11 Things We Learned After 1 Year of Marriage

Hey guys, welcome back to the channel. We are Matt and Abby, and we are so happy that you are here with us. Before we go ahead and get started, make sure that you smash that like button and hit subscribe because it really helps us out and we love you guys. Yeah. Abby's not feeling the best today, unfortunately. So we did not get ice cream today, but we did get hot tea. So just trying to soothe our throats. Yeah, we're doing the top things we learned after one year of marriage video. And we're super excited to share all of that good stuff with you guys. I want to preface something really quick. We always get relationship questions or even the title of this video, things we learned like that kind of sounds past tense. Like these are things that we're also still learning. We're always learning. So like we don't have it nailed. I don't know if we ever will, but hopefully each year we'll gradually get better at learning these things. So we kind of just made a little list this morning, like things that we've like thought about. But I do like this one to start off with. We said that the change isn't all that it's hyped up to be. Yes. Oh, my gosh. When we were engaged, even before getting engaged, everyone was like, when you're married, like you're your life's over. Like you're locked in. Trust me, it's very, very different from dating. I will say it's different, but it's not that different. It's not that different. Like I thought that because of the way it was talked about, I thought that I would literally like go about my life and feel different. I don't know. I just thought that like as soon as I was married, I said I do. I would turn into this like housewife or something. Some people say that you need to live together before you get married because it is such a change. But I will tell you like it is a change, but there's nothing drastic about it. And once you've agreed to be married, you've already agreed to like whether the little difficulties or hiccups that you might come across when you move in together. But yeah. Yeah. The biggest shift that we've seen is really COVID. Yeah. Because I agree with that. We've had less time with our friends, less time with a lot less time because of COVID. A lot of time together, which has been good. But we need time with other people. And we'll get to that later. That leads to our next one, actually. Oh, really? Which is friendships outside of marriage should continue to be a priority. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's so important because I can't expect Abby to meet all my needs. Abby can't expect me to meet all her needs. So it's not like we can only be friends with each other. And that's like we need to have friendships outside of the marriage. It will benefit your relationship or marriage to have a strong community outside of your marriage. That's completely unrelated. Like I have girls I hang out with. You guys that you hang out with. I will say there was like a moment like a few months before our actual wedding that I was like kind of sad. And I was like, man, I'm just sad because like I don't think I'll get to have sleepovers anymore with my girlfriend. She still does. And he was like, no, you can't. Oh, OK. We can make this work. Yeah. So like I still have sleepovers with my girlfriend. Oh, I like this one. This one's more for me. Some things you just need to let go. I learned in this first year of marriage that sometimes voicing your concerns or frustrations, it's good to have that judgment of like, OK, do I bring this up? Or is this just something I can just honestly just like let it go? And I feel like those types of things pop up, especially in the first year that you're living together, because it's like, OK, that's kind of annoying. Hold that comment. And sometimes if you see something leading to an argument or see something going somewhere, maybe maybe like you're not in the wrong or maybe there's something going on. Sometimes it's just best to hold your tongue and and just not instigate anything because you got to let stuff go. I heard somebody say that is piping still hot. I can't even touch. Oh, my gosh. That kind of leads into the next one, though. So like while there are things to let go, it is important to if something is important to you to explicitly voice expectations. Yes. Expressing how you feel, expressing what your expectation is, is so important because if I have an expectation and I don't tell Abby what it is and she doesn't do it, then I'm upset. And that's not really fair if I never told her what that expectation was. Right. So you want to make sure that those expectations are very clear. Sometimes it's like I really want you to figure out what I want right now or I need you to do, but it doesn't do either one of us. I think that whole like figure out what I'm thinking in my mind thing just doesn't work too well for guys. Well, I don't think most women are intentionally like figure like play my mind game, but that's kind of like it's just we're so in tune with other emotions like other people that it's like we think that you can do the same thing. But I'm not like that's not me. Most guys are really in touch with their own guys, though. But like for me, I need Abby to tell me, hey, this is what I need today. Can you please make it a priority to do this today? And having those expectations clearly laid out really is helpful for me. Make your spouse your first phone call. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And we said we should never be learning information about one another in a public setting or from another person. Like when I got news about different internships that I got last year, I went to Abby first about it just because she's my first phone call. She's the first person that I tell these things to. And I think that's important to always have that. So just make sure that your spouse is that first phone call. Yeah. They feel appreciated and loved and that there is a priority going on. You know, they are the priority. Something that you talked about was have a strong financial plan. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Having a strong financial plan happens really before even engagement, before you're going to make that commitment. Like have a have some sort of plan laid out, because that's something that I did as a freshman in college figuring out, OK, how much do I need to save? How much do I need to make? I never would buy things I didn't need. I never went out for ice cream. I was just very strict on myself because I knew that the stakes were high and I wanted to have adequate savings to get married to Abby. And because I did all the hard work on the front end, since then, it's been super easy. And if we wouldn't have done that, if we would have just spent whatever we had in the bank and not saved well and not had a plan, then what would have happened is we would be struggling right now to make ends meet. And it would have been terrifying with COVID-19 realizing, oh, my gosh, we're the ones responsible for our finances. We're not linked to our parents finances anymore because we did all the hard work on the front end. We've been fine. We've been good and no worries here. So that's been a huge blessing. The next one is assigning different roles within the relationship is OK. Yeah. So I kind of thought of this one because sometimes I'd find myself being like, man, I don't know if Matt has ever done laundry or ever made a meal. Like I would get frustrated by that. And then I thought about, OK, but I also have never figured out the finances, paid the bills, taking care of the car stuff, like certain things like that. I was like, it's OK if we have different roles within this relationship. And it's not to say that one is more important. And in the same way, sometimes I get like I've noticed myself getting frustrated. Like, why am I always the one taking care of anything related to our vehicles, our finances, managing all of our bill payments? And I realized, well, Abby, Abby makes most of the food. Abby's the one who does all the grocery pretty much buys the groceries. So it's important to remember, like who had me? Yeah, all that stuff, laundry, cleaning. So it's important to know like who has what role. And you just have to decide that amongst yourselves. And that's OK to have roles. If you want to have traditional roles where the woman's doing most the cleaning and cooking and the man's doing the finance stuff like we do. That's fine. If you want to do it completely different, that's fine, too. You just have to decide for yourselves. So talk about that with your spouse. I totally agree. Yeah. I like this one says you need to learn to compromise, which we are still learning. Yeah, but I think that is a really. I think it can be tough, especially in like today's climate, like with our culture, it's all about you do you, you be individual. And I think it's important to be an individual within a relationship. My whole identity cannot lie in our marriage. Yeah, but I will say that like learning to compromise for the greater good of our unity is so important. It's not about winning an argument. It's about making sure that our marriage is lasting and full of love. But we need to talk about things when there's issues that arise. We have to let our voices be heard, but know how to compromise with your spouse. That's so find a middle ground. So next one we've got is never complain about each other to other people. Oh, yeah, that's very good. Obviously, this comes with some caveats. Like if you're in an abusive marriage relationship, like obviously let other people help call the police. Talk to it. Just that's my only caveat. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. If I'm just like frustrated with something Matt did and I go to my girlfriends and your mom unload or my mom or I do the same thing to my guy friends or my mom, like that's just not good. It paints a poor picture of Abby. That's also not fair because you're only presenting them with one side of the story. A marriage is like, you know, a sacred thing that you need to respect. You'd be surprised at how like one thing like that can skew someone else's view about a person. It's not a mature action, either. It doesn't it doesn't speak well of yourself to do that to your spouse. So just be aware of that. Be aware that the way you talk about your spouse really influences what people think about them. And I only want them to think highly of you. Exactly. I think you're awesome. Yeah. What we got, baby? OK, this one is to try not to disagree with each other in front of people. Oh, yes. Another one. That's kind of along the same lines. If you're quarreling and fighting in front of people, that's just going to it's weird because then people start putting in their input and it's like, I don't care what you have to say. Like, this is between us. Why are you getting involved when you go ahead and you have a disagreement in front of people and they're inviting everybody else? You're inviting everyone in the room to come in and tell you what to do. And you don't need that. And we've learned this with, you know, just maybe a slight disagreement in front of parents or something like that. Like, you just don't want to do that, because then right away it's like you get everyone's opinion and you didn't ask for it. So just be aware of that. But you kind of did by inviting them in. You know, you asked for it. You're asking for it by having that dispute in front of people and be respectful with each other. Like when you have a disagreement, just talk. Don't don't come out with anger and rage. Just talk and listen to one another. Oh, this is the last one. Pursuing one another should never stop. I like that one. You never stop dating your spouse. Yeah. Make your spouse a priority. I feel like especially couples that get to the 20, 30, 40 year mark, sometimes it just becomes like your spouse is your roommate and the love is gone. And the reason it's gone is because you didn't work out. Like when you're in a marriage, you got to work out that marriage like you do a muscle. If you don't work out your muscles, they're going to they're going to shrink and disappear. Make sure that you're putting the work and the time into your marriage so that it's healthy and that the love stays there. That's really sweet. I will say Matt does a really good job of like you literally compliment me all the time. Love you. You're very sweet. You're so cute with your words. And I know like some couples are like we'll have like a weekly date nights. We're not that organized, to be honest with you. But I don't feel like we don't go on dates. Yeah, it's just not the most organized thing. But I don't think that it has to be organized to be intentional. So and I've really liked getting to make the social media our full time job because that has allowed Abby and I to spend a lot of time together before we did social media for a while, especially in our early years of college. We worked as servers at a restaurant. We shared one vehicle that we bought together while we were dating and we served at the same restaurants. We saw each other every day. We spent a lot of time together. We loved it. And so I was always like, Abby, we need to work a job that we can do together. And it's nice that we finally get to do that again here on YouTube and TikTok. We'll see where it takes us and where this comes. But I just know that like it sounds really clingy and I'm sure every couple's different. Like some people are like, I need my alone time so I can be, you know, but you do. But I feel like we work really well together a lot of the time. Anyway, back to the thing. Prioritize your marriage. Continue to pursue one another. Obviously, we're not infatuated with one another anymore. What? But we don't lose like. I think you're super hot. OK, well, is that everything? Yeah, I think that's everything. Anyway, I love this woman so much. I hope this video was nice. You're beautiful. You're awesome. Hopefully this is helpful. So let us know if it helped you out in any way. Once again, I want to emphasize that like we've been married for one year. Like we are definitely not experts on marriage. This is where we, this is our checkpoint. This is what we've gotten so far by year one. I hope that by year two, that we'll be even more of a unit and even stronger in our pursuit of one another. Yeah, but that's where we are with year one. Well, guys, thank you so much for watching this video. We appreciate the support. Make sure that you smash that like button and subscribe if you haven't done so already. We will see you in the next video. Thank you so much for watching. We appreciate you. We'll see you. See you. Bye.