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來自我的A-TRACK Michael Jackson 依舊是黑色的 那些都是我最愛的 The Simpsons 被錄製在現場的現場觀眾面前 Hey there, Meathead, what are you watching? I thought I'd check out the Warner Bros. Network. Yeah, we are to present on the WP Another bad show that no one will see I need a drink It's the TV movie of the year The Krusty the Clown story Booze, drugs, guns, lies, blackmail, and laughter Starring Five-ish Finkel as Krusty the Clown I went through a five-year orgy of non-stop pills and booze With nothing to show for it but four Emmys and a Peabody Award Alright, they're gonna show a disastrous marriage to Mia Farrow Chan-Ho, your mother Mia and I are getting a divorce Chan-Ho is over there I am Chin-Ho Whoever you are, just pass it along, kid What a bad father Lisa, knock off that bracket But Dad, I'm supposed to practice an hour a day I'll practice you You'll practice me What does that mean? Is it supposed to be some sort of threat? Arch, make her stop Look Bart, I have to practice my saxophone and you can't stop me Oh yeah? My dear Lisa, you are eight and I am ten And in my two extra years on this planet, I've learned a few tricks Give me that sax No I said give me I said no Give me it No Give me No Give me No Give me Oh Lisa, it doesn't look so bad Oh yeah? Geez, Lisa honey If it'll make you feel better, I'll destroy something Bart loves Hey Don't worry, son If that bothers you, I'll destroy something Maggie loves Dad, you don't understand This saxophone is like my oldest friend I've had it for as long as I can remember You don't remember how you got it? No Oh well, it all happened in 1990 Back then, the artist formerly known as Prince was currently known as Rin Tracy Ullman was entertaining America with songs, sketches, and crudely drawn filler material And Bart was eagerly awaiting his first day of school Honey, I can't right now Bart's gonna be late Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it Mosy traumatic childhood Oh, there's the bus Goodbye, sweetheart School will be fun Welcome, kindergartners I'm Principal Sinner Skinner Well, that's it I've lost them forever Now I'd like to introduce you to Lunch Lady Doris Who'll serve you healthy, nutritious meals Yeah, right Miss Pips, the school nurse Who'll provide ointments and unguents And Jimbo, the school bully Who'll administer noogies and nipple twisters I look forward to wailing on all of you There was a time we had a dog And Big O was his name-o B-I O-B-I And Bingo was his name-o Add an extra clap Not college material Hey, we burn Higher hands for me Got you understanding lunch Hey, honey How was your first day of school? Heart was feeling mighty blue It's a shame what school can do For no reason he's a fool Those were the days And that, my children Is the story of Bart's first day of school Very nice Yeah Except you were supposed to be telling the story Of how I got my saxophone Don't! Homer, I can't get the baby to burp Could you try for a while? No problem I'll just give her a sip of beer Come on, Maggie It nearly time Yes, it nearly time Homer! Oh, my father gave me beer as a child So I wrapped my little red wagon around a tree Let's never drink again And we never did Mom, can you tell me the story Of how I got my saxophone And not have it turn into a story about Bart? Oh, sure, honey See? Bart had just completed his first day at school And Bart just... Mom! Hey, she's just giving the public what it wants Bart by the barrel hole Sorry, Lisa It's just how the story goes No matter what Bart tried He just couldn't fit in at school A, B, C Uh, line D C, E Um, line F, Bart And believe me You'll be seeing plenty of them Bart Would you like to read a book? No Would you like to color something? I did Oh That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks And damn good cherry pie Brilliant I have absolutely no idea what's going on Homer I want you to look at this drawing Bart did Oh, it's beautiful Oh, let's put Bart's beautiful drawing up on the fridge Homer, stop Would you please look at the drawing? Oh, all right Let it... Burn it! Send it to hell! I think we're going to have to get Bart some help Get it away Bart, son You want to play catch? No When a boy doesn't want to play catch with his old man Something is seriously wrong I'll play catch with you, son Get the hell out I'm gone Uh Mrs. Simpson, physically your son is a sound of the dollar I'm afraid Bart's severe emotional dysfunction stems from a deep-seated psychological trauma Nowhere else to turn We want to see the school psychologist Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there's nothing to be alarmed about Public school can be intimidating to a young child particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son Bart's gay? Bart Uh Wrong file Uh, look The point I'm trying to make here is that Bart must learn to be less of an individual and more a faceless slut Lisa, how old are you? I am three and three-eight Lisa If I have five apples and I take away three apples How many apples do I have left? Two apples Wait a minute She's right Very good Marge, Homer, I believe your Lisa may be gifted That's wonderful But still, can't you do anything for Bart? Marge, he's five His life is over Lisa's the wave of the future Wave of the future That's right, honey If you nurture her gift now there's no telling what she can do Wow, just think of the possibilities Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize Nah Lisa Simpson has won the Nobel Prize for kickboxing I'll give you the address of a nice preschool I lost my heart and hope to die Here's a digit Seven, eight, two, three, eight, four I can assure you our preschool is of the highest quality Over 75% of our graduates go on to first grade Well, our little girl has a gift And we're willing to do what it takes to help her Very good Once we receive your $6,000 tuition check, she's in I'll give you 50 bucks Our fee is non-negotiable 75 Look, I knew private school would be expensive But I was hoping we could get a scholarship of some sort Sorry I don't have anything to offer you Unless you're a member of a minority group Excellent Thank you very much, Miss Sorry Oh Come on, honey I guess this is a world you'll never know Our family was suffering through its worst crisis ever Clark was miserable at school And Lisa's gifts were going to waste Uh, Mom It's five years later and I'm still miserable at school And my gifts are still going to waste And sometimes I feel so smothered by this family I just want to scream till my lungs explode Right, I'll go start dinner now You do that Hello Dad, what are you doing here? This is for my teeth Give me those Better wash these off All the hell with it Well, Grandpa, as long as you're here We were telling a story that took place When Bart was five and Lisa was three Oh, I know this story The year is 1906 The president is the divine Miss Dara Bernhardt And all over America People were doing a dance called the Funky Grandpa Oh, I'm the... Yes Well, as if our troubles weren't bad enough Springfield was going through an unseasonable heat wave And so Springfield's heat wave continues With today's temperature exceeding the record for this date Set way back four billion years ago When the earth was just a ball of molten lava Oh, so hot Homer, have you seen the frozen peas? You keep them Now listen, if we can't afford private school Maybe there's some other way to encourage Lisa Art class, ballet lessons They have some fun things you can do at the museum on Saturday Uh-uh, forget it, Marge There is no way I'm spending my Saturdays at a museum Unless... Museums don't have foosball, do they? You lose, Michelangelo David Who's next? Me! I guess it doesn't matter All these things cost money and we just don't have it Unless... Unless what? Well, there's that $200 we've been saving For the new air conditioner Oh, Marge We've needed a new air conditioner for years And our stopgap solution is getting cranky I cannot believe this I'm trying to give our daughter a head start in life And you aren't helping a bit Marge, name one successful person Who ever lived without air conditioning Balzac No need for potty mouth Just because you can't think of one But Balzac is the name If ips and butts were candy and nuts How does the rest of that go? Please, just promise you won't buy an air conditioner Until we figure out a way to help Lisa All right, all right I promise Must be another way to get an air conditioner Re-circulated air But, Flanders Well, sir, I hate to be a suspicious Aloysius on you But did you steal my air conditioner? Well, I admit it looks bad, Flanders But haven't you heard of That he who is without sin cast the first stone? Got him, Dad And so, just as things looked their worst I realized I could make money Selling my medication to Deadhead Grandpa, what are you talking about? Uh, nothing As I was saying Things couldn't be worse for Lisa, would they? And the ugly duckling was amazed to realize It had grown into a beautiful swan So you see, children, there is hope for anyone Even me? No I have soy milk The doctor says the real kind can kill me I wish I was interesting like you You're funny I am? Yeah Now the world needs a clown Pft! Doody! Pft! Bugger! Ha, ha, ha! That is killer material! Skinner is a nut He has a rubber butt Young man, I can assure you My posterior is nothing more than flesh, bone And that metal plate I got in NAMM I want you to knock off that potty talk right now The principal said potty You listen to me, son You've just started school And the path you choose now May be the one you follow 你會保持住這條生命 現在 你會說什麼? 吃我的褲子 好啊 我吃你的褲子 對 吃我的褲子 蟑螂 他是最棒的演員 就是那個吃蝗子的小孩 我的15分鐘的遊戲結束了 Well Mo, this is it. Today is the day I get my new air conditioner. Congratulations. Who's the little chick? I'm Lisa. She has a gift. You have 13 pickled eggs in this jar. And one cockroach. Who are you, sweetheart? The health inspector? No, but I am. Here, have a margarita. That's a parasol. Oh. Help us, Homer. Yeah. Help us, you fat yuts. Wow. Musical instrument. Is that your way to encourage a gifted child? Just give me a sign. Works for me. What do you like, Lisa? Buy-a-ma-lin? Tube-a-ma-ba? O-bo-ma-bo? That one. Oh, duck-a-ma-bo. $200. Oh, well. Thank you. Would you like an inscription, sir? Yeah. To Lisa. Never forget your daddy love. And that inscription is still there today. Wow. So that's how Lisa got her sacks. Next, I'll tell you the origin of Maggie's pacifier. What origin? We get them for $1.95 down at the Safeway. Well, I really like that story. But it still doesn't fix this. You know, Homer, I think we have some money in the air conditioner account again. But, Marge, am I doomed to spend the rest of my life sweating like a pig? Yeah, not to mention looking like a pig, eating like a pig. Don't forget the smell. Will you get off my front lawn? Why don't you make me? Why? Oh, I give up. Well, don't worry about me, Dad. It's not how it looks. It's how it sounds. Well, sir, we got a scorcher today. And to cool off, nothing beats Brutopia, the iced tea brewed by hippies but distributed by a heartless multinational corporation. Dear Lisa, May your new saxophone bring you years of... Where's Mickey? I'm not kidding. I can't see. My retinas have detached again. He's blind as a bat. Taxi my phone already.