I Have 14 Credit Cards My Husband Doesn't Know About

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today so I'm calling because we had filed bankruptcy back in 2019 um things happened we thought we were ready to buy a house and now we are back in debt again for a sum of about $118,000 not including my mortgage um so I know that there's an issue I admit that I don't know where to go from here because there's a lot of things that I've done that my husband's not aware of and I just want to get out of this cycle because I'm done wow that's got to be kind of scary it's very scary yeah so um what is it you've done your husband doesn't know about I've opened like credit cards I have a total of like 18 credit cards I have a total of what are you doing with them if I can be completely honest and vulnerable um when we bought this house I felt that I needed new things I we are the poster child of trying to impress people um and wanting to have nice things and do nice things and we put on this front like we have all of this money and would it be okay to say that that's you not we yeah that's a you um it's I will say it's both of us he just doesn't know he thinks because I make a lot of money that we just so he's not involved in the finances at all not he doesn't even have access so the reason he doesn't know about it is just because of his lack of involvement not because you've actively deceived him fair yes that's exactly it okay what do you make I make $125,000 a year by myself he makes $335,000 a year and I make an additional $15,000 with my side hustle okay and um what's your home worth my home is is worth about $225,000 M and what's all this debt on credit cards I have so I have on the I owe $1,300 to the IRS I have $9,500 of pay over times like paying fors like PayPal and Cora I have $116,000 in like online loans like Prosper um we have a $40,000 car loan and then 45 5,500 is credit card okay all right and and you guys are 55 I'm 4 I'll be actually my birthday is in a couple weeks I'll be 43 and he'll be um 45 okay all right cool all right um well the the first thing I I would tell you and John can elaborate is that you're not going to be free or heal by yourself this idea that you're going to carry all the weight of this financial family and make all the decisions is unwise and it's not working agreed that's correct AB we need two things uh relationally one is you go to him and say honey we're in a mess again because I didn't say no and you weren't involved so I've got to have you and me working together together from this point forward for the rest of our lives where both of us know every single thing every single month period we're going to do a budget together and we're going to take this $175,000 income and we're going to clean up this new mess that we've made since bankruptcy okay because basically you filed bankruptcy and didn't change a single habit no not at all and and you need your need to impress other people with money you don't have that you don't even really like continued that is correct and so we relapse is what it amounts to so that's got to stop this need for affirmation from others one of the things we find with wealthy people is that one of the keys to them becoming wealthy is they reach a point they don't give a crap what anybody thinks and you give way too many craps what people think I do you said that you said that it comes from my childhood like I it comes from all of our childhood we all need affirmation thing we all need a pat on the head right but you're you're too dead gum old and Rich income wise to act like the a 14-year-old girl that needs a affirmation right time to be a grown woman and stuff and can I ask one more question with that because I know that this is wrong um my husband has worked at the same job for like 22 years he's not leaving he's made it very clear but he only makes 1675 an hour and so part of me again I know this is wrong I get angry with him and sometimes tend to blame things on him like well it's your fault you're not doing your part so I feel like I do this because I do what I have to do how can I get over that I know that that is not right and I it's a separate issue isn't it yeah you're you're looking to you're looking to blame don't do that yeah you you you've lost respect for him a long time ago and if you lost respect over him over a dollar amount that's something you got to mine your soul over and y'all need to get into y'all need to go get into a marriage counselor because that's a mess okay the okay the I want to I want to double click on what Dave said anytime you have a behavior that you need to change that's resulting from something out there that you're afraid of you're afraid of what people are going to think the only way to heal is straight through it I had a season when I drove a used Corolla Dave has a great story about the is a used car after bankruptcy I want you to start selling stuff yeah this car's got to go the car's got to go everything's got to go and I want you to practice not having nice stuff and have people see you and you're going to find out you're not you're not going to die and this is the path towards not giving a crap this is the path to freedom but you got to you got to practice it and go right through it okay sell everything everything not tied down so the two of you are going to do a budget every month with every dollar on paper we both look at it we both understand it we both agree what the money is going to go before it goes for the rest of your life that's your antidote and what comes with that is cleanliness uh meaning you have to sit down and start with oh crap here we are so you have say hey here's what's going on and you cannot bring up his income as part of this conversation his income is not the reason you bought crap for the spare bedroom right okay on for Clara for God's sakes yeah I'm here to tell anybody who does that that is the worst thing to do I'm the poster child of you think that you have enough money and you make it and you can make the payments until you so you live on beans and rice you don't go out to eat you cancel any vacations and the two of you roll up your sleeves and sell everything in sight and you have $175,000 your income to clean up $11,000 in debt it's going to take you 18 months of scorched Earth living where your broke friends are going to think you joined a cult and that's just fine you need some radical dramatic traumatic changes to swing the pendulum all the way to the other side for a while create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life