Mark Clattenburgs Funniest Football Stories!

People don't see that. People don't see, everybody sees you as the referee. Everybody sees you as the person that spoils everybody's fun. But they don't see, for example, you go on holiday, you get abused sometimes on holiday. Sometimes you don't, you're not always, but you get some people, they'll abuse you. And you've gone through different friendships, friends that you've probably had for years, but you're not friends with anymore. Because look, for example, Dave Coote, what he's gone through, and somebody, if his friendship group has decided to leak that video, they're not friends. But if he had really good friends, that video still wouldn't be out now. But unfortunately, the way we are now, and the way things are, it's so difficult. And I've been lucky in me really important years as a referee. I had really good friends, really good friends that got me out of situations, maybe alcohol situations or situations where it was getting volatile. I remember having problems in Cheltenham races once, where Chelsea fan was all right at first till he had a few sherbets, and then he started throwing food against me head, which in the end, me and friends stepped in, but they made sure I wasn't anywhere. I was out of the way because they wanted to protect me and what could happen, especially with mobile phones now, you're in a situation and somebody can take a video and you could be seen to be doing something, and it can have an adverse effect on your career. It can just be you having an opinion on it, because we've all got opinions on managers and players. With the Jurgen Klopp, yeah. If that's on film, you're in bother. With the Jurgen Klopp, and I've said this, I think it's absolute nonse. It's absolute rubbish. If a referee has an opinion, it doesn't say that he's, are we talking now? Are we saying that English referees are corrupt by thinking that he's got a problem with Liverpool? No, it's just his honest opinion that he doesn't like Jurgen Klopp. I didn't like Jurgen Klopp. I thought he was strange. Doesn't say he was a bad manager. He was an incredibly good manager, an incredibly good manager. I found him very strange, the way he was to me. We're like, just for example, I remember always end of January, UEFA used to call all the referees together before the Champions League group stage, and there was one, I think it might have been 2015, and Richard Scudamore, who was the head of Premier League, and the Pigeon World had stepped in because if all the UEFA referees were going away, they'd lost all the top referees, and normally when that happened, the younger referees couldn't deal with the big games, and it meant they were understrength, so what they said was, look, we want Mark Klattenberg to stay at home, but we need the approval of UEFA. UEFA said, yeah, we'll give you the approval, and Mark will not travel to the course. However, you'll have to do the fitness test later on, blah, blah, blah. I was pissed off. I'm thinking, I want to get the fitness test done now, so I'm going to come back to Geneva in a couple of weeks' time, but bye-dee-bye, I get appointed to Liverpool Chelsea, and I turn up at the game, and it was the porter cabin, so it was before Liverpool's dressing rooms had been finished, and Jürgen Klopp never, ever, ever came in with the team sheets, never, never came in with the team sheets. The knock at the door were the team sheets, and the captains come in, which was John Terry and Jordan Henderson, and it was Gary from Chelsea. He was like a guy who did the admin side of Chelsea, and Jürgen Klopp came in, and I thought to myself, this is bizarre, this, and he just stared at us for 30 seconds, bit like what you're doing to me now, just stared at us for 30 seconds, never said a word, I never said a word, and after 30 seconds, I got a bit bored, and I just said to John Terry and Jordan, I'll see you out there, and he just stared at us, and I was like, what a strange bloke, and I said this recently, I had a run-in with him when he was at Dortmund, and this is how people criticize, but what can I say in this situation? It was Marcelo, he was a player for Real Madrid, and I came outside my dressing room, and he just said, oh, can I have a picture? Which I would, people, it's fine, and he probably, no, I've had players asking for my shirt, and this player just wanted a photo, and he got his photo, and his wife, his girlfriend, his wife, I think it was his wife, or whatever, was next, and they came inside the photo, and as the photo was getting done, unfortunately, Jürgen Klopp, who was the Dortmund manager, was walking past, and he turned around, and he said, oh, that's why we got beat *******, that's why we got beat, and me being me, I turned around, and I said, aye, that's why you got beat ******* three now, so **** off. That was me being, because I was furious, thinking, what is he ******* trying to imply? I didn't ******* get beat three, no. Makes your life easier. I'm not saying you're going to win every player, because some players just didn't like me, and I didn't like them. Name names. Frank Bellamy. Was he the worst? Yeah. My problem was with Craig was, I was refereeing Bolton Man City, and I cautioned him for dissent, I could have easily sent him off, and I know if I'm going to send him off for foul language, I'm going to be in the world news, so I want to try and avoid that controversy. I didn't want the club to be upset, and I tried to manage the situation, and then I sent him off for it, it died when I watched it back later on that night, and it's a penalty, so he never forgave us for it. So, and it never got overturned, because it was two yellow cards, which is crazy, because if I'd said it was wrong, then the suspension should be dropped, but that's the rules is, it's two yellow cards, and he has to save a one-match suspension, so he didn't forgive us for that. There's other times where I remember I had a fight with Adam Lallana. As you do. Go on, tell us that story, because that made the news at the time, didn't it? Yeah, but I would have made the news, so it was Everton, it was Everton. I've got to say, I've waited 18 years to say that. I know. So, I was going back to Everton, after so many years, Jamie, but we'll talk about that later. Yeah, we will. And Adam gave us dog's abuse, and I think he was frustrated at the end of the game, so I used to take it into a bit of account, if they got beat, a bit of frustration, it was Christmas, he's probably had too much turkey and stuff like that, so he was a bit upset, and there was some choice words said, and I said to him, look, I said, you've changed since you played for England. Because I wanted to diffuse the situation, you know, I went, you've changed since you played for England. And he looked at us, and we walked off, and nothing was said anymore, and I thought, well, I've diffused that quite well, I'm happy with myself. Next day, I read The Sun, or whatever that newspaper is, and headline, Mark Clattenburg said they started Adam Lallana, so I get a phone call from Mike Riley, my boss, he said, did you say it? I said, yeah, I did. I said, but tell him next time, I'll ******* send him off. Now, see, you can't have it both ways. If he's given his dogs abuse, and I'm not sending him off, why was it in the media the next day? And it could only have come from Adam Lallana, even though he's used his club to make a complaint. So he signs for Liverpool, and I'm refereeing Liverpool opening day of the season, and he comes up to us in the tunnel, he says, Mark, I wasn't behind it, I went, you ******* were, you little squirt. Like, he was behind it, do you know what I mean? So I was only being honest with him, because I'm going to referee, and you're thinking I'm going to ******* send you off again, you know what I mean? I quite like that move, didn't you? Yeah. Referee, giving a bit back, it was, yeah. But why did he make that statement, when it should stay on the field? Fair enough, I've heard referees, they swear. If we send off every player that scores, come on. If you told people everything we said, **** you. Come on. Did you have any sort of super-conscious, then, in that game, knowing that, because he's going to, because he's a grass. You essentially keep ref him differently, in a way. You keep conscious of the fact that this pre-existing narrative exists. I think it was Jürgen Klopp was the man. I thanked Jürgen at the end of the game for not bringing him off the bench. I played with a lad, I played under, he was a coach at Preston, and before every game, he'd make a point of saying, the referee today is Mark Lattenberg, call him Mark, introduce yourself, be nice to him. I'd flick his arse. Yeah, bit. Who was the ones that used to do that? Who buttoned you up before a game? I tell you, and I'm not saying it butters you up, if you look at how players were, if you look at people, and I've had many run-ins, Craig Bellamy. If Craig Bellamy abuses, the natural reaction, the human reaction is to protect yourself. So straight away, you think, he's getting nothing. You know, he's abusing you, he's foul-mouthed. In the end, you probably get so pissed off, you give him a yellow card for dissent. So his next incident could end up with a red card, but then he had people like the late Gary Speed. Gary Speed, I speak to ex-players, and they say he was a really dirty player, but as a ref, he used to come, always make a point, call you Mark, have a good game. At the end of the game, he probably doesn't think it, but he can't influence the after, and this is where Sir Alex Ferguson was very clever. You can't influence before, you can only influence the future. So even, for example, Gary Speed by saying, Mark, well done today, great game. In my head, I'm thinking, oh, Gary Speed's a nice guy. So probably when certain things are happening in the match, and I've got a situation which is black and white, sorry, it's one of them gray areas, I'm talking about where he probably left the foot in, and he'd probably go, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because he's such a nice guy. Vincent Kompany was always good with me, not that I ever gave him much benefit of the doubt because he always got caution, but there were clear cautions, there were clear cautions. So clubs, I've always said to clubs, even when people say to me, what can I do with referees? You can't pay them, you can't influence them. So the other thing you can do is what you call reverse psychology, just make them feel safe. Even when I went abroad, I remember Barcelona, for example, always in your dressing room after the match was because they were sponsored by, who does Galaxy? Samsung? It might have been Samsung. There was an iPad, like one of them little tablets waiting for you, a shirt, little things. Bayern Munich would give you a Mont Blanc pen and bits of goodies. So certain clubs used to give you the goodies, and in your head, yeah, but it's peanuts. You were allowed to take it because it was under a certain value, but it was certain things that I've had games where- It's subconsciously playing into, it's human nature, isn't it? Do you remember Kevin Lynch spoke about it, didn't he? Yeah. I think he's might have gone over the- Yeah. Yeah, but then I remember when, because I was just coming through with Kev, because Kev was on the football league when I was, and when you went abroad, then you didn't get a salary. There was a big difference then. So I remember going when we first, few times as a fourth official, as a young fourth official, they would take you to a suit shop and they would try and measure you up for a suit because they didn't pay you, but they wanted you to feel special. They wanted to give you everything they had, but now, because you've got a salary, clubs were like, you're getting a salary. And also, your waifu didn't want you to be influenced or they wanted you to be impartial. They wanted other clubs not to feel that they feel that, because they're the home team, they're getting any benefits. For example, Real Madrid used to give you the best hotel and the best, I used to get the ******* best room ever. Did anybody go overstep the mark where they basically tried to bribe you? No, I had a situation, it was Azerbaijan. It was offering a female after the match and it was crazy, man. Have you got a report of that? No, it was just, I laughed it off. I went, don't be stupid. If they're reporting it, I'm in bother. No, I don't know if it was a joke or whatever, but I just said, no, no, it's okay, I'm okay, thanks. And just left it at that, you just laughed it off because you don't know if it's serious or they're just trying you on or whatever. So there was nothing to report because there was nothing really there. Did you get to see her first though? No. Or was it, it's that female? Okay, then. No, I'm all right. She's got a sister. She'll be able to send off. Sir Alex Ferguson. Oh, fuf, fuf, fuf, legend, legend. I remember we had one of these love-hate relationships, I think, at first. And I think I loved him, but he hated me. He hated you? I'm sure. I remember at Bolton, refereeing Bolton Man United, and I know this game was always difficult with big Sam's teams, and Kevin Davies batted Patrice Evra. Sir Alex didn't like it. So as I was going down the tunnel at Bolton, he waited for his, said some choice words. So I decided I'd send him off. And there was a police woman there, and I said to the police woman, tell him he can't come back out for the second half. She was like shaking. She says, I'm not telling him, he laughed it off. So after the match, it was fantastic. After the match and his post-match interview, he said to the reporter, because the reporter said, what did you say to Klattenberg? And he said, I don't want to repeat what I said. However, he clearly listened to what I said because he had a better second half than he did on the first half. Is that right? Mark, what about the Battle of the Bridge? Yeah, imagine VAR in that match now. It would spoil the fun. It was one bloody, it was one hell of a match. Mate, you gave 12 yellow cards and not a single red card. Joe, you know what happened? I left the red card in the dressing room. Well, I have to say, having watched it back, because when I was doing a bit of research, believe it or not, Al, it's now my second favourite game. I absolutely loved that match. And it's probably because you didn't red card anyone and you just said, right, let these two just go at it. But that's the problem, Mark, isn't it? You know, you let it go and you've said, Ella, you could easily have given a red, but some people say, well, there's no consistency. By the law, he should have gone off. But we want a bit of entertainment. We want, you know, we want the, God, is he, is that yellow? Oh, he's lucky there. You know, that's all part of the game for me. If he'd used a red, there'd have been like four players left on the pitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what? It's one of them games where we remember it for the excitement it was. And that's what makes the Premier League the best league in the world. When you have these memories, you don't want a referee going and sending five players off. I knew the context of this game. I knew how important it was for both sides, one for bragging rights and the other one to keep in the title race. And referees are the ones, okay, you know the laws. It's a bit like a policeman. You know the law. However, you've got to have some tolerance. You've got to understand the nature of the game and people will criticise us. However, it was one of them games that everybody will remember for the excitement it was. But games like that, the people who are watching it on behalf of FIFA, UEFA, et cetera, does that stop some of our refs, our top refs getting, you know, bigger jobs because maybe they've not done the job properly and yet we loved it. It was brilliant to watch as a spectacle. I think everybody understands that you have to referee. I had a referee slightly different than I was in the Premier League when I went in Champions League and European Championships. There is a slight difference. You know, there's a different style of play. However, the Premier League is about, you know, the product that referees certainly in England let a little bit more go than the foreign referees do. So, you know, the referees do play the part in making the product the best it can be without jeopardising the safety of the players because for me, the players' safety is the most important. But like, for example, you had Mike Reilly compared to me, Mike Reilly and Pierluigi Colina. I remember doing a game in Malmo and they ended up with the same colour as me, the team, Athletic Madrid, before the match in a Champions League game. So the email I got off Colina after the match, he made us cry. And I'm thinking, my career's over here. The email was so damning. Two weeks later, he gives us a big match. I wanted to die for him. He didn't speak to us during that two weeks, but an appointment came through for a Champions League game and I ran 150%. I wanted to die for him on the pitch. And that performance, because he got a reaction out of us. You know, if he didn't give us a game for five, six weeks, I would have had the hump on, but he actually gave us a game and I wanted to die for him. So that style of man management worked, but it doesn't work for everybody.