Ed Sheeran Takes a Lie Detector Test _ Vanity Fair

You cameoed in the seventh season of Game of Thrones and people had some strong reactions to it. Yeah. Are you ready to talk about it yet? Ed, do you know why you're here today? I am here today to go through a lie detector test. This is Lou, our polygraph expert. How you doing? Are you ready to be hooked up? Guess so. I know it sounds weird but I hate feeling my blood pumping around my body. I mean, no wonder people get nervous. It feels intrusive. Does it have to be that tight? No. Is that okay? Yeah, thank you. Ed, to begin, I'm going to ask you a few questions to calibrate the machine. Okay. Is your full name Edward Christopher Sheeran? Yeah. Are you from England? Yeah. Are you about to take a polygraph exam? Yeah. Are you nervous? Yeah. Why? Uh, I just, I, just doesn't feel great, does it? Lou, are we ready to go? We're ready to roll. We're going to start with the category of your life. You have over 60 tattoos. Are there any that you regret? Uh, yeah. Which ones? Kind of all of them. I sort of feel like I should either have no tattoos or I should have all my tattoos. Do you regret the Puss in Boots one? Uh, yeah. I guess, like, I guess at some point in life it would have been nice to have a clear body, but I kind of like the fact that all of my tattoos tell a story. Have you seen any fan tattoos of yourself that you think they should regret? Yeah, of course. Have you seen any tattoos of your face? Yep. What's that like? Uh, surreal. But then I've got tattoos of other people's faces on me, I guess. So I can't really judge. Are there any other body modifications that we might not know about that you'd like to share today? Uh, I got drunk in New York once and got the top of my ear pierced, and then I got infected, and then I took it out. Okay. Can you finally settle the rumors and confirm or deny? Do you have a BBL? Uh, tell me what you think a BBL is, because I don't actually know specifically what all the letters stand for. Brazilian butt lift. I do not have a Brazilian butt lift, no. Lou? Truthful. Thanks, Lou. You famously ditched your iPhone and now only use a flip phone. Have you ever used your flip phone as an excuse for not getting back to people? Yeah, I think that's the whole point about not having a phone is I can choose the sort of speed of which to get back to people. That's the thing about having a phone. If someone, like, messages you and you message them back, then they message you back. You then have to just be in a conversation, and if that happens 19 times with 19 different people, then yeah, it's full on. Have you ever not replied to a text because it would take too long to type on the keypad? Yeah, but voice recording is good, isn't it? You always have to warn someone when you've done a voice note that it's too long. Just, like, listen to it until you get 2x. What's the longest voice note you've ever left? I don't leave long voice notes. My wife sends me long voice notes, like, sometimes 10 minutes, and yeah, ain't nobody got time for that. So you don't listen to your wife's voice notes? I do, but just on, like, top speed. Have you ever not listened to a voice note from your wife? Yeah. Truthful. She'll be excited to hear that. You learned Eminem's lyrics to help you get rid of your stutter. Does that make you Eminem's biggest stan? I mean, obviously, I like him, but there's definitely people that take it to, like, a different level. True. Which verse was the hardest to learn? A verse on, he has a song called Criminal. It's the last verse. Windows did it on my ride when I drive. When you have a stutter, that's quite difficult. When you first met him, did you reveal that you used him to get rid of your stutter? No, he'd heard it already. There'd been, like, chatter online about it, but he had heard that. We talked about Marvel films. Which is your favorite? Marvel. Iron Man, probably. Truthful. Thanks. Did you ever call him Marshall? Yeah, yeah, it gets to a point where it's weird to call him Eminem, because everyone in his circle calls him Marshall, and just gets to a point that if you aren't doing it, then you're not in the circle sort of thing. Does it feel weird to call him Marshall? Yeah, super weird. Truthful. Moving on to your career. You've removed all explicit lyrics from Multiply after a taxi driver told you he wouldn't let his daughter listen if it had profanity. Can you share some of those explicit lyrics with us now? I had a song called Don't, and the lyrics were, Don't f*** with my love, and so I took the f*** out, and that was just, Don't f*** with my love. I think it was in Los Angeles where the taxi was, but I can't really remember much else. Do you only take advice from taxi drivers? Uh, no. No. I take advice from, yeah, other people. My dad. Would you take advice from this man, Harry Styles? Yeah. Depends what sort of advice. I don't think I would look good wearing the same thing. What's the best advice he ever gave you? I don't recall. I don't know. What about the worst? Well, we're both British, and so we both have quite a sort of dirty sense of humour, so probably something filthy. Such as? You're going to have to use your imagination, but I'm sure you have a good imagination. Deceptive. Interesting. Thanks, mate. Speaking of Harry Styles, you once said that Harry Styles definitely hasn't got a little thing. Can you tell us what you meant by that? Uh, I was talking about his, um, his penis. Truthful. Good to know. You wrote your Grammy-winning song, Thinking Out Loud, in only 20 minutes. Do you now try to write all your songs in under 20 minutes? I do think that if a song isn't, like, almost formed in an hour and a half, then it probably isn't a good one. What's the fastest you've ever written a song? As fast as it takes to write down the lyrics, I think. Yeah. You originally wrote Shape of You for this person, Rihanna. Do you think her version would have been better than yours? Yeah. Yeah, I think Rihanna's version of anything would be better than anything that I would do. Do you think you could have done a better version of Bitch Better Have My Money? I could definitely do a version. I wouldn't say it's better, but I think I'd be able to sell that, yeah. Will you write a song for her ninth album? Yeah, all songwriters around the world, at all points, submit for Rihanna. It's one of those things where you go in the studio and you go, oh, let's try and write a song for Rihanna, because it usually comes out with something interesting. She's got such a wide, varied taste that it allows you to be quite experimental if you have her in mind for a song, which is why Shape of You was originally that. So yeah, I've definitely submitted songs for that ninth album in the last seven years. True. Hope to hear something. Yeah. You've collaborated a number of times with this man, Benny Blanco. Is it true his first email to you was, I have to... It was actually, I have to poop. Truthful. Did you try to back out of the collaboration after receiving that email? No, because I feel like all artists, if they're actually great artists, they're interesting people who are a bit eccentric. And Benny is, I mean, he's eccentric. But he's sort of like, he looks like he smells really nice now, whereas back in the day, he still smelled nice, but he didn't look like he smelled nice. I think I was in the same boat. I think we both looked like we wouldn't be able to do perfume campaigns. What does Benny Blanco smell like? It smells good. And he's got like, he does incense in his house and sh**. That's always the sign of someone that thinks about smells. He's being truthful. Benny Blanco smells amazing. Good to know. Be honest, have you been invited to his wedding yet? Was he at yours? Yeah. Truthful. Do you have a favorite song from his and Selena's album yet? Not yet, no. I got to be honest, I bought it on vinyl and I want to listen to it on vinyl. I haven't like listened to it the whole way through. True. I like, I don't necessarily like listening to stuff on streaming. I really like, I have a room at home that I listen to records in and I just like listening to like full albums that way. Speaking of streaming, your song 18 is often the first song that Otto plays on Apple Music for those who have it downloaded. Did you intentionally title the song this way so nobody can escape your voice? It wasn't the intention but you know, it worked out. Do you feel guilty for plunging everyone into a depression? No, because I feel like there is a song you can download that's like 25 A's so there is a choice for it not to start with 18. Maybe people secretly like it. Can you name three songs of yours that won't sink people into a depression? No, I feel like my pure existence as a musician is very polarizing. I think people either love me or they hate me so there's definitely songs of mine that are even upbeat that would piss people off. You've already mentioned you listen to songs most on vinyl. Do you find yourself skipping any of your own songs? Yeah. Are you just sick of the sound of your own voice? No, it's a song called You Need Me that I wrote when I was 15 and I was listening to my mathematics compilation the other day with my daughter and it came on and it's a different thing when I play it live because there's a lot of energy there but I think the recording of it just the lyrics of like that you've written when you're 15 when you're 34 can sometimes feel a bit cringe. Very truthful. I think we're gonna get on. Have you ever been to a wedding and not heard one of your songs? Yep. Did that upset you? I think someone actually got me on stage to sing the song at the wedding so it ended up being heard at the wedding. Truthful. Did you normally bring a guitar? No, but if there's a stage the joke is if there's a stage then I'll probably get on it. I like being on stage and performing. Did you play Thinking Out Loud at your wedding? No. Was that because your wife was tired of hearing it? Yeah and the song's not about her so I think she'd be a bit weird. Wow. Be honest. How often are people reaching out to have you perform at their wedding? Every single day. Your albums are all named after mathematical symbols. Plus, minus, multiply, divide and equal. Do you secretly want to be a mathematician? No. Do you like math? No. Is it math or maths? We call it maths. English language though, so. Will your next album solve for pi? No. Can you solve this quadratic equation? 4x squared minus 5x minus 12 equals zero. No way. Yeah, no f***ing way man. You have been friends with this person. Taylor Swift. For over 10 years. Was it all part of a long con to get free tickets to the Eros tour? Yeah. Truthful. Do you usually offer to perform at other artists' concerts so you don't have to buy tickets? Yeah. Very truthful. Taylor's Eros tour is 3 hours and 15 minutes long. Do you think you could do shows of a similar length? Yeah. Very truthful. Would you come? If I can get free tickets. I got you. That's on the record. Your new song, The Vow, is about you and your wife Cherry's 10-year anniversary. Did she have any feedback on the song? Yeah, she usually has feedback on the song. She must have liked it because it's on, but I can't remember the specific feedback. Has she ever had harsh feedback on any song? Yeah. Example? Well, they never really... To be honest, I kind of think if the person you're closest to in your life doesn't like a song, it usually doesn't end up on the record. Just from some sort of mental thing of like... I guess you start overthinking it, I think. But she's careful with her judgment. Very true. You've also admitted that you didn't know how to use a washing machine until you married Cherry. Did she have any feedback on that? I still don't think I really know. True. And do you wash your clothes? No. Deceptive. I wash my kids' clothes. That explains it. Be honest. What common household item do you still not know how to use? That's kind of the last one. And it's not that I don't know how to use it, it's just I always **** up putting the wrong thing in the wrong ******* drawer. My domain is very much kitchen. I'll keep that kitchen very, very spic and span. Okay. Moving on to pop culture. For three months, you lived with this person, Courtney Cox. Is it true that you lived rent-free in her house? You also spent six weeks sleeping on the couch of this man, Jamie Foxx. It was a little less than six weeks. I think over the course of the last 15 years, it's been the story. I'm never one to get in the way of a good story, but yeah, it wasn't as long as six weeks. So you're saying Jamie Foxx is a liar? No, I'm saying over the last 15 years, both of us have spoken about the story and it has become a story. Truthful. So it's safe to say you're someone who overstays their welcome? Yep. At what point did they ask you to leave? I actually never got asked to leave and I still stay at Courtney's. Yeah. If Jamie asked to sleep on your couch for six weeks starting today, what would you say? Yeah, I think that'd be quite fun. You've been frequently compared to this person, Rupert Grint. That's me. Are you sure? It's me. Yeah, we don't all look the same. Sorry about that. This man, Rupert Grint. Yeah, he grows a fine beard actually. I kind of wish I could grow a beard like that. Do you guys ever play Lego house together? We shot a music video recently again and we did listen to Lego house on the set. Yeah, because neither of our kids had seen the video. Have you ever built a Lego with him? He's built a Lego in a video, but I've never built it with him, no. You posted this picture of yourself on Instagram. Can you explain what we're looking at here? It's me in a monkey outfit from like the Bloodhound Gang Bad Touch video and I posted it on Halloween because someone had made a AI thing. I have no f***ing idea where the AI picture's from. Like obviously there must be someone somewhere who has done that pose in an Apple store I guess and my face is AI'd onto it. Do you regret this photo? No. The original picture was AI generated. Do you think AI is a threat to creativity? Yeah. True. Over the last few years you've worked at a Starbucks, a pizza place, a bar and even on an ice cream truck. Ed, are you worried that you haven't found your calling yet? Yeah, I'm definitely like Jack of all trades, master of none. Deceptive. I mean obviously I play music and that's my thing but yeah. You think you're good at it? Yeah. Truthful. Your hot sauce, Teddy's hot sauce, is the not-so-hot hot sauce. Yeah, well we started originally, there's a triple x that we just put in supermarkets now but that was the original flavour that I wanted to put out and Hines had suggested going milder first to introduce people to it because the hot one's really f***ing hot. It's a proper like hoop hurter. What is hoop hurter? Like a ring sting, you know, like the next day just f***ing annihilates your hoop. What is a ring sting? Well, think about what on your body is circular that might hurt when hot sauce is coming out of it. Very truthful. You cameoed in the seventh season of Game of Thrones. Yeah. And people had some strong reactions. Yeah. Are you ready to talk about it yet? Of course, yeah. I've been ready to talk about it since the first day. What would you like to say? Just that I'm a big Game of Thrones fan and they asked me to cameo on it and I said yes and I imagine anyone else in the same situation would have done the same thing and I had two lines in it. It wasn't that intrusive. True. You don't think it was intrusive? I think at the time I was very overexposed and people hated me anyway. But yeah, there's loads of pop stars that have been in Game of Thrones as cameos. Do you think Game of Thrones fans will ever forgive you? Like maybe. As I said, there's a lot of people in the world, 50% of people that know my music like it and 50% absolutely hate it. There's no one in the middle that's like indifferent. So yeah, it's very polarizing. So the people that really hate me are never going to forgive and the people that like me don't care. You also went on to cameo in Star Wars Episode IX, The Rise of Skywalker. So what's your next cameo in? I've been asked to be a sheep in a Disney film. He's thinking about saying no, but truthful. This is the thing, I haven't said yes yet. I probably will say yes. Are you hoping to appear in the next season of The White Lotus? I've never watched White Lotus. I've got to be honest, man, I'm going off TV shows. I feel like there's so many TV shows out there and everyone is recommending me. Gotta watch this, gotta watch this, gotta watch this. And yeah, I watched like seven seasons of this one show the other day that just never got good and I've just signed out from it. So even if White Lotus is good, I ain't watching it. Which show did you watch that wasn't that good? Walking Dead. Some of it was good, but it f****** dragged. Very truthful. Final question, at any point did you lie during this interview? No. And we didn't catch you? No. Well, mostly truthful here today. Look how sweaty my f****** hand was.