My Boyfriend Doesn't Want To Work (Is This a Deal Breaker?)

[Music] brought to you by Xander Insurance. Compare rates from top-term life insurance companies in seconds at xander.com. My question is, uh, my boyfriend doesn't want to work. And is that a deal breakaker? I'm a 40-year-old surgeon. In my first job, last year, I made about $280,000. This year, I'm expected to make close to $500,000 in the second year of my work. Uh my boyfriend of one year is an actor and the entire time I've known him for about a year, he's had two days of work as an actor and he made less than 23,000 last year. So he didn't qualify for the actor's union health insurance. Uh but we want to continue our relationship move uh and keep moving forward and um eventually get married and live together. Uh but he says that uh because the house will be under my name as the main um wage warner earner um he doesn't feel like he should pay for any part of the mortgage. Um he also can't and I'm wondering if that's the deal breaker or if I should just suck it up and pay for the expenses because I can. Hm. What do you think, Jenny? Is that Is that attractive to you? Like, are you like, "What a winner." [Laughter] Um, this is not how I had imagined um being in a relationship. You're smart. You're a surgeon, Jenny. You're really smart, you know. So I'm just it just it kind of it is interesting because usually not always but to a degree people's intellect you're attracted to other people's intellect and you're a hard worker obviously the schooling you had to go through was insane and the amount of hours you have to put in and work and to have somebody that doesn't give and again I'm not mad that he doesn't have a job as an actor every week but at least he's like hey I'm still busting my butt and I'm part-time here I'm waiting tables here and I'm trying to make this dream work. I'm not mad at the dream, but the fact that there's nothing in between that that's happening, right? Is um like that's as a woman who works and all of it like that's not attractive to me as a for a man, a guy that um has a level of initiative I find attractive. So, I'm just curious if yeah, if that's how you feel or if you're if you're great with it and you might be great with it. You're asking the question, she's not great with it. She's asking the question. The reason you're asking the question is you're not great with it. Um, again, this is not not how I had imagined being in a relationship with a man would feel like me being the provider because even though I can provide for myself, I thought a relationship or partnership would be a partnership where um I don't care if he makes as much money. I care that he doesn't work or that again and we live if he wants to dig ditches. I don't care as long as he's doing it all day every day. I've asked him how he can get by without working and he says he has some residuals coming in from prior work that he's done as an actor. But clearly it's not enough because he didn't clearly he sits on his butt. Regardless of why or how he clearly is an unmotivated slug. Hey, we'll get right back to the call. But first, some of the most heartbreaking calls we get are when a spouse dies without life insurance. their loved ones can't even take the time to grieve because bills are piling up immediately. But the best way to be sure that doesn't happen to your loved ones is term life insurance from Xander. Term life can help replace lost income, pay off debts, and cover, of course, funeral expenses, so your family doesn't have to stress out over finances when you're gone. Plan ahead and love your family well by going to xander.com. He clearly is an unmotivated slug. Um, clearly he's 51. He's 51. And um, I'm not sure how much things are going to change. Jenny, do you you don't have kids, do you? No, he doesn't. If you had a daughter that asked you this question, what would you tell her? I would probably say, "Can't you find a better guy?" Yeah, that's exactly. And that's what you're So, here's what's happening. You already have made this decision. and you just wanted someone else to say it out loud. And I'll tell you, if you go forward with this guy, you're going to get increasingly resentful and increasingly bitter. This is not going to get better. You're not suddenly going to have peace with this. Yeah. You don't have peace with it now. It's why you asked the question. And as a reminder, it's not a value of what he's bringing monetarily necessarily. It's the effort, Jenny. So, yeah. So, if you guys have k Yeah. If you get married, you guys have kids, who he is with his work is the amount of energy he's going to put into that. You know, I mean, your marriage, if your marriage starts to be in a hard spot, the amount of effort that he's putting into his life is what you're going to see there. So, it's just an indicator of his level of pursuit in life in general starts to kind of show. Um, so yeah, he's cute, but the cute's already worn off. So basically it doesn't matter how much money I make and whether we can support ourselves with my money. It's a matter of his it's a matter of he has no work ethic. Yeah. Which is a character issue. And let's say this, it's 2025. There's some stay-at-home dads, right? The sometimes the woman is the bread winner and and roles have reversed. So even if that was the case and he's like, "Hey, we're having to support kids and you you have a demanding job. I'm able to do this and this and this and you know what I mean?" But there's like effort involved. It's there's none of that. This is just I'm going to sit on a log. I know. And it's hard cuz you like him, right? I mean, I'm sorry. Yes. It's the answer to your question is yes. We think it's a deal breaker and so do you. And you just wanted someone else to say it out loud. Did I miss that? You're right. Thank you for being a mirror that I needed to see. I'm sorry. Oh, bless your heart. That's hard. It's hard. But yeah, it's cuz your your your uh emotions cloud when you're, you know, falling in love. And so it's just you you tend to put blinders on. But this this got pushed far enough one too many times it came up. Well, the fact he wants to take no responsibility for anything. Did you hear that? Yeah. Put the put the house in your name and you pay the mortgage because you make the money. And I'm like, "Oh, golly, man." You know, like all of it. It's just Yeah. Yeah. Because I have residuals. I got I have a residual PTSD just from thinking about it. If anyone depends on your income, you need affordable term life. Never cash value insurance. Visit xander.com today for