THE ROCK AND KEVIN HART ROAST EACH OTHER

One of my nicknames was, I can't believe it's that big. That's what they called me. See that smoke? There it is. What are you doing? I'm pulling this out. Words I never say. No, no, not, it's gotta be part of the neck. What the hell was that? That was a tachi nose pop. Best thing about being small, good clothes. My piece of advice for anybody that's short is that it's okay. There's nothing that comes with being tall, aside of a conversation. There's nothing that comes with being tall. There's nothing. There's nothing that comes with being tall. There's no advantage at all. Tall people are stupid. We rock. Little guys, little women rock. Kevin. Aw, man, thank you. Aw, thank you, man. Man, that's crazy. Appreciate it. That is crazy. You're annoying on set. It's just, he's an asshole. What's his most annoying part at the end of the set? Right there, that's it. Just my face. Do you guys have any party tricks or anything? Oh, we have many. Okay, go on then. Well, first, can you wait a second? Wait, what's mine? DJ can tie his balls in a knot. Older guys have long balls. So, he can tie his balls. And without using my hands. I just kind of... I shake my hips. Clips and stuff. What's the nicest thing you've done this year? Or naughtiest? Well, I mean on my honeymoon, Santa. No? That's enough. That's too much. I don't like your bad breath. Okay, that's... I do not like it. Because you have... You dress clean, fresh, everything is cool. And when you talk, it's like... What the ****? Kevin, your breath isn't actually that bad. I'm glad you said it. It's actually not that bad. When you said it, I tasted it. And I'm not going to lie. I said this might be an issue. Reason why? Snore. That makes it worse, though. Big time snore. Still coming out now. Well, you fart in your sleep. How about that? That's a different situation. He farts in his sleep. Gas X. That's not my best friend. In the time it takes this iguana to pick up the worm, name three British people. Go. Queen, Emily Blunt, and Lab Bible. I'm Kevin Hart, right? Right, in high school. Hey, hey, hey! Hey, everybody! Hey! Hey, girl! No. She ain't hear me. Hey, what's up, money? No. He ain't seen me. Come on. Name three websites. YouPorn. Shit. How did I know that? I swear I would have got all those. YouPorn. Pornhub. Eskimo Tooth. If there was a Jumanji League of superheroes, and when you were Black Adam, and Karen was Nebula, and Jack was Nacho Libre, who would Kevin be? Honky Pete. It'd be Honky Pete. What would his superpowers be? I'd be Black Adam, looking at Honky Pete. Would you rather never have sex again, or every time you do have sex throughout, you have to scream, Jumanji! Constantly, Jumanji, Jumanji, Jumanji. But you could have gaps. You could have gaps. Look, I'll take this one first, and I can say, because you already got something on your mind, then I, uh... I, uh, sure. Well, I'm quite creative, I like to, so I don't mind. Dwayne's got a tattoo right above his ass that says, come on. According to Google, how tall is Kevin? Uh, 4'2". That's legit. Hey! You actually had me sold, though? I should've thought he was gonna get it. No! How tall am I instead of you? 32. No. Dwayne Johnson has women's thighs. He's got women's thighs. What does that mean, that I got women's thighs? Women have nice thighs. You shouldn't have their thighs. That's what I'm saying. Now shut up, man! What's the best Christmas song? This Little Light of Mine. Ooh. Shoot from the hip. This little light of mine I'm gonna let it shine This little light of mine I'm gonna let it shine Hey! I'm gonna let it shine Let it shine Hold on, hold on. There's more, there's more. There it is. Cool. That was fucking amazing. What are you doing? I would say, Do you wanna do something that rhymes with truck? That was one line. What is it? What? I don't know where it goes. I've seen that to my wife. Do you wanna do something that rhymes with truck? Wait. Do you wanna sit on something that rhymes with stick? No. To my wife. Your head looks like a long breast. Like a long, succulent breast. Like with an areola right on my forehead. Yeah, an areola is right on your forehead. You got a nipple head. That's fucked up. Guys, don't encourage him. He's got a titty head. Okay. Which of your co-stars would you like to switch with? I'm gonna pick DJ 2. I'm gonna pick DJ 2 because I don't know what it's like to be stupid. I... I wanna be stupid. Just for a day. I just wanna be dumb. Just an idiot. I just wanna know nothing. Like, I wanna know nothing. I would like to become Karen. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Because I, unlike these guys, would love to get in touch with my feminine side. Wait a minute. So I can be the best. Husband and father and man that I can be. With my wife and my daughters. And all of women around the world. What a hero. Including yourself and including everyone watching. Not only here in Germany but around the world. I would love to, just because everything, you know, life moves quick. And success is one thing, but in here, estrogen. DeWayne wins again. Wow. Chivalry is not dead. Kevin. Is a. Snack-sized. Salad tosser. Denzel. Salad tosser. Denzel. Sexual salad tosser. Yeah? Snack-sized Denzel. I'm nailing this shit. Yeah. Kevin. Kevin, I got this. Is a. Kevin is a. Snack-sized Denzel. Fuck. What is it? When you think of the greatest comedians of all time, even stand-up comedians, you have Eddie. Yeah. Chris. Yeah. I didn't expect. Robin Williams. Ellen. Gallagher. Yes. That's a good one. And then that's it. Really, that's it. When you think of comedic rock stars, that's kind of it. You guys want to bring it over? Y'all want to bring it back? I don't know who. I didn't set that up to bring it back. Ah, ah. David Chappelle. Right? Chappelle, that's our boy. I love that guy. Does anyone know where the queen lives? I'm trying to get some nutty butter and tea. Nutty what? Nutty butter. Nutty butter and tea. Peanut butter and tea. That's what he's asking for. With the queen. Huh? Yes. Yeah? He's got a fear about animals. It's not. I have respect for animals. Watch it. Watch it go in my eye. It got stripes. Y'all can sit here and get fucking fed if you want to. This shit is out. Oh! Shit! We done. Look at that bitch. That shit got blue legs. Oh my gosh. It's a fucking grass bat. Did you see it? This is fucking stupid, man. You gotta be shitting me. What? Don't hit it. I'm out, man. Wayne, you act like you're this big animal expert. You keep on. You keep on looking at you, this guy. I can't wait until you get a fucking bite. I can't wait until you get a bite. He held a snake one day and I didn't want to say this but in the back of my mind I was like, fuck him. Looks pretty dangerous to me. What? I said, give him a good dose of poison in his head. Oh my God, it's gonna be crazy. What was the name of the title? What is it? Don't Fuck This Up. Don't Fuck This Up? I love that. I can't wait to see it. When is it? December 27th. I'm gonna be busy. When, uh, what, is there a rerun? How does that work? It's, uh, it's Netflix. Oh, Netflix. No. You can just. No. What? You can just watch it. I have Netflix. Yeah. Okay, got it. When is it? December 22nd? Yes, 27th. I can't make that. 27th? Yeah. I can't make that either. We're never gonna use this. We're using it, Nick! That you don't see every day.