a *REALISTIC* week in NYC balancing a 9-5 job and training for a half marathon

I was told to break the seal for this. Am I pregnant? What the fuck is going on? Good morning everyone. Welcome back to our community. I am PMSing so hard right now. I woke up crying. That does not happen to me and it's just kind of what I've realized is I'm on like an every other month basis where like last month my period was easy peasy nothing. The period before that I was on the floor hysterically crying in cramps thinking I was having food poisoning. So I'm feeling like this is going to be a bad period again. I'm just kind of gearing up for that. Woke up crying and like even though I'm aware if I'm five days out of my period like this is PMS you still find every reason to be upset. So whatever I was on my phone way too much this morning. I cried but I did meditate. Wasn't like the deepest longest meditation but I did do a 10 minute manifestation meditation. I'm gonna eat. I was gonna go to a workout class now. I'm just feeling so anxious that I can't make a decision up so I'm just gonna eat and caffeinate and hydrate and then we'll make a decision but that's where we're at. I'm feeling inadequate with YouTube, with everything, with my job, with every possible thing you could be upset about. I'm finding a way to be upset about. So welcome to the vlog where we try to get over our PMS symptoms. So starting with I'm gonna make a yogurt, make sure I get protein, my seed cycling seeds in and all that fun stuff and coffee. Even though you're not supposed to have too much coffee in your luteal phase because the caffeine can make you more anxious and whatnot but like I need to function so. I just already know that I'm gonna hearing a lot of commotion. I already know that I'm gonna cringe at whatever I say in this video while I'm editing it because PMS Jen like totally different than normal Jen. All the self-doubt that creeps in compared to my usual confidence like it's actually night and day but I kind of decided after sitting on the couch looking on TikTok all morning Ethan got back from his run and I was still sitting there and I was like you know what instead of sitting here pretending like I'm gonna go work out when I already know like it's gonna be a wash. How about I just take advantage of not working out and feel a little cute today. Put on some makeup. It's kind of all I can do is just feel a little better about my appearance because how my body feels completely out of my control. I already feel cramps coming on. I already know this is gonna be a bad period. I already know my emotional state is fucked so I meditated. We're not gonna work out today even though I wanted to and we're just gonna try to feel a little cuter and do a natural face of makeup. Every time I have bad PMS I start doubting all my social media content. I'm like I've barely been posting when YouTube used to be my life and I was so strategic still creative like strategic about like you know each vlog was gonna be like a apartment redecorating or getting my life together or something like that was my strategy and it was working and for the longest time I was just doing YouTube so I like was doing 30 new challenges and it was lockdown season so it was just like a different world and I do kind of miss that like dedication I had because I love YouTube so much but I think it kind of like sucked the life out of me at a certain point when I started doing the podcast and TikTok and having this full-time job till 7pm and compared to the last time I was in a full-time situation it was PR and I was like this is doing nothing for my future. I don't feel like that. I love what I do now but because that was more like email based I could kind of slack off and no one would really know where in this job it's like this is video editing. I have deadlines. I have you know shit to edit that's really time consuming and I need to really focus on so I don't really like do much of my own stuff at all during the day because I can't and then I'm working till 7pm and yeah so and now that I'm doing half marathon training I'm just not really doing sit down videos or anything right now which is totally fine and as much as I want to do like glow up videos and here's I'm training for my half marathon. It's just all too much and I'm trying not to burn myself out so I'm just sticking with the vlogs and that's all fine and I kind of made peace with that. I think my PMS brain is just like you're not doing enough. You know how it goes you're not doing enough compare yourself to other people and I wish there was a magic pill I could take like I do for my cramps to make it all go away but PMS is just a bitch. Usually I'm good about which I should start taking today actually fish oil and magnesium glycinate. My old doctor at Parsley Health told me to take that the week leading up to my period for cramps and PMS symptoms so I need to take that start taking it today. I don't know if it's too late but might as well start so we can hopefully lessen the symptoms but I'm curious if anyone else feels that kind of self-doubt always creeping around PMS time and thank god I know now like I feel it. I'm doubting myself blah blah blah and I'll check my calendar and it's like oh my period's coming in under a week. That's what it is. We're okay but I saw a funny meme that was like that time of the month where I debate whether I'm entering a depressive episode or if I'm just PMSing and it's like every time you leave your period you're like oh I was totally PMSing but it's hard to see it in the moment sometimes but something my therapist said to me once which can totally apply to relationships to where you live to moving to your job your career like so many different areas of your life that she wasn't referring to my period at the time but I'm now using it in reference to my period. She was like because in every situation let's take career for example I feel like that's the best kind of example let's say you are miserable in your job and you're like trying to get another job and it's not working or whatever it is try to remember that no matter what job you have there's going to be pros and cons like at the end of the day work is work you're not going to be I mean granted I do love hearing when people say like I absolutely love my job and I hope that you like hear that from me too like there's definitely better situations than others but at the end of the day no matter what situation you're in what house you live in whatever there's pros and cons to everything right so you can always you're always going to miss something about your current situation as much as you're trying to get out of it it's like once you're out of it you're going to miss something about your current situation so while you're still in your current situation try to really enjoy the perks of it whether that's flexibility or you know the lighting in your current apartment you're going to be going to somewhere that's a little darker whatever it is moving from a city to the suburbs enjoy the city and soak up the city life you are going to be going to work you want to work in an office but you're working remote like enjoy the flexibility of working remote so that's something that's just really helped me is hello yeah you leave yeah no he made me lose my train of thought anyway I applied that to I was told to break the seal for this I did a review on tiktok as you saw my other vlog and everyone was commenting you didn't break the seal so I guess you just like maybe hopefully that broke the seal point being this thought came to my head as I was sitting there and I was like okay why don't we enjoy the perks of this moment and get our act together put on some makeup you're usually like never able to really look cute throughout the day because you're working out in the morning and running and you're disgusting go to an office feel good about yourself I'm not wearing anything special I'm wearing my usual cargoes with the t-shirt but like put on some makeup be a little cuter today vlog because you have extra time so it's like enjoy the perks of whatever situation you're in now even if it's not ideal it's kind of like the lesson that I learned and it's funny it's like sometimes your therapist just says something that hits this is the dusty rose color I usually use flush but I kind of wanted something a little more natural unmuted and this is gorgeous I don't know if you can even really tell it's like a second skin that's just like a little pinky glow I love it anyway that's your sermon for the day I'm going to finish this makeup up and just hope that we're good to go I'm gonna go to the office have some coffee as I'm like I need to calm down I'm gonna have some more coffee because the coffee did not hit at his office I'm gonna make myself like an iced latte in their machine there and we're gonna have a good day all things considered and that's the goal if you told me that this morning when I was crying it would have said no way but these tools work guys all these little mindset hacks that you pick up along the way in therapy or whatever it is in this youtube video something will randomly click and when you're in a down moment that one saying or whatever will help get you out and it's it's really nice when that happens so I'll see you in a bit good morning so I didn't film it yesterday because I was so ravenous I actually thought I was gonna faint like I truly was like am I pregnant what the fuck is going on but you know the hormones do their same old thing before your period and when you're pregnant I feel like but also I don't know that for a fact I'm just guessing anyway I'm not pregnant don't worry I was so ravenously hungry yesterday I went to carrot express and I got my favorite wrap it's called the live wrap it's grilled chicken quinoa pesto kale some sort of cheese I don't know in a whole wheat wrap but then I got caesar dressing on the side and I dipped in caesar instead of getting a chicken caesar wrap I hit like two spots at once and oh my god also I did myself a favor by going somewhere that was still healthy because when I'm on my period day one day two all that goes out the door and I don't want to have a full week of just eating like shit and feeling like shit on my run so it was absolutely perfect and then we had leftovers last night we made like fish asparagus and rice boring I feel like I should just start calling my vlogs a week of morning routines because I always just end up falling off midday because like I'm just sitting at my desk all day long you should go binge my old vlogs where I was gallivanting around the city I was at rumble here I was filming here oh my it was so fun I wish I was still a little bit younger and could just gallivant around the city and not care about finances and just like I did care but I was like hustling to make money and now I just value more like stability and structure I hate hearing myself say that anyway we have therapy today at nine so I'm gonna head to the gym and do a mega rube sculpt society cross training for runners and it's like I think it's like equipment free I am trying not to do anything with like crazy weights because I hurt myself and I don't want to hurt myself I want to feel really good for running and I find that when I try to follow a whole gym routine in the gym let me know if anyone relates like you make a whole program for yourself or you get a program and it's just really hard to self-motivate and like I'll do it but I just know in my heart I'm half-assing it and like it's probably better if I were to just go a workout class or something even though the moves are less intentional for runners so the sculpt society is where I'm like combining the two this is literally for runners it's a lot of hip opening work it's lightweights so that's what we're doing today I also am limited on time and every time I try to go to the gym before therapy I do like half the routine and it's like not even a workout so gotta chug this and go and I'm not bringing anything with me because I'm gonna come right back and do therapy at home I could just do sculpt society at home but I feel like I need to get out good morning wow as women were so psycho oh by the way I really want to read I want to fix the wall so badly so next time Ethan's like gone for the weekend or something I think I'm gonna just do it women are so psycho yesterday I was like my period's coming what the fuck is wrong with me I woke up crying and I was like if this is already happening five days or four days before my period whole week's a wash like what am I gonna do and then today I'm so motivated I'm gonna make a few tick tocks for my podcast while I caffeinate I've gotten really quick at batching those because I do it all day at work I'm like as quick as possible so whenever I have some time in the morning I try to just knock a few out good morning crazy because I'm dying office or coffee shop or whatever I used to have these like cuter white ones I don't really want to ruin them but I just searched on tiktok and apparently they're a great running shoe so maybe I'll just try them out for a run for like a mile and I don't know if I want to really run all around the city right now they're so cute okay update I just went on tiktok and found all of these videos on how to clean new lemon sneakers the white one and they all came out great so I'm just gonna wear them test them out and I'll make a little tiktok and let you guys know how I like this is probably annoying to watch me whispering so I'll be back let's go I have to run 8k according to my half marathon training plan which is like just under five miles but we're running two miles as a run club so I'm going a half hour early right now to get hopefully three but probably a little under miles in so I can get closer to the five mile mark and still be able to like go get coffee with everyone in the club and not have to keep running so I will vote that 540. Only ended up getting like a mile in before run club but better than nothing I'm eating eggs right now for some reason I was not expecting to like the shoe as much as I did I realized even more so how terrible my shoes I've been running in are for me I find myself sometimes like I feel like my foot just isn't supported in the shoe that I wear right now and it's too cushioned where I'm falling to either side and these ones felt more supported like I never had to think about my foot really I felt like it kind of held its center really well to the point where I actually ran a little faster than I normally would so I love those little lemon shoes I'll link them down below I think I'm going to wear them for my recovery runs like my three mile runs and then I got like the Brooks technology GTS glycerin 20 shoe that are coming in the mail today so those I'll probably wear for like my long runs hoping I like it Ethan's pretty confident that I like them so I'll try those on when they arrive you guys have no idea where I left off on this vlog but I know it was more than a few days ago so I have no idea if this is a five minute vlog or a 50 minute vlog I feel like it's shorter I don't know it was one of those weeks where YouTube unfortunately just fell to the back burner and I could not even fathom without a pic of my camera I was so stressed at work I was trying to get my run in for marathon training and I was in no mood to film it I just wanted to like I was in my luteal phase so I just wanted to like run and zone out and make some TikToks throughout the week and that was it so anyway I apologize I've been like coming in and out of way in waves here um but I'm here and I love you all so much it is my birthday coming up this week so I'm curious if anyone can relate to this I'm leaning in to my birthday this year and it is me emotionally mentally preparing for being a bride because I never plan my own birthday I always pretend I'm not a birthday person but I also like really really love my birthday because I love everyone like texts you and loves on you and I like shadily want to do something for my birthday every year but I don't want to plan it and burden anyone and like I'm so fucking weird about it that this year was just like fuck it I'm bringing everyone together and if anyone's gonna get mad at me or feel like if I feel like I have to babysit anyone that's their problem not mine everyone can fend for themselves and I wanted to do it at night at a bar because it is a little less like that I've always done like a daytime thing where I'm like I feel like I have to talk to everyone or whatever but like when you're going out and you're getting drinks there's less pressure and everyone mingles and is drinking and can fend for themselves so we're doing that Friday night on my birthday which I'm so excited about and I have to like pick out a cute outfit I ordered some stuff from Princess Polly so that's all coming up but thank you for watching the vlog I don't remember what was in this vlog but I love you so much and thank you for watching and always supporting me and standing by me and still watching because it's been a chaotic year going back to full-time life has just made me a little less consistent on YouTube but so many of you have reached out and said it's okay if like you miss a week like we'd rather you keep going than just be like have the mentality of like oh if I can't be consistent I shouldn't vlog at all so I'm just gonna go with that so thank you and I love you guys bye