Mel and Sawyer Robbins talk viral 'let them' theory, writing together

Okay, so when Mel Robbins posted a video on social media about the let them very it got believe this 30 million views and that's when she knew this concept was something that she needed to explore after years of research and writing now joins us now to talk about her new book let them theory to help us start the new year off on the right. Waiting for this I mean how tell us first of all what is this theory that got everybody, I mean there were tax and fat. I'll tell you what when you share something online and people start getting it tattooed on their body. Yeah, you know that you have something that instantly what are you okay, we have thousands of that I mean. So the lesson theory is a simple mindset tool that you can use to help you focus on what you can control which is yourself okay and to stop obsessing managing and worrying about what you can't control which is what everyone else. Yeah, yeah, and 2 simple words set you free. Free from worrying about other people's opinions, I'm not kidding about us like within pages I can read it already yeah, you'll realize you waste so much time and energy and things that are beyond your control and this is going to show you just 2 words let them let them let them will help you release the grip you have yes things that are actually I say that yeah, yeah, I think that yes, so so how has this changed your life when you when you put this theory to you my gosh I have never relaxed, yes, it's a relaxed after say yeah felt yes, more freedom and power because you realize you know we all have this innate need to control everything around us because it makes us feel safe but too often we're focused on trying to control things that you just can't control. Yeah, you're allowing things that aren't worth your time. Your energy and your focus and so what you'll realize is when you stop giving your time and energy away to other people you actually have all the time and energy you need you've just been unknowingly given that power to other people is let them work, I know it works with like things that are external that you can't control like you said, but often some of those things that are good on your jangle you're in your own house. You can't like let them all yeah, what do you do about here's a great nuance is what is it that they say about the family that family actually teaches you how to love people you hate it. And so you use this the most honestly with the people that you're closest to because it's our need to try to control and change people that creates the friction and the standoff and so when you say let your mom be your mom let your daughter be your daughter let your son be your son, but your partner be your partner let my neighbor do the thing. Yeah, what happens is you feel yourself release the grip, but then you say the second part what let me and what does that mean let me let me focus on what I can control. Yeah, I can control what I say I can control whether or not I snap. I can control what I do I can control where I for my time and energy and that's where your power is see if you've ever if you ever feel frustrated or overwhelmed or stressed out I want you to hear something the problem isn't you in that moment, whether you're sitting in traffic and you're gripped or you're just angry because your kids left the dishes and the second guy. Yeah, or you're mad because you're getting micromanaged at work. Yes, whatever it is your feelings are valid, but you just got to say let them because if you allow those emotions in the moment to hijack your brain you will not act in a way that either makes you proud of yourself or that gives you control. Yeah, so saying let them when you see the dishes in the same that doesn't mean you're going to let your kids run you. Yeah, it means I'm not allowing this moment to stress me out okay, let me sit them down for real, yes, and ask them what yes, instead of like come. And you know what does worse. Yeah, it actually makes you more stress. More frustrated over something that you actually didn't need to get. She's our I was our guru attack here's the thing I find okay, here's here's something you this is not your first, I know, I'm about to let me let have one of the things that this is not your first book, but it is the first one that you worked on with your daughter, yes, so talk about y'all collaboration, I love it. Oh my gosh so I saw your yeah, she's here so when my when when I posted that one 60 second video so I stumbled on to this because I was micromanaging one of my kids and one of my daughters like you're being annoying just let him do what he wants to do. I literally turned to Sawyer who had just gotten back from a backpacking trip. I said hey this thing went viral could you just dig into this for a minute and check it out and so she did a little research project that turned into us collaborating on this book. Yeah, so this book writing this book with my mom has been truly the greatest gift I have ever been given in my entire life. I definitely used it about 10 times every single day. In doing so it has brought us way closer and for every 20 something year-old out there this book will bring you closer to your parents this theory will make you closer with your friends. I used it to get through the hardest breakup of my entire life. And so all the moms and dads out there you need to get this book for all 20 somethings this is not just for Mel's age. Everyone it's more relevant than ever because we also have all these outside influence. Yeah when I was 25. Yeah, there was no social media that I was on you know, so while there's a huge chapter on kind of chronic comparison. So there are 8 different ways you're going to use this and some of the most important ones are allowing other people to think what they want about you it's not about not caring it's like learning how to let people have negative opinion. Yes, right so to make actually if you think about the new year goals and resolutions need to be deeply personal to you in order for them to stick and for you to be motivated. Most people make the mistake at the beginning of the year of setting goals that they think they should do yet to match other people's expectations. Those are the ones that you'll never keep you need to learn how to let people have negative opinions and feelings about what you're doing in fact when you made the decision about focusing on new things in 2025. The first thing we consider when we start to think about what works for us as well, how is everyone going to feel about yeah, and we stop ourselves second thing that this is going to do in the new year for you is and chronic comparison. No one else can take anything from you. And when you start to go let them let them have their success. Yes, you'll learn that other people actually lead the way you're not playing against them in life, you're playing with them. Yeah, when you let them have their success you can learn from them, yeah, which turns comparison from something that stops you in your tracks into something that actually fuels you to move in new directions and so you can use it for chronic comparison, you can use it for managing your own emotions, you can use it to learn to let other people be disappointed. Yeah, and it's not your job to manage your feelings, it's your job to make yourself proud of yourself. Yeah, and you can also use this and this is a big one a lot of us have resolutions about trying to change other people yeah, you'll learn in this book one of the things that is impossible to change or other people because people only change when they feel like it. And if you pressure someone you know what it does it creates resistance to the change. Yes, so all of our good at yes, you're you're creating a standoff and so by letting other people be themselves they feel accepted and loved which means the defenses go down the tension drops and it brings you closer. Yeah, the people that that you love I love that we need to read it. Yes, another gold mine right there. Yes, now we're so happy to gratulate said rats thank you guys check out Mel's book the let them theory you can head to the dot com slash books are by wherever you buy your book will.