Too Old at 35? Chinese Woman Pays for Marriage—Still Turned Down!

Older single women nowadays are facing extreme competition. Some are so desperate to get married that they are willing to forego housing and car requirements and even pay the man 50,000 yuan as a dowry. Some are even offering 100,000 yuan along with three gold and five gold jewelry sets. These women already have houses, cars and savings. And me? I only have a rental apartment. How can I even compete? I just want to cry. I'm almost 35 years old and considered an older leftover woman. At this point, I don't even ask for a dowry. But even if I offer a house and a car, it's still hard to get married. The men at blind dates think I'm too old. There's nothing I can do. Finding a partner is just too difficult. I might as well live alone. Currently, China has over 200 million single men and women. Most of the leftover men are in rural areas, often struggling financially and unable to afford marriage costs. In contrast, most leftover women are in big cities and belong to the high education, high income and high appearance group. Due to differences in wealth and social class, these leftover men and women rarely end up together. Today, let's talk about the issue of older single women. In April last year, a large-scale matchmaking event was held in Hangzhou, attracting thousands of participants. However, while hundreds of women showed up, the number of men was shockingly low, creating an awkward atmosphere. Some men, seeing how few males were present, simply left early. In early December last year, a five-star hotel in Wuhan hosted another matchmaking event. This time, 800 elegantly dressed women attended, but not a single man showed up. The entry fee for the Wuhan matchmaking event was free for men, but each woman had to pay 3,800 yuan. In total, the 800 women spent 304,000 yuan, only to end up with no men at all. It was truly a matchmaking event for nothing. As for why men are unwilling to attend matchmaking events, some netizens analyzed that high-quality men don't need blind dates. They can easily find a partner on their own. Meanwhile, men with poor conditions won't go either because they understand their own limitations. Women typically expect a man to have a house, a car, and a dowry. If a man doesn't meet these criteria, why bother attending just to humiliate himself? In major cities like Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen, there are many older single women. These women are high-quality individuals. They have high levels of education, stable jobs, and decent looks. However, due to their older age, they find it difficult to find a partner, even when they continually lower their standards. I was born in 1988, single and never married. I have a master's degree and run my own company. I have always believed that being financially independent is a mark of excellence, but at my age, I am struggling in the marriage market. I can tell young women without reservation, whether it's men your age or younger, they will discriminate against you because of your age. And this discrimination seems to be widely accepted by society as if you deserve it. The harsh reality is that very few people your age are still single. Your best outcome might be to prepare yourself for a lifetime of solitude. Matchmaker, I just saw that girl wanted to add you on WeChat. Why did you refuse? Man, she's already 35. Why would I add her? Matchmaker, but she has good qualities. She has a stable job and even owns a house. Man, that's useless. Even if she has good conditions, she won't spend money on me. Instead, she'll still expect me to spend money, live in my house and use my money. Older women, they expect men to spend money on them and also provide emotional support. I feel like I'd be bringing home an ancestor, not a wife. But with younger women, as long as they're not gold diggers, you don't have to spend much money and they can even provide emotional support for you. In China, men are typically expected to pay a dowry when getting married. In Jiangxi province, dowries are generally around 300,000 yuan with even higher amounts in rural areas. In Guangzhou, Fujian and other Minnan regions, dowries range from 200,000 to 500,000 yuan with some areas requiring additional conditions Because Chinese women tend to have high financial expectations for marriage, many Chinese men have started looking abroad where foreign women do not demand dowries, cars or houses. In recent years, the number of foreign women marrying into China has been increasing. According to statistics on cross-border marriages, in 2019, over 29,000 Chinese men married foreign women. In 2020, more than 10,000 foreign brides moved to China. By 2021, this number had risen to over 27,000. A young Chinese man married a Ukrainian wife. Man, my father-in-law supported our marriage by sending us a total of $50,000 and their family didn't ask for a dowry. Tell me, why do you think this foreign girl was so determined to marry a poor guy like me? Woman, honey, what are you looking at so intently? Man, I'm looking at the photos from when you first came to China as a student. Woman, why are you looking at those? Man, when we were in university, there were so many handsome guys. Why did you choose me? Woman, when I first arrived in China, I didn't speak Chinese, so I didn't have many friends. Everyone spoke Chinese and I couldn't understand. But when I met you for the first time, I realized you could speak fluent English. At that moment, I thought, wow, why is this guy so amazing? And I also thought you were very handsome, so I wanted to talk to you. Man, now that last part sounds like the real truth. Vietnamese brides are popular among Chinese men due to their gentle, hardworking, and family-oriented nature. In Guangxi, it is especially common for men to marry Vietnamese wives. There's even a saying in the region, if you can't find a local wife, a Vietnamese bride is your solution. No dowry, no house required. She can handle both social events and household chores. However, a Vietnamese blogger warns Chinese men against using matchmaking agencies to find Vietnamese brides. Not only do these agencies charge a lot of money, but the brides they arrange often run away after marriage. Are you too naive or just too brave? Why would you hand over thousands, even tens of thousands of yuan, to matchmakers and agencies to find a Vietnamese wife for you? Do you realize that China's divorce rate is already shockingly high? Even when you marry a Chinese woman, someone from the same country, with an emotional foundation, you can still end up divorcing. So how much riskier is it to find a wife from another country? You don't know her, and she doesn't know you. You don't understand Vietnam, and she doesn't understand China. You too are introduced by a matchmaker, rush into marriage, and think that this kind of relationship will lead to happiness? Vietnamese women are not desperate to get married. Even if a woman has poor conditions, she can still find an average local man in Vietnam. So why would she leave her home country and travel so far to marry you? It's because she expects something from you. She hopes you'll treat her well and provide her with a better life. But once she realizes that you can't give her what she expected, and there was no emotional foundation to begin with, she'll leave after just a few months. Do you know how hard older single women are trying to get married these days? I've seen so many cases around me, women lowering their dowry expectations, reducing their housing requirements, and even willing to contribute more from their own side just to get married. Have you ever seen this happen? Some women have messaged me privately, saying that if I don't ask for a dowry, I'm devaluing myself, and if I offer a dowry instead, I'm basically paying for a husband. But sister, we are not the same. You are young, beautiful, and have a great figure. Men lining up for you could stretch all the way to France, but I'm almost 35 years old. If I don't offer tens of thousands in dowry to attract a husband, I might be alone for the rest of my life. I beg you have some empathy. Do you really want me to be single forever? Matchmaker Jingjai at the matchmaking corner of Wansong Academy in Hangzhou came across the marriage requirements of an older single woman and felt that the current dating market is truly brutal. Some older women are really desperate. Just now, I saw a woman at Wansong Academy standing by the roadside holding up a sign. Her information stated that she was 38 years old, unmarried, running her own business with an annual income of 1 million yuan, and owning both a house and a car. Her requirements for a man, no more than 10 years younger than her, stable job, stable emotional support, and at least average looks. Honestly, considering her own conditions, her expectations don't seem too high. But many parents commented, who would want to marry someone so much older? Do you think her requirements are reasonable? Many netizens feel that a 10-year age gap is too much. Five years at most would still be acceptable. Although traditional Chinese culture values family foundations, under the CCP's rule, all cultural values have been reversed. Young people here face the pressure of earning a living, buying a house, buying a car, and preparing a dowry to be eligible to marry and start a family. They struggle to earn money in difficult circumstances. Many people cannot bear the pressure and choose not to marry, opting for a single life to avoid life's pressures. This netizen was so overwhelmed by the mortgage and car loan that he ran away from home after a quarrel with his wife. Born in 1997, I am already disappointed with my marriage. To be honest, I have only been married for a year, and this marriage is too tiring. I want to run away from home. I am now looking for a better city to go to. I am thinking of buying a random ticket and going to any city at random. I really want to give up everything. I don't want a house or car. I just want to wander alone. Are there any men who feel the same as me? To be honest, marriage is too tiring. Every day is about the mortgage. As soon as you wake up in the morning, it's the mortgage and car loan, and the money for the baby's milk powder. These are all just financial pressures. Go home? My wife still quarrels with me. This is mental pressure. After quarreling with her today, I ran away in a rage, taking nothing but my mobile phone. This older woman said that although she lives alone, she arranges her life in an orderly manner, and it is not monotonous at all. Looking at women of the same age who marry, they don't have much time for themselves. Most of their time is spent on children and family, and they have to deal with the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. If the marriage is unhappy, life is a mess, and every day is spent complaining, leaving them looking listless. Married friends often say they envy my life. I can do whatever I want and have time for myself. But they are held back by their families and cannot fulfill many plans. Of course, I am not saying marriage is bad and being single is good. I just want to say that being single is really not that bad. I make money myself, cook for myself, and face challenges on my own. This is my confidence. I have the ability to live a good life and be financially independent. Life alone is not miserable. I don't want to get married in this life, so I work hard now. I don't want to marry or fall in love at all. I just want to work hard to make money. I got up at four o'clock in the morning and went to Yiwu Trade City to check out the source of goods. It happened to be the festival season, so I got busy with New Year's goods. I went to the busiest jewelry area where it was cheap. However, the peak season is next spring. After I finished, I drove back to Hangzhou. If a person does not want to marry, they need more money to support themselves because they must rely on their own resources. I am very free now. Only I know if my life is good or not. I enjoy the benefits of not marrying, but I also bear the drawbacks because I know that without money, living alone is not happy. The confidence to remain unmarried is money. If you choose to live alone like me, if you don't work hard when young, you will be truly helpless when old. So I am working hard while young and preparing for my future retirement. Here are some interviews. Woman, wouldn't you feel lonely being alone? Don't you feel regretful seeing others with girlfriends, going out and having fun? Man, isn't it good to be alone? After work, you can do whatever you want. If you have a partner, you have to spend time with her every day, dealing with her moods. I'm not in a rush. I can find a partner when I'm 40 and won't need children by then. Woman, how did you come to this conclusion? Man, the current environment is like this. For someone like me, it would take 15 years of not spending anything to buy a house in Suzhou. And if you marry now, the minimum dowry is over 200,000 yuan. Woman, won't your parents help you? Man, how could I bear to ask for their help? My parents have worked hard all their lives. We young people should be independent, but our generation faces great challenges. We need to save to buy a house, so maybe wait until we're 40. If I buy a house now and later sell it, I could gain both cash and hundreds of thousands of yuan. If I want to buy a house, the mortgage will take at least 30 years. I'm 25 now, so I'll be 55 when it's paid off. What's the point of that money at 55? It's better not to buy a house now. In traditional Chinese culture, 30 years old is considered a marriage milestone, but now more and more people stay single after reaching this age. Especially in economically developed areas, there are far more unmarried women than men. These women are highly educated, hold high positions, and earn good incomes. They're often called older leftover women. Today, let's discuss the topic of leftover women. An interesting phenomenon is that most older unmarried men in China are found in relatively underdeveloped rural areas. According to 2020 census data, the ratio of older unmarried men to women in these areas is as high as 13 to 2. Meanwhile, single women are concentrated in big cities, where many are white collar workers with higher levels of education than men. Some older women feel anxious about not finding a partner, but are reluctant to go on blind dates. When I turned 30, I realized that age brings anxiety to every woman. In the marriage market, I was clearly disadvantaged. For a blind date, my parents would first meet the prospective partner, saying, my daughter is good in every way, but she's 30. Is that acceptable? If so, let's arrange a meeting. Then, when we met, the other person would ask why I was still single. If I replied that I was busy with my career, they would usually question my sincerity, suspecting I was just settling for them. Frankly, blind dates feel insulting. It's stressful either way, whether I go or not. Who can understand the anxiety and pain of being a 30-year-old woman? After 30, no matter how successful a woman is, finding a partner becomes more challenging. I was born in 1990, and at 35, some people say that if you're unmarried at this age, you're too picky. The truth is, if you miss the optimal age to meet someone, it only gets harder. Many women missed the best age for marriage and love because they prioritized their studies and careers when they were younger. Now that they're older, they feel they've lost their competitive edge. Blind dates aren't necessary anymore. Success rates are nearly zero. People will always be picky, no matter how good your conditions are. Just recently, a woman with a master's degree, born in 1992, was rejected. She had a house, a car, an annual income of around 450,000 yuan, and was a mid-level manager in a large company. She thought it was time to focus on her personal life, so she went to a matchmaking event and met a man born in 1990 with similar achievements. They seemed like a good match, so she reached out to him. But when she expressed her interest, he politely declined, saying he wanted someone born after 1995, not so concerned with income, but a college degree or above would be enough. The woman realized he simply thought she was too old. According to data released by China's Ministry of Civil Affairs on November 1st, 4.75 million couples registered for marriage in the first three quarters of this year, down by 940,000 from last year. As China's economy continues to decline, the rising cost of living is causing many young people to delay marriage plans.