1st Date Advice for Men [CASE STUDY]

Hey guys, so in this video we're going to do something a little different. I'm going to tell you a true story about 50 first dates project that I did a few years ago and give you some intel on how those dates went and what men were doing right and what mistakes men were making that you can learn from. So, if you're new to my channel my name is Anna Jorgensen welcome to just the tip Tuesday. So, just a little pretext five years ago I was on the market and dating and shouldn't have been because I was going through very turbulent time in my life. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I was going back and forth to her home or where she was she's living with my sister anyway to help out and then you know I was there for the last few months. Anyways, was not in the frame of mind. So, the first thing you're going to learn from this is that when you're meeting someone she might not be in a place in her life where she's ready for you. So, that's the first thing before we even go into the date details that you need to know is that you can do everything right and it just might not be the right time. I've said in other videos might be that she's batting for the other team she might be in a happy relationship she might have just come out of a bad relationship and she needs some time where she's messed up. She's got health issues that's me or death in the family or whatever. Or I mean sure the possibility is that she's just not interested but if you focus on that then it's going to hinder you from wanting to approach women because you're going to train your brain that the rejection is personal when it doesn't have to be. Even if it is personal trick yourself into thinking it's about her not you because otherwise it will destroy your confidence. Okay, let's get into the date details and I want to let you know also this was just at the beginning of me starting coaching officially like as my full-time gig. And so, it was a bit of a research project I did let all the guys know what I was doing. So, you know I wasn't using them we were using each other they would get a report on things that they did well and things that they didn't do as well and it only cost them whatever they would pay for a normal date. So, it might have been a cup of coffee might have been a lunch dinner whatever it was they got to choose and as long as I felt safe I would show up and do a regular date not an interview like from a dating coach just a regular date and then give them feedback. And at the time I did think that I was on the market like I was actively looking for a person because I've been single for quite a long time working on myself and also had gone through a bunch of other things that kind of prevented me from being available. And then I just started you know dating again and then my mom got sick and that was really major for me. So, I have written about that elsewhere if you want to read about it. It might make you cry make me cry might still make me cry. Anyway, so the first guy that I went on a 51st date with was an engineer I believe and he was around 50. I'm turning 50 in May. Oh, yeah, so this is five years ago. So, it was like pretty close age match I would think not that age matters there's videos on that if that is something of interest to you. And oh, no he was he worked in the government that's what it was he worked in the government I have to refer to my notes because it was such a long time ago. He had two kids they were grown and gone which is good for me because I'm allergic to little kids. So, we had agreed to meet at a loungy place somewhat near where I was living at the time which was great because I think I had already gotten rid of my car at that time. I live downtown Vancouver so everything's within walking distance and I am an environmentalist so that was like a win-win. Plus I was really broke for a while there at the beginning. Anyways, so that was a good move like choosing somewhere that was within my range and he I can't remember if he offered to pick me up or not if he had would have been gentlemanly to do but don't expect that unless you know her from your social circles that she's going to want to be picked up because of safety. So, if you live in a small town you have a bunch of you know common friends then she might feel more safe if you're living in a city she's probably going to want to meet you somewhere. So, definitely choose a place that she's going to feel comfortable and safe. Another thing is it was a Thursday at 5 p.m. and a loungy place that is a good choice because it's not going to be as busy because it's a lounge so it's probably going to be before the crowds hit and it's a Thursday so it's not a weekend. You want to try and avoid weekends on a first date if possible because one, it kind of makes you look really available which might be okay but isn't always necessarily what you should be doing is offering up your prime nights to someone you've never met before. They sort of have to kind of earn the ranks to get to the weekend dates. So, if you hold yourself to a bit of a higher standard and give her a weekday date then it sort of elevates your value a little bit because she doesn't know what plans you have on the weekend. She doesn't if you don't tell her but don't tell her then she will wonder if you know you're busy and you probably should be because then if you have a life then that makes you more attractive, okay. Next, another nice thing about this fellow was that when I met him he looked like his photos. He didn't try to pull a bait and switch with some photo that was really old or you know misleading back when he was fitter or younger or had hair or whatever. So, you want to make sure that if you are meeting women on dating sites or apps that you actually look substantially the same as your photos. Yes, women should do the same thing too no, they don't always do that. You know you want to present something that's maybe 10% better than what you actually are in real life normally because if it's too far off of what you actually look like then she's going to automatically feel deceived and disappointed. And I actually commented him on his appearance because I was pleasantly surprised that he did look like his photo and he did blush a little bit and kind of looked down in a way in a sort of bashful way which I actually found endearing because it showed him to be humble. Not every woman needs a man who's humble. A lot of women do appreciate it but it's not something necessarily that's a deal breaker or deal maker for other women. Some women actually like a man who's a bit cocky that's not me. So, when I do by the wayside when I do a video saying what all women want it really truly is what all women want. I'm not going to give you all the specifics of what I want because I don't want you to be trying to do something that would be specific to me that is not general for most women. All right, carrying on with the story. Okay, so he also waited for me at the entrance instead of being seated. So, he waited until I arrived I was on time, always be on time. And then allowed the hostess to seat us. And I remember this when she sat us it was sort of a there was a booth and then a table and then not a booth but one side was sort of a bench seat and then the other side was a chair. And initially he allowed me to have a bench seat which had my back to a wall facing the door. As well slight perception here that women notice is if you are on the side that views the most of the venue that you're in then every time you look around out of distraction or if there's a hot waitress she's going to notice that distraction and it's not going to be attractive. So, two things happened here. One, he did allow me to sit facing the venue or the lounge area and he sat in a chair facing me which was essentially facing me and the wall. So, you know, he didn't have the better seat but what happened there was the seat was really low and so I was like way up higher than him and it felt weird like so I can't remember it was him or me that said you want to switch places. I think I said it, I did. So, I offered to switch places and he did accept. Especially for you guys who are concerned about your height like if you're shorter choose the higher spot because you will feel, well, you feel taller and it's always better. There's a whole bunch of side notes in this video it's going to go all over the place. If you're new to my channel this is not how my videos normally go but it is in this one so watch some other ones if you just want the straight goods on what to learn. Okay, and I had one glass of wine. I would also suggest that if you're on a first date then you actually don't really want to spend too long together like three hours in one place is a bit too long. I mean if you're really engaging that's great but it's better for you to actually pick one spot and if things go well then have a backup plan to go to another location to continue the date whether it's sort of something similar like maybe you're gonna have drinks and you can go somewhere you know, if it goes well you might invite her for dinner or you might go somewhere else or you might maybe not for dinner but for dessert or whatever depending on the time of day or you could you know, if you really are enjoying her company backup plan always in your mind maybe we'll go bowling or maybe we'll go somewhere fun afterwards because the more places that you go the more dates that it seems like so what that means is that she can bond with you on a three different location date one date more so than one location for the same amount of time. So, it's almost like instead of having you're on your first date if you've gone to three locations or two or whatever if she keeps wanting to continue to spend time with you it's like you're on more dates and of course as you know the more dates you're on the more likely that she likes you and the more likely that you're going to be able to initiate intimate connection maybe a kiss and it's going to be welcomed and or reciprocated. So, that's a better way to gauge her level of attraction and interest than just sitting in one location. One location is fine for getting to know each other but you could be in a friend zone in one location but if she wants to actually spend more time with you doing other things then that's a greater indicator of level of interest that's higher. Regarding the alcohol okay, so alcohol I had one I probably only will ever have one because no one wants to see me dance on the tables well maybe you guys do but I don't. I'm definitely a lightweight so he had three. Normally I would say kind of limit it limit your drinking to maybe two because if you drink alcohol at all and of course if you're within the legal limits to be able to drink but you don't want to get drunk it's really unattractive when you get to the point where you're visibly not necessarily even intoxicated but under the influence it's not attractive. Now, he had three but we were there for three hours so there was no sign of that so that is acceptable. He told me his story I told him my story that I've been on sabbatical and I was ready to get date again though with a disclaimer ah, my disclaimer. The next guy that beds this gal weds this gal. Essentially I'm not interested in or I was saying I was not interested in casual... Oh, okay here's a good one. So, then I changed the topic and I asked him what would you do if you won 10 million dollars? So, this is a significant question to ask whether you're a woman or a man actually because it will really tell you more about the person's character and personality and values than asking them where they grew up and you know how many siblings do they have and you know what's their job details and what do they do for fun and all that stuff. So, if you ask them a question like what would you do with 10 million dollars then you're going to find out more about the person. So, he replied immediately snapped his fingers for emphasis I'd quit my job and travel. So, what that says to me is he doesn't absolutely love his job like I can tell you right now if I won 10 million dollars I would continue doing these videos because I really enjoy it. I did it for three years without making any money and not knowing if I'd ever make money and I just kept going. And it's not a bad thing if you want to quit your job and go traveling but it does say something so, if someone's answer is I would quit my job and go you know work with the needy children or I would buy a big mansion or I would buy a Lamborghini or you know whatever the answer is it's going to reflect more about the person than other various things that you can ask them that are really kind of boring. Boring. And then at the end of the evening he asked if he could walk me home because one he may have just wanted to be chivalrous and make me feel safe walking home even though it wasn't really that late in fact it was generally safe. But he also probably wanted to gauge whether or not he was going to be able to kiss me. So, I said no. Oh, golly. But I did say that I wanted to see him again but I did regret it as soon as I said it because I kind of knew I didn't want to see him again simply because of everything that was going on in my life. And this will happen sometimes guys if a woman agrees to see you again or she might even allow you to kiss her and then things don't go anywhere from there. So, if she says yes and then changes her mind she may not want to disappoint you in a moment or feel awkward. So, she is cowardly lioness rejecting you later rather than in that very moment which I know sucks I'm sorry I did that too. If she has allowed you to kiss her and she was interested up to that point she may... It may be the same thing she's just not really sure and she wanted to test the kiss to see if it's worth exploring more. Maybe it wasn't the greatest kiss maybe it's you're not a very good kisser maybe the pheromones weren't there or who knows what. Or maybe Chad showed up you know finally returned her text. So, again don't worry about it but like do what you can and don't worry about the rest. Oh, yeah and I did like I said he was my first date and I did tell him what I was doing and at the time I said you know I am on the market but I'm also doing this 50 first dates project. And so, he did have an issue with that which I don't blame him like who would want to actually meet up with a woman and have rapport with her and then be like oh, okay. Well, I guess I'll have to wait another 49 dates to see if she might really like me or if she meets someone else along the way. So, I understand that but at the same time if it was someone I was actually really truly interested in two things would happen. One, I might have ditched the rest of my project or two, if he would have been okay with it to allow me to do the research I would have changed my MO in the whole project and said I'm not on the market but I will you know provide a date to get this research done if you're interested. So, yeah anyways right and even then I was I wasn't feel like I was already had health issues. So, I was really only willing to set aside about three hours a week for plus one which is not enough for a real relationship. You know like if I mean sure that's great if you're just interested in you know friends with benefits or you know something casual but if you actually want to build a relationship three hours a week it's not enough and like I just didn't have the energy for more than that or the time because shortly after this I was going home to help out with my mom quite a bit. Let's see so for this date my significant takeaways were for me genuine modesty is attractive. I would probably say most emotionally healthy women appreciate modesty. The ones who have ego are going to want or maybe more appreciative of men who are showy, flashy, cocky, braggy, whatever and that's not a bad thing. It's just a matter of do you match with that like if you're someone who wants to drive a nice sports car and you know have your woman proud of you for that then that's great. That's that means that's a match. Me I'm allergic to red fancy cars. Like that's not my gig, but that's me. So, when a man is sitting below or lower than kind of takes away from his masculine confidence both in his eyes and in her eyes. Swap seats, booze, keep a level head, intoxication is not sexy unless you know you're both into that. Well, then maybe it's what you're into. If a gal tells you right off that her clam isn't open for business without a commitment believe her maybe, believe her actions. However, point if you want to settle down without settling you do want to have a woman that has some standards. The 10 million dollar question I will tell you more about who they really are. Don't feel like you have to kiss on the first date but if you liked her and you don't go in for the kiss when she's showing signs of it then you definitely have to text her and said I should have kissed you. Why didn't I kiss you? I wanted to kiss you, can I kiss you? So, if she's shown signs and you're and you just got cold feet and you didn't do it. She, women have insecurities too. She might wonder if you're like not interested in her or if you're not kind of sorry, but stepping up as a man. Like if she wanted to and she was willing to and you don't then kind of makes her feel like she the whole because she wanted to and was willing. Like come on do it. And I always say no matter how you meet if you do meet online, online dating is like dumpster diving for diamonds. It takes a lot of work like filtering through the rubbish to find a gem, it's work. But the alternative is alone and lonely. So, whether it's online or in the real world again, watch my video on where to meet women in the real world even now. I met actually another guy the other day. If you actually are considering online dating then you probably want to take my double your online dating program it's cheap like borscht used to be. And it will actually give you some real world tips not just for online dating but for general online communication like texting and when to send pictures and that sort of thing. So, check it out super cheap and let me know if you've made any of these mistakes or these non-mistakes good things that the G-man government man not G-spot did in his first date with me. If you like this video if you want another one like this let me know in the comments, thanks bye. Don't forget to subscribe to my channel.