There's So Much Wrong With This Whole Situation

[Music] Brought to you by Y Refi. Refinance your defaulted private student loans today at yrefi.com/ramsey. Today's question comes from Matthew in Ohio. Matthew writes, "My wife and I are in our 20s and we're on baby step two. My in-laws make good money but are in a lot of debt. Whenever my wife goes shopping with them, she always comes home with something she has hinted to me about wanting that they purchased for her." Am I wrong to feel as if my in-laws are enabling her to continue bad habits by purchasing what she wants without practicing patience herself? She knows they are in debt and what was purchased was mo most likely put on a credit card h torn on this one because here's what I'm hearing. Um hearing two things. One >> Yeah, me too. I'm hearing a husband that wishes he could buy his wife stuff and he can't and so he wants to shut the whole thing down and also hear a husband who wants to be the parents of her parents and dictate how they do what they do and when they do it for their child and >> and he's also wanting to parent his wife. >> That's right. Also be the father/mother. >> Talking about her like she's a like she's his 17-year-old daughter >> and she's developing bad habits hanging out with her mother. >> Yeah. >> Um I'm sorry. I don't like that. Yeah. So, I mean, if Matthew, if you and your wife sit get together and say, "Hey, we don't want to we don't want to support our parents' bad money habits, and so we're just going to stop taking stuff. We're not we're going to stop letting them buy things for us." You can do that. Let's reframe the position that your wife is in. Okay? Your wife is not your child. >> Correct? >> And the two of you as two freaking grown-ups should sit down and talk about this. Honey, it bothers me. Your mom and dad shouldn't be putting crap on a credit card that they can't afford. that are buying us stuff we can't afford, right? >> It's bothersome to me. Does that not bother you as a grown woman? You should be able to look at your mom and go, "No, I can't afford this. You can't afford this. We shouldn't be doing this. You should, honey. We need to talk this through. You need to be on that page. His, you know, he needs to with his wife and raise her up and involve her in a noble discussion rather than a uh tactical I'm going to tell you what to do discussion." >> That's right. And the the the second thing here is is what gets me most frustrated with Matthew and with her. Matthew, you're really frustrated that your wife um wants something and if she can't get you to get it for her because y'all can't afford it, she's going to go manipulate her parents into buying it for her. What you're seem to be upset here really is your wife's attitude. >> Yeah. >> And so sit down and have that conversation. >> That's what exactly are saying. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And I would be too. >> Yeah. Absolutely. >> I would be too. It's like we are on a plan cuz we are trying to get out of this and your mom and dad are screwed up and we don't need to add to their debt to circumvent the fact that we're working on this for and be making purchases that frankly this household doesn't even be making right now. >> Right. And so, um, you know, no, that's that's, uh, there's so much wrong with this whole situation, but it's not framed in, uh, you've got the high ground and the parents and your wife are all need to be brought into line. That's not it at all. It's the you and your wife need to be in go go visit a place of nobility where the two of you as two adults decide what is best for your family. And um I I do not think that your wife is building bad habits here other than the bad habit of running to mommy. >> Well, I was going to say I I would be willing to bet money that this is not the only place when she doesn't get what she wants from one place, she'll go and figure out a way um to get it somewhere else. >> Yeah. >> And so Matt, it's being honest about what is beneath the money question here. >> Why refi refinances delinquent private student loans for struggling borrowers? Learn more at y fy.com/ramsey.