Have you ever gone out to eat or on vacation with a group and when it came time to pay the bill, it seemed like everyone was looking at you...or the ceiling? I have experienced the awkwardness that comes from splitting (or not splitting) the bill so let's talk about it.
CHAPTERS 0:00 Intro 0:58 Perceived Social Obligations 1:36 Difficulty Saying No 2:09 Social Expectations 2:56 Power Dynamics 3:16 Solutions: Finding Balance 3:20 Splitting dinners 4:31 Invitations out to dinner 5:36 Splitting experiences -------- Want your budget reviewed anonymously on my channel? Fill out the Google Form here - https://forms.gle/7RpbxEEUtoLayMx76
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have you ever gone out to dinner or
vacation with a group and when it came
time to pay for the bill everybody was
looking at you or the ceiling or
anywhere other than their wallet I've
experienced the awkwardness when it
comes to splitting the bill so let's
talk about
it hey guys welcome back to the de free
Millennials YouTube channel I'm your
host Justine here we talk about
financial confidence crushing debt and
we're talking about the awkwardness of
splitting the bill especially as it
aains to going out to eat or going on
vacation with a group I think a lot of
times this is happening to two different
types of people one high income earners
are those who are earning the the most
amount of income among the group and
then the second one is the person who is
overly generous to a fault now there's a
couple of different causes for that that
I want to address first I think this is
happening because of perceived social
obligation especially as it pertains to
High income earners who may feel
obligated to pay for others even if they
wanted to split the cost evenly now I'll
give you an example of societal Norms or
cultural expectations where this is
happening for example here in America I
think it's very common for uh children
to expect that their parents are going
to pay for dinners out even if that
child is grown and makes their own money
and I think if there's a vast difference
in disparity and income levels among
friends or family inside of that group
there creates that tension for that
person who is making the most of amount
of money to fot the bill this is also
happening due to the difficulty of
saying no not being able to say no and
set clear defined boundaries of how
you're going to split the bill is going
to create this awkwardness if you find
yourself saying no you might fear that
you're going to damage the relationship
if you refuse and if you struggle to
communicate those financial boundaries
there may be misunderstandings
resentment from both parties involved in
addition to social obligations or that
difficulty of saying no there's also
this pressure of social expectations
High income earners or those who are
constantly footing the bill now have
this expectation that they should be
footing the bill for everybody there's
that pressure to maintain that image of
generosity or affluence and if you don't
foot the bill then you may come across
as cheap or selfish now think about it
this way if it's you and a partner that
are consistent stantly going out to
dinner and then you start paying for
friend outings and now all of a sudden
it goes from 2 to 6 to a group of eight
people that you're paying for for dinner
you want to maintain that image of
generosity and also you have to consider
the financial impact of paying for a
group of eight every single time when
really it's truly a family of two that
you are financially covering now on the
flip side there could be some power
dynamics those who are constantly
footing the bill may want to exert some
control or influence over the group I'm
going to be paying for this because I
want you to do XYZ this can make people
feel really uncomfortable and the
Dynamics of the relationship could
change so what is the solution to this
don't assume I'm paying for splitting
bills or covering the cost of dinners or
experiences I think you have to find a
balance between generosity and
boundaries so when it comes to splitting
dinners I'll give you this example
because I see it a lot among Our
Generation and as we're getting older
everybody's you know splitting the bills
and there are apps and things like that
that help with that my best friend is
really good about this she clearly
states upfront how she wants to treat a
shared dinner so for example she'll say
something like hey I'm going to cover
and get this dinner for us so don't even
worry about it get whatever you want or
on the flip side she'll very and very
she does this very well very offhandedly
as we're looking at the menu when we sit
down she'll say something like hey I've
got my own so don't even worry about me
I'm going to get my own and she doesn't
make it awkward because she's stating it
up front at the beginning of the evening
rather than waiting for the server to
come by and drop off the bill and then
we're both staring at this paper receipt
trying to figure out who's going to pay
for what if you can state it up front
that is going to clearly Define the
boundaries to help that other person
know where you stand and sharing the
expense now if you're getting an
invitation out to dinner never expect
that other person to pick up the tab
what you can do in that instance is
inquire where you're going and take a
look at the menu ahead of time if it's a
menu that's out of your budget where
you're like H I really don't want to
spend that amount of money you can
simply say something like hey as much as
I want to drop mad money on a steak
dinner tonight I really have to watch my
wallet how about we go to insert fast
casual cheap restaurant here and then it
gives that other person the opportunity
to respond back and they're letting
you're letting them know ahead of time
where you stand hey I'm expecting that
I'm going to be paying for my share and
I really don't want to spend that amount
of money but I still want to go out with
you let's do something cheaper that
person now has the opportunity to come
back and say actually no I was going to
cover your your meals so don't worry
about it come with or actually hey yeah
that sounds great and now it's less
awkward because you've clearly stated
your boundaries up front now when it
comes to splitting experiences and when
I say experience I'm mainly referring to
Vacations or trips that you might take
with a group but this could apply to
festivals or Disney or whatever I've
made the mistake of not clearly setting
my boundaries up front and it cost me so
what you can do is you can say something
like this for your script hey I have an
idea that I want to run past you we want
to go to Palm Springs for the weekend
airbnbs for the weekend are around 1
$1,000 or $500 per couple is that
something you can swing to join us for a
weekend in the desert now you're clearly
setting up the boundaries up front and
saying this is how much is going to cost
per person are you in or are you out it
gives them the opportunity to say yes or
no and not have this awkwardness of like
yeah we're in and now you're stuck with
the $11,000 weekend plus everything else
that comes along with a vacation so this
is all coming to mind because I see this
a lot it's happened to me it's happened
to you guys let me know in the comments
are you experiencing this awkwardness
when it comes to splitting bills as it
pertains to going out and doing some
discretionary spending on dinners bars
vacations and whatnot if you're wanting
to get that spending under control and
really clearly Define those boundaries I
encourage you to check out my spend more
debt less workbook and this is going to
help you determine what are the things
that you truly love spending money on
and what the things that you can cut out
or create clear boundaries for you can
check out my spin more Deb lless
workbook in the description box below I
will leave a link to it so you can check
it out and I will catch you in the next
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