Yes, you are egoic, and you'll need to be honest about it in your relationships

It's super important to know what your needs are when you're in a relationship. Let's say an intimate relationship. Because when you don't know what your needs are, you can't convey them to your partner and your partner can't mind read. So knowing what your needs are is super important. And here is a tricky thing about these needs that we have. Very often we don't know what they are. For various reasons, and I'll give you one very very common example. Maybe the most important example. Most people, maybe they've done spiritual work on themselves, inner work. And they talk about, you know, quite rightly the importance of taking responsibility and the most important relationship we have is the relationship we have with ourselves. Which is all incredibly, you know, absolutely true. But when we're in intimate relationships, a part of being a human being, the human aspect of it, like it or not, is that we have a desire or a need to feel as if we are the most important person to our partner. Now what we might recoil from that, because we've done work on ourselves, talk about taking responsibility and working on meeting our own needs, which is all essential. But the human part of it is always there. That need to feel not just that you're important to your partner, but you're the most important. Doesn't it sound incredibly egoic? But it's a big mistake we make to think that we're evolved or above that in our relationships. So if you are under that illusion that you are above that, you will not be aware in your relationship that that is actually what I want. I want my partner to get it. I want this to register with them. I want them to know that I need them to see me as the most important person in the world. More important than their job, more important than their family members, more important, even more important than children who come along into the relationship, believe it or not. And again, people might recoil from that. I'm not saying any of this is rational. I'm making the point that this is the way it is and to avoid that or to go into denial about it means it won't be dealt with and there will be problems. How it often looks is a partner might just notice I'm getting really irritated with my partner lately. Small things that they used to do that I would ignore didn't bother me at all or begin to annoy me. Now there is such a thing as annoying habits in relationships that need to be talked about. But if they're the type of things that your partner is doing that maybe you didn't, you did let go before, it wasn't a problem for you and all of a sudden now they're coming more and more sharply into focus and they're really irritating. Almost always what that means is a major need in the relationship isn't being met. And if you're under the illusion that well, I'm above this thing of feeling like, of needing to feel like I'm the most important, you won't be able to know why you're upset or tell your partner about it. So while the spiritual work and inner work we do to meet our own needs is essential, all I'm saying is don't feel shame if, and I think it probably is for most people, if that need to feel like you're the most important person to your partner is there for you. Because that's actually a way of taking responsibility. It's about not going into denial and not repressing anything. Then once you're aware that that is the need that you have and you're not going to be ashamed about it, you can go and start to tell your partner about it. And if that need isn't being met for you, your partner might say, well, I'm doing, I am meeting that need for you. I actually believe that the person who holds the need is the arbiter of whether or not it's been met. Now the person who holds the need who says it's not being met may be making mistakes. Maybe they're not been open about it. Maybe they're not making requests to their partner skillfully in terms of how they can go about meeting the need. But if the need isn't being met, they're right. It isn't being met. So don't be in denial about the fact that you may want your partner to feel as if you are the most important person in the whole world. That's very human. But when you can be aware of it and you acknowledge it and you don't deny it, now you're equipped to do something about it. And to make, to be honest and open about the need and then to make requests to your partner so that they can go about actually meeting it for you. So this video may be a blow to some spiritual egos out there, which is no bad thing. Because we're looking for a genuine form of spirituality. We're looking for a genuine blend of the spiritual and the human in our relationships. So keep that one in mind. Hope it's useful and I will read all the comments if there are any on this and I'll see you guys very soon. Take care. Bye bye.