"Now All The Pigs Are Gone 😱"

So it's been quite the adventure with the pigs on our farm this year. It all started back in April when I picked up four piglets from my friend Ben's farm. But of course, by the time I got them back to the farm, it was like less than 30 minutes and I had random piglets escaped and running around the farm, causing absolute chaos. Hey, hey, hey! Oh, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no! That's really bad. That's really bad. Come on, you guys. Go back down that way. Uh-oh. And the pigs got fat and happy off of brewer's grains and vegetable wastes and apple drops, and they've gotten very large, even though I did lose one pig along the way. Now, I know one scenario that some of you guys might be saying is, well, what if the pigs ate your other pig? I don't know how else to say this other than that. Sir Porkington is gone. And yes, when I say gone, I mean, like, he's gone. He is not here on the farm, and I don't exactly know how to explain it either. I feel like this might have been one of my biggest farming failures ever. I'm not exactly sure what I should do about it. And so I came out here and I checked the perimeter of all the fences, and everything looked exactly the way it should be. There was nothing amiss. There was no fence lined down. There was nothing grounded out. But I don't know. He's just not here, and I don't know what to do. And no, I have never found Sir Porkington. I don't know where he is. I have no clue where he is. I only have theories about where he ended up, but I don't have any firm idea of what happened to him. And the idea that he's still at large still kind of terrifies me and remains an unsolved farm mystery. If you have any clues about Sir Porkington's whereabouts, please call the number on the screen. Join me. Perhaps you may be able to help solve a mystery. But for those three remaining pigs that I have, it's time for them to go to the market. So last year we actually butchered the pigs on farm, but the downside to doing that was it meant that I couldn't actually sell the meat because it wasn't butchered in a legal processing facility. This year I'm taking the pigs to the local slaughterhouse, who is a good slaughterhouse. They're the ones who actually did Kurt Cobain, our steer. And when I get the meat back, it'll be USDA inspected, which means I can actually sell it to people, which when you're running a farm is actually important. Now, in order to get the pigs to the slaughterhouse, though, I've got to get them onto a trailer. I will say if you, like, do any research on the internet, you'll see countless horror story after horror story of people trying to load pigs onto a trailer to go to the butcher and just having the worst possible time. Now, seeing folks struggle for years doing this, I was going to borrow a livestock trailer from my buddy Zach, who's a farmer not too far from here. And I convinced Zach to loan it to me for a couple of days. And so with those extra days that I have the trailer, I was going to familiarize the pigs and get them used to the trailer itself. Piggy, piggy, piggy, piggies. It's food time. Come on. Whoa, easy there, guys. Don't knock me over. Excited for some food? Here, have some food. Can I get you guys up the ramp? Penelope, come on. Percy, Prince Philip, come on. Can I get you up the ramp? Pig, pig, pig. So it does seem like the pigs are ready to get on the bus. They seem used to it. Even when I came out this morning, they were actually taking a nap on the trailer. And I just got a collection of apple drops from a local orchard. So what I'm going to do is see if I can convince these pigs to get on the trailer and then basically lock them inside. And so if I can get them in here and on here, we'll be able to spend the night inside the trailer. And then when we have to leave first thing in the morning, they'll be all ready to go. And actually, as I come up here, I can already hear them. Definitely seems like I got happy pigs to go in here. Hey, hungry pigs. How's it going? Would you like some apples? Have some apples, have some apples. Now while they're distracted, that'll give me enough time to get in here. Now we'll hook them up with some pig slop. They're already jumping up here. Whoa, easy girls. Let's get this door shut. Don't want anybody coming out the back door. There we go. We still got Percy out here. He's eating the last of the apples. You going with everybody else? Looks like I got everybody already on. I did not expect this to be that easy. They are now locked in there. And it gives me enough time to disconnect the electric fence. And I can move this out of the way. And then I can move these fence posts out of the way. I can disconnect the bungees. And now the door will close properly. And because they are going to be here overnight, I'm going to actually give them some apples too. Some extra feed so they don't get too hungry. And now just because I want them to have the best possible trip, because this is their final goodbye to the farm, I have one more complicated thing I got to do. I'm going to open the inner door. And then once that inner door is open, I'm going to close this outer door. This is where things can go a little awry, but I think I can pull it off. And, I don't know, making sure that the pigs have plenty of space and get to access good treats like apples and that their final few hours are humane ones. It's important to me, so I'm going to try this. Wish me luck. They are just happily slopping away without a care in the world. Okay, that was way easier than I was expecting it to be. I thought that was going to be legit complicated and hard. That couldn't have been any easier. And now as we look inside there, they're happily munching and slurping away. Wow, I don't even want to talk about it right now with you guys because I don't want to jinx myself because that went so gosh darn easily. Well, I guess it's time to go make dinner. So when I was a kid, I would hear the little nursery rhyme of this little piggy would go to the market and then this little piggy would get like a roast beef sandwich. I used to hear that and think that, gosh, that's just a pig going to the store. But no, actually when they say that rhyme, it's basically saying that the pig is going off to be sold for food, which is where my pigs are going today. Good morning, Abby dog. I know I'm a little early. I'll be back with you later. Toby dog's concerned too. It's okay, guys. I know, I know. It's weird that I'm up this early. Hey, buddy, it's just me. Sometimes Abby acts foolish and Toby has to do his mean bark and be like, come on, act normal, please. I guess the good news is the pigs didn't escape overnight. Look, they're happily sleeping. I'm going to go away from here because I want to let them sleep peacefully as much as possible. They actually will probably sleep on the whole ride over too. Something that typically happens when you're driving pigs. Yeah, it's like, I don't know, 5.30 right now. I'm just waiting for my buddy Zach to show up. He is going to drive the pigs with me to the processor. You see, he had this new trailer and he knows my skills at driving and backing up and dealing with trailers. And so he just offered to drive for me, which is very nice of him, right? We're going to go visit our friends, huh, Toby? We're going to try to catch them. Good morning, boys. It's so funny. So Barnicus likes to sleep in the igloo. The other two kind of just wander around. How's my Larn? Oh, I know what Larn wants. Larn loves his snacks. The others like to eat out of my hand too, but not as aggressively as Larn. Hey, hey, hey, Larn, don't get pushy. You're getting pushy like a pig, Larny. Here you go, buddy. Oh, you just knocked over the camera, Larn. Telemachus is definitely the shyest of the three. Here you go, buddy. I have to make sure he doesn't get pushed out of the way by the other two. Because you are a good goaty goat. Yes, you are, Telemachus. You're a good goat too, Barnicus. And of course we can't forget Larn. Last supper, boys. I like how it looks like we're driving into the abyss. How many years have you been raising pigs? Like 10 years, 9, 10 years. Is bringing them to the butcher the worst part? That's the best part. I feel very relieved to be having the weight of the pigs off my back. Because I feel like by the time they cross the 200-pound mark, they're not as nice to manage. Well, yeah, they get pushy. And they're big, powerful animals. I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm going to raise pigs again. I know, actually, I can guarantee I won't do it again next year. What always brings you back? It just sells really well. This will definitely be the most profitable thing I do this year. But, gosh, I think it's actually losing the pig was the biggest thing. It actually sealed it for me. Yeah, I don't blame you. Having that pig disappear just, I don't know, takes the joy out of it. I had a litter of pigs, 11 of them, and they were about 10 days old. And I had to tag all the pigs and then castrate the males. And so I had them penned up in the back of the barn. I was setting them out into their normal pen area. And I had removed the sow from the barn so she wouldn't be all stressed out. But I left the barnyard gates open thinking that their 10-day-old pigs aren't going to go anywhere. And so I had castrated four of them and had been setting them in there. And then I did the fifth one and went to go set it in the pen. And the other four were gone, totally gone, nowhere to be found. And then I spent two hours searching the entire farm, drove up and down the road, walked around the woods across the farm, couldn't find them. And so I had pretty much, I mean, I had ridden them off. They were 10 days old. They were a little bloody from the castrating. And I figured, well, if they're out there for the night, that's the end of that. Five hours later, two little piglets come waddling out of the brush across the road. And then about an hour later, two more come waddling out of the brush across the road. So I got them all back. That's crazy. It was. I just don't know if my pig's coming back. I think it's going to be like a mythical creature, like our farm's equivalent of Bigfoot. Sort of like out there and nobody knows whatever happened to it. But any sort of mischief that ever happens might get prescribed to Sir Porkington the pig. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Sounds to me like it'd make a pretty good subject for another edition of a book. Yeah. There is one theory that I've seen so many times in the comments of videos about Alfred and people thinking that Alfred took the pig as a prank. You know Alfred very well. I do. What do you think the likelihood of that is? I mean, it crossed my mind that could be a possibility. But then I thought that, I mean, even for Alfred, that's just a bit too far. I didn't even think about it until I started seeing the comments too. And, like, the logistics of it are very high bar. And then I don't think people really appreciate how much Alfred is not a fan of having to manage animals. So the idea that for the last couple of weeks he's been harboring a 250-plus pound pig, like, at his place, I don't know, it just doesn't feel all that likely. I mean, I just think the logistics of you getting the trailer back there just the other day. As we found out, it's not a simple task. I mean, it was like a 50-point turn. Yeah, I think it's highly unlikely. Plus, like I said, I think I would have heard about it. I think he would have waited for me to post the video, and then he would have done the reveal too. Like, I considered it. I was like, well, maybe William was in on it too. Oh, yeah, because, yeah, maybe he had it at his place. But then I was like, but I'm pretty sure, like, they have trailers that are even bigger than this one. I don't know, man, it's a mystery. That might never be solved. Seriously help Morgan out. If you know where Sir Porkington is, call the number on the screen. All right, so we're almost here, and there's absolutely no videotaping there. So I'll check back in with you guys later. Hey, cows. Come on, cows. Fresh grass. Fresh grass. Come on. Come on, cows. Fresh grass. Fresh grass. Come on. You know, when you show up at the slaughterhouse, right, specifically they give you a time where you have to drop off before 7 a.m. And usually there's a line of trucks and trailers ready to drop off animals. And they usually kind of schedule people so that they have, like, a cattle day or a pig day or a sheep day. And they have, like, all the same type of animal that day just to make their lives easier. And when we pulled up, I think we were, like, third in line. And the trailer in front of us was this guy who seemed to kind of have, like, a regular practice of dropping off pigs. But the trailer before him was this couple who had, like, two pigs in the back of, like, a utility trailer that was built with, like, plywood to, like, keep them housed in and to keep them from jumping off. And they were just having an awful time trying to get those pigs off. They were trying to push them and shove them and fight them off the trailer. But I think because the pigs weren't stressed out getting onto the trailer, when it came time for our turn to drop them off, you know, we basically opened up the trailer. And I stood outside of it and was kind of calling them over. And Zach actually went inside the trailer and he had these, like, little special rattles that are used for pigs that are the most important invention I have ever seen. And if I ever raise pigs again, I will definitely get a pair of these. But basically, just like this little, like, rattling wand, all he has to do is, like, tap them on the bum and they go in the opposite direction. And I think if I were to time it, by the time Zach backed into the gate to let the pigs off from the time where they were completely inside the slaughterhouse ready to go down the chute, it took maybe two minutes. I don't know. If I'm going to be, like, overly conservative, I'll say three minutes. But it was, like, nothing at all and it was totally stress-free and they seemed relatively content all the way up to the end. And so I feel good that even if we weren't slaughtering on farm, their slaughtering experience wasn't this awful traumatic thing, like I saw other people have to experience because they had been trained to basically move in a certain direction and they had been handled in such a stress-free way. It'll be a couple of weeks before I go pick up the pork. I'll do an update for you guys with all of the numbers then. But if I'm actually just looking at my feeding numbers, I checked it out, those pigs that we raised this year were actually 86% of their diet came from, like, found sources or free sources. So that includes brewer's grains, that includes vegetable scraps, that includes, like, food scraps from a few neighbors, and that includes apple drops, which, particularly this past month, made for nearly a third of their entire diet was just, like, you know, wasted apples, like, whether it's from our place or other places around. Because apples grow, like, weeds around here and because this time of year we're flushing apples, and particularly this year has been a really good year for apples, we got a ton of financial benefit from just using those apple scraps to feed those pigs, which, even with the loss of Sir Porkington, I'm pretty confident is going to mean that we're going to have a profitable pig operation this year. But I won't probably go into all the final tallied numbers until the end of the year. But, yeah, beyond that, that pretty much concludes the Grand Pig Experiment of 2024. And, I don't know, I'm pretty sure that I won't have pigs in 2025, but if I do, I'll probably make fun of myself by playing this clip. Thanks for watching, everybody.