The Artist Dies, Goes To HEAVEN, And The Angel Saves His Life, And Is Forgiven By The LORD | NDE

And that was just God giving me a little grace, you know, because he knew I couldn't deal with all those years. I just wouldn't have the will to live. That's what killed me in the first place. I'm Renard. So I wanted to make my living as an artist, and that's very hard to do so in today's, when I say today, I mean the last 50 years. NDE, why it happened? Well, I wasn't expecting it. I suppose like so many who go through it, I just know I've been struggling with suicidal depression not my whole life, but about my late teens onward. Now, I don't suffer anxiety. I don't suffer paranoia. I suffer depression. I always, you know, from about the year 2000, I kept guns, shotgun, handguns, and it was never to go to the shooting range or for hunting. It was always to turn on my own self when I found life to be too unbearable. I've always been agnostic. I've always been, you know, aware of the paranormal, the afterlife, but I didn't subscribe to any God or religion. I grew up Catholic, and that chased me away from Jesus. You know, having been confronted with this criminal act that I was facing years behind bars in 2012 when I acted out that final time, and I owned a home and a business, and I had my wife and stepdaughter. It was all about to come crashing down because I said, oh, here's the excuse that I've been looking for to end my life. So I did so, and I set a time and a date. I read books to prepare for the other side, everything but, you know, faith in God. I planned it on my birthday, November 7th, 2013. I would have been 43 years old. That was the day I was going to kill myself on my birthday, and I decided to kill myself in a cemetery there. But I found my handgun, which was still a .32 caliber handgun, and you should not be able to survive from close range a .32 caliber shot to your own self. But I was making a prayer as an agnostic to a God I didn't believe in, but I did believe in an afterlife. So I knew an afterlife was watching because I had many paranormal experiences prior to that event that let me know that there is a paranormal world waiting for us, and we have to answer to it. And it's watching me right now in the back of a cemetery with a gun in my hand, ready to put it to my head. And I was like, well, they're listening now. They're certainly listening now. I'm going to tell them now. Jesus, if you're real, if you're listening, I'm asking you to send an angel or something to allow me to survive this in such a way that I can make right and turn to you in the long run. But whatever it is, if I'm going to be blind, deaf, retarded in some way, I'll face that when I shoot myself, and if I should survive, if I'm supposed to live. But intervene. I'm asking you to intervene with divine intervention if I'm meant to live. If not, send me to hell or wherever I'm going, because I'm about to do this. And my arm to swing towards my head, that way I could allow a spirit being, as I understood it, to grab my arm and aim it any way it intended for me to shoot myself, to survive or not. And sure enough, when it got to about the halfway point, something grabbed my arm, and it didn't slow down the momentum, but it was an electrical feeling that I felt grab my arm, and it was within a half a second I felt that. And of course, I pulled the trigger, and I was on the other side. But it's similar to that kind of shock, but it doesn't burn, and it doesn't burn the flesh. So I felt that shock that I hadn't felt for years. But I think this time it was either from a guardian angel or a guardian spirit. I can't tell. I don't know. I never met anybody on the other side. I just know something intervened, grabbed my arm, and I felt that before it reached my head, and I shot. And I never lost consciousness. That's the amazing thing. People die of slow freezing in the Appalachians on a mountain peak, and it's a different way of crossing over for them as if you die instantly from a gunshot. And in my case, I died. I got pushed out of my body. I was here. I was looking ahead of me at the graveyard in front of me and the stone wall. And next thing, I never closed my eyes. And next thing I know, blackness, and I got pushed out of my body to the left. And then I was in some sort of black realm. And then I remember floating deeper into blackness, and I was fine with it. But I felt the pulling, and I didn't say, hey, I'm going that way. I felt pulled somewhere. And I said, here we go, whatever's next. And I was ready for it. But instead, I went into some deep blackness that if you go into a black room on this planet, you can experience the blackness. You could lock out all sunlight, artificial light, and you can experience this blackness on this side. It's unreal how black it is there. And yet, it was peaceful. And I felt comfort, but a little unease, a little unsteadiness, why I'm there, what's next. But I felt like I was in some sort of meditative, germinating existence there, where I could have stayed there for eternity. I was comfortable not knowing anybody, not hearing anything, not seeing anything, not knowing what I was, but I was consciousness. And I just floated there. And I don't know how long because time didn't exist there. And so, I just went on like that for I don't know how long. I just remained there. Well, I learned from near-death experiences of other people that when you're in that black place, I didn't know that black place existed until I experienced it. And later, I explored other people's NDE experiences and learned that that's a waiting room of some sort. And I was fine with that. I was just comfortable there. I probably could have existed there as a piece of dust that I was at the time, just a piece of dust with consciousness. But then eventually, it came a pulling again. And I just felt this pulling away from there. And I knew I was being pulled back in the same direction I came from. And I said, Oh, please, no, no, no, no. And I just cried out to whoever, nothing answered, nothing spoke to me there, good or evil. And I just got pulled back. And then I came, then my awareness, my human awareness came back. And the first thing that came to mind was I was going to shoot myself again. I was still in the same mental state. I forgot the deal I made with the angel. And I shot again, but it jammed. The gun jammed, and it had no reason to jam. It wasn't even a year old. So I had to lift my broken body to get back to my car. But I had to call somebody or nobody would know I just shot myself. And I found the phone. I called my wife. And I told her, look, I'm in the cemetery. And I went back to the spot for some reason where I shot myself. I went in that general direction. And I sat down and I passed out again. And then I was taken to Concord General Hospital there, where they couldn't help me. I died two more times on the way to the hospital. I died. You know, they had to resuscitate me two more times on the way to the hospital. The hospital, that's New Hampshire's capital city. It's its largest hospital. And they couldn't save me. I also dealt with, you know, then I lost my house. I lost my business, lost everything. Went to live with my wife's mother while I dealt with the criminal case. And even God worked out the criminal case to where I only dealt with eight months in jail, when I was looking at 15 to 30 years in jail. And that was just God giving me a little grace, you know, because He knew I couldn't deal with all those years. I just wouldn't have the will to live. That's what killed me in the first place. And God has done, Jesus has done such work in me. You know, I've been lonely mostly. I've been struggling to find, you know, NDE people, we can't find relations. We have a harder time making work relations with employees. Nobody gets along with you when you've suffered an NDE. Nobody, you can't understand anybody. Nobody understands you. You're in a class all your own all of a sudden. And if it weren't for also adopting Jesus into my life to navigate me through this maze, God knows, you know. But God has put me in place with so many people that just got me to the next level, got me to the next level. Because I've just been doing nothing but struggle for the next, the last 10 years. But the sin that God has taken out of my life, the hatred of other cultures, you know, now, you know, and even then when I did hate other cultures, I had friends with those people. So I've just been such a complex person. And, but now it's all making sense. And now it's all coming together. And I've been, you know, I'm now with, you know, I've been in worship teams with my churches where I'm a drummer or a singer or both. And, and I do charity work and I do volunteer work. And I can't live without that work. If I can't find enough charity work, I pull over beside on the side of the road and I see a garbage bag that exploded and left all its trash on us. And I got to stop and I got to clean it all up. And I got a little grabber in my car and garbage bags, whatever I could do, you know, I just live to serve.