The Fastest Ways to Build Trust with New Clients

What's up, friends? Welcome back to another episode of the Travis Makes Friends podcast. This is a first on the show. Basically, what happened was we had a listener of the show reach out and they're a real estate agent and they basically said, "Hey, man. I'm struggling sometimes with dealing with a professional conversation and a personal conversation and then somehow merging those two things." So, I'm really good at catching up with people, getting to know them, asking them some questions about their life and things like that. But when it comes to transitioning over to the professional side of things, I sometimes struggle with exactly what to say. So, I figured I'd put out a video on how to handle this exact type of situation. So, I for those who don't know me, I'm Travis. I have an extensive background in dealing with lots of people. I did years and years of door-to-d dooror sales training, recruiting, managing, and things like that. I've done big transactions in real estate to solar to alarms and then now for the last few years I've been mostly in the online business world. We've sold millions of dollars in online products and services from agency work to software to masterminds to events, courses, coaching programs, everything in between. And I've also published over a thousand podcast episodes mostly about networking, relationships, friendship, and making money. So, these are some of the things that I've learned through dealing with the sheer volume of people that I've talked to from door to door through to podcasting. The number of conversations that I've had and how I quickly get into a authority and trust building conversation with somebody when I'm sitting down with them, especially if they're somebody that I intend to do business with, like a prospect for a real estate deal or something like that. So, let's go ahead and jump right in. The very first thing that I do when I'm first meeting somebody is I want to mirror. So this is something that's used even on a CIA level. I was actually listening to an episode of the Jordan Harbinger Show. It's one of my favorite podcasts and and Jordan had a CIA operative on the show and the the guy was talking about mirroring and Jordan was kind of like, "Okay, but there are a lot of people who talk about mirroring. Isn't some of this gimmicky?" And he said, "Yeah, to a certain extent, but it still works 100% of the time. It's deeply rooted in our psychology to connect with people who are mirroring our actions. So all I mean by mirroring is when I first sit down with somebody or sit across from somebody is you can only connect with them to the degree that they allow you to connect with them. And so if you can't get in sync with this person on a energy level then it's going to be really difficult for that person to increase the level of trust that they have with you. And one of the ways to do this is by mirroring them. And this is not like kind of to Jordan's credit, this is not some gimmicky mirroring exercise where it's like they raise their hand, you raise your hand, and they blink twice, so you blink twice. Okay? Don't be weird about it. It's just a matter of trying to get into the same energy level that they have. I look at it much more like energy than I do like the specific movement that they're doing. But when we when we sit down and we first meet, I'm of course going to do the very basics. shake them like shake their hand, look them in the eye. And sometimes I'm going to let them lead that because, you know, nowadays it's not as clear-cut as it used to be with just like shaking somebody's hand and looking them in the eye. Depending on the person, you might be going in for a dap. You might be going in for a hug. You might be going in for some dap hug pull-in thing. You might be going in for a fist bump if they're a germaphobe. You don't really know. That's why I kind of let them lead the way a little bit on that. And I'm already trying to to step into this version of mirroring even from the initial greeting. Now, once we sit down, I want to match the energy level of the person that's in front of me, but not in a way that is in congruent with who I am. I am very naturally a low energy kind of chill vibbey person. So, it it is not something that I do where I meet somebody, I'm like, "Hey, what's up? Great to meet you." And if you end up getting into this like weird fake version, then that's obviously really clear to to to sniff out. But when I'm sitting down with somebody that's higher energy, I'm immediately going to raise my energy. I might sit up a little bit straighter. I might have a little bit more of a smile on my face. I might uh I might use a little bit more vocal intonation than I typically would just to be able to match with that person's energy level. If they're a little bit more chill and they're a little bit more, you know, reserved in their energy, then I'm going to try to match that energy level. And all I'm going to do is try to do it a little bit more than they're doing it. So, if they're if they if they if they have this kind of front that's like, I don't really trust you. I know you're here to talk business. You know, I'm not really I'm not really feeling this, you know, conversation. I agreed to it because my friend said that you were a good person. No, but I don't really want to be here. Then I'm going to kind of match that energy a little bit. I'm going to be a little bit more aloof. So, I may not look them directly in the eye while I'm talking to him the whole time. I might just kind of be looking over here and and then bringing up initial topics of conversation. And then all of this is done in an effort to get to the second step, which is to sync with that person. There's plenty of evidence and statistics and data to show that if you're in sync with somebody, they're much more likely to let you lead the conversation. And then it will also allow them to be able to share more willingly and honestly with you about the current state that they're in, which could potentially lead you to business or away from business, obviously. So, first step is to mirror. And then the the purpose of of mirroring that person's energy is to be able to sync with them on some sort of an energy level. Um once you have synced with that person, okay, you kind of get this you you can tell, use your intuition, okay? If you if you can tell when you're not quote unquote vibing with somebody, you can tell when the energy's off, you can tell when something's not the way that it should be. So, if it's not getting to that point of the conversation, by the way, this could happen in 3 seconds or it could take 3 minutes. There's a a wide array of of of the amount of time that it might take for you to be able to get in sync with this person. But do not underestimate that. So, this is this is at the very beginning of the conversation. This is this is why it's important to use ice breakers. It's important to talk about personal life, family life, where you're from, what are you doing, how come you're here, what what so like I'm going to get immediately into asking questions because I want to see how willing this person is to share more information with me. And if I'm talking the whole time, all that does is tell them that I think I'm the most important person in the room. Whereas, if I ask questions, that's going to tell them that they're the most important person important person in the room in in the conversation. So, I'm going to immediately start getting into questions. Questions about their where they're from, questions about why they're moving, questions about their family life or questions about their dog. You you can if you probe for just a second, then you can probably find an area of commonality that you have with this person, something that you have in common with them that will allow you to build rapport in a much faster way. Uh, so I'm going to mirror and get in sync and I'm going to start asking as many questions as I can. And sometimes these are happening simultaneously is like I'm asking questions to find the thing that's going to raise their energy level. And when you're looking for this thing, when you're asking questions, pay attention to their tonality and their body language. Remember that words are only 7% of communication. According to some estimates, they it's called the 73855 rule. Only 7% of of communication is the words that we say, 38% is tonality, and 55% is body language. So look for changes in their body language. If they're kind of slumped back, arms crossed, and they're looking at you, you know, like you think you have all the answers type of a thing, um, then then that that's why it's really important to start with the mirroring and sinking and asking some good questions because you want to ask and probe until they start opening up their body language until they until they unfold uncross their arms. Maybe they sit up a little bit or maybe their vocal intonation rises a little bit when you asked about this particular thing. They start talking about their dog. They they get a smile on their face or they have to show you a picture or something like that. find the things that are going to alter this person's body language and tonality because those are probably the things that you want to just drill in on a little bit more with maybe one or two follow-up questions. So, mirror, sync, and ask good questions. And then throughout the conversation, you might need to do something like a temp check. Uh sometimes when I can just tell this that this conversation is going where any anywhere or this person, you know, is kind of frazzled or something, I might I might just address it and say something like or is everything is everything is everything good or we're we're all good, right? Like or something like that. I might ask them about the person who made the connection and how they know them and you know what their degree of trust is with that person. It's not it's not a bad thing to just address the elephant in the room if you feel like it's not going well. Sometimes you even said like, "I feel like this isn't going the best that it could be going. Is that right?" And I kind of say it like with this like levity, like just joke to be like, "Hey, am I crazy here or like is did I did I do something wrong? Did is there something Did you Google me? Tell me you didn't Google me." You know, like I'm I'm going to try to turn it into some sort of a joke that makes them kind of almost feel bad for treating me a certain way. And it's almost never, by the way, tied to me. It's usually like something's going on in their personal life and this is the last thing that they want to be doing. So, they know they have to do it. It's on the list and they agree to the meeting, but they're there. They don't really want to be there. So, by me doing a temp check part way through the conversation when I realize things aren't going my way, it allows me to jokingly get them back involved in the conversation and then they and then most people tend to just feel a little bit bad that that's how I felt. Like if you have any level of empathy, then that person might just be like, "No, man. Listen, man. I'm so sorry. Just, you know, had to my my kid got dragged into the, you know, principal's office at school and I was on the phone with my spouse before I came in here and just I'm so sorry. Let's let's start over. Let's start over. And you can kind of get to the bottom of things if you feel like you're not able to kind of break through that initial, you know, sinking phase. So, do a temp check every once in a while. Set expectations every once in a while if you're in the conversation. So, specifically related to the question that I got about transitioning from personal to professional, I find that it's really, really simple to just be frank, honest, and change the tonality of the conversation. This is why it's important to do all these things leading up to it. Though, if you're mirroring and then you're able to get in sync with that person, they will allow you to lead the conversation, especially if it's in this type of a relationship where they know that the purpose of this meeting is ultimately to learn about fill in the blank, their real estate needs or their digital marketing needs or whatever it is. Um, so at some point in the conversation, as soon as I'm kind of synced up with them and our energy level is is close to being the same and we've built some sort of established some sort of rapport or some connection there, then then what I can do is then lead the conversation. And by the way, I've seen this in real time happen where when I've kind of mirrored body language and then we kind of get in our energy levels kind of sync together. Um, I've seen I've seen it happen where I've actually like kind of tested this a little bit where I'll start leaning forward or I'll slouch down or I'll, you know, put my hand on the side of my face or I'll I'll sit back and I'll cross my leg or something like that. And they will actually follow me and do all of these things, which are some of the ways that I do some temp checks for my own self to know whether or not we're actually in sync. Uh, and and this is this is not woowoo stuff, by the way. Like if you read stuff like super commmunicators by Charles Dig, the bestselling author of Power of Habit. If you read some some stuff from some social psychologists, like this, this is not just random things that I've come up with. This is me learning from real experts and then trying it in real time and seeing that it actually works. That people will actually mirror my body language now subconsciously just because we've built and established some sort of base level of connection, rapport with each other. So once we've established that, now I can lead the conversation into the professional version of the conversation. And by the way, people are looking to be led when they're in a conversation like this because they hope that you're the authority in what you do. They're having the conversation because you're there to help them sell their house or you're there to help them with their digital marketing strategy or you're there to help them fill in the blank, whatever it is that you do. So, they are expecting at some point for you to be the person that's making the decisions in the conversation, even if they don't want you to do it. And I'll give you a perfect example. Recently, we had to we we have a a big fix on one of our cars or the transmission's going out. So, we called around to a few different places, and by we, I mean my wife. She called out called around to a few different places, and the first thing she said on the phone was like, "Look, we're just trying to get pricing for a new transmission for this. Here's the model. Here's the make. Here's everything about it." And then gave that to those people. Four out of five of them just said, "Okay, here's the price." And then that was it and hung up. Only one of them only one of them took the time to ask some questions and and then figure out how to get to the bottom of it. And even in our minds heading into the conversation, we only wanted the pricing because we were trying to not get into this massive conversation about do we need this, do we need that, upsell me breaks, upsell me this, upsell me that. We just wanted to know the pricing. So even as a consumer, this was like this is what we want, but ultimately that's not what we wanted. We don't want the price. We want the problem to be solved. And how does that person know that this is the problem? Because we self diagnosed it. Like we're not mechanics. We don't really know. We're just making a really educated guess here. So the one person that actually took the time to be like, "Hey, well, why don't you just bring the car in and we'll tell you whether or not this is the right solution to the problem. And if it is, then at that point, we feel comfortable giving you a good price for it. But right now, we just don't 100% know. We could end up getting away with a service. We could end up getting away with replacing the fluid. we could end up getting away with this other thing that's going to be way less than that and then you might be wasting your time doing this other thing. So the one person who took control and led the conversation ended up being the person who earned the business on the back end. So if you're if you're in this conversation you're feeling kind of timid or scared because now you got to talk about professional things. Now you got to somehow talk about numbers and things like that. It's like look, people get it. People know that you're about to talk about numbers. People know that there's a price associated to do business with whatever it is that you're that you're doing, whatever service that it is that you're offering. So, they are expecting it to come. The more timid that you act around transitioning the conversation to that professional version of the conversation, the less likely they are to trust that you're the expert at what they do. Why? Because it tells them that you don't have much experience in the professional version of the conversation. that maybe you're really good at chatting it up at the bar, but when it comes to actually writing the numbers down on paper, maybe we don't want this person representing our needs because they seem a little bit timid. They seem a little bit shy here. So, this is not the this is not the point of the conversation to get your, you know, to to give in to the butterflies in your in the pit of your stomach. And I get it because sometimes that happens, especially when discussing numbers and any sort of transaction. But if you if you can if you can nail that transition down, which literally for me is is something along the lines of, "All right, well, let's go ahead and get into let's go and get into the reason that we ended up booking the meeting today or all right, I want I want to talk with you a little bit about some numbers here because what I found when I was doing some research on the on the property is that, you know, XYZ and and so I'm I'm going to I'm going to immediately dive into the conversation and I'm going to change my tonality." So, we might have just been like talking about whatever their dog and we just got we just got done showing each other pictures of our dogs and telling a funny dog story or whatever. But as soon as I realized like the time is running out, I'm like I'm going to say something like, "Look, I want to be really respectful of your time and and and I'm the same way about my time. Uh, and I know that both of our time is valuable. So, why don't we move into the why don't we move into talking about XYZ?" So, I'm going to say something about respecting their time. say something about even respecting my time to let them know that like look, I got a bunch of stuff to do after this. I'm sure you got a bunch of stuff to do. I got to run to another meeting. I got to do this. I got to take care of this. This is why it's really important to have your schedule nailed down before you take these types of conversations. Keep it in a calendar and have something else to do afterwards. I don't care if you schedule an appointment to take your dog to the vet. I don't care if you schedule an appointment to to read or to sit. like always have something else that you got to get to because then that will allow you to have a frame through which to move the urgency of the conversation in the direction of the professional thing that you're there to talk about. So listen, I I got a hard stop at X time, but I'm sure you got a bunch of other things to do as well. So I don't want to take your time for granted. Is it cool with you if we kind of move into some of the numbers that I was able to work out for you? Get permission and set expectations for that. we're moving into the professional part of this of this conversation. And then people will respect it. They'll follow your lead. And like I said, especially if you're kind of already in sync and then I and then you switch tonality like that. You're going off from, you know, laughing about whatever. Haha, that's funny. All right. So, look, I know you got a bunch of stuff to do on your calendar. I got a heart out in the next 20 minutes. I got to get to my next appointment, but I want to be really respectful of your time. Let's go and move into this part of the conversation. Is that if that's cool with you? Oh, yeah. Totally cool. Okay, great. Cool. Let's let's go ahead and do it. And then you frame the next part of the conversation. When you frame that part of the conversation, now you're framing it as this is typically how I structure these. Remember, you're the professional. You're the one that does this every day, multiple times a day. At least that's the vibe that you're trying to give off to the potential person that you're trying to work with. So, you should be the one to lead them through the next part of the conversation. Okay, cool. So, this is how I typically do it. We typically spend a few minutes talking about this. We spend a few minutes talking about this. And then at the end, we'll get to some questions and things like that. Is that cool with you? All right, great. Let's go ahead and jump in. And then you move into the first phase of the conversation. Set the frame and let them know what to expect from this next part of the conversation. And do it professionally with a with an attitude of authority or an attitude of of at least credibility or trust that says like, "Hey, sit back and relax. I do this all the time." It's it's like it's like you're giving them you're giving them the the vibe that you're the pilot on the airplane. They're jumping on the plane and they're putting their their life in your hands to get them from point A to point B and to land the plane safely. So, you want to be that pilot that just says, "All right, well, why don't you go ahead and take a seat and let me do my job and uh and I and I'll take care of you." And if you can if you can get that vibe across to them, then you're going to have a much more successful conversation. So mirror, get in sync, lead the conversation, do a couple temp checks if it's not going properly, and then once you move into the professional part of the conversation, tell them you respect their time, tell them you respect your time, that you have something else you got to get going to, and then set the frame and the proper expectations for what they're going to get from the remainder of the time that they're talking with you. So hopefully that helps if you're looking at this from a hey, I'm I'm I'm curious how to move personal conversation into professional conversation because this is something that all of us have to deal with. So let me know if if that was helpful, if that was useful. Let me know any questions that you have on top of these things. And keep in mind, by the way, that sometimes if you're mirroring correctly at the beginning of this conversation, sometimes moving into the professional piece of the conversation might be the first thing that you do. That's why I say it's important to mirror because sometimes if I'm sitting down with somebody, I know something about them and I know that they're a professional, that they have a lot of demands in their time, that they only have 15 minutes carved out here. I know that they think that they're wasting their time by talking about their dog or the weather or the trip to Europe they have planned for next summer. So, I might actually skip all of that and go directly into the professional part of the conversation. And with the busier people that you meet with, they'll actually want that and respect that more because they'll understand that it's a professional to a professional doing them a courtesy because they don't want to waste their time. So don't get caught up in like the the the specifics of this. Get caught up in the person. We're all in the people business. You need to get better at reading the person in front of you and reacting in a way that's going to be best for your interaction with that particular person. And sometimes that means that you're not going to go through all the rapport building stuff leading up to this because you know sometimes it's easy for me to get in sync with somebody by just immediately diving into the professional part of the conversation cuz I know that's all they really care about. So like I'll just start the conversation with a look I know you don't want to waste your time. I certainly don't want to waste mine. So let why don't we just go ahead and jump into a couple of things that I have written out for you. The the first thing I wanted to talk about was this. Then we have this and then we'll have time maybe for a couple quick questions before both of us got to get out of here. So sound good to you? Great. All right. Cool. Let's do it. Let's dive in. And then that will give that person who's a professional thinker who doesn't have a lot of time to waste. Like that person will will love me and respect me more because I respected their time and ultimately they know that that's their most valuable asset. So that's why I say it's important to do the mirroring at the very beginning because you're going to want to figure that piece out. Like is this person somebody that I got to warm up a little bit? Are they cool talking about their dog and the weather, their family, their kids, their trip to Europe, or are they somebody who's like no nonsense and they would rather just get right into brass tax and talk about some other things? Um, because maybe that's their love language. Then maybe the end of the conversation is more rapport building, talking about dogs and pets and trips to Europe and everything else, but the very beginning it might just be that that person is really they're here to talk business and you're going to want to talk business with them. or else you're going to find yourself. I found myself 5 10 minutes into a conversation sometimes when I have like a scheduled block of time to meet with somebody and just being like, "What are we doing here? Are we going to talk about anything that's actually useful here? Like you put time on my calendar. I'm trying to be patient here, but also like if you got something to say, spit it out because I got a bunch of other to do." So don't be the person that disrespects people time people's time in an effort to try to connect with them more. Just understand that everybody's different and it's your job to try to parse through what type of person this is at the very beginning of the conversation so that you don't waste their time, whatever that means to them. So hopefully that was helpful for those of you who are tuning in. We'll catch you next episode on the Travis Makes Friends podcast. We got a lot of interviews in the can and if you enjoyed this episode, please let me know so that I can create some more stuff just like this. Catch you next time on the Travis Makes Friends podcast. Peace out.