How to Be a Good Father To a Son | Dad University

Some men have great role models as fathers, and then others want to make sure they are completely different than the fathers they had. I was really lucky with my father, and now that I have a son, I get to pass down to my son what my father was able to pass down to me. In this video, we are going over how to be a good father to a son. What are the attributes that make a good father? Is there really a roadmap? I think there is. Hey guys, I'm Jason Kreidman, and welcome to another episode of Dad University. Be sure to give this video a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and click on that notification bell. Also, it really helps us spread our message when you share these videos. So maybe you know a couple people that might enjoy it. Please share it with them. Everyone may have a little bit different definition of what makes a good father to a son. You're different than your father, and your son is different than you. And just because you had a father that was a certain way doesn't mean that you need to be that way or that you will be that way with your son. That's one of the cool things about being a father. You get to decide what kind of father you want to be. So I put together seven things that I believe are really important in being a good father to a son. Number one, be present. Being a good father to a son means that you are there. Now, you're watching a video about being a good father. So you're probably already there or you're on your way. But I want to emphasize this idea of being present. It means not only being physically present, but being mentally present as well. Being mentally present means that your attention is focused. Put that phone down when you're trying to have that quality time. That one-on-one time together is so valuable. Create those memories. And you can only create those memories when you are present. He will remember those times. Keep in mind how important your presence is in your son's life. So much of how he views this world is going to be impacted by what you say and what you do. You have such a huge impact in his life. Number two, give him affection. Affection isn't just for moms. Good fathers provide physical affection to their sons. You know, saying I love you is great, but your son gets tremendous benefits from your physical affection. It helps create the bond between the two of you. It provides him security and it contributes to his overall well-being and brain development. Affection means hugs, kisses, putting your arm around him. Dads seem pretty comfortable in carrying their sons and holding their hand. But as the child gets a little bit older, many dads are uncomfortable with that physical affection. Whether they think it reflects negatively on their masculinity or what. Meanwhile, it doesn't. Provide your child physical affection. And even as they grow, continue to provide that affection. You may not have been provided affection from your own father. You might feel uncomfortable doing it, but it doesn't matter what the reason. You'll benefit from it as well. But if you need a good reason, just know that you will assist in his development. It is good for him. Number three, let him do things for himself. This is my observation, but it seems that so many dads do too much for their sons. And I think it starts when they're very little. You know, the child is old enough to walk, but the dad will still carry the child. Or the child's old enough to go to school and have a backpack, but the dad is still carrying their backpack. And it continues as maybe the child has a problem with their teacher in class and the dad is the one who then talks to the teacher. Instead, let the child handle a lot of things on their own. Your intention may be good, but the end result is not. Remember, we are our son's coach. Our job as a good father is to teach him the ways of the world so that he can do things himself. So when we're in those situations, instead of solving his problems, answering his questions, doing those things for him, we want to think of ways that we can teach them so that he can then do those things for himself. This is from the time he walks to cleaning to schoolwork and beyond and everything in between. It's not that we aren't there for support, but he has to learn to do these things for himself. He's going to learn from his mistakes. He's going to be able to overcome obstacles. And if you want to raise a self-sufficient, confident, capable son, then he has to be able to do these things himself. Trust that he can do it. Number four, be good to his mom. Whether you are with his mom or not, how you treat her is really important to being a good father to a son. He is watching, he is listening, and he is learning. And a lot of how he sees and treats women will be shaped by how you treat her. So be good to her. This means don't make jokes at her expense or criticize her or disrespect her in any way, especially while he is present. Well, it's never good to do that. But when you have little eyes and ears on you at all times, you're not just affecting the person that you intended. You are also affecting your son. If you are not in a relationship with his mom, it doesn't matter. The same rules apply. Do not talk bad about her. It doesn't help him in any way. I know it can be really hard when there's deep emotions involved. But when those kinds of situations come up, think about his emotional well-being and how it doesn't benefit him at all by hearing negative things about his mother. Try to be positive or don't say anything at all. It doesn't help him in any way. Number five, emotions are okay. Men are taught from a really young age that somehow showing emotion is a sign of weakness. You know, boys don't cry. Emotions are perfectly fine. In fact, they're good for you. So telling boys that they should not show emotion is not something that we should be doing. We should tell them that it's okay. Now, we should also be managing those emotions. So we want to be able to have them. We want to be able to feel them and then be able to get through it. You know, this is something that takes practice. But in order to be able to learn how to do that, you have to feel the emotion. We want our sons to feel emotions. Being sad, happy, angry, fearful, those are all real emotions that they should feel. You know, pushing them down or being scared to have emotion or hiding them or even having too much of them. Yes, those things can be problematic. I think good fathers encourage their sons to feel emotions and then teach them how to work through them. Remember, in order to teach something, you should be able to do that yourself. So if you are having difficulty with your own emotions, you're going to want to work on that first. Number six, manners matter. I'm not sure where or when it became socially acceptable for our sons to be disrespectful or gross or disgusting. But we could try to curb that behavior. Manners do matter. You know that saying boys will be boys? That just doesn't work anymore. Good fathers teach their sons to say please and thank you and open doors for people and be polite. It's about how you treat other people. It's about what you say and how you say it. These are all things that we need to be teaching our sons. And you know, the primary way that we do that is by leading by example. I said before that your son is watching how you treat his mom. You better believe that he sees and hears how you treat everybody, from the waiter at the restaurant to your neighbor to your other family members. He is listening and watching. And he's soaking it all in. And a lot of how he will interact with this world is established by you. Number seven, unconditional love. If you're not familiar with unconditional love, it's basically loving your son no matter what he does or what he becomes. He doesn't have to win in order for you to love him. He doesn't have to get good grades in order for you to love him. And he certainly doesn't have to make a lot of money in order for you to love him. You love him because he is your son. And you love him the way that he is. Love the child you have, not the one you want. You know, we as fathers often show our love when our son accomplishes something. But his security and the true value of our relationship is showing that love for no reason. He doesn't need to accomplish something. He doesn't need to win. He just is your son and he is the way that he is. And that's why you love him. Unconditional love is allowing your son to find his path, not going down the path that you want. He might have different interests than yours. He might have different desires than yours. It doesn't matter. Love him unconditionally. Being a good father to a son does take a lot of effort. And for many of us, this stuff may not come naturally. It may take a lot of work for us to achieve this. But you have to decide what is the outcome that you want. Do you want to have a great relationship with your son? Do you want him to be a good human being and a contributing member of society? A lot of his foundation is up to you. You have the ability to greatly impact another human being. So be a good father. Your son deserves it. I would love to hear from you. What does being a good father to a son mean to you? Leave your feedback in the comment section below. If you found this video helpful, you don't want to miss what we have for you in our other videos. Be sure to give this video a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and click on that notification bell. Also, if you know anybody that might enjoy this video, please share it with them. We'll see you next time.