5 Times Jake Proved He Loves Amy | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I asked the lady at the store what her favorite cheeses were, and those were all super expensive, so I got us a budget-conscious selection of local cheddars. So, full year of marriage. What was your favorite part? Are you asking me to do a marriage highlight reel countdown a la NBA Inside Stuff? I mean, that's not exactly what I was looking for. Number five! Look, Jake, I know that you and Santiago are trying to take me down. You guys go home, you lay in bed together, you plot against me. Well, no longer. I want you to dump Santiago, and that's an order. What? You can't do that. That's completely against the rules. Okay, Sonia Sotomayor, I would never break the rules, but what I could do, for totally unrelated reasons, is have you busted back down to a beat cop. No, don't do that, all right? I can learn to love nip slips. No, you either love them, or you don't. It's too late. You dump Santiago, or you kiss that detective badge goodbye. What? He's ordering us to break up? Look, we can deal with this. We just need a new plan. I got it. We lie, tell him we broke up, and then date in secret. Great! And you'd be okay lying to your captain? Okay, new plan. Captain Holt is here today. Yes! Genius! He loves us, and he's got tons of sway in the department. He'll tell the Vulture to back down. Yeah, he'll be all, Vulture, I must insist that you de-sist. I really think this is gonna work. Also, if you ever want to bust out that Holt impression at home, I'd be okay with that. Oh, okay. Duly noted. Super disturbing, but I'm definitely gonna do it. I need to play you one quick recording of my boss. You recorded me? That's not cool, Jake. Well, we were just taking a page out of your book. Yeah. What are you gonna do next, huh? You gonna start wearing leather bracelets? Good luck pulling off that chunky B with those skinny little girl wrists of yours. Congratulations, you're no longer a detective. You're a beat cop again. I just crushed your dreams. Ames, you're two minutes late. I called all the emergency rooms. I know. I went home from your place to shower, and I'm so tired that I fell asleep while shaving my legs. But we went to bed so early. Property Brothers was over at 10. I mean, sex, we do it. She's tired from all the doing it. Who are you talking to? Precinct. Come on, man. Yeah. No, I was up all night because your dumb, lumpy mattress is so uncomfortable. What? But I gave you the good lump. Please stop talking until I finish eating my coffee. Please take down. Thanks. Oh, my God. What? Nothing, nothing. Let's just take this guy in. No, what is it? It's just, this mattress looks just like your mattress at home. What? No, it doesn't. I mean, sure, there are a couple of similarities, but... Oh, man, it's the exact same one. I have a dumpster mattress. All right, that settles it. We're going mattress shopping. Seriously? Oh, this is the best. Look, mattresses are expensive, but they're an investment. It's going to be in your life for a long time. True, but it's also still just a mattress, you know? It's a lot of money to spend on a rectangle that's filled with springs and goose hair. You know it's feathers. I didn't. And it would be money well spent because it would allow me to actually sleep in your bed. But I already have a mattress. It just doesn't seem worth it. Okay. Well, to me, it sounds like you're saying I'm not worth it. So I'm going to go sleep in my grown-up mattress that I bought this century, and you're not invited. Hey. Hey. What's up? Two things. I ran the footage from the hotel through facial recognition software and got a match, Grady Lamont. This is his current address. That's good, I guess. Yeah, it's six years old. Well, juggies are lazy. He deals in uppers. We're screwed. Yeah. What's the second thing? Well, the captain and I were jamming on some personal issues, just going back and forth. I honestly think I helped him more than he helped me. I'm not buying any of that. No. Amy Santiago, I want to change mattresses for you. Okay, what's your number three be? Ooh, I know. It's big. Oh, I see you've taken the braids out. Your hair looks fun. Now it's ready for me to braid again. Okay, Ames, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you got to calm the F train down. You're going to ace this test. You think that because you love me, and love has made you dumb. I disagree. If anything, love has made me smarter. Remember last week when I boiled that egg? That was big. I was really proud of you. Yes, and hold on to your crazy-ass hair because I'm about to prove to you that you have nothing to worry about. Follow me. Practice test. You ace it, you relax, you nail the real one, you become a sergeant, you make grateful love to me for 14 hours straight. Jake. Fine, one hour. Fifteen minutes. Eight. Three, but they're mind-blowing. I've told you a million times. You don't really want more than three. No, practice exams are worthless. The testing conditions are way too pristine. There's nothing to distract you. I mean, look around. A child could pass the freaking MCAT in here. I knew you would say that, which is why I've asked these officers to do their paperwork in here while you take the test. He writes way too loudly. She's always yawning. He has a gross cold. IBS, IBS. She has a weird arm-stretching thing. There you are. Thank God. Hey, how'd you find me? January 14th, 2014. Detectives Peralta and Santiago conducted surveillance from a rooftop at 397 Barton Street. This is where we came the night I won our bet and you fell in love with me. Jake. The night that you flirted with me for 20 seconds and I became obsessed with you forever. Ready? I'm sorry. I freaked out and ran away. It's okay. Just because you messed up the practice test doesn't mean you're gonna fail the real one. I didn't mess it up. I got 102%. I found a spelling error in one question. I gave myself extra credit. Then why'd you leave? Because that was the first time it really hit me. When I pass the exam, I'll actually be a sergeant. What if everything changes between us? That's why you came here? Yeah. Things are so good right now. I don't want to screw that up by getting transferred or becoming your boss. Ames, I've always known you were gonna be my boss. I mean, this is your dream from before we were dating. And yeah, things might change a little, but for the better, right? You can finally get premium cable, check out all those shows on Epix. Look, you can't be afraid to be successful. You're too good for that. I love you. Love you too. Okay, number two. Some of you have asked me what got me through prison. Was it my family? Don't be stupid. Was it knowing that my friends would eventually get me out? Of course not. I never believed in any of you. No, the only thing that kept me sane was planning for the Halloween heist those many years doing hard time. It was eight weeks. I also went to prison, dog. We're getting off track here. No, we're not, dog. Peralta's just trying to play the sympathy card, so we all go easy on him. I'd rather send you back to prison than see you win. Okay, this year we compete for the most elegant and regal of all prizes. A championship cummerbund. Or belt, as normal people call it. Hello, Jacob. Ah! Ames, what are you doing here? Why aren't you out looking for the belt? You and I both know the belt never left the precinct. I don't know that. Nobody knows that. I kept thinking, how did anyone swap my key? And then it hit me, they didn't. They swapped the safe. One of the handmaids, I'm assuming fake Charles, took my safe and then, of Amy, deposited a lookalike. What did you give fake Charles so he'd help you? Nothing. In fact, he gave me something. The power of financial freedom. I invested in a pyramid scheme. There's no time to go into it right now. Okay. So, while we all tried to figure out who had the real key, fake Charles broke into the safe, removed the tracker, and led Terry and the whole squad on a wild goose chase. My only question is, which box is the belt in? Well, good luck figuring it out because the clock is tick, tick, tocking. It's that one. No! The dust pattern on top doesn't match its neighbors. You see, Jake, I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you. You've lost the ability to surprise me. You're just plain boring. Again, weird take on our very loving relationship. And it's midnight, so I guess I'm an amazing human slash genius. Yeah. Although, you might wanna read the inscription on that there belt. Why? Oh, no. What does it say? Amy Santiago, will you marry me? Surprise. I don't understand. I thought we were on the same page about kids. We talked about this. We did? Oh, look at these pictures my brother sent of Matthew. We should do this someday. What do you think? Are you kidding me? Of course. I was talking about going to the water park. You were talking about having kids? Yeah. I said, do you think we can afford it? And you said, we'll start saving right away. So let me get this straight. All that water park money I've been saving, you wanna spend it on kids now? Yeah, why would you wanna spend that much money on a water park? Look, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say here. I just, I never wanted children. Well, I always have. All right, so how do we handle this? I mean, there's only one thing to do when two people have diametrically opposing views on a subject. Talk about it lovingly and decide how to move forward? Structured debate. Oh, fun. High school format, modified Lincoln-Douglas. Let's take one hour apart for research and prep. Yeah. Great, let's do a Lincoln-Douglas. You okay? Hey, yeah, I'm okay. Really surprised by Pam. I did not see that coming. Right? You should have seen the look on my face when I saw it was her. Your jaw just dropped. So, she's right there. Goodbye, Pam. Good luck with everything. Kind of liked her in the end. Yeah. So, did they defuse the bomb? Yeah, one of them. Oh, you didn't hear? There was a second bomb. Your butt. Your butt is to bomb. Oh, on our anniversary. Speaking of which, I requested next week off so we can take an actual vacation to the water park. I've never been more in love with you in my entire life. And hey, I've been thinking and I do want to have kids with you. You're not scared anymore? Oh no, I am so scared. Maybe even more so than before, but I was scared in there with Pam too and I didn't panic or mess anything up there. If anything, I was sharper and I was a fricking debate genius. Debate genius? Oh, that's very hot. That's an added bonus. Okay, keep that energy up. But the point that I was actually trying to make is maybe it's a good thing that I'm scared of fatherhood. Maybe it'll turn me into a fricking dad genius. But we don't have to start trying right away, right? I mean, I don't know that I'm all the way there yet. No, of course not. Whenever we're both ready. How do you know when that is? I guess we'll just have to have another one of these really fun, casual conversations. Cool, love that. Can't wait. Can we go home now? Yes, please. Maybe we can grab some Thai food and brainstorm baby names. Ooh, I like that. Now, I am a fan of the show American Gladiators. How do you feel about the name Lays Peralta? Not great. What about Laser? No. Nitro? No. Viper? No. Atlas? Ooh, I do love atlases. Mm, common ground.