The Only Hope I Had After My Miscarriage: A Story of Faith, Grief & Redemption

So I grew up in a Christian home. My parents were pastors, so I'm a pastor's kid. My mom struggled to have kids, so I am the first child. And so I've always felt that love, that longing. I've never felt unimportant or neglected. My parents definitely wanted me and loved me, and I had a pretty good childhood. We weren't rich. We didn't have a lot of resources. We didn't have the big house, but we had a lot of good memories, a lot of love. And growing up at church, you would think it's a lot of rules and a lot of laws, which in part, yes, we do have rules, and we do have some commandments that we need to obey. But I was very fortunate that my parents didn't teach me religion. They taught me love and Jesus. So because he loves us so much, we're gonna love him back by following his rules versus a list of don't do this and don't do that. And so therefore, I didn't have that rebellious kind of spirit that I know a lot of pastor's kids have because it was more than laws and rules. It really was understanding his goodness, but then adding the fear of the Lord. So they did a really good job with me and my brother who came four years later. I served at church. I sang. My whole family sings and plays instruments. So my mom says we have music notes like running in our veins. And so it was very easy to serve somewhere that I naturally am passionate and just love. I love music. So I sang with my family, and then I grew up singing in different ministries, different choirs, different churches. I will say the shift between trying to obey my parents and make them happy to falling in love with Jesus on my own and having that personal devotion, probably that shift was probably when I was 15. We went to a youth camp, and I think I was overwhelmed for the first time. And I've always loved God, but I didn't really was in love with his presence like that encounter that I had. And ever since then, it shifted from trying to be a good daughter and follow the rules with this loving God to I want to live for Jesus. I love Jesus. I just want to be with him and make him happy and live a life that he is pleasing. You know, it's pleasing to him. What happened in that moment that caused that shift in you? Gosh, it was a long time ago. I just remember it was a youth camp. It was during service, and I'm praying. I do pray. I do sing, but it was just heavy. And this new depth of love was unlocked. I don't know how to explain it. Like it just went from, I love you to, oh my gosh, I'm in love with you. It was such a thick, heavy presence. He covered me. He really did. You know, it was in that part of the service, everyone's speaking in tongues. It was just like a very Acts kind of moment, Pentecostal kind of moment. It really was. And how can you not just leave the same? You can't leave the same after that. I really never felt that much peace in my life, that much love. It was a joy that I was actually sad when the service was over. So I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to go back home. I didn't want to go back to the real world, you know? But of course I'm 15, knowing now I can be in the real world and still have this access. But at 15, it was just so, such a special, precious moment. That even though some of the details are kind of foggy now, the heaviness, something I'll never forget. Going to high school, I had a lot of different kinds of friends. I didn't just hang out with the church group. I hung out with every single person you can think of. But even in that, they knew I was different. So if they were going to skip school or they were going to do something, they wouldn't ask me. So we would just hang out. They wouldn't ask me. And if they would cuss or something, they would apologize. They would be like, oh, sorry. So they knew that I was different, but I was still surrounded by different kinds of people. So there was that respect. But also I didn't judge. I didn't condemn. You know, it really is the light and the darkness. There's something different. And so it really helped my journey with dating, with not skipping school, not trying drugs. I've never done any drugs. I don't know what being drunk or hungover is. Any of those things that maybe are popular or you're pressured to do because that shift, not only do I know I'm going to get in trouble with my parents, but I don't want to fail or disappoint God, you know? So it became even more of a vow to obey his commandments because I'm just so in love with him. So I'm 19 and I meet my husband-to-be. He's 23. We date for a few years. We're both in college. I met him at church. He's someone that I prayed for. Together, we would have Bible studies. We would fast together. We would pray together. Even in the aspect of college, he was at a crossroad where he didn't know what to do and we both fasted and the Lord just directed him a different way. And we're so grateful for it now, 17 years later, it's worked out. But that's just kind of the relationship we had. We got really close, not just to each other, but with God as well. So we get married four years later. You know, he's graduated. He's got a good job. We're married and we're just enjoying marriage life. We're still both serving, still very present in ministry. We're traveling. I get to basically see the world with my best friend and travel everywhere. Things are good. Is my life perfect? No. Were there ups and downs? Absolutely. Were there moments of stress? Yes. But for the most part, I will say my life, I've been incredibly blessed. And because of even the childhood that I had, the fear of the Lord kept me from making some bad choices. So therefore, I didn't have too many consequences because I was very careful with what I would do in my life and the decisions that I made. So fast forward, we've been married for six years now. And again, still serving, still very much into church and ministry. And we feel that need to expand, have a family. You know, it's been six years. We've traveled a lot. We've had a lot of fun. I even recorded an album. It's just been an adventure for these six years. But we want to kind of share this. We want to travel with little ones and share the world with them. So we decide to try for a family. At first, didn't seem like it was working. Nothing really was happening. So we decided to go to the doctor and make sure we're good. So a few weeks later, I get a phone call. And this is the weekend of Mother's Day. Take in mind, this is a Friday. So I get this phone call and the nurse basically says that our test came out where we cannot conceive. There's an issue. I remember the confusion. I remember having so many questions. I tried to understand what she was saying. I did ask. And again, it just, there was no way that I could conceive because of this issue. And so I just remember it being incredibly, incredibly hard and difficult because everywhere, every commercial, Mother's Day, Mother's Day gifts, every post on social media, Mother's Day. And here I am with the realization that I won't get to be a mother. And take in mind, I've always liked kids, always. I have worked at daycares. I have worked at schools and I have been a nanny. And so I just adore kids throughout my life. That was really my job was around kids. And I felt like this was the dream to be a mother. And I felt like the Lord put that desire in my heart. So how can God who put that desire in my heart not let me be a mother? And so I remember having all these emotions, all this resentment, frustration, anger. And I remember going to church on Sunday and this is Mother's Day, and how hard that day was for me. I think we celebrated Pastor Rusi and everyone's talking about their mothers. Every mother is getting a rose. Some recognition, some special video. And I am sitting there thinking that this will never be me. And my dream is now gone. It's non-existent. And so a part of my persistence of like, no, God is still a God of miracles. God can make this happen, you know? And so we go home, we go back and see the doctor. And we find that there's a few options we can try. And so we try with the first option. And a few weeks pass by, a few months pass by, and nothing, absolutely nothing's happening. So I am starting to lose hope. I am starting to lose faith. And I get a phone call on one of the ministries that I sing with. I haven't sang with them in a while at this point, but they wanted to bring everyone together again for this special event. So I'm joined with this amazing ministry, Global Force. And we go to Del Rio, Texas. And it's a two-day event where we're leading worship. On the second day, we're leading worship. There is this moment in service where it gets heavy. Here comes the heaviness again. And take in mind, I'm worshiping God, I love God, but there is some sort of bitterness growing at the same time, and anger. So during this set, on the second day, this is the last day, there was a part in the worship set where it got really quiet. And I think it was on purpose. I think it was Holy Spirit-led, where we're just letting the Holy Spirit speak and we're listening. It's just very reverent quietness. I remember in that moment, I bowed down and I told the Lord, God, if I never get my dream to be a mother and I never get to experience what life inside of me will be or is, if I don't ever get to raise a child, I will still worship you because you're still worthy of my praise. And I'm gonna still love and live for you, even though I didn't get what I wanted. You're worthy. And I felt this release, this complete surrender, this moment of no more withholding this dream and this, this is what I want, this is what I need. I just gave it away, let it go, declared my love for Him, despite not getting what I dreamed of. And I felt free, I felt relieved, I felt peace in the resentment, the anger, the bitterness that was growing. It just was fleeting, it was gone. And so the service ends and we're packing up, we're getting the mics, getting ready to head back home to Houston. And one of the ladies at the church comes up to me. My husband came with me on the trip, so he's with me. So she comes up to us and she said, I have a word for you. I saw a vision and I wanna tell you that the moment during worship where you did this, she goes, the moment you did that, and keep in mind, she has no idea that I'm having this conversation while I'm bowing down. She said, the moment you did that, there was a seed from heaven coming down to you. And she said, that seed represents a child. And so at this point, you know, me and my husband are like crying our eyes out because I just couldn't believe I surrendered. And she's like, oh, there's a seed at the very same moment. And I'll never forget, she said, and it's gonna happen sooner than you think. Before going to Del Rio, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. So we come back from Del Rio, it's been maybe three, four days and I take a pregnancy test again and it's positive. Now, Mariana, before you continue from there, when that lady told you what she told you, did you believe it or did you doubt in that moment, knowing everything that was going on, but also the surrender, but did you believe it or was there any doubt? I think for the most part, yes, I believed. There was this immense peace, but my human, my humanity didn't wanna get my hopes up in case this is false. But I think my spirit trumped my humanity because I went home and took the pregnancy test. And I, yeah, I just, I think I had more faith than doubt, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have an ounce of doubt. I think our humanity definitely comes out here and there. And I just didn't wanna get my hopes up and be crushed, but I also believed more, so. What was that like when you, for you and your husband, what was that like seeing that positive sign? And was that, was this the first time or? Yeah. Yeah. So this, we've been trying for months and we tried what the doctor had suggested and we didn't really see anything happening. And yes, now we're carrying our first child. This miracle coming from a report of you will never conceive to a seed coming from heaven. And here is this beautiful boy that God grants us. Nine months later, we welcome our little miracle. His name's Angel, we call him AJ. And he really was, I don't know, he changed our whole world around. I thought I knew how motherhood would be, but it's way better than I could have imagined. And here's my dream come true. And just again, now we're traveling with a little one. Now we're showing him the world, enjoying every moment, making every memory we can. We're enjoying our time together as a family of three. Two years later, we feel as though, you know, it's time to try again. We know that it's hard to conceive, but we're gonna try again. You know, God did it, he can do it again. We feel like our family isn't complete. We want more. So here we are again with faith and trust that the Lord will make a way again. And we do the suggestion from the doctor once again. And if you don't mind me asking, what is the suggestion? There were some pills. It was some medication. That my husband needed to take. And again, here we go. Every month, negative, negative, negative. But you know, we know that it's hard. So we just continue, we continue. We don't lose faith. We keep going. April 2019, the year is 2019. But in April, I have a dream, a very vivid dream. And something about myself, I never dream. Like I just go to sleep and I wake up. So these are very rare. And if I do dream, I forget every detail of the dream. So I had a dream. So this day, I remember it very clearly. And because they're rare, I wrote it down and I still have it on my phone, which is why I know it's April when I had this dream. So in April, I have a dream that I'm in labor and I am having a baby. And I have this little girl and they're cleaning her up and I could see her from the distance and she's gorgeous. And I remember asking the nurse, what's today? And the nurse said, December 29th. It was a C-section and like all these little details. And so I wake up and I write it down. And I'm like, oh my God, we're gonna have a girl and it's gonna be December. Oh my gosh. So I'm excited. So I write down the dream. I'm excited. It's gonna happen. I share it with my husband. And here we are, 2020, and I'm finally pregnant. And I'm like, oh my gosh, she's coming. But it's a boy and he's due in June. So then I think to myself, okay, well maybe that dream meant something else. Or maybe that dream was for someone else. Maybe it was random. So I kind of let it go. And I enjoy, again, this miracle that God has led us. After a year of trying, here we are finally. I get to give my son a friend. I get to complete our family a little bit more. And I get to be a boy mom. Every ultrasound, take in mind this is 2020. It's a lot of new rules and regulations now to go to the doctor. Wearing masks, it is a whole different experience than my first child. But nonetheless, I'm excited. I prayed for this child. Here he is. I passed the first trimester, which is the most vulnerable one. And here I am in my second. And we find out it's a boy. We name him. Now we call him. I talk to him. I start having all these future plans. Like, okay, so I'll have some matching outfits with my son. My two boys, maybe we can get some bunk beds. You just start having all these future goals and dreams now that you know you're carrying a boy and it's coming soon. So I'm in my second trimester. I'm about five months pregnant. And I start cramping and bleeding. And I remember knowing, not wanting to even say it out loud, but just thinking something's off, something's not right. But I didn't want to say it because saying it felt like I would be claiming it or making it real. So I couldn't go with my husband because of the rules. So I went to the doctor on my own. I had a few of my church family pray, keep me in prayer. They sent me some beautiful texts, some beautiful prayers. And I get to the clinic, the doctor's office, and they're having a really hard time. There's two ways to find the heart. And so they use this contraption, this heart monitor before the ultrasound just to start off. And I remember she couldn't find it. And I just knew, but I didn't want to think about it. I'm like, maybe that machine's not working. And so she's like, okay, let me do the ultrasound. And so she tried the different machine and then she calls another nurse and then the second nurse gets a third nurse. And at this point, it's evident that there is no heartbeat. And I don't hear it as well. And from the ultrasounds that I have had, you not only hear it, but you see it. It's like a little blinking. And I remember staring at the monitor and there was no blinking. So I knew before they even told me that he was gone and he didn't make it. So at that moment, the first thing was shock. I didn't think this was real. I'm like, this must be a nightmare. This can't be happening. I had an ultrasound a few weeks ago. He was perfect. He passed every test. All my blood work was good. I didn't pick up anything. I didn't fall. I'm just all these things like, I don't understand. I don't understand. This can't be happening. I'm in shock. And because it happened so quickly, they asked me to go to the hospital that night to go home, get my stuff, and then go to the hospital to deliver him. Because at this point, he's a little bigger and it's the second trimester. So it's not like in the beginning where you can kind of deliver him at home. So I remember just the numbness, the shock, even the crying was quiet. I didn't know why. And that really is the first question when you're going through a valley is why. I think a lot of times in life, when we are faced with storms and trials, you can kind of go back into, well, I should have done this or maybe I shouldn't have done that. There's some form of responsibility to that consequence. And you reap what you sow. So you sow well, you're gonna reap well. But in this particular point, I didn't do anything. In fact, I prayed for this. I believed for this. I trusted God. I didn't have an affair. I didn't take any drugs. I didn't, you know, I tried to be as healthy as I could. I listened to the doctor. I did my part. I am so good. So why am I reaping this? And so the why was really loud because it was incredibly cruel and unfair of why I would harvest something based off good seeds. And so we get to the hospital. And Mariana, what was your, when you got home and your husband wasn't there when the news broke out, what was that like between you and your husband? Well, my husband came to get me because I couldn't drive. So my cousin was living with us at the time. So my cousin came with him so he could drive my car. And I remember the nurse wanting to help me. I could see that they just wanted to help in any way. And I told her, can you text him to come or can you call him? Because I can't, I can't right now. And so she did. And she had to tell him. So I didn't have the, I didn't even have the strength to tell him. So the nurse told him for me and she told him that I didn't wanna drive. I was crying so much. So he came with my cousin, picked me up. I could tell my husband was more of be strong for her because I was falling apart. But you know, he's falling apart too. He's just masking, you know, he's trying really hard to be strong for me, you know, which is sweet. But you know, I think men should be able to grieve too and fall apart too, it's normal. But that's kind of how that went. So that night, my husband and I went, we went and I delivered Jojo. It was a very, my gosh, it was a very dark day. I would say it was probably the worst day of my life. Hands down, it was a sad day. And this is January 2021. So I know a lot of people talk about 2020 and how difficult it was and how hard of a year that was. 2020 was fine. 2021 was the worst, the worst year of my life. And it was the start of the year. I absolutely hated 2021. And I know we're not supposed to hate, but I hated 2021. And so I remember delivering him. I remember leaving in a wheelchair and mother with the newborn was leaving at the same time. And here I am with no baby, empty. My baby has to stay. My baby's gone. It just, I didn't understand. I had a really hard time. So on the way home from this, I always tell my husband, I know why the Bible says mustard seed because there really is mustard seed of faith. The tiny, tiny piece of mustard seed of faith that I had. I remember in the car telling him, no. I was like, no, I refuse. I refuse to have that hospital and that hallway and that floor. Let that be my last memory in that hospital. Take in mind, this is the same hospital that AJ was born in, AJ was brought home from, same hallway I got to walk with excitement. I'm about to have this boy. It's the same, totally different outcome, totally different experience. And this hospital and room and floor and hallway with such great memories is now tainted. And now it brings just so much sorrow just to think about it. So in the car, I told my husband, no, I refuse, I refuse to have that as my last memory in there. I can't. And I would like to say that I kept that strength and that faith, but I, you know, going home and going through that traumatic, you know, so fast, I have him, I don't have him, that shock of it, I start grieving. And that faith and that hope, you know, just, it becomes incredibly difficult to even consider trying again. So I'm here in the car, like, no, this isn't it. And then I get home, weeks pass, I hardly sleep. I think I call it my zombie era. I was just surviving, barely surviving, mainly for my son, did not sleep a lot. The idea of trying again became even more scary. I remember telling my doctor, I think I'm gonna tie my tubes. And she said, I'll, she said, just wait. I know you're hurting. Give yourself some time. And if you still want to, we'll make it happen. And I said, okay. So weeks go by. I'm grieving. My husband's grieving. We're at home a lot. We're not currently serving. I don't see how I can worship again, because I'm singing songs like, you're the God of miracles, but I didn't get my miracle. So I don't, I didn't see how I could go up there again. Now I knew I would eventually, because I do love God with all my heart. But in that moment, I just didn't know how long it would take for me to get to that place again. And I, again, I didn't comprehend the why. And so while I'm grieving, there are a lot of beautiful moments of comfort. I just remember crying a lot when I would shower or when I was going to sleep, because I didn't want my son to see me crying so much. So I would hide and cry. So one of those moments where I'm crying on my own, I told God, I know you can't physically hug me, but I'm so sad and I'm so hurt that I just want you to hold me. And I know it's impossible, but I just want you to hold me. And that week, my son, it felt like he was hugging me every five minutes. And I took that as God answering my prayer, since he can't physically do it. He brought a lot of healing hugs through my son. And my son is normally, you know, he likes to cuddle, but that week when I prayed that, it was a little extra. It was a little bit more than usual. And I felt like that was God answering my prayer of being held. And then another thing he did while I'm grieving, he reminded me of the dream that I had in 2019 about a little girl. And of course I'm remembering this dream, but I am a little too scared to believe it. I just don't, I don't know if I have the strength to try again and survive another one. I just didn't know. I didn't know if I could try again and then survive a second miscarriage. So he reminded me, I kept thinking about it throughout the day. He kept putting it in my mind, but I just, I didn't know. And so as I'm grieving, another thing he does is he gives me the name Evelyn. I love names with the letter J. So although my son's name is Angel, his middle name is Jaden. So it's A-J. Jojo was Josiah Joseph. And for girl, I wanted Jocelyn and Jolene. So I don't know why, but I love names that start with the letter J. So when the Lord gave me Evelyn, I've never thought of that name. I've never thought of naming someone that, you know? So it was very random, very different. Again, I just try not to think about it, try to suppress the dream, suppress the name. But it, again, he brings it to remembrance. It's just in my mind. So I'm like, Evelyn, Evelyn. I am all about name meanings. So out of curiosity, I was like, well, what does Evelyn mean? And I searched Evelyn name meaning, and it could have been anything. For the most part, names are very vague. They'll mean the moon or God's gracious or precious, grace, you know, just very vague. So when I saw Evelyn, it meant wished for child. And I had a little freak out moment, you know, cause I'm still crying, I'm still grieving. And I'm like, wait a minute. So you're giving me Evelyn, the name, and it means something that is so special because I'm wishing for this child. I'm wanting, you know, to be a mother again. And then the dream, and it's just so much going on. You know, the healing hugs, so many beautiful moments, even during the hardest time of my life. I remember going to Pastor Tommy. He's a counselor and he sort of shifted the why into the what. So instead of asking God why, you ask, what is it that you wanna show me through this? What is it that you wanna reveal to me? And so kind of having that turn of the why Lord to, okay, what is it Lord? What plan is this? What do you have for me? What do you want to show me through this? And so I've had this counseling. I've had a lot of beautiful support from the church, from my friends, from my family. Angel and I make one of the hardest, most scariest yet courageous decisions to try again. And I'm thinking, oh, it's gonna take a long time. That's sort of what happens when we try, but it's okay. You know, we're gonna trust in God. And so we try again. It did not take very long. It was without the suggestion of the doctor. It was all a miracle. I probably think it was the first or second time we'd even tried. It was that fast. Here comes baby number three, and we find out it's a girl. So of course I have to name her Evelyn. And her due date is in December. So here I am with this dream that I've had in 2019 coming true. I hated 2021, but I couldn't hate it anymore because I got my little girl. Here comes December and this beautiful, crazy, strong, feisty, beautiful Evelyn comes up. And it's the same doctor, the same hospital, the same hallway, same floor. Such a better memory. I feel like the Lord redeemed that ugly memory and moment. And he redeemed that year that I hated so much. There's no way that I can hate it because he gave me my rainbow, my baby. I wrote a song even before I knew I was pregnant through my grieving process. I wrote, it's called Hope. And she really, this came before I even found out. So once I found out and I have her, she has brought a new hope to our lives. She has helped a lot of people already have hope. I remember one of the people that, she's the kind of baby that would go with everybody. One of the people that she would go to, I did not know that they experienced a loss either. And it was sort of healing and comforting for them to hold her and hang out with her. I mean, I could keep going. The point is this girl was meant to be here. Even though I don't understand the path that it took for her, I'm at peace that she was meant to be here. I can't see my life without that little girl. She's brought a lot of hope and joy in our family. And as far as Jojo, he is celebrated. He is talked about. We sing him happy birthday every year. All a mother ever wants is for their child to be healthy and happy. And Jojo is. So he's happier than I'll ever know. And he won't ever know pain or sickness or anything. And I got to be a mother. I got my dream. I got to be a mother of a boy. An angel of a rainbow baby, a little girl. And as far as the future, I still, you know, I have this desire to continue the motherly path. So might adopt one day. I feel like I'm meant to mother all kinds of kids. The revelation of God through this has changed my worship, has changed my love for him, my understanding of him, that he is good no matter the season, the circumstance, the valley, the storm, the mountaintop. He remains the same. He's good. He really is. He allowed me to be a mother. He's taken care of my little one. He gave me a new hope and comfort and a rainbow through the storm. And then one day he's given me the opportunity to live eternally with everyone that I love. So he is good. And I can sing boldly and confidently even more now than I ever have. Even the song, You're the God of Miracles, was pretty crazy to find out that that song was written after miscarriage. So even that alone was like, wow. To get to that place and still believe, you didn't get your miracle, but it's okay. I still believe he is good. You didn't necessarily cause it. You did nothing but good choices and you harvested an outcome that doesn't make any sense. He's still good. He is still faithful. He's still there to bring us peace and joy and love. I see him differently. I don't know how to explain it. I just do. God is an amazing God. And I'm not saying it wasn't hard and difficult, but even in that, he was with me. He never left. I'm just so grateful to know him because I could not, I could not do, I could not live without him. I can't. I couldn't do this. Mariana, I wanna take advantage of this moment. And for those who are watching right now, the mothers who maybe have experienced a miscarriage or maybe the women who haven't gotten to experience the positive sign, haven't gotten to that point. Could you just pray for those women who are watching right now? And also keeping in mind the husbands, just them as a family, could you just pray for them? Yes. Lord, I just, Lord, I pray that your presence, your peaceful, peaceful presence just invade this mother, this father, that you comfort them right now in knowing that their child is being taken care of, that their child is happy. Their child is in a great place, that you give them that peace, that they will be together, that they will see them soon. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord, for the plan that you have for them, that this may be just a part of a new understanding, a new depth of who you are, God, that as this tragedy or this valley, this horrific storm, that you bring hope, that the new wave of hope and faith and trust, Lord, that that begins to grow, that the faith begins to arise, that this, you can turn ashes to beauty, Lord. So I thank you for the power that you have to take the ugliest, hardest moments and make them beautiful, Lord, either through an understanding or through helping others or through books or songs. Lord, thank you that there's always beauty. There's always a purpose. We might not see the full picture because this part hurts so much and this part is incredibly difficult, but Lord, you see the big picture. So we trust you. We trust in your plan. We trust in your will. We still believe. We still have faith. And Lord, I pray that you comfort them as they're grieving, that you allow them to grieve and lean on you, that you bring comfort and healing and even healing hugs that you wrap them with your love as they cry, as they're filled with sorrow, Lord. Thank you for your comfort and your peace that is better than anything, anyone. Thank you, Lord, for your presence right now that fills them. Thank you for the what and not the whys. Lord, we focus on what it is that you wanna show us. What is your plan? May it be a book or adoption or foster or a song. What is it that you wanna show us right now through this? So Lord, I pray that you show them that you reveal what it is. And I thank you again for your love that covers us all and for your peace that is overwhelming. In Jesus' name. Amen. Mariana, I'm reminded of when you were at the church and you were seeing all of the mothers receive a flower and what was on your mind is, man, this is never going to be me. Could you pray for that woman who is in that place right now and needs encouragement in that place? Lord, we stand and agree that you're still the God of miracles, that you still listen, you hear our pleas, our prayers, our desires, Lord. I thank you. I thank you for your will and your plan. Lord, I pray for anybody that's barren, anybody that's been struggling to conceive. Lord, I know what it feels like month after month to be disappointed, but Lord, you can make anything happen. You made a way for me, so I pray that you make a way for them. And I believe you can, and I believe that you will. So Lord, I thank you right now for the women that have been struggling to get pregnant. I thank you for these pregnancies. I thank you for these children. I thank you for this new generation that's gonna be born to glorify your name, Lord, to live for you, to spread the gospel, to just do so much for the kingdom, Lord. Thank you. Thank you for these future children, Lord, and for these loving homes that are ready, are ready to welcome these children. So I thank you that you provide. I thank you that you answer. I thank you that you make a way. Thank you that you still do miracles. Thank you. We believe it. We claim it. We proclaim it. We receive it. And Lord, thank you for these beautiful, beautiful future pregnancies that are gonna happen so soon, sooner than we think, in Jesus' name. Mariana, who is Jesus to you? Oof, that's a question right there. He is everything that is good, everything. He is the source of my life. So if I am weak, He is my strength. If I am weary and tired, He is my comfort and my peace. If I'm feeling lonely, He is with me, He covers me. He's everything that I will ever, ever need and more, and everything good. Any last words for people who are watching your testimony right now? May you feel God's goodness through not just my story, but many stories, and know that you are loved. He loves you so much. Even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes, you know, in those moments, it feels like He goes silent or He leaves. He hasn't, He's there. And one of the things He showed me when I was grieving is that He was hurting with me too, you know? He doesn't want to see me crying, but He knew that I needed Evelyn. So, you know, He allowed it so that I could have, you know, her, but even in that, He was hurting. You know, Jesus wept, not because He didn't think Lazarus would live again, but because He felt the pain and the grieving of others. So, you're not alone. He grieves with you, but He also, the grieving is, the storm does pass. And so He is faithful in His promises. He's faithful in His word, in His miracles, in answering prayers. So, just, I hope you feel that. Hope you feel some form of peace that He is a good God. Hey, everybody, God bless you. This is Eric Villatoro, president and founder of Mission De La Fe. Man, it's been amazing to see you rally around us as we continue on our mission to create the world's largest archive of Jesus testimonies until His return. We appreciate each and every one of you who gives to make these videos possible. What you are currently seeing on the screen are donors who gave in the month of October. Next month, you'll see the names of those who gave in this current month of November. If you would like to give in support of our ministry, please visit our website at missiondelafe.org.