Ranking the Best (And Worst) Birthday Freebies By Value

If there's one day of the year I love to celebrate, it's my birthday. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. You're fired. Why? Because not only am I another year wiser and slightly more ruggedly handsome, but I can eat my weight in birthday treats for free. And it doesn't take much when you're 127 pounds soaking wet. I am baptized once again. I don't know why people are weighing themselves soaking wet. Seems like a dumb thing to do. But I'm not just talking about cupcakes from Leslie at the office here. I'm talking loaded burritos, burgers, breakfasts, all with the thrilling risk of indigestion and a mild to moderate reaction to gluten. Just by signing up for rewards programs and email promos. But in this fallen world we live in, not all free birthday goodies are created equal. So today, I did the research for you and I'm ranking the top 25 birthday freebies so you can score some complimentary fun and cholesterol just for being borned. But first, let's talk about the fact that none of you wished me a happy birthday this year. They make it too easy. Okay, I was right there next to your old buddy from high school, all right? I don't- I want to feel like you actually had to think about it. Not Zuckerberg putting it in your face. So I'm giving you a second chance for a belated birthday gift that costs you nothing. And that's the gift of hitting the like and subscribe buttons, plus sharing this party with all of your friends. Happy birthday to me. Look, that's how much of a giver I am. I'm giving you this gift of this video on my birthday. Is it actually my birthday? Google it, I'm not telling you. So today, I'm using the widely accepted and popular, albeit confusing, S-tier list. And I'll be honest, I had to have younger, cooler people explain this to me. But I'm trying, y'all. I'm trying to stay hashtag relevant. Unlike people who actually say the word hashtag out loud. Not cool. So here's how these lists work. S is the best, aka the goat. Then you move to A as second best. Then B, C, D, all the way down to F as the worst. The A through F part makes sense to me. The S, very confusing. Why is that the A-plus of the group? I have no idea. And here's a disclaimer before we start. To get most of these birthday freebies, you gotta sign up for the rewards programs before your birthday month. But here's a little life hack for you. Because I hate marketing promos and junk emails, I use a separate email address just to sign up for these rewards programs. Like boygeorgie89 at AOL.com. Having corresponded with that bad boy since my AIM days. Crap, did I ever take down my away message? People must know I'm not away. That way, I protect the space in my precious inbox that's reserved exclusively for email chain forwards from my mom. Say what you will, but the woman's avoided bad luck for 20 years now. It's working for her. All right, without further ado, let's get to the birthday freebies tier list. Starting with IHOP. You can get a free short stack of pancakes when you come in on your birthday. Now, this is an $8 value, but it's complicated. You gotta become an International Bank of Pancakes member, make a purchase, then redeem your pancake coins for a coupon that you can then use to get your stack of pancake. This is about as complicated as crypto coins. And for that, I gotta go C-tier. I'm sorry, IHOP, but we gotta do better. Next, Waffle House. Maybe pancakes aren't your thing. That's fine. Maybe you're into it's crispier cousin, the waffle. Well, you gotta join the regulars club at Wayho, which if you aren't a Wayho regular, what are you doing with your life? You can stop by your nearest Waffle House for a free birthday waffle, which is about a $5.49 value. Not bad, but I love Waffle House. Don't get me wrong here, but it's not like the first stop on my birthday is I gotta go get a waffle. And for that, I give it a B. Not bad. Einstein Brothers Bagels. You've been doing a... I haven't been to an Einstein Brothers Bagels in years. But they'll give you a coupon for a free breakfast egg sandwich with separate purchase on your birthday when you're part of the Shmear Society. Yo, Johnny still respecting the shmear. I love a fun rewards program name, and I'm here for the shmear. But I gotta give this a C-tier because an egg sandwich is very specific and it requires a separate purchase. And for that reason, it's gonna go to the C-tier for me. Next up, P.F. Chang's. What is P.F.? Peter Frampton's Chang's? Is that what it is? With this reward, you get a free app or dessert. No purchase necessary. That means you can get the lettuce wraps for free. And that's basically a meal. This is one of my favorites, and that is going to bump it all the way to S-tier, baby. Be the Chang you wanna see in the world. My man, Peter Frampton's got it figured out. Next, Chipotle. Chipotle. Get over there! Next up, we got Chipotle. It's America's favorite non-authentic, non-Mexican burrito bowl place after most. When you sign up for the Chipotle rewards app, you can get free chips and guac, and then a special surprise on your birthday with a $5 purchase. No idea what the surprise is. Could be a cup of pintos for all I know. But it is good for 30 days after your birthday, which is helpful. But because this whole surprise scenario and you gotta make a purchase, it's going C-tier for me. I'm sorry. I'm a fan of Chipotle. Let me just say that out loud. Don't love the reward. Next up, Auntie Anne's. Or Auntie Anne's if you're from the Northeast like me. What is the U there for? You say hante instead of haunt? Flaunt? It's not flant. It's flaunt. Auntie Anne's. Download the Pretzel Perks app and you can get an extra special birthday reward. And I have it on good authority that your Pretzel Perks birthday gift will be a... Pretzel. I appreciate Auntie Anne's giving the people what they want and what they expect. And for that, Auntie Anne's your B-tier. And I gotta say, anytime you go to a mall, all you're really going to the mall for is the hope of smelling a pretzel from Auntie Anne's. That's it. That's 90% of your mall experience. Next up, Starbucks. Hi, my little cherub. Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get for you? You can get a free birthday drink, food item, or bottled beverage if you simply sign up for the Starbucks Rewards Program at least a week before your birthday and make at least one purchase to get points. Then you can get anything you want for your free drink or treat. Now, this doesn't make S-tier for me because you have to use it on your birthday. But it is an incredible value. And for that, they're going to sit in the A-tier for me. Next up, Jamba Juice. Who? Forgot about that one. Yeah, you've been sleeping on Jamba Juice. And for good reason. It's mid, okay? On your birthday, you can get a free smoothie. But there's a giant caveat. First, you have to earn 15 points with the Jamba Rewards app to redeem this offer. And at a dollar per point, that means you got to spend 15 bucks for them to celebrate you with a little freebie. And also, personal preference for me, I don't think Jamba Juice is worth the squeeze anymore. And for that, Jamba, I'm sorry, you're going to F-tier, bro. You're making me do too much work to celebrate me. Next, Del Taco. Get to Del Taco. Free, free shavacadoo. Now, if you join Del Taco's free Del Yeah Rewards Program, you can redeem a free shake on your birthday. But I got to give them an F because shakes and tacos are just weird. I don't know why. Like, just give me a taco. I'm not going to get a shake. All right, next up, we got the Lord's Chicken, Chick-fil-A. $12.99, my pleasure, sir. Okay, thank you, sir. Chick-fil-A One members get a free birthday treat based on their membership tier. And the treats range from a cookie all the way up to an entree. You'll get this reward on your birthday, and you've got 30 days to use it, which is a huge plus. But I got to say, Chick-fil-A, I expected a little more from you, which is why you're going B tier for me, because most people, they're getting a cookie. Nothing, they make a great cookie, but I kind of want some chicken if it's a Chick-fil-A birthday reward. All right, moving on to Firehouse Subs. You can get a free birthday sub when you sign up for Firehouse Rewards, and you'll have to use this offer within six days after your birthday. Why six? Why not three? Why not seven? The world will never know. But I got to say, for no purchase necessary, this is going A tier for me, because Firehouse makes a great sub. In the same category, we've got Jersey Mike's. And at Jersey Mike's, you can also get a free sub when you join the My Mike's email club. And that's going to go A tier for me, because I got to shout out Jersey Mike's, because they have a gluten-free sub. Appreciate you guys. Shout out. My gluten-free gladiators out there, we stand Jersey Mike's. If we stay together, we survive. We got to move on to Chicken Salad Chick. This one's for the ladies out there. A lesser-known chain, but if you're using the reward app, you can get a free original chick meal for your birthday. It's valid for 30 days, and this is a $9.49 value. Bow chicken, wow, wow. That is a total A tier for me. $10 value, no purchase necessary. That's a win. All right, next up, we got Red Robin. You can get a free birthday burger when you sign up for Red Robin Royalty, and you also have the whole month to use it. To be fair, it is Red Robin. So while it's a solid deal, it's mid-vibe. Okay, I'm going B tier for Red Robin. I know the Red Robin stands are gonna come after me for that, but that's a hill I'm willing to die on. It's B tier. Next up, we got BWW Buffalo Wild Wings. One second, I'm looking at a sign. If you sign up for their Blaze and Rewards program, you can get six free wings during your birthday month. No purchase necessary, and this is one I personally love to do every birthday. This is S tier for me, okay? You can't, that's a deal of the year right there. You can get boneless. I go traditional because I'm a man of tradition, and that's S tier. That's a must-have on your birthday. Next up, the red light's on, baby. It's Krispy Kreme. You can get a free glazed dozen, which is almost 2,300 calories of warm, melt-in-your-mouth goodness. And this is a sweet deal because after you join the Krispy Kreme Rewards, your birthday reward can be redeemed any time during your entire birthday month, and that's why, Krispy Kreme, you're going S tier, baby, especially if you go when that hot light's on. That's a party. Share it with your friends. Don't try to eat them all at once. Ooh, why? Why would you do that to yourself? Moving on, we got Nothing Bunt Cakes. If you sign up for the Nothing Bunt Cakes E-Club, you can get a free buntlet on your birthday. Pro tip, pop this in the microwave for like 10 seconds. It'll change your family tree. This one is going S tier for me personally because they have a gluten-free buntlet that is absolutely incredible, no purchase necessary, and they're always so nice in there. I always enjoy a Nothing Bunt Cake experience. Moving on, we got Baskin-Robbins, and at Baskin-Robbins, you can get a free 2.5-ounce scoop of ice cream on your birthday when you opt into the birthday club. Very confusing amount. I don't measure ice, like just say a free scoop. Why waste time? Say lot word when few word do trick. And for that, I am going D tier. Sorry. Sorry for the BR lovers out there, but in the same category, we've got Jenny's Ice Cream. At Jenny's Ice Cream, you can get a free scoop on your birthday. Free? But fun fact, you can actually get a trio, which is three scoops, which makes it even more worth it because Jenny's Ice Cream, I mean, it's like liquid gold. They're charging $4 million for this ice cream. Let me tell you what I get. All right, if I'm getting that trio, I'm going Gooey Butter Cake, I'm going Brown Butter Almond Brittle, and Salty Caramel, all chilling together in this little cardstock hot tub. It's what dreams are made of, baby. And I'm going S tier because I truly think Jenny's is the best ice cream ever made. If you love Blue Bell over Jenny's, you probably have an Android. They was fighting words. Next up, in the sweets category, we got Crumble Cookies. You download the Crumble app, sign up for the birthday club, and Crumble will send you a free cookie voucher on your birthday. That's not a lot of effort for a very good cookie, I might add. And for that, Crumble, you're going A tier. You could have been S tier, but you still refuse to make a gluten-free cookie. Next up, a family favorite, Olive Garden. You sign up for the Olive Garden E-Club. Why are they calling things E-Club still in 2023? I have no idea. But you'll get a coupon, including a special offer for a birthday dessert for value up to $8.50. Here's the rub I have with this reward. There's only one dessert on the Olive Garden menu under $8.50, and it's the warm Italian donuts. All the rest are above $8.50. Also, it's valid for dine-in only, and that is why, Olive Garden, you're going an F tier. You're gonna make me show up, eat an entire meal, and then limit my dessert options on my birthday? Shame on you. Next up, Olive Garden's spicier brother, Chili's. You can join the My Chili's Rewards Program, and you'll get free chips and salsa or a non-alcoholic beverage every time you visit. That's pretty good. And on your birthday, you'll get a free dessert, but it's valid with a minimum purchase of five bucks. And again, you know how I feel about minimum purchases and separate purchases. So Chili's, you're going D tier, bro. I'm sorry. I wanted better for you, but you're not making it easy on me. Next up, we got Cinnabon. The Cinnabon app gives you a free 16-ounce cold brew on your birthday. Now, this goes without saying, but if I'm going to Cinnabon, it's not for a cold brew. It's for a Cinnabon. Why not just give us a Cinnabon? Is it because if we get the free cold brew, we're gonna want a Cinnabon? Suspicious. Now, this is good for 14 days, but it's still an F tier for me. Just give us what we want. Cold brew? I didn't even know you guys made cold brew. It can't be that good if you're giving it to us for free. Next on the list, we got Panera Bread. You can join My Panera to get a birthday surprise. And spoiler alert, it's usually a free pastry. Now, in high school, Panera was special, or remember those days? It was the community meeting place where we all showed up in our Uggs. It was actually cool back then. These days, I think we can all agree. It's gone downhill. It's still decent. If you're on the road, Panera is like A tier to me, but it's really glorified hospital food otherwise. I'm gonna say it. All right, for your side, you either get like a bread rock or an apple that's been reversed GMO'd to be small and terrible. You make me sad. And for that, Panera, you're going D tier. I'm sorry. Last, but also probably least, we have Moe's. And at Moe's, you can get a free burrito on your birthday. Now, I would never darken the door of a Moe's unless it was for a free birthday reward. And other than yelling welcome to Moe's, there's not really a lot I look forward to at Moe's. So Moe's, welcome to C tier. That's where you're gonna live forever in my heart. So there you go. I'm looking at this list here, and I feel pretty good about it. I feel strongly about my list. I know a lot of you, you're very upset with me right now. Some of your favorites are in the D and F tiers. But again, you gotta look at the full picture. What do you have to do to get these rewards? How many steps do they make you take? How many dollars do you have to spend just to get a little treat-o? So if you do your birthday right, you can get a free treat almost every single day of your birthday month when you activate these rewards and sign up for email lists. But here's a final tip for you with all this. Never spend just to save. Just because you're getting a deal, it doesn't mean it's a good deal for you. So if you're buying something only to capitalize on your birthday deal, you're not winning. The company is. They do this for a reason. They're going to make money off of you. Otherwise, they wouldn't have programs like this if they were losing money. That's not how business works. And that doesn't mean it's a bad idea to sign up for these loyalty programs as long as they're good ones. And never pay to be a part of these. Never sign up for a credit card to be a part of these. Only do the free ones and only do it if it's not gonna cause you to spend more money. Don't try to game the system. Don't make your goal to try to beat the companies at their own game. And one last thing, please be kind to all of the employees here. Don't be a rude entitled jerk. Hope you guys made your notes today. Drop a comment. Let me know what your S-tier birthday freebie is because I want to know. And do you agree with my list? Maybe? No? Do we have some Moe's fans in there that want to show up? You want to die on? That's the hill you want to die on? Is Moe's? Hey, if you enjoyed this video, go ahead and share it with your friends who have had or will have a birthday this year. I think that pretty much covers everyone except Leap Year Brian. Don't send the stamp. That's salt in the wound. That's just cruel. Thanks for watching. I'll see you next time.