Admit it, Parts of Life Suck

there are certain things in life that we just don't want to do and this seems to be a constant fixture in our lives now my insight here for today is in the acceptance of that aspect of life and that there will be things in my life ever present that I simply do not want to do and acknowledging that truth is a huge help to us why is that the problem is there'll be this thing in life that I really don't want to do and rather than acknowledge that and accept that we go into a a dynamic where it's I don't want to do this but I should do it I have to do it okay hopefully at some point I'll feel more like doing it somewhere out of the clouds there will come a moment you know what this this desire this motivation to want to do it will materialize and then I'll do it but that's a problem because that's going to lead to a sort of a torturous experience where I don't want want to do it and I'm hoping eventually I will and I keep delaying delaying delaying until I get this magical moment when I actually feel like doing it my book it's free it's a free book on my site it's called forget happiness and basically it's about self-parenting it's about meeting your needs as a person it tells you what the typical needs we have we have not in relationships just in your own self as your own person one of the needs is about this it's about the aspect of life that I don't want to do and it's an acknowledgement that it's an everpresent fixture now don't get me wrong we want to be constructed in our lives that we're there's more and more space for the things we do want to do without question but there will always be things in life that we don't really want to do now in the book I call that just the need for responsibility okay so it's like and this is an emotional need we have why do I say that well it's because what happens to us when we ignore taking care of the things that we don't want to do emotionally that has a very deleterious effect on us so it's actually an emotional need to address the things in life that I don't really want to do so this is about acceptance this is about honesty I don't want to do it and I will never want to do it do it and with that Honesty it's a lot easier now to start thinking about how can I actually go about addressing this given that I don't want to do it because it's not going to be motivational solution there won't be a time when I feel like doing it that's not going to happen and in the absence of the motivation and the desire to do it what we're left with is decision making and boundaries decision making and boundaries is how I'm going to deal with this so and I see this all the time and I used to experience this myself it was waiting for that day or that moment when I would feel like doing it and I would constantly put it off and it was always there in the background and I'd carry it with me and because I was carrying it with me I was carrying it into the aspects of my life that I actually did want to do and it was tanting that experience I couldn't be fully present with the things in my life that I wanted to do because I was not addressing the things in life that I didn't want to do so things in life I don't want to do how do I handle them well decision making I decide okay I'm never going to want to do this so the first decision is when will I do it I'm just going to have to make a decision about that now we don't rush ourselves but we we determine okay what's a rational approach here don't want to do this now right now I really don't want to do it okay I'll never want to do it so I'm going to do it a couple of hours from now maybe or I'm going to do it this afternoon or I'll do it this evening and that's a decision I've made a decision about I'm going to do it of course you would also not commit to doing it for too long because you won't do it then right so we take small steps um we maybe we break it up into parts right but we only commit to engaging with it for a short period of time given that it's the the actual rule is the more uh hesitation or the more avoidant you are towards it the shorter the time you should expose yourself to it cuz we want to be doing this regularly we want to be regularly exposing ourselves to the aspects of life that we don't want to do but we feel are necessary but what that's what we do we pick a time I'll never want to do this and I'm going to do it at 2:00 this afternoon okay that's the decision- making now the boundary part is 2:00 rolls around I still don't want to do it I will never want to do this if 2:00 comes and I'm not doing it well what happens and this is this is where the torture thing can kick in yeah I don't feel like doing it now hopefully I'll feel like doing it at some point I won't do it now I'll do it at 4: four: clock rolls around I still I'm willing to want to do it well I don't really feel like doing it and you know we're shocked by the fact that we don't want to do it it seems so this Dynamic of I set a time a decision and then I don't enforce that decision in other words I allow myself to move a boundary with it so my solution to this is we train ourselves with boundaries so we do make the decision okay when am I going to start now I tell people don't rush yourself just pick a time a time anytime really it doesn't matter as long as it's not too rushed on you you give yourself time to sort of mentally prepare for it if you need to but you say Okay 2:00 what happens if at 2:00 I'm not doing it the boundary is okay I'm done with it I'm done with it I'm not going to do it now today that's what that's what an enforcement of a boundary looks like because if we I always say like there's there's two things you can do and one thing you can't the two things you can do where one is you can show up and do the work that's perfect the second thing is you can decide okay I'm I didn't I didn't show up I'm not doing it that's perfect that's actually really healthy if you can do that because eventually what you're doing is you're reinforcing your own authority in in decision making the one thing you can't do those are the two things you can do the one thing you can't do is say I'm going to do it at this time and then move it and then move it we want to and that's a that's a habit we get into and when we're constantly doing that it's not the problem with it really isn't about productivity the problem is you keep only undermining your ability to make decisions each time you move a boundary each time you set a boundary and then you fail to enforce that boundary so just to recap we accept that there are things in life I will never want to do right I personally for me if I have to sit down and fill out a form or something my nervous system recoils it's like oh God okay I have to sit down now and fill out this form it's like I there is no Universe in which I am ever going to want to do that but it's part of life which is fine so I make a decision about it if I don't do it at that time it won't be done today because it's not important enough for me to torture myself with this constant shifting of a boundary and constant indecision and constantly thinking about it and also as I mentioned earlier bringing that mental baggage into the things in my life that I actually do want to do I want that done and I want it gone okay so I hope this is a useful video I just remember one thing from this video there are certain things in life I won't want to do we might say that that's a part of the ego it it may well be right the ego functions on judgment it judges things as good and bad and well that's bad that's bad that's bad and and for me it's it's paperwork but what the ego can also do is it comes in with that and then it comes in on the other hand who says well you know wait until you're motivated this is the real problem with the ego is it gets you from both angles so if you can disarm one of it it it disarms the whole thing it doesn't matter really then if there are things in life that I don't want to do it's like as long as I'm not torturing myself with those things that I don't want to do everything is okay haven't we suffered enough with this it's a rhetorical question haven't we suffered enough with waiting to be motivated for things so remind yourself it's okay there are things I don't want to do that's okay that's a part of life it's one of the main emotional needs actually is addressing the things in life that I don't really want to do but if you can do that it opens your life up then there's more time and space to and energy to spend on the other needs in life meaning purpose creativity taking care of yourself physically time to reflect to meditate to think work on yourself time for fun and relaxation and spontaneity so there needs to be a balance between all our emotional needs in my model there's like five needs just as an individual this is separate the relationships in your life we're trying to balance five inner needs that we have responsibility that everpresent pile of stuff that doesn't look very nice meaning purpose creativity is the second one take care of yourself physically the most important need for me I have discovered for for most people I would say everybody to be honest is the time for reflection because meeting these needs is not easy and it takes a lot of Attunement and it takes a lot of attending to ourselves and reflecting what worked what didn't work what do I need more of what do I need less of and finally the black sheep of the family on that is not a negotiable need that is an everpresent essential need that must be taken seriously otherwise there will be imbalance so check out that book if you haven't already and the takeway again is it's okay to not want to do things it is it's natural it's healthy it's a part of this life at least in this on this planet it's a part of of life hope that's helpful and thanks for being with me and I'll see you again very soon bye-bye [Music]