Having a Miscarriage

So, three years and a half ago, guys, uh, we had a miscarriage. Do you remember that? Of course I remember that. I think it was the worst time ever because we came from from the same situation, like, uh, we cannot have, like, we have endometriosis, right? We were supposed to be doing surgery in a month and then from that day something happened. So you go... We had been trying to conceive for a year at this point, so we knew that there was something wrong and we were planning to go to the doctor for it, like you said, and then a year and a month after we first started trying to conceive, we conceived. Yeah, Jesse was in the bathroom taking a random test. So I didn't film it because I wasn't expecting it to be positive because if you know what it's like to try every month and every month for it to be negative, you don't, you end up not filming everything, you know, because it's just like, okay, here's another negative test. So this time, though, I had this weird feeling. I had actually stopped testing, like, two months before and I said, I'm just gonna test because I have a feeling. I tested and it was positive. I couldn't believe it. I, like, came immediately to Lazio. I showed you the test. You were in the office. Yeah, I was on the ground. You showed me, yeah. I was so just, like, it was surreal. We don't believe it. So we said, that could be wrong. So I go immediately take, I go Walgreens and then buy more stuff and then we did and then once again, positive. So we have two positives. So I said, wow, we have positive. I couldn't believe it. I felt like after a year of trying, it was the moment. It was the most happy happiness in our life. Like, it was so, after years, years. I can't explain it. We're so happy. Then we started to go walking and we were thinking about, oh my god, you mom. We dream about the future, like, what's going to be like to be a family of three. You suddenly have this whole idea in your mind about how this baby is going to fit into your life. Yeah. And talking about names, whatever. And then me, I start saying everything to my parents. Like, I will say, hey, she's pregnant, whatever. I was afraid to, you know, some people keep a secret because the first three months it is, like. I want to say something about that, actually. Because it is sort of this stigma to announce your pregnancy before this three-month cutoff. But I personally think that it's important to announce to your loved ones and whoever you want before that. Because I think that the first trimester is so difficult, not only with nausea and physical changes, but emotionally difficult. And you can be dealing with this fear and stress of losing a pregnancy. I just think it's better to have a support system and people behind you that can be praying for you and can be giving you care and comfort and just positive vibes and energy. Yeah. That I personally would not have a problem announcing a pregnancy before three months. Because if you end up going through a miscarriage or a loss, having these people around to have an understanding for you is such a gift. Exactly. So, in my perspective, I come from a country where the bad luck is all over the place. Yeah, superstitions all over. So, think about, say, pregnancy is another superstition. You know, you don't need to say it because you need to make sure at least you say it to one or two people. Instead, I tell my friends, my mom, everybody. And in the end, now I know, I did the right thing. I go against the superstition because after was much better like this. Then don't say nothing and then just be alone. And plus, reaching three months doesn't mean anything. You can have loss at any time. Anything can happen. So, I'm a big believer in share the news immediately and celebrate this baby. Deserves to be celebrated no matter what happens. And then from that thing, so what happened? So, we have the pregnancy. Everything was amazing. We was go walking happening. And two weeks later, we were six weeks, we were in this couch. And then Jessie was there. She was there. And one moment she said, like this, like, oh, what happened? And then she ran to the bathroom. So, what happened was I felt a trickle of blood. I knew immediately it was blood. And I just, I was in shock because it came out of nowhere. And boom, I ran to the bathroom and I realized that I was bleeding. And so, I told Alessio, we need to call the doctor. So, my mom actually went through seven miscarriages. So, I kind of knew it was happening or like what was going on was not normal. So, we called the doctor. We told them that we think that we're having a miscarriage and we wanted to come in immediately. So, we went to the doctor. We went to the doctor, they did the blood test, your hormones for see how the levels was. It was still there. They dropped a little bit in the beginning, but still there. So, they told us let's wait before because could be just a losing moment, you know, but then can catch up. So, I want to say something to going in the doctor's office, sitting in the lobby with this happening, this stress and this fear was so uncomfortable because you're in an office with a lot of happy pregnant people. Walking in and out and the receptionists were like, oh, it's so good to see you. Congratulations. Not to us, but to other people. So, it was very weird to just sit there knowing that we could be losing the pregnancy surrounded by everybody who's having successful pregnancies. I wish there was a way that they could like separate. Yeah. When they know that somebody's going through that, like put them somewhere else. So, they don't have to sit there watching people walk by. It was rough. But like Alessio said, we went home after that to just kind of see what happens. Was like, oh my God, it is hope, it is hope, but then we go back. I've never prayed so hard in my life. We go back to do another test and then drop. Then, from that drop. She felt confident that we were going to lose the pregnancy. Yeah. Immediately, they told us, it's me. In that moment, we were disappointed because she was telling immediately. She said, straight forward, it's gone. Yeah, there was no sugarcoating it. No, no, no sugarcoating. She straight said, it's done, go home. That was the answer. I don't say, oh, I'm sorry. No, it's done, go home. It was so shocking. She gave us the opportunity to either do a D&C or to take like a medication or to just try and let it happen naturally. I wanted to do it naturally. I said, let's go home. Let's go home. We go back. Let's wait for this to happen. Then, take a little bit longer. We were worried about it because it's complications if you wait too much. Then, after it happened, it was really painful. Painful physically and mentally. It was insanely crazy. I was not expecting what happened. She tried to explain to me what was going to happen. She said, you're going to have some cramping like you would for a normal period. You're going to pass some blood and maybe some tissue. This level of pain was insane. It was like contractions because it would happen really intensely and then it would kind of let up. I had to sit in the bathroom in a bathtub with just hot water pouring on me just to be able to handle it. It was awful. It was awful. It was the awful day ever. Like if you have a birth. Then, on top of that, it was also the day that we were doing my grandmother's. She was cremated and she was supposed to be interred. I had to miss the whole thing. My mom had to call my mom to leave that, to come here, to help me through the situation. It was insane. I just felt so, number one, sad, guilty, just in pain. It was awful. After that, we take a little bit of time. Physically, mentally, it was really down. Then, we did the surgery. Then, if you think about the possibilities. The possibility to have a miscarriage, people don't know what can be a miscarriage. There's so many. Well, the crazy thing is people don't realize that it is one out of four pregnancies and they think it could even be higher because there are a lot of missed miscarriages before people realize that. Some people don't realize it. Some people have a little bit more pain. It can be different symptoms every single time. It is a super common thing that people still stigmatize and people have to go through and they feel shame about it. It's another thing that can isolate a couple. I was rough, guys, that time, in the beginning. Then, we arrived to a mental. After that, when you go down, down, down, down, and then you hit the bottom, more than that bottom, you cannot go. Then, from there, you just go up, up, up, up, up, but what is the thing? In this IVF adventure that we're going to do right now, it can happen again, but we prepare more than before. Before, preparing mentally helped you to go better in the bad moments because if you don't prepare, we weren't prepared that time. We were super happy expecting. After waiting, we thought, oh, we've waited a whole year. This is the time. This is our time. We do our waiting. Now, we've got it. This is meant to be, and then it wasn't. Do you know when it happened? When we were thinking about more kids. We arrived at a point, like take a break, and then it happened randomly. Even we don't try. That is the thing. That's the crazy thing. We don't try because before, when you want a baby, oh, today is the day. You have five days. It was insane, but so scheduled. The one thing that they never told us, never told us, this was maybe the first biggest mistake that we ever had in the history. It is when you have endometriosis surgery, you have the first six months. It's your best bet. When you recover, then you have that time. Let's say they told you one month, not do nothing, then try. You have that time. It is your best thing. That time, nobody told us, no doctors, no nothing. They said, everything is okay. Good luck. We do the recovery. We just wait. That was the mistake because after surgery, the first surgery, not the second, the third, or the fourth surgery. The first surgery, if you have one surgery, your best chance to do pregnant is after that surgery. After all, after that, forget about it because the chance is still low and then like that. At least, what they told us after when we figured out, but I'm sure now we have a fertility doctor friend that we actually, we would like to ask more questions to him because actually he's in Italian and then he's living, he's doing in New York. Then we would like to ask him a lot of questions. Guys, if you have a lot of questions, drop below because we can do maybe a live with him and have more information about this disease because he's really expert. He's from Italy, come to New York and then he's the number one. Even heart doctors suggest us to consultation him for just have a thing because they know it is on top tier. So from that situation... So yeah, like Alessio said, we're mentally prepared this time for whatever ends up happening. I've gone through therapy. I know not to blame myself and feel guilty and blame anything I'm doing if anything happens. It's going to be sad if that happens. We'll be upset. We're going to be upset. It's nothing that can change our emotions. But it won't be as shocking and surprising because we're more educated on the situation. Educated what can happen and the difficulties. I just say the surgery go really well. They removed the septum. Yeah, I cannot say it. No, you said it. Okay, well, at least I don't think I can say it. So that was another part that could be the miscarriage from our situation. We don't know. Could be a hundred things. Could be. I think the number one reason is chromosome abnormality. Then with the septum, if the embryo implants there, it doesn't get enough blood flow so then it can't develop. The situation. There's a lot of things. They say, no, no, no, this is not time for a pregnancy. Abort, abort, abort. Just the system. They say, don't do it. It is a lot of things that can happen. But it's not the mom's fault. It's not the woman's fault. Okay. I went through so many weeks thinking back about everything I did leading up to that, thinking, oh, this is the reason I did this. I did that. I did that. It's my fault. And I just dug myself so down. It's not. It's not your fault. Because you want to try to figure out what wrong happened. It's normal. We are humans. We want to try to figure out what happened so I can remake it. It was the walk because we go walk. We go walk. A turtle can skip us. We know what's running. Like, we just take a little walk because the floating blood was nice to bring more blood, whatever. The doctor said, yeah, you can walk. But we did too fast. Oh, like that. Or because maybe I had a much better stay in bed. You try to figure out so many things. We've been there. We get it. What's going through your mind. So just know that you should not feel guilty. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. And know too, because a lot of times when you go through something like that, again, like I said, it's isolating. You feel alone because you don't know how to communicate it to other people. And they don't know what to say to you because they feel bad for what happened. So you can feel really sad. But we've been there. So we empathize with you. So the question is, it is your nightmare to have another miscarriage. I won't be happy about it. I'll say that. But I know that if it happens again, that we can get through it. We can handle it. And like I said before, when we do our embryo transfers, I'm going to be celebrating this baby. I'm going to be praying for this baby. I'm going to be treating this as if this is not going to have any issues and sharing it so that this baby, no matter what happens, gets the celebration that it deserves. As a celebration, yes. Like we had before, we need a celebration hour. Like after all, everybody needs a chance and then... Exactly. And if it ends up being a loss, then we will pick ourselves up and continue. And even if it's just an embryo, a lot of people think it's an embryo. For us, it is a little bit more than embryo. It is a life there, a part of me, a part of Jesse there. So if it's going to be a loss, we're going to be sad. And think about this embryo like that, because then we lose it, but we love it anyway. That's it. Right, right. So now it's going to start to be emotional. It'll be okay. It'll be okay. Again, we're so excited for the transfer. And the best that we can do is prepare my body and our minds. Emotion. And get as ready as we can be. And we just see what happens. We love you guys. To the next.