Should I Continue To Stay In A “Silent Divorce?”

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today so I have a question regarding my marriage so legally I've been married for 13 years but um it's been on and off for a while there but lately um recently within the last three years I have been living a silent divorce with my husband as far as um being emotionally physically financially detached for our marriage so I have a roommate now tell me about that tell me about tell me about that choice why have yall chosen that world because there's no more connection there I know but like um there's kind of a thing in popular culture to say like our relationship ran its course I just reject that i i people at at the end of the day they stop or one person just gets off the train and the other person can't keep going but have y'all sat down and had this conversation or have y'all just have youall just slowly let this thing go out to pasture like right that's basically how it happened we did not sit down for it and um I've particularly asked for divorce but he said he's not signing anything so we just live like this the issue around all of this is this is what I'm just wondering if it's even healthy to do this part here I know it's not healthy for me but from what the what I've been looking for spiritually is what they've been telling me and what I've been you know throughout my research is that it's better for the kids to be at home and see both parents even though we're living in this situation versus being separated in different homes that would be more harmful for them that is that doesn't even understand how that doesn't even pass your smell test you know that's not true and you're repeating something you continue to hear so do you think it's better for your child to walk home and see two people who say we are married and your child is downloading into their nervous system and into their heart and mind and soul this is what marriage this is what love and compassion end till death to his part looks like I know no I don't agree with it but this is what I know people are going to say what they're GNA say you know well not necessarily it's like you know the Bible says you you know once you get married you're married for life that's it you know your husband left you and I'm saying this with all love in my heart he left you he just won't leave the house well well I wish he would I I know but he left you we both did then you both left each other and so what you're doing is you're playing legal semantics with the Bible stop so I can't make someone sign you know what I mean it's like that's there can be a no fault divorce and the judge will make you sell your house and property and divide it up and he will get whatever part is his and you will get whatever part is yours and you will G on about the life yall have created for yourself but both of you are making a choice every single day and I hate to be so direct but that's the truth and what you're I what I think is you're I think you are you're living a life as a divorced person that's the word you gave me right well that's what I so you've already violated this this biblical contract you're trying to stay like you're trying to stay true to you've already done it plus most contract can I just say the heart of a contract is the heart of the matter like when you get married the piece of paper is a legality but it's more about you're saying I'm in commitment and Covenant with this person it's the heart that's really what is the marriage like if we're talking about things from really like this biblical perspective it's that commitment but you guys have long since detached from that so it's not about the the legal piece of paper that's not are are you telling me the reconciliation is over that he won't sit down and say okay we've chosen to build this life and now we can choose to build something else no it's definitely over but again my it's more towards what's going to be more like a what what what is just going to be more I don't know uh healthier maybe you're so far ma'am you're so far past Health you're you're so far past that and I know it's hard because you're living in it you've been living in it for 36 months you're so far past Health a a healthy mother and a healthy dad that's the greatest gift for your kids and I doesn't matter rather if it's the same household or not regardless if they're going to be wonderful productive people of society it just doesn't matter whether it's the same household or not that's just the bottom line no it's it's a this is like it's a straw man so people ask people ask me on my show all the time the the question is oh should we stay together for the kids no fix your marriage for the kids like that's that's a that's a it's a false dichotomy like fix your marriage for your CH for for yourselves and then out of that repair your kids get to see two people that got really distant but they made a covenant and they came back together and if both of you refuse to do that yes then your house becomes cancer stop but it's not just for your kid it's for you too and for your husband can I ask a question are you guys living together peacefully or is this like the worst no no I mean we're fine so you're living together peacefully can I ask another question was there like a c like a catalyst like was there a moment that it was like that's it like did somebody cheat did somebody was there that big blowup moment or did this just slowly erode over time it's like I said in the beginning so you know in the beginning of our marriage has been on and off because I had a child previously um and supposedly he was going to you know love my child and everything and just throughout the years I realized no he resented a lot and because of that it's just it had it just turned turned me off completely that so you're so you left him no we're still in the same home no no no but for all practical matters you left him right okay then call call a spade a spade yeah I can't get I can't get that love back it it's just not you no that's not true you're choosing not to and that's okay you can make that choice no okay you can if if you're done you're done you're done you're done I I don't I don't again I don't want that to be the case but I also understand if y'all both made a choice and let's make a choice then let's go ahead and call what we're doing what it actually is we're doing this idea of a silent divorce it's like all hipster and cool man you are untethered inside your own home so you begin to come home and you don't know who or what the energy in this home is going to be it's not safe for anybody it's not good be adults and let's sit across the table and let's say if we've made this choice to end this then we're going to do the right thing the next right thing if there's any chance we can choose to come back together let's make that choice and let's fight like hell to save this marriage but y'all get to make that choice create your free every dooll 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