Crispy Hashbrowns - You Suck at Cooking (episode 161)

You suck at cooking, yeah, you totally suck. Today we're making hash browns, which are potatoes that have been dismantled, soaked, rinsed, squeezed, wang-jangled, flattened, fried, then degreased. We're gonna use russet potatoes, because that's what everyone else says is the best. They're called russet potatoes because when they're ripe, they rustle around. We'll start by removing the potato's insulating layer, which keeps it from getting too cold underground, since it's a warm-blooded vegetable. You can also put your potato inside a box and shake it, which leaves it disoriented and easier to handle. Now we'll initiate the disintegration process by using this disintegrator. You can also buy genetically modified pre-disintegrated potatoes if you want to save some time. You can also throw the potato against the wall if you want to make crash browns. We're gonna wash the smithereens in a bowl of water to clean the potatoes, since they live underground, one of the dirtiest places on Earth. But here's the thing I've learned about washing. The longer you soak, the more starch is removed, and the more starch that's removed, the less they bind together when you're shaping your patties. Since this recipe has no egg, you don't want to wash them too long. In fact, if you just rinse them, they'll stay pretty sticky, and while every recipe on the internet is gonna say they won't end up as crispy, the thing is, they're wrong and I'm right. Now if you do soak them, save that water and serve it as a bowl of starch gazpacho, which is a German delicacy, and traditionally eaten with a sausage spoon. Mmm. Now we'll lay those potato particles on a soft, warm blanket and squeeze them to remove most of the moisture, and also so that they feel temporarily loved. Now I'm gonna add some oil to a non-stick pan, and then add our potatoes. We're cooking them for a few minutes, because if you just go straight into making hash browns, they'll end up medium rare. We've cooked them for around 10 minutes, now we'll let them cool off a bit. Then we'll add them to a bowl to begin the reintegration process. It's really important to only add certain spices to your hash browns, to avoid others, so I made this comprehensive list to help guide you towards which spices will taste good. And that's about it. For every potato, I'm gonna go with a third teaspoon of flavor glitter, one teaspoon of garlic powder, one teaspoon of onion powder, and one teaspoon of cornstarch. The cornstarch is important because it gives a nice corn flavor, which is the best flavor for potatoes. Now we're gonna take what was our 3D potatoes and shape them into 2D potatoes. You don't have to make ovals if you don't want to, you can of course make triangles, but that's it, no other shapes. I'm using my cast iron pan with oil about half the thickness of the hash browns. Look how low that dial is. You don't need to go high. In fact, you'll burn your house down if you do. Check the links below for frying safety tips, please. I'm slowly lowering my hash browns into the dangerous oil, and the trick is to cook it until it's as brown as you like it. If you prefer, you can use a stainless steel pan if you like having your hash browns literally welded to the bottom. While flipping, I'm gonna use this edging technique to avoid having hot liquid splash my hands and face. Then just a few more minutes in there and those hash browns are good and crispy, despite the starch fear mongers telling you that you're gonna go to soggy hash brown hell. We'll lay them on a comfortable paper towel for some aftercare and to ensure maximum crispitude. And here's my attempt at making a hash brown. The main issue I had was that the physics of reality didn't really line up with the physics in my mind when I thought of this. So not bad overall, considering I made it in this dimension and not another one where it could have been easier. Now this is a real crispiness test. If that sounds like potato chips to you, it might be because these are made of the same material as those. Guys, seriously, if these are not the absolute best hash browns you've ever eaten in your life, I promise you that means you've found a recipe that's better than this one.