Change Your Life With This ONE Habit

This is the number one most underrated skill for success and living the life that you have always dreamed of. And it's not intelligence, and it's not luck, and it's not who you know. You see, I used to make $50,000 a year in a job that I hated, and I leveled up my life by mastering my emotions. Now I run a multi-million dollar business, have an incredible husband, and I'm living my dream life. So let's dive into how to master your emotional control, because doing so consistently will make you so much money. The number one underrated skill that is so easy to develop is the ability to be consistent. Nobody grows up and thinks, man, I can't wait to be an adult and become consistent. But consistency is what creates confidence in you. Consistency is what allows you to trust yourself. And once you trust yourself, other people will trust you as well. Consistency means no matter how I feel, I'm going to do it anyway because I've made commitments and I have responsibilities that I have to show up for. And you can't be an inconsistent person and have people have a lot of trust in you. In order to make a lot of money, in order to get to where you want to go, the people around you need to trust you. But that first starts with you being consistent. Your emotions will have you go up and down and urge you to not be consistent. You might say, I want to have a six pack. And then your feelings make it so that you don't want to not hit snooze, not sleep in, not get off your couch and stop watching Netflix or YouTube. So whatever it is that you want, start small. Start today. What do you need to be consistent at? And oftentimes when I ask people this question, they instantly know where their current area of inconsistency is. It could be with what you eat. It could be with what you drink. Could be how you're spending money or the relationships that you have or the meetings and the follow up that you say that you're going to do. Whatever that first initial gut reaction is, where you know that you aren't being consistent, attack that first. How do you show up in a way that creates consistency? Because ultimately, consistency creates the confidence over time that you're looking to have in order to make more money. And there are so many things in this life that you cannot control. You cannot control where you were born. You cannot control the experiences that you've had. You can't control things that have happened to you. But what can you control? You can control how consistently you show up regardless of circumstances. This means showing up to meetings on time and being consistent in every single thing that you do. You can only master the skill of consistency if you get your emotions in check. I used to be so inconsistent. Sometimes I would show up and I would use my personality and my charm to make you think that I was really going to follow up. But then as soon as I left you, I was on to the next conversation where I was using my personality and my charm to feel good in the moment, but to not actually get the work done. So if you have that tendency, it is the fastest thing for you to fix. What you say you're going to do, go do it. The second emotion that you have to master is what keeps most people stuck. Because you will lose in life if you take everything personally. You have to learn how to compartmentalize if you want to be successful. What's wild to me is on the exact same day that there is a huge win and there's something so exciting going on, there can be something terrible that happens. Somebody decides to quit. Maybe a customer is upset. Maybe an order didn't get fulfilled or some connection point didn't happen with our bank account in our Shopify store. All sorts of bad things can happen at the exact same time that you're celebrating and wanting to keep momentum in another area. The more of these buckets that you can play in, the more successful you will be. Because your day doesn't have to be ruined just because something didn't go well. You compartmentalize that. It's in a bucket. OK, this initiative in my life is not making progress. However, there are other buckets that still need to make progress and you can't just ruin the chances of those buckets making progress all because one bucket isn't going very well. But the challenge is it is so easy to let the one bad thing ruin all of your hopes of putting work into everything else because it's distracting, because your emotions get in the way and you're just defocused on all of the other things. So how can you learn to compartmentalize and say, it's OK, this is going bad. I have to move forward and progress no matter what in these other areas. The way that I've learned to do this very successfully is by putting meetings on my calendar for the different compartments that matter in my life. Those compartments are the work that I need to do or the things that have to be accomplished in order for me to get closer to my goals. So in the morning, I might be working on one set of goals and there's roadblocks and there's barriers and there's issues with the thing that I have to do for the first 90 minutes of my day. That cannot bleed over into this next compartment where I am now going after a different goal. I'm the same person, but I'm going after a different goal. This goal needs me just as much as the first one did. I can't drag all of the crap from the first one into the second one. And I just do this hour by hour by hour with every meeting that I have. And I look at it as every meeting is a restart. It is a restart to the goal. It is a restart to the moment, to the team that I'm with. They need me all in on whatever that thing is because that goal is important. And when you can start to compartmentalize these things, you can move through so many decisions that you have to make and so many goals that you have very quickly because you're not just dragging in the negativity from something that is completely detached from what you actually need to get done right now. You will know how good you are at compartmentalizing when you start looking at the results of the compartments in your life. If you are not succeeding at the gym, it is likely that there's some other compartment in your life, maybe your work, maybe it's your kids, maybe it's your spouse, where you're letting that goal and the issues in that area force you to not take your gym goals very seriously because you're not compartmentalizing very well. You're allowing the negativity and the problems in one compartment to bleed over to the other. So your results are the ultimate tell of your ability to compartmentalize. And if all of the buckets in your life are going up, they're trending in the right direction. You're more fit than you've ever been. You're making more money than you've ever made. You have more friends and your social life is fulfilling and rewarding to you. Whatever it is that you're measuring, whatever your compartments are, if they aren't increasing and they aren't doing better, it's likely that you don't know how to compartmentalize very well. You know you're good at compartmentalizing if you're seeing results. Results equal money. If you're not making more money every year, then you know that you're failing at compartmentalizing and you're spending your time in the wrong buckets. My next tip, one of the best ones, is it's so important to regulate your emotions when you're at work. This is very controversial, but the only emotion allowed in the workplace is celebration. There should be no drama. There shouldn't be issues and problems and freak outs and gossip. None of that emotion is productive in business. The only emotion should be celebrating. And when you're celebrating, it should be because there is a result generated. If you're bringing emotion like frustration and angst and tears and all of this gook into your work, it's likely that your work is not going to be very productive because productive workplaces don't have a lot of fluff going on. The best businesses drive a culture that is optimized, a culture that is aligned, a culture where everybody knows what they need to do, how to get their job done, and they are all racing in order to make that happen so that they can achieve their goals. So you are misleading yourself if you think that anybody actually cares about what your emotions are. So acknowledge that you have the emotion. You might feel sad. You might feel tired. You might be upset. Okay, great. Then instantly tell yourself, but nobody cares because they don't. Drive results. Figure out how to keep showing up. Become better. Show up being focused. And you will actually create an environment that succeeds. I love the book, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside, because it doesn't say, if you have to cry, don't. You can have emotions. You're a human being. I have emotions where I get very overwhelmed or I get very sad or worried about things. And I can experience those emotions, but I don't have to subject the people around me to my emotions. I can deal with my emotions. And I ask myself, can the person that I'm telling my emotions to fix anything? If they can't fix anything, there's no place for the emotion. If you want to be a leader, emotional regulation is what gives people the confidence to follow you. We'll go more in depth on this in the last tip, which is my ultimate hack to changing your mindset in the workplace. That brings us to number four, which is to understand that the way you speak is ruining your credibility. This is a subtle nuance, but if you struggle with people taking you seriously, it's likely how you're communicating with them. And you're bringing in emotion simply by starting a sentence with, I feel or I think. It doesn't come from a place of certainty. It doesn't come from a place of confidence. So if you're struggling with this, audit the way that you communicate. If you find that you start many of your sentences with, I feel like it should be this, you should pivot that to, this is what the data tells us. If you knew that you had to start sentences with, this is what the data tells us, all of a sudden you would have to provide data instead of your feelings. This little hack will make you more money because oftentimes we do just make decisions based off of the way that we feel. And we don't consult any data. We don't do any research. We aren't diving deeper into the issues at hand outside of the way that we feel about them. So when you start your sentences with talking about data, it instantly increases your credibility. And in order to catch yourself before you just start vomiting all over somebody the way that you feel, take a pause. There is nothing more profound in communication than a pause. When you pause, you can quickly reflect and identify, do I have data to support the way that I feel? The thing that I'm about to say, if I don't have data, don't talk. Focus on the data and let the data make the decision, not your emotions in that moment. My fifth tip is all about handling relationships at work and not the professional ones. Working with your boyfriend, your husband, your family member, or your partner could be the best decision you'll ever make, or it could be the worst. Everyone says you should never date a coworker, but what if you marry one? It is so easy to get emotional when you're working with your spouse or a sibling or your uncle or an aunt or your parents. Emotions can run wild. I know this personally because I have worked with my husband for almost a decade. I work with my brother. I've worked with various family members throughout my career and it can be challenging. So if you do work with your family, this whole conversation around emotions becomes heightened because nobody wants to work in an emotional environment where you feel like you're part of a family business. I remember one specific meeting I was in with Brandon very early on in our relationship. And at that point, we had never had any issues. We were still in kind of the blissful phase. But in this meeting, he decided to pop off on me for the very first time. And I was shocked. I was so upset. I wish that he would have said these things to me somewhere else, not in front of a group of people. He didn't need to call me out in this way. And to be honest with you, I was just freaking pissed. But instead of getting pissed in front of everybody, I had to have the emotional intelligence and awareness of the group to not just pop off back at him. That would have been the wrong thing for me to do. Me just going off and being emotional would have decreased everybody's confidence in the two of us. So from my perspective, he stepped out of line a little bit. He was like not supposed to do that. That was not what the agreement was. But I didn't choose to take him on about it right in that moment. And this has been something that has worked so successfully for me over the years. If ever I'm frustrated with working with one of my family members, I pull them aside and handle them on it directly. I'm not going to subject everybody else in our company to the emotions that I might have with a family member. It's not to say I don't have emotions. Sometimes something might hurt my feelings. The way something's addressed, a decision that's made, I might not be okay with. I'm not going to subject our team members to having to pick sides. Bran and I got to handle that stuff together. We're going to handle it in private. Then we're going to come back to our team and be a unified front. We don't call each other out. We're not going to cause problems because nobody wants to be part of a workplace where that level of toxicity or that level of drama exists. Keep in mind that if you're in a relationship in the workplace, it can be seen as having an unfair advantage. That's just what perception will be. But your circumstances are no different. Having the upper hand with family money or being born with privilege, your unique circumstances are like your fingerprint. You can't wish that they are different. They are what they are. You get to make the choice to celebrate the fact that you get to work with your partner and find success together. You chose this. But it doesn't mean that you have to subject everybody around you to your ups and your downs. Keep it professional. Make great decisions. Get an alignment behind closed doors so that you can present a unified front to everybody around you. Strategy six is to understand that people will doubt you. They will label you and they will underestimate you. But they can't ignore results. A hard truth I wish I knew way earlier was that you can outwork any stereotype. For the longest time, my perception of my stereotype is what held me back. I assumed that every single person that met me thought that I was a trophy wife, thought that I was a gold digger, thought that I was just some dumb blonde who didn't know what she was talking about. And my own perception of these stereotypes is what held me back. Because if I'm assuming that everybody is thinking this about me, what's the point of working hard or trying or overcoming stereotypes? Because people are going to think these terrible things anyway. It doesn't matter what they think. What matters is what I think. What I know is my greatest contribution is when I am driving something specific forward. When I'm taking on a large goal, a significant project, and I am creating results. That's what makes me happy. So regardless if somebody assumes that Brandon is the person who created all of my success, doesn't really matter. Because I know who I've had to become in order to get to where I'm at. And those stereotypes are going to be there no matter what. People might think I'm smart. They could think I'm dumb. Who cares? Someone could think I'm pretty. Somebody could think I'm ugly. Who cares? Somebody could think that I would never be successful without my husband or I'm only successful and he holds me back. It doesn't matter. They don't actually know anything about me. They don't know anything about my relationship. And that is the same for you. And the real truth is, no one's really thinking that much about you anyway. So you going after the results that you want to create and the impact that you want to make in this world is the only thing you should focus on anyway. People's thoughts will come and go. Their perspective will come and go. You making a difference is literally the only thing that matters. And the only thing that you should get emotional about is the fact that you haven't made a big enough difference. So you need to get your ass up and get back to work. That brings us to the final tip for controlling your emotions, which is to let people judge and label you. It is crazy how men can get called a boss while women get called a bitch when they are acting the exact same. To be honest, I'm fine with being called either one. If you want to call me a boss, super cool. If you want to call me a bitch, whatever. I don't really care because these labels don't matter because what really matters is are you effective? The labels and the things people say about you really does not matter. And it's OK that there might be some hypocrisy around being called a bitch if you're a woman and being called a boss if you're a man. We as women don't need to care about that because all we have to do is be effective. Now, if you actually are a bitch because you're rude to people, you don't care about people's feelings, you just ramrod your way through life and through people, then maybe you should fix that. But what I find with those people is they don't actually end up getting the results that they want. They end up with teams that are very fractured, with businesses that aren't very successful. So that eventually catches up to you. But if you're called a bitch because really you are effective and you are direct, don't even bother with being frustrated by that because at the end of the day, you're getting the job done, which is what matters. I learned this little trick from Elena Cardone. I cannot take any credit for this. I stalked her YouTube before I ever met her and she reframed being a gold digger. She had been called a gold digger by lots of people and it really bothered her for a while until she reframed it. And her reframe was, yes, I do dig for gold in every relationship and I dig for gold in myself. So being a gold digger actually is not a bad thing when you redefine it like that. She's actually proud of that because she knows that she's not just in some relationship in order to make money or have financial security. She's in a relationship where she's created love and a true partnership and a real bond. She's not insecure about her relationship, but this label sounded bad. So she just reframed the label. I dig for golden people and that is a beautiful thing. So if you're being called a bitch or some label that you don't like, that frustrates you, that might get under your skin, figure out a reframe for that. If it's being called a bitch, reorganize your brain to say, hey, that actually means that I'm being direct and decisive. Direct and decisive are fantastic characteristics. Being able to reframe labels and truly master your emotions is just the first step to getting everything that you want in life. What's holding you back likely isn't just your mindset, it's probably your habits too. So watch this next video on the nine habits you need to learn to be part of the top 1%.