Aubrey Marcus | Open Relationships, Onnit, and Opportunity

[Music] ha Bri Marcus welcome to the show man thank you brother taking the time yeah happy to be here yeah beautiful beautiful Austin so this was a very interesting interview for me to prepare for because I usually have like a definite direction that I want to take an interview but when I started thinking about the different things that I wanted to talk to you about it just the list seemed to keep going on and on so you know is first of all thinking about the book and then health and then the open relationship psychedelic spirituality on it podcasting there's so many different realms so and weirdly they're all related but maybe we'll find that place yeah yeah exactly that's that's the goal here right so so let's build some context first and then we'll kind of just jump in and see how many things we can cover in the period of time that we have so first of all can you tell us what it was like growing up for abri Marcus like eight year old huh Bri bring us back to that point household parents well I always felt really blessed because my parents split when I was two and a lot of people might think oh well that's too bad that must have been hard no it was and it was freaking awesome because I had my mother who is a professional tennis player my stepfather who was a SWAT team squad leader and one of the most physically masculine expressions of a human I could ever imagine my father was a commodities trader and my stepmother was a naturopathic doctor so I got his wide gamut of experience and personalities and mentorship along with my grandmother and a lot of other key people and I really think you know that's shaped some of my own understanding having four parents instead of two really a deeper understanding of how it kind of does take a tribe to optimally raise a young human with the kind of fluidity and mentorship that's available from so many different people so I always felt blessed for that and I also knew that I had I had I had something that I knew I wanted to give to the world and I didn't know exactly what that was and I explored a million things but I knew that I had a message an idea something that I wanted to deliver and you know I think as I grew older that developed into more frustration because I didn't find it and I didn't know what it was and I would beat myself up well I should have figured it out by now but I didn't so I was always exploring looking and and ultimately figuring out that I wasn't ready yet I wasn't ready yet to really deliver that message because my message is so holistic it is talking about so many different ways to learn through resistance through information through practice through experience and and you know jumping to what I said at the beginning that is the common thread between all of these things all of these are ways to optimize yourself physically mentally emotionally and spiritually so do you think that will have a big play into how you raise a family in the future there's something that's on my mind a lot because my wife who's sitting right over here for those of you listening is about 17 weeks pregnant right now and obviously not something that I researched a ton in the last couple of years is like how to parent or whatever so do you think that that way that you were just how to make babies that's all yeah repeatedly correct correct yeah I'm not very well versed and know how to how to actually bring them through to fruition um yeah I mean I think it's absolutely shaped my understanding and I think if you look back historically and anthropologically I mean the raising a child with two parents was not the norm but it's become the norm and the expectation and I think obviously that's superior to one parent you know one pair that's a real challenging go it's giving one aspect one expression of polarity one expression of knowledge and understanding and habits and so so much respect and appreciation for those doing it with one and those doing it with two and I think as I look at it you know my focus is building a community that can have all of those extended people in the sole family helping to contribute to the raising of the child because you know while I had step parents which is one construct which exists trying to and that was kind of accidental and I was just because my parents couldn't work it out they wouldn't like intentionally saying hey we'll have more mentors for young abri and we'll split up and that will help us fill it it was just that didn't work and they found somebody else but I think in tension creating a bigger network of people to raise a kid I think that would be should I choose to go down that path and devote that amount of energy kind of focused that amount of energy on one young soul or two young Souls certainly I'll be calling in for all the help I can get so one or two huh not six or seven oh definitely I mean there's so much of my message that's about you know one too many and about how I'm already in communication with so many different people and even this mastermind that I'm starting soon to fit for service mastermind that's gonna be a fellowship of people where I'm devoting so much of my energy and attention to elevating the possibility potentiality consciousness of a wide group of people through actual physical interaction and through my mentorship and I do feel that you know people at an advanced level of consciousness in just aged just growing up and just being able to have the brain handle that it's one of the best ways that I can contribute to the good of all so balancing that with you know the developmental stages which I know I can also contribute to but just knowing where I can give my medicine the most effectively and if I had seven kids pretty much that's all going to young adults and it's going to take away from what I'm able to give to grown adults of all shapes sorts sizes so you bring up your master mind key tell us a little bit more about that just entails on when it starts how long it's going to be what's what's included in that yeah I think really the idea is that human beings are happy what and happiest when they're acting with purpose when they know they're why and they're delivering something greater than themselves you know and they're and they're acting on behalf of something greater than their own greed or their own ego or their own personal benefit but in order to do that to really act in service of others you have to be fit for service so it always starts at home and so the program is really focusing on how to be personally fit mentally fit emotionally fit and spiritually fit some of that I cover in the book but this is taking it way beyond where the book is going because it's going to have to the interaction all the coaches that I can bring in those actual physical interactions when we meet at these different summits around the country and going to Tulum as well so in some ways around the world but it's just taking a group of people through that whole process a process that I've learned through experience and information and mentorship and trial and error with the goal being to get people in a place where they're in the most capable spot to deliver their medicine to the people they want maybe that's just the small group of people around them their family or maybe it's a bigger group or maybe it's the world at large you know there's so many different people from people with thousand person companies to people just starting out on their own so it's gonna be a real wide gamut but the common thread is getting yourself in a position where you have enough abundance of time energy resource mindset emotional control you know spiritual centering physical energy you know mental processing that you can really give your gift to the world in the most effective way is that a limited amount of people I assume you got to go somewhere to apply I go yeah you go to Aubree Marcus comm slash fit for service and there's an application there and we're reviewing the applications and making sure that you know kind of your mindset is right to join this fellowship and be the most good yeah so and when is that start it starts January 1st there's gonna be enrollment so there's four different segments it's gonna go physical mental emotional spiritual and if you miss the January first cutoff then you have to start we don't have to but you have the opportunity the invitation to start at the mentally fit and go mental emotional spiritual physical because it's all going to be cyclical okay and for those people who want to stay and longer we'll just evolve and advance all of those different characteristics because as we all know there's always more to learn yeah definitely definitely so this ivory is the build your network podcast we talk a lot about networking connections relationships you have built some relationships with awesome people and it seems like there are also awesome relationships and so I listened to an interview that you did I think it was with Tim Ferriss where he talked about starting on it and the alpha brain product and getting to know Joe Rogan in that whole relationship so I kind of want to dive into but first to kind of get this conversation headed in this direction it's the comic this is the question that I ask everybody that comes on the show which is do you believe that who you know or what you know is more important and why who you know or what you know what is more important I think probably the most important thing is knowing yourself and if you know yourself it becomes pretty easy to know other people and develop those relationships and also it's probably the most important what that you can know and because to really know yourself is one of the most challenging things and really understand and be in full awareness of all of those subconscious unconscious motivations those Greed's that are pulling you one way those needs for validation that are pulling you another way all because all of that applies universally and then I think utilizing all of the tools available to help you figure out who you are and what you are and how you serve that's probably the most crucial element and then everything else kind of unfolds from there so that's how I would modify that question yeah so follow up questions through that if if assuming that you've done the work the internal work to really know yourself and you have a mission you know your purpose or why if you were going to choose one thing in 2019 let's say to spend a lot of time on building quality relationships or getting much better at your craft which of those two would you spend more time on again it's the quality relationships come from having quality that you can offer as value and then quality that you can exchange the ability to give and see and like receive in return like that is the basis of a relationship it's an exchange and that exchange could be through laughter through smiles through compassion through understanding through information so the relationship because when you actually have that and that's intrinsic you don't have to like work hard on the relationship the relationships can flourish and reach a level of depth fast you know like I have friends who are very close friends and very important contacts and we can go a long time without seeing each other but within the first few minutes of seeing each other again or reigniting a call we're already into the deep waters you know we're already like we see each other deeply we know what each other stand for we've been through you know deep conversations it's in some cases challenging rituals or hard workouts or through the difficult and the celebratory times of life so it becomes easier to maintain and hold those relationships without having to invest a bunch of time so really again it's if you're in the right state to be able to give and receive with that person then it's not about making that a focus that's just gonna happen naturally you're gonna attract people who are ready to engage with that type of relationship that's going to be of mutual benefit and reciprocity so with this particular story that I mentioned earlier how did that relationship come about like would it be ridiculous to say that a lot of a lot of the success that on it has seen has been through you being open-minded to like building a real relationship with somebody who had influence to be able to market the product or would you say that like the quality of the product really did it by itself and then you like really brought those relationships in afterwards in this case my relationship with Joe Rogan was a friendship and this was two year friendship that didn't have a particular purpose and then we kind of co-created and dreamed into this idea of creating alpha brain together and no doubt you know he was the single most influential factor in the success of alpha brain but could it have could it have worked if the product wasn't awesome and it wouldn't stand up to the clinical testing rigor that it subsequently went through with the Boston Center for memory like two double-blind clinical tests the product had to be that good yeah so I had to know the information I had to read lean on the research lean on the resources and test it and prove it against placebo so the product had to be good but [ __ ] I mean how many people would have heard about it if it wasn't for Joe at the start and how many other influencers who have been attracted you know he was that catalyst he was that initial wave of momentum and you know alpha brain was the surfboard that allowed it to go otherwise I'd have just been chunder dand smashed on the coral somewhere and not only would that relationship probably have struggled and soured if I said hey I can do this and I couldn't do that then yeah maybe we still would have been like casual friends and whatever see him in a comedy show but that actually strengthened it because we were able to combine that relationship with something that was really of quality yeah did you when you when you first started getting to know him was like how did you even come across that like path or opportunity to find a lot of people you know good people just don't find themselves in opportunities often meaning like they're maybe not in the right vehicle or they they just don't get those things thrown in front of them and they just struggle with figuring out how to how to put themselves in those types of opportunities how have you found it throughout your career you'll be able to put yourself in those opportunities well I've done enough of my own work in research and learning and the knowing of myself that I present an interesting individual for someone to connect with like I have something to offer and it doesn't matter if I'm sitting across the table here from Tim Kennedy and he's talking about the crazy challenging things and he's one of the top special forces UFC MMA number four in the world middleweight like one of the most incredible human beings in that expression that I've ever known and put himself through as much physical hardship and as much stressful as many stressful situations as any human being but I can sit across from him and say this is what happened in this you know sweat lodge ritual this is what happened in this ayahuasca ritual this is what happened in this particular training circumstance or this challenge and we can even though we come from wildly disparate backgrounds we can look at each other and acknowledge the learning and the understanding that we've gained from our own particular path and look at each other and say hey brother I see you and it's it's that thing that I think was able to create the friendship with Joe it was like I had been on a Vision Quest since I was I was at that point like 30 31 somewhere around there 30 I think maybe even 29 but I'd been on a vision I went on a Vision Quest when I was 18 and I'd been on this personal deep challenging introspective journey of experiential spirituality and psychedelics and understanding and philosophy and I was a philosophy major in school and and on that path rigorously for so long that when we met for a 30-minute coffee it turned into a 4-hour dinner right because there was enough to exchange yeah so I think again it kind of goes back to that same thing these opportunities may be there and you have to like actively create him like I had to actively create the circumstances that would give me a chance to sit with coffee with Joe because I went to his comedy shows and we'd like to say what's up after the show but in that context in that relationship nothing that I'm gonna say when he has me as fan hey here's fan I got 300 of them right you know there's no there's it really isn't an opportunity and like when someone like runs into me and is like hey I got this new CBD thing check it out I'm like yeah cool see you later you know but like that's not a really an opportunity right like really an opportunity is developing a degree of mastery in something and then in in mastery in yourself and offering that relationship and then from there seeing what other things will develop you I love you brought that up because that's kind of one of the directions I was looking at taking this conversation I talk a lot about networking and connections relationships a lot kind of stuff and something that a lot of people say around this topic is be interested not interesting right like get to know the other person but what I've found over doing 200 plus interviews on the show now is that a lot of the people who it seems that networking comes naturally to are interesting people like what you were just saying right so you were interested but you were also very interesting do you there's a lot of things that you had to talk about that would just like pique somebody's interest or capture somebody's attention just like saying the stuff that you just said isn't just normal conversation you know vision quests and experiencial ayahuasca journey like that's not part of normal conversation it kinda is now but in back in 2000 2010 it wasn't and kind of is in your world right like me coming from so quick context here to and especially for people listening as well I come from like a really religious background so grew up in a Baptist Church we were Church three days a week Sunday mornings there night was dancing oh no dancing Church yeah we get to merits no literally like 15 demerits I think four demerits yeah so in high school and college uh-huh so very ultra-religious so like all of this stuff was totally brand new to me like I graduated college on the same campus that I graduated kindergarten from oh well from the time I was three years old as by just going to church I started going to the school on the same campus then the college in the same campus so my entire world was in this bubble from the time that I was three till probably three four years ago Sam was about 20 to 23 and so me coming into this like my first exposure to any of this kind of talked about any stuff that you were just talking about was actually you I think I just I think it was actually just listening to an interview that you did on Tim Ferriss his show and I found the networking part really interesting and then I started following your stuff and everything else was really interesting that I came out to your mastermind that you threw probably two or three months ago now and kind of jumped into that full force and yeah it's been very very interesting to me to kind of to kind of start into this but I say that just my baby no demerits for the exception yeah no demerits yeah the ecstatic dancing was an experience yes yeah it's bad it honestly was was it was difficult for me because I come from a background of no dancing or you merit so I have like no rhythm right so like I don't know yeah exactly trying to try to make its way out I guess I don't know but so it was an experience but I say that just to say that you know in your world that might seem normal now to talk about that kind of stuff but I appreciate you and the work that you're doing because for people like me it was not normal at all and prior to six months ago I had no idea what ayahuasca even was you know and so kind of going along the same routes I'm interested to hear what you have to say about this because I find this whole topic really fascinating just because of the way that good that I grew up I find a direct correlation between somebody's first spiritual experience and what they believe for the rest of their life which is why most people never really leave the religion or mindset whatever you want to call it that they grew up in so how do we challenge our belief systems with like a healthy amount of skepticism without completely abandoning the spiritual side of our being well I think there's one of the challenges with religion is religion has been placed above having authentic spiritual experience and some people can get that you know absolutely religious context where they get a genuine spiritual mystical experience that feeling of union with God or union with the divine or union with all life itself however you want to feel it it's this transcendent experience that I wouldn't say is universal amongst all people in all religions I think religion the religious 'ti of it has kind of made it just a program it's more ceremony than substance and I think if you're in that situation and it's fear and expectation and habit and that's keeping you in those patterns I encourage you you either through your faith or outside of your faith to try and find and feel and know that direct contact with divinity because I think that is I think and that divinity can be felt with within as well as it can be felt without like I could be tapping into your own higher truth and understanding and knowledge and love and consciousness or it can be felt externally as something that you might call God but either way the direct experience of it is essential and that direct experience will inform all the language all of the understandings all of the constructs and paradigms but the direct experience is primary so you said that you were on a spiritual experience from the time that you were 18 was that something that you consciously decided or was this something that was kind of in your past growing up like how did how did all that play well my father was trying to find ways out of the own his own prisons of his mind his own traps and the own ways it is your biological father biological father and he stumbled upon the psychedelic medicine you know ritual path and he just offered that to me as a rite of passage when I finished and graduated high school and I was somewhat terrified but decided like alright let's go and I was actually at the time kind of a pretty devout atheist you know you know basically like really focused on what science had to say and materialist reductionist kind of approach of humanity because I've been exposed to religions and I didn't find any kind of affinity or understanding with them as a philosophy that I felt was held true enough for me to follow it and it wasn't giving me any direct spiritual experience so I was like I screw it I'll try but I went into this experience an atheist and felt my body evaporate and what could only be called my consciousness or maybe my spirit or maybe my soul depends on the language and vocabulary you want to use emerge and I was like oh [ __ ] I had a lot of things wrong about my atheist viewpoint like there is something more to life than just the cells in our body you know there's something that's animating this life-form there's something behind it that's connected to all things and when I had that direct experience that direct knowing and I was like well now I got to start looking and I gotta start looking inside myself I got to look through more experiences like this and I got to start looking in other philosophies religions experiences for you know more information about what I actually felt myself yeah cuz that's the whole thing right it's like nobody can tell you that you didn't experience what you knew that you experienced right like other people might be able to say or talk into that conversation right and say well there is no God or there is a god or it's actually his name is Allah or whatever you want to say but bottom line nobody can go back and take that experience away from you so once you had that inside of you you immediately were just like there's something more to this I want to know what that is yeah would you recommend people start at the same place that you started no some people might and in the right set and said I had a I'm just an amazing set in setting I had a beautiful shaman in the mountains and it was a beautiful setting and she had a long history and tradition of offering these ceremonies and it was really an ideal setting for that initial Vision Quest that's hard to find that's hard to replicate that exact thing it is a path and if that's available to you know if that's calling to you or even if you want to take the precautions and read someone like Jim you know diamonds psychedelic explorers guide or you know do some of the more medical protocols that are being offered by Hefner you so none maps for some of the psychedelics that are available now that are ultimately going to be approved by the FDA hopefully 2021 somewhere around there there's gonna be opportunities but really I think it starts with some other experiencial practice and that would probably be meditation floatation ecstatic dance you know holotropic breathing or shamanic breathing or some other experience that helps alter your state of consciousness without the use of any type of plant psychedelic or medicine and would ayahuasca be the first one that you would start with nope I mean it could be it could be but it's not like what I would recommend yeah it's not it's not like I'd be like yeah definitely it might be that might be the absolute right thing yeah you know it very well might again it depends on what where you are whether you're called to it whether it's the right set in setting but if anybody's gonna do ayahuasca but they've never been in a float tank a sensory deprivation tank or they've never been meditating and they've never done yoga and they've never done ecstatic dancing they've never done shamanic breathing I mean like I don't know man I mean I'd knock some of those out first you know I'd like get used to the easy ways to get into altered states of consciousness and actually start to work through some of that stuff or even just practicing working through the resistance that comes naturally in life like taking a cold bath like wim HOF is famous for saying cold is an emotion and it really is you know I have an ice bath at home and it's 38 degrees and damn that's cold right but when I get out every single time I feel freaking amazing yeah amazing so recognizing that when I'm going in alright there's a physical sensation that's uncomfortable but really what that is it's an emotion it's an emotion of fear and protection that's kind of coming up so the practice of working through that emotional resistance and surrendering to the thing that I know is of benefit to me that's helpful to you can you do that with heat as well you know a sweat lodge is the ceremonial version but spending time where you you know just safely but push it a little bit in a sauna or steam a hot bath and and practice some of those things first because you know ayahuasca is a trial by fire sometimes it's really chill and sometimes it's gonna throw you up against your greatest deepest darkest fear and you have to have some training to help you that you can rely on a breath work practice a movement practice a practice of working through resistance of tackling the kind of issues that might come up in your mind that's gonna be really helpful you find that personality plays into it at all for sure I mean you are your personality is an expression of the collected set of ideas personal history beliefs everything that you hold and your natural tendencies towards aversion or towards projection or towards escapism or towards addiction or towards whatever whatever these things are these are all gonna be things that you have to confront so you know personality there's some light elements of it like your the way you smile and the jokes you make and you know in kind of things but there's also deeper versions like what is what is your safe place what do you do when things are hard what do you do when you're afraid do you get angry and the anger creates distance so you is that is that your escape or do you shut down and block out the rest of the world and armor up or you an armor you like an armadillo or you like a Wolverine or you like like what is that what is your nature and like really asking questions about who you are because that stuff's gonna come up and then being able to track that like awareness of those patterns is really crucial so we've touched on discovering who you are and that kind of a thing a few times now in this conversation if that concept to somebody this thing is just completely foreign where do they start again it's you have to get still and you have to be curious and like ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing ask yourself why you're if you're stressed out it's not like I think a lot of the paradigm is like oh you're stressed and anxious so take this pill you know we'll fix that but at some point you got to ask yourself why mmm you know like I always I have this theory that it's not marijuana that makes you paranoid and anxious it's that it reveals your natural paranoia and anxiousness that's already there right so like we have this kind of idea that oh it's this thing that's making me this way but really if you get curious then you might understand well actually I have this desire to please everyone and it's putting constant pressure on myself and I'm trying to adulterate and manipulate my speech to get people to like me because I'm worried that people don't like me and I'm worried that I'm not enough and I'm worried that I need love externally and really I should be looking for it internally so you have to get curious inquisitive and quiet and I think those practices that I've kept mentioning meditation yoga floatation dance all of these things are ways where you can get your mind still flow state breathing get your mind still enough to start asking the right questions and we talked a little bit about the ice bath thing to kind of be one of those practices what are some of the actual benefits oh I know a lot of people that are proponents of them but don't really know like why they do it just kind of like oh I heard is good so yeah what are a couple of reasons well you can feel it you can feel the state shift and that's I think one of them one of the important things to say is like this is you we can go into actually what's happening and we can do that a little bit it's gonna raise your norepinephrine which is a hormone which is going to be gonna drop your natural cortisol levels which is your stress hormone so it's going to reduce stress in the body it's gonna cortisol is also linked to inflammation response is gonna and so as norepinephrine is gonna lower your inflammation it's gonna lower you the stress that's in your body but you're gonna feel it you're gonna feel a different way and plus you're just gonna have that courage and the knowing that oh wow I can put myself through those hard things I'm not going to always make the comfortable choice and so it's a combination of those actual physical adaptations and you know cold shock proteins and there's a whole thing like you know dr. Rhonda Patrick would do a better job going through all that and I list a bunch of those actually in Chapter two of my book on the day as well but really like you got to feel it you got to feel it and then come out and know like oh wow I'm a different person now yeah I think the excuse me this the last thing to you said there was what resonated with me the most so when I when I read your book which by the way awesome job on that again definitely the most holistic book that I've ever read in my life if you're listening this I highly recommend picking up a copy so when I first read that part about the cold stuff and read what exactly was happening in my body okay all that's good and fine but you don't I didn't you don't feel all those things individually happening right all you feel is I'm really cold right now and I want to not be cold anymore so I think the biggest benefit that I've gotten from and I do I don't do the submerged ice bath thing but I do the cold showers now whenever I shower it's pretty much cold just all the way cold awesome and when when I jump in the shower the the most empowering part of it is when I get out and I shut the shower off and I realized that like I just did something really difficult like it doesn't seem like it's that difficult oh I took a cold shower okay whatever why are you doing that like that's the first reaction that people have right but when I get out it's like a this empowering feeling of I've already done something that's hard on a to-do list and now it sets me forward for the rest of the day the people who actually do cold showers and do cold baths you know they're not the ones who are saying oh yeah no big deal that's not hard what are you talking about because everybody who's actually done it knows that it's hard yeah you know like once you've experienced it you know it's hard it's easy to throw stones and say oh whatever that doesn't matter it's trivial okay do it yeah do it do it when you're in Chicago or do it when you're in New York do it when somewhere real cold oh my gosh I was literally just in New York actually I was out here alive that cop that you were just speaking there in the shower there and turn on the water different thing oh my goodness it was very very cold yeah it's a different thing and even in Vegas like in the summer time when I started doing it is the first time I was at my house in Vegas right and it was in the summertime pipes were warm all that kind of stuff so even the coldest setting in my shower I was like okay this isn't too bad and then I went to the gym and for whatever reason the gym water was way colder and it was like oh I see this is a different game yeah and then in New York it was even more different but now it's in Vegas and it's cold in Vegas now yeah cold as it gets in Vegas and yeah it's it's definitely a very challenging way to start the day what are some other things you can do at the beginning of your day to really get you going well I think there's three things you want to focus on in the morning to set your day up right you're gonna want to expose your body to some light I think that's one of the key things because that's gonna start your circadian rhythm and that's the signal to the entire body that oh it's daytime it's time to wake up and in places where it's cloudy having some kind of light source that you can use to expose your body to light there's these cool light emitting earbuds that you can get or there's some lights that you can get there's different things but exposing your body to as much light as possible sunlight as best is gonna set your circadian rhythm getting some kind of movement is another signal that okay body it's time to time to be awake it's time to move from the melatonin production of the evening to the other waking hormone states that your body needs to get to and but probably the very first thing you need to do is hydrate because you lose over a pound of water overnight so rehydrating with ideally some quality spring water with a sprinkle of sea salt you know one to three grams or sea salt which is gonna provide the electrolytes and those kind of micronutrient minerals that your body needs to fully rehydrate to stock the shelves so to speak so that you can have all of the nutrients available for all the complex chemical reactions that keep us in an optimal state that's three of the most important things you can do upon waking up what about going to sleep going to sleep you know that's uh that's an interesting one there's a lot of tips and tactics around that obviously again talking about melatonin production the more light you're exposed to at night the harder it's gonna be for your body to produce melatonin you can get supplemental melatonin we offer it in a spray if you're just going to know that you're a late-night computer guy you can also wear blue blocking glasses because it's actually the blue light that emits that and you can actually get apps for your computer like flux or things like that so light is one thing anything that's really stressful you're gonna want to pair down and kind of wind down the connection with your lover or connection with yourself or reading a book or kind of create that kind of rounded edge into sleep but I think the most important sleep advice that I can give is to not consider that sleep has to be in one pit one point only like it's only at night and I think having this more by Faisel nap approach to sleep and understanding that getting a 30-minute nap or getting an hour-and-a-half nap is as important as getting that extra bit of overnight sleep and naps have been shown over and over in clinical research to be even more beneficial as far as cognitive performance and a lot of markers then additional overnight sleep so allowing the body to rest when the body is signalling rest not just slamming more coffee down the system and fighting through and trying your best to get to sleep so just taking a longer-term approach and looking at how much sleep you're getting in a week rather than how much sleep you're getting in every single night that was probably my favorite part of the book I used to take a nap yeah it's always if you if you know me I'm definitely a sleeper I like my sleep but I like the part in the book that you talk about where you talk about how don't let anybody make you feel guilty for sleeping and that was like me my entire life right it's like all you're taking a nap again oh do you ever do anything you're always thinking I was just like yeah that's such such music to my ears to hear that taking a nap is actually pretty good for you it's it's crucial but we have this myth that you know your productivity is linked to the amount of time that you spend working mmm it's [ __ ] yeah you know it's like how much energy and capacity and creativity and passion can you put into their work brought ecause I don't work necessarily more than anybody even though I have all these things going on but when I do work I'm able to summon occasionally a superhuman amount of productivity in a short amount of time which requires ample rest in order for me to do that you know otherwise I would be working all the time it'd be 16-hour days over and over and over again because I'd just be kind of distracted and fidgeting my way through and stimulating and but when it's time to work I can produce and that's because I you know mind the balance of getting my body into that truly optimal state so that the magic can happen yeah you have a lot of stuff going on you do a great job it seems like from where I sit of balancing all of it but one thing that I really respect about you specifically is you to me there's a fine line between confidence and arrogance and sometimes when I sit down have these conversations with people I get this sense of like trying too much or it comes across as arrogance to me sometimes and having confidence is one of the most important things to be successful at all in my opinion to be confident in your ability to do something but I think that a lot of people let that cross over into arrogance too much can you kind of talk about the balance between the two of those and how you are as confident as you are but then totally down-to-earth and really really humble as well I just get my ass kicked a lot you know like that's you can't be arrogant is arrogant is really an insecurity it's projecting something that you're not actually in belief that you possess or that you know so it's covering for something that you don't know about yourself well when you're actually putting yourself into the places where you're getting tested whether that's psychedelic medicine our open relationship or a savage workout or the coldest ice bath you can or the hottest sweat lodge you know safely of course be mindful of that don't push that too hard obviously there's bad cases in both of those examples but putting yourself in situations where you are testing yourself and opening your voice and being vulnerable to tens of thousands of people and all speaking in front of that whatever whatever your moment of this takes courage you know then it's hard to be arrogant because you get your ass kicked a lot you know and I think that's really the that's really the key the key is it okay you can think what you want about me I know what I've done and it's and I know and I really respect what everybody else has done because we've all had our own journeys or our own challenges but I don't need to try to be anything I'm just I know what I've been through and I'm very honest about yeah sometimes it's worked out great and sometimes it is not worked out great sometimes it's been just a giant nut kick fiesta where I'm like one of those Shaolin monks it's just getting kicked in the nuts over and over again except I don't have that Placid look on my face rolling around on the ground digging what's lying and praying to God you know like please help me what is going on so like you've been through that enough time like showing up arrogant with just foolish yeah yeah you brought up the open relationship part do you think that that's been a huge a huge contributor to your inner feeling of like confidence in yourself it'd be like I'd be like asking like you're really strong do you think weight lifting has helped you get strong you know like this is this is like this is the resistance training this is weight lifting for your emotional mastery for your mental mastery for your insecurities for your need for validation for all of these things that you think that you know you know about yourself you don't until you feel the pressure of having the one that you love your special one your girl that thing that you've put all of this meaning and specialness into sleeping with somebody else and falling in love with them now you got to deal with some [ __ ] now you have to really confront all of these things and I'm not saying this is for everybody just like I'm saying I'm no loading 500 on a squat rack or like half thorbjørn sand deadlift in a thousand pounds yeah that'll [ __ ] snap your back like don't just jump into this like don't just jump into a seven Cup I'll ask a session either you know be mindful open relationship is extremely challenging but taken in the context of resistance training for the psyche there's been nothing that's been more valuable because there's been nothing that's been harder you know like people people talk about this year and I got in this gnarly car accident you know split my face in half and whatever had several hundred sutures and I was in the hot what was a freak accident right and I look back on 20 18 and I was like oh yeah that was the easy challenge of the year because the hard challenges came from the challenges of my heart that came from the open relationship and that's where the real value I certainly learned some things from the accident certainly count that as a blessing but you know the physical pain and the physical healing it's actually kind of easy compared to the psychic emotional healing that I've had to apply to myself to get through and learn and progress through the open relationship challenge do you remember what the catalyst was for that because you guys were in a traditional relationship right that first and then and then you broke up and then changed it or like how did that come about was it for like the purpose of no I wish I wish I could say I knew that well enough it was for the it was for the purpose of just exploration really and like understanding that fundamentally I had a desire to meet in exchange energy and experience other people and sure sexuality was a component of that but also just that intimacy that you can get with someone that you're on that level of relationship with that was something that I craved and in the traditional monogamous container I would always find myself being somewhat like well I've already kind of expressed all of my magic everything that I have to really give and there's more but you know when you're with somebody new then there's this rapid like exchange of information that you're receiving and information that you're providing and so I really craved that experience that ability to get in close with somebody and show them my own vulnerability but I also had look I mean if we're looking at it you know I had massive of need for validation and there's you can get in these patterns where you can suck up all of the validation that someone has to give you because they're yours and you own them and they're already yours and you've already dried that up it's like when you got that one Bentley in the garage and that Bentley is not making you feel like you're your killer you're kicking ass again you go buy a Rolls Royce and it's like that makes you feel so I had some dark expressions that drove me to this so I don't want to think like this was all Noble and all because it wasn't you know but in hindsight you can see what it actually provided like I had no idea really then what I was in for you know I thought like Oh psychologically philosophically I understand this you know love isn't in scarcity it's an abundance and shouldn't be possessive and this could be cool but I didn't realize getting it prepared you for that couldn't because I wasn't aware of how much I needed the validation of other people how much I needed to feel like man from somebody else through somebody else's eyes or through their mirror and their reflection I didn't know that yet until I went through this and then till my stable source of validation that thing that I'd sucked up and assimilated into my own body so I could stand and be like look at me I got Whitney Miller Miss United States she's my girl blah blah blah until that was threatened it's like well she's my girl which is also a lot of other people's girl too so I guess I can't use that as my sole validation and my understanding of what makes me special I gotta find that elsewhere I got to find that intrinsically I got to know who I am and know that that's enough and know that that's worthy without anybody else externally but I didn't know that [ __ ] then yeah but I know it now and that's part of what I talk about you know with this open thing it's a shitty way to just have sex with more people because it's gonna take you through he'll be like yeah you can get toast but you just have to hold a piece of bread through a burning house like that's that if you want sex in your own relationship like that's that's the you know I think everybody always looks at it for their benefit right they're like oh I'm gonna go have sex well there's other people yeah and then the first time it happens the other way you're like wait a second just looking at the let's revalue you tell a story that I think illustrates your point perfectly I think this is a good thing to kind of close on here which is how you said when he was having relationship with a guy that was like in MMA or something and it really challenged you internally can you tell that every person she's been with this challenged me and I'm like there's not been like I don't think I've had like a [ __ ] easy course because whatever it is all right so the MMA you know I always did pride myself on my ability to fight you know and my that expression of been half female alpha dominance in that way I've trained martial arts to those four years old I recognize that there was some people who could were better fighters than me but not people who were better fighters than me they were having sex with my girl right you know so like I immediately went to the gym like oh that's what she likes she likes it especially like in that form too because that's like the most primal exactly activity yeah men can engage in sex with my girl and you could kick my ass oh great I'm in a great position here love that but you know conversely when there was also some pride that I had like oh wow Whitney's with an MMA champion like look at her go look I'm with a great you know and then she's just with a really ordinary guy just a normal usual guy and I'm like how dare you go with the usual guy like yeah yeah that makes me feel less about myself you know like my average down every single person that I've ever that she's ever been with it's been hard yeah and like it'll probably you know I'm getting better and like as you learn different patterns I could learn okay mm a guy all right well I don't need to go train MMA it's not why she loves me she loves me for the intrinsic nice of me oh she's with a rich guy okay I don't need to make more money that's not why she's with me you know even though you can take run yachts and flyer and private I can't do that yet but that's okay you know oh it's a normal guy cool enjoy the enjoy that you know like oh it's with this person who has radical freedom and can just party and play all the time okay cool you know like I can't do that but enjoy that like everything there's gonna be some benefit that's the [ __ ] point though yeah the point is that you get to experience all this variety of different things so to get in my position where I can really be her teammate and be rooting for her and be like yeah cool I'm like stoked that you get to experience all these different things and I hope that you're stoked that I get to experience all these different things yeah yeah listen Matt we've I could literally talk to you for a really long time there's so many different routes we can take this conversation but we are running out of time so let's go to move on to the last segment something really quick called the random round do quick random questions quick random answers you ready sure what profession other than your own do you think it would be fun to attempt the thing is I do have so many [ __ ] professions I'm writer I'm a podcaster I'm pretty much attempting it could be fun yeah yeah I miss I miss playing athletics where mattered where people cares there's people watching their stakes so what that's the only thing that I really think that I still miss is like have you played a lot basket I played a lot of basketball I miss like having fans and having people care about my stats and like having people care about the team win and having a team that were communally going for in a physical expression of a sport so that would be the only thing I would miss if you could sit on a park bench or someone past or present and talk to them for an hour who would it be Jesus and why I think that he called in a level of consciousness that was hadn't been seen or expressed before to that degree and I don't know who he is but my understanding is that he called in a level of consciousness that was far beyond the level of consciousness that was available at the time and claimed the divinity that we all hold inside ourselves but I think the understanding of the man has been mythified and I think so talking to him about man tell me what you did in the desert like how was that like what are the demons you were wrestling with the 40 days like how was the first time you had sex man like like what like asking like in recognizing that this idea of this came out from this you know Immaculate Conception and his mom didn't even had sex and he didn't have sex and it was I mean I just can't buy that you know I can buy that he claimed a level of consciousness and divinity you know that was beyond anything that virtually anyone has ever achieved you know and but but what was a man like you know and who was that man like and that would unequivocally be that first conversation how do you like to consume content books audiobooks blogs podcasts or videos books I think are probably the primary way I like listening to podcasts that are with an author that's summarizing a book and then I'll then I'll can kind of or like diving into a book because then I can explore that further yeah but books have been my primary way to get content and I do it audio and I do it old-school and I do it on the Kindle what's what's one that you would recommend the most often you think it really depends on what someone's working on you know like there's if you're really trying to if you're trying to birth some creative Enterprise I would recommend the war of art by Steven Pressfield if you're trying to understand the nature of love and self-love it would be mastery of love by Don Miguel Ruiz if you're under trying to understand consciousness and emotional balance maybe it's Eckhart Tolle is a new earth if you're trying to understand the truth of who you are maybe it's the book of truth by Paul Selig you know so there's different things depending on what stage somebody is in and yeah there's a whole gamut of recommendations I actually have a whole book review section on my blog at Aubrey Marcus com give us a glimpse of your morning routine wake up hydrate sea salt water sometimes I throw in some of the honored electrolytes in there as well that has some extra magnesium move around in some way shape or form couple push-ups a little movement a little yoga sometimes a swim depending on the weather get some sunlight that's that and then if I'm showering in the morning turning that nozzle cold taking those deep breaths you know when I can put all of those things together and then adding in a low-carb high-fat high-protein breakfast whether that's a shake that I have here and on it or whether that's something I cook if I start the day off like that I'm feeling good for the rest of the day what is your go-to pump up some you know that's funny because like Spotify has kind of changed a game for me because I used to have like iTunes playlists you know but now I kind of just like hit the turnt-up placed on Spotify or like a you know some other different things um so I don't know if I have like a pump up song I think there's a lot of pump up songs that you know I'm kind of finding and exploring and then I'll just wear them out and they'll kind of allow that to come but music is so good and so available now it's just kind of a different thing what is something that you are not very good at life I don't know I mean like [ __ ] man huh so many things like what what am I good at I don't know man I get my ass kicked all the time what am I not very good at so mine is I'm a horrible laundry folder yeah I saw that kid it's like that there we go yeah there yeah I was a good one I'm not I'm not very good at that do you ever do you always we ever do the rolling thing when you're black pack yeah you can gonna roll it up yeah that's helpful it seems a more intuitive way easier especially the ones with collars and buttons and stuff putting them all the way all the way on the sleeves go yeah am i doing that's like way beyond me I'm not I'm not very mechanical either like I have a Tesla well unless I'm wrecking it and do it like a guardrail somewhere but I I mean I'm not very mechanical someone asked me to like do the most basic thing with a car yeah I guess is the oil right but can you give me a jump like how high so you're saying I have cables in my car can you hook it up or do I rev it like what the [ __ ] you want me to do I don't understand it doesn't make any sense to me has to get everything wrapped up here man what is one place online where we can find you the most uh social is a great place to look for me at Aubrey Marcus on Instagram it's probably my most active personally curated space where I have my ideas thoughts clips on my podcast and then the Aubrey Marcus podcast that's I put a lot into that as well so if you're following me on Instagram and listening to the podcast and you'll get to know me well and of course at on it that's all the best tools that I've been able to curate for human optimization perfect love it if you want to check out more library stuff and definitely go give him a follow on Instagram and subscribe to his podcasts lots and lots of great guests that are on there they're actually coming up pretty soon so recommend checking that out Aubrey thanks so much for coming the show today men how to blast out with it yeah absolutely brother that was great [Music]