Victim Blaming and Misogyny: How Women Are Blamed for the Crimes of Men

Hey there friendlies. Happy Thursday. So a little bit of a fair warning. This is going to be a little bit of an impassioned rant about victim blaming. As women, yep here we go, as women and I've noticed it exponentially more. I've noticed so much more misogyny and sexism and blaming women since I've been on YouTube. You know people like call me a man hater a lot and I'm not. I love men and I have a private joke about that. I'll share with you around a campfire maybe. But I love men and but that doesn't excuse, that doesn't dismiss the fact that we have a lot of problems in our society based around this the structure of patriarchy okay. And any woke, any aware, any thinking person recognizes that there are still many problems in our society when it comes to how we think about women, how we treat women, how we accept or not women's voices and women's place in our society and all these expectations around what that should mean and what that should be. So let me back up a little bit. Many of you know for the last few weeks I have been dealing with this whole thing with the auto repair shop and overcharging me and doing work that didn't need to be done. And those of you who watch me on a regular basis are also aware that I discovered after all the work was done that I think at best, I think at worst or whatever, we could call it fraud. It was fraud. They grossly overcharged me. They put $100 tires on. They charged me $300 a piece. I'm getting brand new Michelins put on, KO2s put on, and it's going to cost me less than what they charged me for these cheap Walmart tires. So I think I think it's fair to say that it was fraud. I gave them ample opportunity, this shop in Las Vegas, I gave them ample opportunity to do the right thing. I wrote to the store. I called the store. I wrote to corporate office. I gave them a couple, I don't know, 10 days, two weeks to respond to do the right thing. I even told the manager of the shop I have a YouTube channel and I'll use it. They were warned. They were given fair warning about what was going to happen if they didn't do the right thing to correct this fraud. And that's what it was. I mean, when you charge $4,000 for a couple thousand dollars worth of work, what else can you call it? So I gave them ample opportunity to do the right thing. They ignored me. I'm just a woman after all, right? What do I know? What can I do? So after waiting what I felt was a decent amount of time to give them the opportunity to do the right thing, I did a video and I told everybody. I did that video as a public service. I did that video because I wanted, especially other women, and I know men get ripped off by shops too, but I think studies have been done that women get ripped off more. I wanted to warn other people. I really did. That was my number one motivation and I wanted to warn other people. And as I said before, sure, I did expect a few phone calls to them to let them know that they had been outed and that people wouldn't be doing business with them. What I didn't expect or want or invite were death threats. A few men took it upon themselves to break the law and call this shop and threaten their lives, threaten them with bodily injury. And guess what? Somehow, certain people made that my fault. That was my fault because as a woman, we are responsible for the actions of men, right? You should have known not to drink so much at that party. What were you thinking getting drunk? You should have known if you wore that short skirt out in public, you were going to get harassed and cat called and raped. I mean, boys are going to be boys, right? No matter what men do to us, according to some people in our population, it's our fault. It's my responsibility to not only take care of myself, but to be responsible for the actions of men. So when I did a video to help other women by speaking my truth, which many of us are finally starting to do, find our voices and use them. When I am speaking about a situation where men ripped me off, I'm not allowed to do that. No, you shouldn't have done that. You should have known. You should have known. You knew. You knew what was going to happen. You knew it. That's why you did it. No, that's like saying, and it is the same as saying, you knew what was going to happen when you wore that low cut blouse. You invited it. No matter what men do to women, it is our fault. It's my fault the shop ripped me off. It's my fault when I talked about them ripping me off that more men took it upon themselves and threatened them. It's not their fault. No, they're just men. You know, no, it's your fault because you're not allowed to speak your truth. Women are not allowed to speak out about what men do. Just suck it up, buttercup. Take it. It's your fault. You should have known better. You should have known better than to go to that party. You should have known better than to drink too much. You should have said no. You should have fought harder. Why didn't you fight harder? So yes, this is all the same. This is about a society that blames women for the actions of men. And here's the real kicker. Not only are we blamed or responsible for the actions of men, but when we speak out about what men have done to us, they flip the script. The men become the victims, but the mere fact of us speaking about the crimes that men commit against us, the man becomes the victim, right? Brock Turner got away with raping an unconscious girl behind a dumpster. You know what the judge said? The jury convicted him. You know what the judge said? He didn't want to ruin his future. He didn't want to ruin his reputation because of an unfortunate night. This woman's life has been ruined forever in ways that you can't even imagine unless you've been through rape or sexual assault. It affects your self-esteem. It affects your feeling safe. It affects your trust issues. It affects every relationship you ever have. And yet the men are the victims. Don't want to ruin his reputation. So we're not even allowed to talk about what happens to us without being the bad guy and flipping the script and making the man the victim. And I'm kind of getting sick of it. It's time we stop blaming women for the actions of men. And we've all heard it. How many times have you heard, oh, I can't help myself. You make me, you're so sexy. I can't help myself. That's not an excuse. It's not my fault. You can't control yourself. But somehow our society has been convinced that if a man can't control himself, it's something we've done. Somehow people believe that we use our womanly ways to make men do bad things. I used my manipulative womanly ways to make men not be able to control themselves to call in death threats. Right? We're too pretty. And so that invites harassment. Like it's our fault. And then again, when we talk about it, the men become the victims. How many times have I seen and heard that women falsely accuse men of rape to get back at them because they're powerful, because they want to bring them down. That whole premise assumes that women are evil, manipulative, mean, just for the sake of being mean and lets the man off the hook. That argument that rape doesn't really happen as much as it's as much as you want to believe as much as the numbers say. And in fact, they're under-reported because of what happens to women who talk. But when women do speak out, we're accused of having ulterior motives. I see it all the time. You know, I am in a microcosm of the ugly, shadow, evil side of society every single day. Many of you can turn it off. You don't have to be online. You can go about your daily lives. You can surround yourself with friends and loved ones, and you don't have to see the evil archetype that is the playground. The internet is the playground for evil and nastiness and the worst misogyny and the worst of this hyper masculine, toxic masculine crap. And I've said it a million times. Every woman who has ever been online in the public eye has experienced it. And if you don't believe me, just look at how this has been handled by the internet. It is my fault. I got ripped off. I am the victim of fraud. And somehow it's my fault. That's layer one. Let's get into layer two now. I did a video yesterday, two days ago, telling you that I got all my money back. So when this video went live, they all of a sudden, all of a sudden, they wanted to reason with me. They'd ignored me for almost two weeks. All of a sudden, they were pounded down my door. They asked me to take the video down. And I did because I was just horrified that they were getting death threats. Absolutely horrified. That was not my intent. Again, I took the video down and he said, what can we do? What can we do to make this? Okay. I asked for half my money back. I spent over $4,000. I said, I'll be happy with a little over 2000. They voluntarily gave me all of my money back. They volunteered. They didn't volunteer. They didn't ask. Okay, we'll give you all your money back, but we want the tires back. Nope. They voluntarily gave me all my money back. I did the math of all the parts they put on my RV. They're out less than a thousand dollars. They charged me 4,100 and change. They refunded all my money for a loss of less than a thousand dollars. Sadie girl. There she is. So they took a loss of less than a thousand dollars to shut me up. And I think if, if, so this is me, you know, I I'm a business owner. I have been in situations where people are like, you know, and I've also been in customer service my whole life. I want my money back. If I know I'm right, I'm not giving you a full refund. I'll negotiate. And I only asked for half. They gave me a full refund. So when I said that in a video a couple days ago and I said I was giving away these brand new tires, by the way, brand new tires. There are some people on the internet who are twisting this up saying, yeah, you might want to get them insected. They might, they're used tires. She's giving away used tires. She gave away used socks after the PCT. No, I gave away $30 brand new socks, brand new $30 socks. And I'm giving away basically brand new tires with, I haven't done the math, fewer than 300 miles on them. You know what I'm seeing? How dare you give those tires away? You stole those tires from that poor shop that you intimidated, that you threatened, that you harassed. You're a horrible thief. Yep. That's what some people are saying about me, that I stole these tires. I rented a hotel for five days. I rented a car all because I needed to get work done on my rig. That hotel bill was over $500. The rental car was $100, $600 or so. It cost me. Then I'm still out. I didn't have to rent that hotel for six days or five days or whatever it was. I'm still out a bunch of money. Again, I am the victim of fraud. But somehow, because I spoke my truth, because I used my power, my voice, I'm the crook here. I stole from that poor shop, that poor shop. They overcharged me three times, maybe twice at least, what they should have and did work they didn't need to do. But those poor guys, boys will be boys, boys will be boys. You're a horrible, terrible, selfish woman. How dare you steal from those poor guys? That's what some people are saying, that I stole those tires. So I think a lot about what it's like to be a woman in this world. And like I said, being on YouTube is like a petri dish or a microcosm of the worst of humanity. It really is. So I kind of see, you know, and we like to think that it only exists online. Oh, that's just people online. You know, that's not the real world. But what we see played out online is a part of people who we see, we pass in the street, we work with, maybe even in our own families. They're the ones, you know, it's not like these other people who are going online behaving this way. These are people who walk among us, who are showing their true ugly selves online. This misogyny, this no matter what happens to a woman, no matter what a man does to a woman, it's your fault. You should have known better. For one thing, you should not have trusted that shop. What are you stupid? You shouldn't trust professionals. You shouldn't trust a professional when you take your rig in to do the right thing. What are you, dumb? That's number one, my fault. Number two, when I discovered that they ripped me off and I talked about it to prevent that from happening to other people, you should have known they were going to get death threats. It was your job after they ripped you off and committed a basically a crime against you. It was your job to make everything okay, to make them okay and to not put them at risk. How dare you take your money back? Because no matter what happens in this world, women are responsible for taking care of men. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Take my RV back to the shop that was angry at me now because of what I had done and who had already overcharged me or ripped me off once? Was I supposed to take my rig back to them and let them work on it more? Really? And then I would have been an idiot because, you know, whatever would have happened. Or was I supposed to go to another shop in Las Vegas, get the tires changed out and then load six huge tires into my rig and go drop them off, spending another day to make them okay? Yeah, is that what you think I should do? Because my time as a woman doesn't mean anything, right? 78 cents or whatever to the dollar. I mean, yeah, my time doesn't mean anything. I see that all the time on YouTube. How dare I expect to get paid for my work? How dare you? You know, and that is, you know, people think that it's a crime. I don't really want to help people because it's all about the money for me, is what they say. It's a crime for me to make a living and also help people because I'm a woman. I'm supposed to nurture the world. I'm supposed to make everybody feel okay. And heaven forbid you should use your power and your voice to stand up for yourself. Heaven forbid. It took me 50 years, whatever, to find my voice. It took me all this time to appreciate and nurture my power. I am a powerful, outspoken woman. I make mistakes. I'm flawed. I do stupid things. I say stupid things, but I am powerful and I am strong and I am not going to let someone get away with hurting me or ripping me off or screwing me over. Sometimes that means, though, and you've seen this play out, sometimes that means I ignore certain things. For my own sanity, that means being a strong and powerful woman means learning how to take care of myself. Sometimes that means not fighting because fighting just is too much, too much stress, too much drama. But sometimes you're damn right that means fighting. I fought for myself. There is no crime in that. I fought for what is right. And I'm getting blamed. Giving away used tires, giving away tires that I stole, outing this poor business. It's your fault. No matter what, it's your fault. Your dress was too short. Your top was too low. You drank too much. You didn't ask enough questions. You should have researched more. You shouldn't have trusted him. That's what it comes down to, right? You shouldn't trust him. And if you can't trust him, then you are responsible for whatever he does to you. So this is just something to think about. I wanted to share this with you because this isn't about me and what the auto shop did to me. It's not about what people on the internet are saying about me. It is about how every single woman on this planet is treated and what is expected of us. So many of us over the last few years, thanks to the Me Too movement, have found our voices and we have started speaking our truth. And how is that received? You're a liar, right? And yeah, you're a liar. We don't believe you. Women don't say anything. I just saw a comment this morning. Women no longer respect men. Women no longer respect and appreciate men. As if respect and appreciation is something that you're owed. I don't owe you respect and appreciation. You have to earn it. And that's the problem with this patriarchal society that we've been living in. Certain, especially white men, feel that they are owed respect and appreciation. Despite the fact that 99.9% of violent crimes against women are done by men. Rape, murder, spousal abuse, ripping us off. We make less than men. We get ripped off more than men. We get beat. We get murdered. And we owe you respect? No, that has to be earned. Maybe we'll start respecting and appreciating men when this society starts respecting and appreciating women and not blaming us for the actions of men. When we start earning what men earn. When men stop murdering and raping and beating us at just astonishing numbers on a daily basis. And it's not talked about a lot. We talk a lot about police killings. We don't talk about all the women that are killed and beat and raped every single minute of every day. So when I talk about victim blaming, when a shop rips me off, I'm talking about a bigger issue here. Because those are just the small ways that we are told we don't matter. And they snowball into the bigger ways. So the bottom line is this needs to change. We can't keep allowing society to blame women for the actions of men. And that means every single one of us needs to start speaking out. Not all men commit crimes against women. Great. Then all men need to be standing up when they see crimes committed against women. When their friends are catcalling women on the streets, they need to pull them aside and say, dude, really? You know, really? How do you think that makes her feel? Do you think that makes her feel safe walking on the street? Women too. We need to have these tough conversations with the men in our lives and the women in our lives who enable them. That this is not okay. It is not okay to blame a woman for getting raped. It's just not. It's not okay to blame a woman for getting ripped off by a shop and then men making death threats. That's just not okay. We need to start holding men accountable for their own actions. Period. I hope that gives some of you who maybe haven't thought about things quite this way before. I know a lot of women are going to be cheering me on as I'm, as I threw this video saying, yes, right on sister. I appreciate you. I appreciate the men who understand, who have been supporting me, who have written to me and said, way to go, way to go. Good for you for getting all your money back. Good for you for doing what you did. And I appreciate you. I've said a bunch of times, I believe the men who are in my audience are special men. The women are special too, because I get a bunch of foot soldiers of the patriarchy. So if you haven't rode Mona Elta Hawais, I can never pronounce her last name, seven necessary sins for women and girls, seven necessary sins for women and girls. She calls the women who tow the line, the foot soldiers of the patriarchy. And there are many women and one of my moderators and I just had a discussion with one the other day. There are many women who are continuing to be foot soldiers of the patriarchy and continuing to tow the line in keeping the social structure in place where women are less than. They continue to blame women. I can't tell you how many women have written to me and said, what did you do to cause all these trolls to hate you so much? Yeah. What did you do to, to get, to make people bully I exist as a strong, powerful, outspoken woman. That's your answer. And that threatens their very core. It threatens women like me who dare to speak truth to power, who dare to stand up for ourselves. We scare the hell out of the status quo patriarchy. And the women too, who've been trained, unfortunately, to tow that line, thinking that if they do, there's going to be a place for them. Watch Handmaid's Tale. That's all I have to say. How many Handmaid's Tale? Yeah. If you think that once the patriarchy takes over, there's going to be a place for you. Ask Serena. All right. So, uh, thanks for listening. I hope this just gives you food for thought. I've turned on the camera again. You know, I've said before, yes, this was a rant, but I'm not turning on the camera just because I need to vent. I turn the camera on because this is important for all women and men. This is important. It's important for us all to start understanding and recognizing this societal structure. It hurts all of us, not just women. It prevents all of us from evolving and moving forward and caring and loving one another. So that's why I share. That's why I turn on the camera and rant, because I hope that maybe a few people who are blaming me or blaming other women, or, uh, I'm also reading Chanel Miller's book. She's the one who was raped by Brock Turner. And it's just astonishing how much men are allowed to get away with in this society. It's astonishing. And how women are blamed again and again and again for the actions of men. Just food for thought. See y'all later. I'm going to run into town today. I'll talk to you later. In the meantime, be happy, be free and be kind.