The 6 Pieces of Advice That Have Actually Changed my Life

When someone gives you great advice, especially during times that are challenging or uncertain, it lifts you up. It makes you look at your struggles from a completely different viewpoint, see new solutions and find perspective. It can help your heart to feel lighter and your mind to feel uplifted. And because of that, they stay with you forever. These are some things that I would like to say to someone that I really care about. And so today I want to pass them on and share six of them with you, in the hopes that they can be helpful for you as well. Welcome back everyone. And as always, feel free to grab yourself something nice to drink if you want. This video is kindly sponsored by my friends over at Rubicub, and I'll tell you more about them later. For now, let's dive in with the first big piece of advice. You don't have to be the person you were yesterday, and you're always allowed to change your mind. This piece of advice came from my wonderful wonderful boyfriend. He has basically always lived his life that way, he's always had a very flexible and adaptable mindset when it comes to things like identity. But for me, and I think for many other people as well, this thought is so freeing. So we all have certain ideas about who we are and what we're like, things that we have always done and said and thought in the past, kind of come together into what we feel is our identity. And subconsciously we want to be consistent. So if we've always seen ourselves a certain way, then we kind of feel like that is who we are, and that is who we will always be. But if you would like to make a change, then you can actually do that today. Every day you wake up in the morning can be a fresh start, if you want it to be. There's no real reason to keep thinking of yourself a certain way, if that old you is no longer serving your life right now. So if you've always seen yourself as for example someone who goes out partying every weekend, and you have this image of like being the life of the party, but you feel like you no longer want to be that person, then you can change that overnight. Like do a complete 180 if you want to. If you'd secretly love to start your own business, but you think that you have always been rather cautious or shy or like not entrepreneurial enough, then you can let go of that belief by yourself and try anyway. Because there's no real reason that you can't let go of that identity and try and succeed at something else. Life is about change and evolving, and you should never feel like you can't change something about yourself just because that's the way you've always been. You always have the capacity to grow beyond your old habits. So basically you are not bound by your past, and just because for example you failed at something yesterday, doesn't mean that you will fail at that thing today. And this can also be helpful in small ways. So I used to do tai chi for over 11 years. After a while I felt like I wanted to change and do yoga and fitness. But I felt like it would be such a waste to give it up. But you can change anytime. So I used to be someone who did tai chi, and now I'm someone who does yoga and fitness. So it doesn't matter. And like who knows, maybe a year from now I'll be someone who goes running. Probably not. But you get what I mean. Your past experiences are a part of you, but you are always allowed to change your mind about your identity, about your likes and dislikes, your interests, your beliefs and viewpoints. Nothing is off limits. Number two, you're always allowed to make things easier and more comfortable for yourself. Sometimes you get great advice from people in a direct face-to-face way, and sometimes you get it from one of their books. And this is one of them. The highly sensitive person by Dr Elaine Aron has been life-changing for me in many ways. This was when I was going through a really intense burnout around seven years ago now. And I was seeing a therapist at the time who told me that I am a highly sensitive person. I've heard of the term before, but I didn't really know a lot about it. And that was when I read this book. So not only was it incredibly interesting to learn about all the research and the things that we know about high sensitivity, reading this book also just felt like a giant hug. It was the book that made me finally see that I am perfectly okay just the way I am, and that there's nothing wrong with me. But the advice that I want to talk about here is that you are always allowed to make things easier or more comfortable for yourself, or just to be a bit more self-accommodating. And this goes for anyone, not just highly sensitive people. So this means understanding what your needs are and addressing them. So you are not being annoying or difficult or high maintenance. If you change certain things, or if you do things a certain way in order for you to feel better, or to enjoy it more, etc. I think for many people, and maybe especially so for people pleasers, this feels like it is being selfish, or like we're going too easy on ourselves. And we should just rather ignore how we're feeling, or how tired we are, or whatever is going on. And just suck it up and push through. And we kind of pride ourselves even, sometimes I've noticed, on enduring things, or suffering through things for no good reason. Other than the fact that that's how everyone else does it, or that's how you're supposed to do it, or because we don't want to be a baby. But you know what? Life can already be quite challenging, so why do we need to make it harder than it has to be? Of course it's great to have self-discipline to achieve our goals, and do the things that are good for us, even though they might not be enjoyable in the moment. But if we can make certain things easier for ourselves, with little to no negative effect, then why shouldn't we? So this can be coping skills, it can be going to certain places when you know it'll be less crowded, it can be scheduling more breaks for a day out, when you have some time to just kind of sit and rest and cool down. It could be getting more comfortable during certain tasks, like maybe adding a little blanket and doing some work on the couch if you're feeling really tired. Maybe canceling plans if you're really experiencing huge period cramps or headaches, getting blackout curtains for your bedroom so you can sleep better, go home a little bit earlier if you're tired, things like that. I believe that we don't have to suck it up and endure things, because that's what makes us better grown-ups, or whatever weird thing is going on over there. You're completely allowed to be extra with the self-care, do what you need to do to feel comfortable and to make your life easier. Speaking of which, I want to quickly thank Rubicup for sponsoring today's video. And I'm happy to be working with them again, because not only are they a great brand, their products really have made my life so much easier and more comfortable recently. Rubicup makes reusable period products like cups and underwear, and I have been using their reusable absorbent underwear myself since this year. And I never want to go back. These are more comfortable, they truly are leak free, and they are reusable for over five years. These can absorb equal the amount of three tampons, and will still feel dry to the touch. And the absorbent part goes all the way up to the back, so I really feel very safe and secure. 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So if you get two, then you will get the third one completely for free. Link in the description box to check them out. Huge thank you to Rubicup. Let's get back to video. Number three, give yourself a year to get used to it. This goes for any big life changes, maybe a new job, or a new home, or a new pet even, whatever it is. Give yourself a year to adjust and to get used to things. And don't expect yourself to just roll right into this new chapter of your life, completely unfazed and immediately used to the new situation. This was a colleague who said this to me, and at the time I was 28. I had just quit my job and started working at a new company as a project manager. And the company I'd worked for before was quite small, but this was a huge company. Like thousands of people worked there, and I felt very overwhelmed. I was talking about this with my colleague and I mentioned that I was planning on taking a few weeks, or maybe even a month, to get used to the new company and learn about all the different departments and how things go there and everything. And he said that he always tells people to take a year. And I remember thinking like, wow a year, that really sounds like way too long, like taking way too much time. But really when you think about it, big life changes like that have such a huge impact on us, that really a year is not that long. I had a whole new schedule and routine to get used to, I had a longer remote there, I had to learn everything about this new job and this new company. And giving yourself a year to adjust just helps, because it is so freeing. We often expect ourselves to just dive in completely unfazed and deal with all of the changes with ease and grace, but that's not really realistic. Even with this move, like we bought this apartment a year and a half ago and I was so happy with this new place and also to leave our old apartment behind. But it really took a lot of time for me to get used to this and to view this as my home and my safe space. And looking back on it now, it did take about a year. And even with my boyfriend, he got a new job around six months ago that completely changed his and my schedule around. So he went from always working from home with me to now working in an office four days a week, and often having to leave the apartment at 6am. So suddenly I was home alone a lot, and I also got up earlier because I always like to wake up together and have breakfast together and stuff. So even if it was his job that changed, it was a huge change for me as well. And in telling myself that I'm allowed to like take a year to get used to it, I'm also saying that it is okay if I, you know, sometimes feel a little bit hard to adjust to the new changes. And that it is okay because I have time to get used to it. Number four, right now the only thing you have to think about is which tea you want to drink next. This was what my therapist told me when I was first going through my burnout. And this was the phrase that made me break down and start crying finally. Because it felt so good to hear someone say that it was okay for me to just drop everything, and to focus on healing, and take care of myself, and just stop everything. And actually when writing the script for this video yesterday, and now also as I'm talking about it, I get all teary-eyed and emotional. Because I still need to hear this myself every time I push myself too hard, or when I'm struggling with things. But now I try to be the person who tells myself this. So at the time, I was going through this really intense burnout. And it took me two years to recover from this. And this was about like two months in, so I was really still going through it. And so she meant this as kind of like a long-term thing, for the next weeks or months, that it was okay for me to focus on healing. And basically that's it, like drop everything else. But this can also be applied in the short term. And that is how I use it nowadays. So sometimes when you're just going through a hard time, or having a rough day, what I will do is maybe just give myself the afternoon. Where I'm like really making the decision to allow myself to just focus on healing and nice things. Like have tea, read a book, drop all the balls, and do nothing, like request nothing else of myself. And to use the mantra not now. It can also be like a day, or a weekend, or even like an evening after work. But the point is to really choose and say like okay, until this time I'm just going to focus on nice things, and heal, and do what feels good, and everything else can wait. I've learned a lot from my burnout, but one of the things is that in life we just need to hit pause, and hit the brakes every now and then, and just stop. And to not feel bad or guilty about it, but simply just to take care. Because we are allowed to do so. There's no downside to asking for what you want. Okay let's talk about my dad for a minute, because he's a funny guy. He is always rather stubborn, and strong-willed, and assertive, but also really optimistic, and resilient, and always willing to help. And among other things, he is the one who always told me, Vera, nee heb je, ja kun je krijgen. This is a Dutch saying, and it literally translates to, you have no, and you can't get yes. Meaning it is always a good idea to be assertive, and to ask for what you want, because you just might get it. It basically means you've got nothing to lose by asking. Because right now you don't have that thing, but that other person might say yes. And so there's no real downside in asking. Because even if they say no, your situation is not going to change. But it is going to change if they say yes. So you've got everything to win, and nothing to lose. This is a super helpful mindset, and I think it can be applied to so many different situations. And especially if you're someone who finds it hard to be assertive, or who quickly thinks like, yeah but I'm sure they're not going to say yes, and I don't want to be bothered, so I'm just not going to ask. Then I think this can be a game changer. Oftentimes we have our own destiny in our own hands. So for example, when I was working full time, and I really wanted to work four days a week, my boss wasn't going to come to me and tell me like, hey if you want to work four days that's fine too. Like I had to ask for it. And we had to talk about it several times, but in the end they did agree. And I got to work four days a week, which completely changed my life at that time. Or when I wanted a promotion at that company, I just called my boss in for a meeting. And I gave him kind of like a powerpoint presentation about the kind of job that I would like to have, and why I would be good at it, and why would be good for the company too. And eventually that position was created, and I did get it. So many more examples that I could give. Basically there's no harm in asking, because it's not going to change things if they say no. But they might say yes, and you might be able to get what you want. So don't be afraid to put yourself out there and be assertive and ask. And number six, when you feel stuck, take a step back and stop trying. Sometimes valuable life lessons can be found in art. And in this case, in my case, as a huge studio ghibli fan, I have found many valuable life lessons in their movies. In fact, I think I could easily make an entire video about all the life lessons that we can learn from studio ghibli movies. I also made a video about life lessons from Winnie the Pooh, so I will link that right here and in the description box in case you are interested. But the one I want to talk about today is about creativity, burnout, and believing in yourself and your own abilities. And it is a lesson that I learned from Kiki's delivery service. At first glance, this movie is a very cute and engaging coming-of-age story about a young witch named Kiki, who at the age of 13 leaves home to live for one year on her own in a new city to develop her witchcraft. And she ends up starting a flying delivery service on her broom. But the movie also shows Kiki's depression when she learns that the world isn't what she expected. And eventually she burns out. And not only is she unable to enjoy the things that she once loved, like flying, but she completely loses faith in herself. And this eventually leads to her losing her magic and her ability to fly. As a person who is a creative and has experienced burnout myself, this movie always hits home for me. And I think that oftentimes we don't even really realize that we are burning ourselves out. Always juggling work and responsibilities and social life and our mental and physical health. And I think many of us can relate to that point of just feeling stuck, and things not bringing us the same amount of joy. And we lose our magic, so to speak. And this is when Kiki meets Ursula, who is a painter. And who reminds her that whenever she has a creative block and she feels like she cannot paint anything anymore, she takes a step back and she stops trying. Ursula says you could be working at it too hard, maybe you should take a break. And Kiki says yeah but still if I can't fly, then stop trying. Take long walks, look at the scenery, doze off at noon, don't even think about flying, and then pretty soon you'll be flying again. And Kiki says you think my problems will... and she says go away? That's right, it's going to be fine, I promise. I watch this movie every time I feel stuck when it comes to creative things like making videos, but also just generally in life. I feel like this advice works really well when you feel like you've just lost your spark, or you're feeling really down. During times of struggle, when nothing feels right, we might feel like we have lost our magic. We might feel like we need to try harder and keep forcing, but really oftentimes I find the opposite is true. So take a step back from things, relax, recharge, and that spark will come back on its own. Because our magic is inside of us. We just have to remind ourselves to let go and trust in that. So feel free to hit the pause button and stop trying, and stop having these huge expectations of yourself. And maybe do something fun you don't normally do, and just give it some time. Now I'd love to hear from you, what is a piece of advice that you've gotten from someone that you still remember, and that has been super helpful for you in your life since then? I'm really curious, I would love to read it. So feel free to share those down below. And don't forget to check out Ruby Cup, link in the description box. And for October, if you want to try their period pants, you can buy two and get the third one for free. Their period cups also get great reviews, so whatever feels like something that could be helpful for you. I know that switching over to reusable period products can be a little daunting at first, so if you have any questions or just things that you're like wandering about, feel free to ask me in the comments. I'd love to help out, so feel free to ask. And as always, questions, comments, conversations down below. Have a wonderful wonderful day, and I'll see you all again really soon. Thanks for being here, bye bye. So I always recommend checking out any Studio Ghibli movie, because they're all great in their own way. The only one that I kind of want to warn you about is called Grave of the Fireflies. It has been released on Netflix recently, but it is the saddest movie that you will ever ever watch. It is a masterpiece, so I'm not going to say don't watch it. Know what you're getting into, please, because I was depressed for weeks, seriously.