Um I think nobody would open them up and not think they're good enough. And the great thing is if there's nothing clear in them, I can then add videos to them because I host them all. So there you go. Follow me on Instagram at Steve Thornton. I listen to the podcast Steve Magic Show. Forgot to mention all those things, didn't I? I got to try and spend my time on. Have a great one.