"If You Were Her Dad You'd Tell Her Not To Do This"

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today he so I'm calling I'm curious though me and my girlfriend are G to be moving in together and I'm curious whether I should be covering the bills or not no all right are you ready for some context I was waiting on Dave on that one that's why I got out front what's the context yeah so um I'm from Salt Lake City she's from Salt Lake City I work out of state so I'm moving out of state to uh Cleveland Ohio she's going to be moving with me um and her work is very clientele based so she won't be having she will have practically zero business out there and I make more than enough to provide for both of us and so um how old is she not necessarily that I need to sorry say that again how old is she we 19 years old what does she do for a living cosmetology does hair okay all right so she's going to give up her life and follow you and you're not even going to marry her I I will I will shortly well go ahead like a year go ahead then if you were her dad you'd tell her not to do this yeah I mean I I mean or maybe not I think I'm a good guy I didn't think you're a bad guy I just said marry the girl put a ring on it buddy that's all I said um cuz I'm telling you she's she's in danger not physically not emotionally you're not a bad guy but she is very vulnerable economically because she's become dependent on a 19-year-old that she's not married to in another city where she has no connections and no family and she has no income she can she she's vulnerable and that's not it's not wise for her and that that vulnerability that anxiety that goes with that is going to affect your relationship and you guys don't see that you're just young and in love and you think this is all gonna work as long as the sex is good H oh yeah I mean why a year from now hold on let's play out your thing you till day well we're going to a year from now so what's going to change between now and then uh for you to marry her instead of now a year from now what changes um so I work I just work in the summer months and um and so I'm look I'm like waiting to get back from working for the year and being able to like actually have open time um where then I could devote like majority of my energy and majority of of like what I need to emotionally to a relationship this is a disaster Hey listen if you're going to do that um you know that's when you get married not and moving in together is um she's you would have to pay the bills because she has no money is the answer to your original question isn't it well you yeah I mean and she could get like a basic job but yeah but I mean she can't she can't exist she can't subsist if she follows this along without you so she's trapped that's what I'm telling you and um economically and your brain knows the math and your body stores the stress from your brain and she can't keep that from happening it's going to affect your relationship negatively um so if you're going to go do this just you know call the pre preacher and say hey where you want to get married before we move over there it will change the environment because then she knows you're legally bound to care for her she's legally bound to care for you because you're legally don't own anything separately anymore because you're now what we call married and so that's going to be healthier for her emotionally for your relationship long term and it will change everything and if you're not able to commit to that emotionally you should not put her in this state of vulnerability because you're a good guy and you wouldn't do that I'm going to go I'm going to go I'm going to take another tack here real quick I I think that you need to tell her it's a really bad idea and you've seen the light and you guys need to figure out if you really do want to spend the rest of your life together not play house I would actually go and she stays back home you guys figure out if you can do a long-distance relationship before you do this nonsense if I was this girl's father I'd be in your grill man that may not be popular but I really don't care I think this is crazy I'd want you to prove to me as this girl's father that you're willing to be mature and put you to in in front of your desire I think that's what I would do and see if she's willing to do it see if you're willing to do the long-distance relationship and while I'm ranting when it's time if you guys prove that you can do this she can come visit for a little bit and get a job I'm pretty sure they have plenty of hairdressers that need somebody to cut hair in Cleveland yeah so this is not this all-in scenario Dave I don't like it I think it's foolish yeah you do Joe that I mean you called ask and we're being pretty brutal with you and messing up your plan but um but that's you know what we're thinking like here is like her old ugly Uncle cuz I pretty much qualify for all of that um I think I'm handsome but you know and I said we me but yeah uh but the uh um but I'm saying you know what would you do and you said wouldn't you when I asked you would you want your daughter to do this you said no wouldn't so you need to think about how you answered that cuz you answered that honestly yeah and I do think you're a good guy I'm not questioning your integrity or your intent or anything I'm not and I'm not saying you're a substandard person in any way uh but um there's implications to what you're doing that you hav't that you don't know about or haven't thought through and then I'll just stop a second and say that for the rest of you out there because today in America more couples live together not married than married statistically now for those of you that grew up with Leave it to Beaver in a alternative universe that's shocking to you more people live together not married than married the downside is is that the data is now in we see the data and we track the data it's our world and the data says that married couples far exceed unmarried couples living together in their financial goals and wealth building far exceed the researchers call it the marriage advantage and it's probably deeper than just combining of the two incomes and that kind of a thing um our our theory is and we've not been able to research this and prove it but you can just listen with me and think about it guys but our theory is simply this that when both of you are permanently prom pred to each other's future with a contract called marriage it causes a differentiation in your behaviors versus I've got to always have an out I've got to always have an exit I got to always have a what happens if he moves out what happens if he leaves me with these two kids what happens if you know all those kinds of that can happen in marriage it's called divorce but you get this thing called child support alimony and half the assets you don't get that when you're cohabit ating even with a cohabitation contract they don't stand up in Most states to the level that marriage does so we can discuss how it gets there but the data is undeniable married couples far exceed in wealth building to unmarried couples living together far exceed and you can just look at it through the wealth building lens or you can look at at it through other lenses but that's the one that I've got data on create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life