Risks and Tips for Separated Men | Should You Date When You're Separated?

Hey guys in this video we're going to talk about whether or not you should date when you're separated, but not yet divorced. What are the risks and I'm actually going to go through some of the tips that were sent to me by a viewer that I actually agree with. I was a little hesitant, but then when I read through the suggestions I thought okay, well yeah, that's what I normally would suggest anyway. But I am going to give you the warnings as well the risks of dating when you're separated. So, if you're new to my channel, my name is Anna Jorgensen. I'm a dating coach for men in Vancouver, Canada. If you haven't already hit the like button and subscribe as well click the notification bell so you receive my new videos every just the tip Tuesday along with whatever I post in my community tab. All right, let's get right into it. First, let's go through the risks actually. The risks of dating when you're separated and I've seen this happen many, many, many, many, many times and I have a friend who's actually going through it right now who said I should have known better, but now I'm in it to win it basically. So, the risk of dating when you're separated of course is that your divorce doesn't come through as quickly as you hoped it would and especially if your ex finds out or your soon-to-be ex finds out that you're dating someone else then she's going to have leverage and she's going to have the negotiating power in the divorce agreement because she'll know that you want to move on and she'll make life difficult. She'll make you pay for wanting to move on sooner than later either because she's nasty or because she had hoped that you would get back together or because she just can. Which is kind of ties back in with the she's nasty. But that's the reality if your ex finds out that you're already seeing someone else then she will assume that you have a higher desire to want to get the divorce finalized and she will use that or could use that to her advantage and it will suck. Another risk actually is along with that is that it takes longer to finalize a divorce potentially because of seeing someone else because of what I just talked about and that can wreak havoc on your new relationship. So your new relationship might not be able to survive the separation to divorce period because there will be a lot of stress dealing with lawyers and the negotiations and the whole process anybody watching this has been through it and got shafted then you know what I'm talking about. It's not pleasant and if you have somebody else involved then yeah, it's not good. Finally when you are kind of in the stage of separation not finalized divorce, it's still early in your singlehood you might not know what you really want. You might not be ready to actually be in a relationship with someone else and you may choose poorly. Either because you're overly excited about having some other positive aspect of your life happening the being a new relationship and the whole honeymoon part of that or because you're desperately lonely or because you don't want to be the single person in the world or for whatever reason if you have not actually done some work looking inward as to why your previous relationship didn't work out and it's not always all about her. So the reality is you did something wrong because I know men don't want to hear this but it's the only empowering thing that you have going for you is to accept some responsibility and whether it's not seeing the red flags in your previous relationship ignoring the red flags if it's choosing poorly and just hoping that you know lust would be enough and love would be enough. Those are things that you need to take responsibility for because it didn't work out and it's not all her fault even though it might be 99% her fault, but you need to be able to figure out some part of that that's your fault or take responsibility. I know you don't like the word fault, but you need to be able to figure out something otherwise, you're just going to be going into the next relationship doing the same stuff. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. So if you don't want to repeat what happened before you need to learn how to do something different and that starts with being able to be accountable for something. All right, let's go into these tips because they're actually pretty good. I'm gonna just read them. All right, da-da-da divorce sucks we all know that. Tip one, face the separated man stigma. Women want stability and certainty and being a man in limbo with a divorce pushes all the wrong buttons with many women. Absolutely true, there are going to be women who will reject you because you're separated and not divorced yet because sometimes it never happens. Sometimes it takes so long that you're really really broke or really really really bitter by the end of it and some women will just not have any part of that. Oh, well, next. All right, two, tip number two, take responsibility for your failed marriages. Okay, well, there we go. Analyze why your marriage didn't work out because the next person deserves a better you. So if you, wherever you were at fault, then fix that part, fix that part of you. Even if it's just a matter of choosing better. So I totally agree with that tip. Tip number three, learn from your past. Don't make the same mistake again. Absolutely, you need to figure out not just what you did wrong, what she did wrong, because you want to be able to choose better. You want to be able to filter better. Again, my wake up to love program shows you exactly how to figure out what things you should be looking for in a potential mate and what things you should be changing in yourself to attract a mate. So, it's very valuable. Let's just say it's very valuable and you should do it. Put a link below, you're welcome. All right. Okay, what else do we have here? Tip number four, stay positive and upbeat. Yes, absolutely. If you become bitter, jaded, cranky towards all women like lots of men are and I mean sure it's a natural phase if you're getting divorced that you are gonna go through because you're getting divorced. It sucks. It's probably costing you in a lot of different ways. So, of course, it's gonna be natural for you to be frustrated, angry and bitter maybe for a little while, but don't stay there because that stuff's not attractive to quality women. Quality women don't go around saying, yeah, I think I want a bitter jaded man who hates women. Yeah, no, that's not what happens. So, so you need to get over that and the best thing you can do to get over that is to take my wake up to love program because it's gonna show you how to have a full life so you don't actually need a woman. Even though, yes, the goal is to get the woman of your dreams when you have a full and fulfilling life because you're focusing on these various areas that I teach you about then you are naturally happier. You have naturally more respect from yourself, other men and women and you have more selection. That's just the way it is. So, there you go. Okay, so stay positive and upbeat. Tip number five, get your act together. Absolutely, this is one of the things in my course. Go to the gym, get some new clothes, get a new style, update yourself. Yeah, and he's just suggest here the last thing a woman wants is a broken man. No healthy woman, no quality woman wants a broken man. Yeah, sorry. That's we just don't want that. We don't want a fixer-upper. Tip number six, use women to get you dates. Okay, I don't like the word use. Let's say enlist the help of women to get you dates. Alright, so I can go along with that. So basically, I think what he's suggesting here, which I agree with, is that if you have female friends either from, you know, other married couples that you're still friends with or co-workers or whatever, then go out with those women and let them be your wing women or let them set you up with potential dates that are good quality dates. It doesn't mean you're gonna find your next, you know, love of your life, but you need to get back on the horse, so to speak. Anyways, so enlist the assistance of other women to help you find dates, even if they're not for the long haul. So just get back out there and meet new women. We're gonna go with that. Tip number seven, be honest to yourself and women about your divorce. Yes, absolutely. Do not put all the blame on your partner. A woman who you are courting will see that if you put all the blame on your partner for the divorce, is not going to feel safe with you being able to take responsibility for things that you actually do wrong in a relationship. She will not want to be in a relationship with someone who will only pass the blame on to her, on to the woman. Because in a relationship it takes two, two to tango, it takes two. There's some responsibility in there. If you can own up to that, that's a really great sign of maturity and a woman will actually appreciate that. Of course, you don't want to make it all about you and all the things that you did wrong in the relationship. You just want to be mature about it, because if you try to blame yourself for everything, then that's also gonna make her weary of being involved with someone who thinks they've screwed up in every way and yeah, you kind of get that I think. Do you kind of get that? I hope you get that. All right, next one. Number eight, help her out. See, what does he say about this? Women won't go out with you because you are a separated man or a second date will inform you that they don't want to see you again until you're divorced. A great trick, I don't like tricks, but we'll use his term. When a woman says that her principles will not allow her to go on a date with a separated man, tell her that you understand and tell her to label the next time with you as just something with a friend. Amazingly simple, a woman is self-compelled to communicate that she is a good girl, give her way out of it by not calling it a date. So yeah, I do agree with this. So, help her out by allowing her to slip into the friend zone and maybe it'll evolve from there. If not, if she's a friend then she definitely will want to help fix you up. And I don't mean fix you up with with another woman, but help you deal with your problem. Women love to solve relationship problems and uplift and if she's a friend then she can do that without feeling like there's any kind of obligation to actually dating you. And it may evolve, if she starts to develop feelings and you are sharing intimate information, it could evolve into something that's more romantic and intimate. But don't use that to get there because it might not go that way. But it is good to have a female friend with a female perspective, even though she won't know what she's talking about because most women don't. Sorry. Okay, number nine. Get her on your divorce team. So, same thing. Yeah, get her on your divorce team. So, in here he's suggesting that she kind of be your your sounding board or your counselor in a way about the divorce. So, she can help you out as you're working through the difficulties because there will be difficulties in the divorce before you actually finalize it and to have a woman's perspective might help you be able to navigate and negotiate a little bit more effectively in your divorce. So, keep that in mind. Tip number ten, drop the dreaded well-adjusted woman. Women who have been divorced or widowed for a few years are like likely to be set in their ways, have a lot of girlfriends, travel group, blah, blah, blah. Yes, that's so true. Women who have been single or divorced for any length of time and who have actually worked on having a full life that are not needy and desperate, they're hard to seduce because they don't actually, they really don't need a man. They don't need anything that they don't already have in their life. So, if you try to seduce someone who's in that situation, it may actually just turn her off and it just is more difficult. So, I would also just say in this case, don't put all your eggs in one basket. If she's well adjusted, she's gonna expect you to be well adjusted and she's probably not going to be able to see you as being well adjusted until you're actually divorced. So, that might be someone that you set on the back burner. Maybe they're just gonna end up as a friend. Don't put your eggs in her basket. She's got the eggs. Don't put all your hope on one person. Get out there and meet other women, date other women and see who's the right fit. And maybe someone who's really well adjusted and fulfilled in their own life will eventually be someone that you could date. But the chances are slim that they're gonna be someone that is gonna want to date you right away. Okay, next one. Tip number 11, expand your target environment. Yeah, so again, I actually go over this in my wake up to love program. It's like get out there in the world to start dating again. But in order to date again, you're gonna need to go where women are. So, it's great if you want, you know, to improve your health by joining a hockey league, but there's probably gonna be fewer women there. So, join a hiking club or knitting. No, don't join knitting. I'm just kidding. Don't. Don't join knitting. Do maybe join a cooking class or go to yoga or go where women are gonna be and as well, you will also expand your own self empowerment by trying new things and that will make you also a more interesting person. Okay, tip number 12, keep your head screwed on. Okay. So, yes, you're in the middle of two of the hardest processes in life. Do not be angry and keep your emotions and do keep your emotions in check. And take advantage of your time as a separated man to improve yourself. So again, yeah, I go over a lot of that in my wake up to love program. So, if you're separated and we're going through a divorce or still kind of bitter having some trouble meeting women or having, feeling like you have something to offer a new woman in your life, especially if you've been beaten down by that divorce, then sorry, I've so promoted my program many, many times in this program, but or in this video, but it is really worthwhile, but it does take a lot of work. So, I will say that my program is effective, but it has a lot of homework and it requires a lot of work on your part both at home and out in the real world. So, if you're not up for that then or not ready for that, then that's not, this is not the time for you to do that. But I think these are actually really good tips. The main thing is that if you are dealing with a contentious soon-to-be ex-wife, if you are dating someone new, make sure she doesn't know, like don't tell her. You are just trying to finalize this divorce as amicably as possible. Because if you don't, then the lawyers are going to get the bulk of your equity, your assets, your capital and you're going to be feeling pretty ticked off at the end of it. And no woman wants a man who's ticked off. Just like all you guys, you don't want bitter women who have had bad experiences with men because who wants to be with a bitter pill like you. So, try to take this all with a grain of salt. No, not with a grain of salt, so I'm distracted by the dog. But you can get through this and there are good women out there, so date casually. Don't rush into anything too soon. Filter better. Don't base it on chemistry alone. That's not enough. You have to have compatibility in other areas, especially in long-term goals, values, beliefs and some shared lifestyle activities preferably. So, hope this helped. If you liked it, give it a thumbs up, subscribe, hit the bell. Ring my bell. See you next time.